Wanted (34 page)

I munched on the pizza, feeling the cheese go rubbery in mouth. Life pre-Charlie, I would have consumed it happily. I looked over at Robbie, who was taking up the slack with the remainder of the slices without hesitation, shoving them in his mouth one after the other.

I made myself laugh. “Don’t they teach you any manners in the Army, Robbie?”

He dabbed at his face with a paper napkin. “I happen to be very sophisticated.”

Dad rolled his eyes but it had me thinking again about how well he and Charlie would probably get along and I felt my heart slacken. It seemed as though I genuinely couldn’t get through anything without thinking of him. I began to think that maybe it was time to put my plan of choice into action—or at the very least, begin the process.

“Hey, Dad?” I put the beaten slice back on the plate. It was clearly defeated.

“Hmm?”

I had to sound casual about this. If I appeared as desperate as I really was then he wouldn’t even bite.

“What would you think about me um—maybe going away to school next semester?” I swirled a hill of garlic salt around with my pinky finger.

Judging from the way he pulled the cheese straight away from his slice of pizza, I could guess how he felt about it.

While less than two years ago Dad would have been okay with me going away for college, with recent events he was definitely not going to agree to it without some serious convincing. Since my return home, he had become uncharacteristically overprotective, even taking a leave of absence to drive me to and from class every day, the library, or anywhere else I might have wanted to go. He even memorized my course schedule so he could call between classes to confirm I was okay and still on campus. Luckily, I had convinced him that he was driving more attention toward me than diverting it. Even Robbie had lent a hand in arguing that he was causing more harm than good. After a couple of weeks he weaned himself of the new habits and returned to work—reluctant to let me return to a new kind of normal.

“I’ve already started applications for a few schools I’m thinking about,” I began “I’ve also sent out a couple.” I mumbled the words into my glass, unsure if I really wanted him to hear them or not.

Dad coughed. I think maybe he was trying to figure out how to play this one out. This was one of those moments he was probably wishing Mom was still alive so he could tag her in and he could just sit this one out on the sidelines.

“Addie, don’t you think maybe you should wait awhile? You’re kind of going through a lot of stuff right now.”

I smiled, tried to seem confident. “Life is too short to wait around, Dad. Besides, I should take advantage of my situation and see if I can’t get a free ride somewhere.”

“She has a point, Old Man,” Robbie added. “She won’t be the flavor of the month forever.”

One night, soon after I started hinting about the Western seaboard, I fell asleep on top of a stack of applications and a few beloved resources like the thesaurus, Admission Matters handbook, and a half a dozen copies of my transcripts. It was one of those rare occasions that I was trying to stay awake past eight o’clock. I wanted every certifiable detail of my California applications to be perfect in every respect…even if that meant straining my eyes on the same words over and over again until I was borderline crazy.

I was having the most pleasant dream about Charlie when it happened. In the dream he was holding me and kissing my collarbone (his spot). And although I couldn’t see him, I knew he was there enough to feel safe and content. It was only the cold that made me uncomfortable. It was mid-October and already the nights were filled with the chill that promised a snow white winter. It disturbed my body to the point where my brain couldn’t concentrate on the imaginary Charlie and I cursed out loud as I reached for my comforter.

The imaginary Charlie laughed. What a fantastic sound—I could have listened to it for the rest of my life.

“I miss you.” I told my hallucination.

It pulled me closer. “I miss you, too.”

Somewhere in my mind’s eye, I heard the sound of sirens echoing past our house—loud and puncturing, they made me flinch and jolt up in my bed.

“Yikes, what the hell?”

Sure enough, I awoke to an empty bed and my room scoped with its usual shadows. I bit my lip to keep from crying, those vivid dreams were crueler than the ones I knew to be artificial. At least with those, I knew they were only a false reality. But with the realistic ones, my mind’s eye could fool me at any time.

A soft rapping began at my door.

“Umm, yeah?”

Dad’s face peeked in from the hall and brought in the bright light with it. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, fine.” I tried not to sound too annoyed.

“Oh good. I just heard on the police scanner that there was a bomb threat or something at the municipal building.”

“Not everything bad means I’m in danger, Dad. I’m sure it’s just some kids making prank calls—being stupid.”

He flushed, I had read his mind. “Well, I was just checking on you, that’s all.”

“I know. Good-night, Dad.”

He feigned a smile. “Night, Addie.”

I fell back into bed and continued fighting back the tears in case Dad was listening. The last thing I wanted was him worrying more than he had to. I thought maybe if I could get back to my applications, I could recreate the same sleeping scenario and have the same dream again—it was unlikely, but worth a try.

I reached my hands around the bedspread for the books and papers but felt nothing. When had I moved them? And when had I turned my lamp off? Familiar eeriness crept over me and I slowly slipped my feet out of bed to examine the situation further, nearly tripping over a neatly stacked pile of books and papers on the side of the bed.

I picked up the top piece of paper, which appeared to be blank at first, nothing more than white parchment. But there was also something oddly familiar about it that I couldn’t quite figure out. It was only as I was going to place it down that I could smell the scent:

Clove cigarettes.

And at that I recognized the type of paper: sketching paper. I turned it over in my hands and saw a simple but complicated enough drawing of me leaning over the books and papers, chewing on the end of a pen while flipping through the dictionary.

“Did you know in 1880 this town only had one cop?”

“Charlie!”

Sure enough, my corrupted dreams had transformed into reality, because the entire upper torso of Charlie Hays was hanging from my bedroom window. Somehow he had taken out the screen from the outside and had worked his way up the vinyl siding of the house.

“One cop I could deal with, but now Summit has 46 uniforms, detectives, and a kiddy program. What’s the world comin’ to?”

I used the bed as a trampoline to propel myself to the other side of the room. This was a practice I had commenced since I was tall enough to reach the end of the bed frame, so I was somewhat safe in not hurting myself.

He only had about half his body in the room but I didn’t care, I threw myself into his arms anyway. “When did you get here? How did you get here? Where have you been all my life?” I was half whispering, half yelling, but it was difficult to hear over the blood pounding in my ears.

He laughed into the crook of my neck. Though he no longer smelled of the sea, he did retain his scent of aftershave and cigarettes. “I’ve been ‘round a few days. I drove here. And I was ‘bout to ask you the same question.” His arms went all the way around me as he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist and removed the ski cap from his head—I wanted every possible proof that it was him.

“You shouldn’t be here, Charlie. Every few minutes a state trooper drives by the house—”

“A little birdy told me those guys are gonna be too busy dealing with cherrybombs in some city hall to be botherin’ you.”

“Please tell me you didn’t—”

“If it makes you mad—then no. I didn’t do nothin’. But Polo’s gonna be real proud of himself.”

Mad? How could I possibly be mad with him at a time like that, when he was there and wonderful and so utterly adorable…and here?

“What are you doing here, Charlie?” I released myself from his hold and tip-toed to the door, locking it just to make sure.

He must have seen my smile falter. “You want me to go?”

“What a ridiculous question.” I jumped back into his arms, slamming into his torso and knocking the breath from his stomach. He sighed as he nuzzled my neck.

“You’re crazy, you know that? You should be screaming, tryin’ to kick me or something. I don’t deserve to hold you.”

My fingers found their way through his hair. I could hear myself laughing and for the first time in weeks I felt like myself again. “That’s a terrible thing to say. I’ve missed you horribly since California. Besides, you knew I was strange when you met me, you said so yourself.”

“You seem all right, Addie, going to school, seeing movies with your brother, sittin’ at your favorite table at the library. And leavin’ the way you did was the best thin’ you coulda done. I couldn’t have let you go again.”

“Have you been watching me?” I looked up at him and eyed him suspiciously. I was thrilled to see the small cut in his hairline had faded to a healthy scar from the last time I saw him and his kaleidoscope eyes were still just as bright as ever.

“I told ya I’ve been around a few days. That’s why I came over tonight. You gotta stop this California stuff, Addie. You gotta stop coming after me.”

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “Charlie, how could you say something like that?” I was genuinely furious but was having some difficulty maintaining it through my happiness. Charlie was here now, and though I wanted his presence to be all that counted, I knew it didn’t.

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I told you that you couldn’t keep me away.”

He pulled me back into his embrace. “You have to stop trying looking for me, Addie. The cops probably won’t be watching you so much anymore, but—”

“Did you know there are about 331 colleges and universities in California? No one will think twice about me living in California if I’m going to school there, Charlie. You know I’d never do anything to lead the police to you or Ben.”

“It isn’t that, Addie.”

“Then what is it? Have you changed your mind about me?”

He scoffed. “You kiddin’ me? What’d you think I’m doing here? I couldn’t hardly stand to stay away another day without seein’ you, even if it was from faraway. But Addie, since you met me, I’ve nearly gotten you killed a bunch of a times. Seems like the more I love you, the more danger you’re gonna end up being in. My instincts were right.” He swallowed hard, pushing his forehead against mine as he closed his eyes. “I ain’t no good for you.”

I tangled my arms around his neck and carefully considered what to say. Briefly, I wished for the meager physical strength to keep him captive in my room. And while I didn’t think he would object much, I wanted him willingly. Still, he seemed so certain. And it occurred to me that the wrong response could send him right out the window and out of my life for good.

“I’m not exactly big on trusting instinct.” I sighed, searching my head for the right words. “But it seems like if you want to trust your instincts, then you should follow your first one and go with it.”

Charlie pulled away enough to gaze at me curiously. I saw the faint shadow of a Charlie smile outlining his lips, making it that much more difficult to concentrate.

“You knew you loved me right away? And that cliché ‘always go with your gut feeling’? You might as well go with it, Charlie, because I’ve already made my choice. So far I’ve been pretty good at making my own decisions, and I’m not changing my mind. I understand the consequences that come with being in your life, I’ll deal with them—”