Watching Yute (35 page)

Hastily, she put the spear up on the
wall rack, and started getting changed. She dropped her tank top on
the bed and felt the need to lean in and punch it in the ‘gut’ as
hard as she could.

Once, twice. Three, four, five. She
looked at it spitefully, as if it deserved being punched into a
crumpled crater. Focus. Getting dressed would take a while if she
had to beat the shit out of her whole outfit.

A backhanded fist to the closet’s metal
door was more satisfying anyway. It hurt more though. Especially
with her ring hand.

~~~

“
It should be raining.” She
thought to herself. Sunlight seemed inappropriate. It was bright.
She had sunglasses tucked in her suit jacket, but decided it might
not be proper to wear them during the memorial. She wasn’t paying
attention to the speaker, or much of anything. She was focused on
thinking of little unimportant distracting things, and not looking
at the urn, or the picture leaning by it with a frame of flowers.
Think about the suit. It fit very well, it felt nice. A nice change
from her usual wardrobe. That spear was kind of heavy. Heavier than
the usual guard duty spears. Think about the room on Armil’s
airlimb. She thought about changing her hair colour, and decided
against it. She thought about the sounds of the birds, and wondered
if they made more or less sound around the graveyard than other
similar places. She thought about Alan’s cookies. Thought about her
hat, and wondered if it was lonely.

Whoops. Take a breath.

That was a mistake. The moment she let
her inane train of thought stop, she felt the tears
coming.

It burned.

Burned. Look at that damned urn. Why do
people cremate? Is it spite? If the body can’t serve to be the
vessel for the beloved, do you destroy it utterly out of spite? It
beat thinking of Cheryl rotting in the ground.

Nothing can harm her now.

Cassidy felt envy.

Cheryl’s parents were here of course,
though everyone spent so much time looking down, or at the speaker,
that she hadn’t made eye contact with them, thankfully.

She looked at the urn, and felt the
trembling creeping up on her again. She wanted to be with her. She
imagined herself being ash, poured into Cheryl’s urn.

It was sick, and she knew it, but she
couldn’t help but feel comfort at the idea of being so close to her
forever. Literally unable to tell where Cheryl ended, and she
began.

Of course, Cassidy would be dead, but
that’s one of those unimportant details. The thought was
comforting, and it eased her shaking.

How much longer was this?

Cassidy renewed her efforts to think of
random meaningless things, waiting for things to wind
down.

Finally, it was over. People shuffled
away, passing by the minister and Cheryl’s parents, offering
condolences which all sounded the same after a while.

Cassidy barely entertained the idea of
moving from where she stood. Why leave? Cheryl wasn’t truly here,
but she wasn’t anywhere else, either. The shaking was returning.
Cassidy decided to surrender to gravity peacefully before she fell.
She knelt down on her knees and sat.

The grass was pleasant. Perfect even.
She leaned forward enough to press her hands against the ground.
The perfect grass slid between her fingers. Such vibrant, perfect
life struggling up from the soil that held hundreds of
dead.

Cassidy’s mind spiraled slowly down
through the soil’s darkness. She closed her eyes and let the
thought embrace her. It was cold, but welcoming. It made her
trembles melt away as her breathing slowed.

A burning tear forced its way onto her
cheek, as if to grant licence for the thoughts she fostered. Time
began to lose meaning, and that suited Cassidy just
fine.

Reality politely snapped her out of her
daze as a gentle hand rested on her shoulder.

“
Cassie?” Sandy Lowe’s
voice. Cassidy quickly wiped her eyes, and turned to face Cheryl’s
mom, who had knelt beside her.

Cassidy sniffled, and found her own
voice to be less than eager. “She called me that. ‘Cassie’. Nobody
else did.”

“
Oh.” Sandy put her arm
around Cassidy’s shoulders and hugged her. “I’m sorry. That’s just
how she referred to you. If you don’t want me to use
that…”

“
No, no. I think you qualify
well enough.” She slumped over onto Sandy and sighed. “I feel
pretty fucking selfish, Mrs. Lowe.”

“
What do you mean,
hon?”

“
She was your friggin
daughter, and here I am, the one breaking apart at the
service.”

Sandy put her other arm around Cassidy.
“Well, it sounded like you and she had some pretty long term plans
brewing.”

Cassidy held out her hand and showed
off the ‘promise ring’. “I wish now that we’d rushed a bit more. To
be official. Too late now.” Cassidy squeezed Sandy back and
struggled to force back her resurfacing trembles. Sandy could only
squeeze back. As terrible as it was to lose Cheryl, a part of Sandy
felt proud to have raised a child that could earn such ferocious
love.

“
Are you going to the wake?”
Sandy asked when Cassidy’s shaking quieted somewhat.

Cassidy sighed with a deep tremble, and
took a moment to think about meeting all those people up close, who
may or may not have been a big part of Cheryl’s life, but were
strangers to her. Answering the same questions over and over,
assuming she didn’t just breakdown in front of them. Cassidy shook
her head slowly.

“
I… I don’t think I can,
Mrs. Lowe. But I guess I should try. You kind of have to, after
all. It’s not quite fair.”

“
Oh, no, hon. I didn’t mean
to pressure you. I just wanted to know. If you don’t feel up to it,
I don’t think anyone would take offense. I just wanted to know if I
should give you this now.” Sandy let go of Cassidy, and pulled a
pendant from her pocket. It was silver, chain and all. The pendant
itself was a cylinder, just under two centimetres. “Look close.”
She twisted the end of it just a little, and a hairline seam
appeared. She resealed it, and put it in Cassidy’s hand.

Cassidy stared at the pendant.
“Ashes.”

Sandy showed an identical one that she
was wearing. “I know, the body is just a vessel, it’s not her, and
maybe it’s a tiny bit morbid, but you wanted her with you forever,
and I figured you were on the road to becoming my daughter in law,
and…. and I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Cassidy smiled through a new flood of
tears, and grabbed Sandy tight. “Thank you, I-” She then succumbed,
and sobbed in her not-quite-mom’s arms uncontrollably. “I’m so
sorry! I couldn’t stop him, I didn’t stop him, but I will get
him!”

“
You’ll get him?”

Of course. She wouldn’t have heard yet.
Cassidy tried to contain herself. “It’s an Aguei thing. It’s become
my right to be the one to get him.”

“
But Cassie, aren’t there
people trained to-“

“
Yeah. And they work for me.
Kind of. Don’t worry, all the best people are on it, and I’m going
to keep ‘em motivated. I’m sure we’ll make the news soon.” She
giggled through her soft sobs.

“
I don’t quite get it. Don’t
you think it’s a lot to ask of you right now?”

Cassidy shrugged. “By the way, the
Grand Elder and the military send their official blah blah blah.
Grand Elder Armil liked Cheryl a lot, but thought making an
appearance today might kind of steal focus from the purpose of the
service.”

Sandy sat upright. “Grand Elder Armil
wanted to come!?”

“
Yeah. He’s a really sweet
man. I think he might be planning to pay you a private visit
sometime soon.”

Sandy clutched her pendant. “The house
is a mess!”

Cassidy couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh,
thank you, Mrs. Lowe! I really wished I could call you
mom.”

“
Pfft. Do it anyway. Or at
least ‘Sandy’.”

Cassidy stood slowly, putting on the
pendant. She held out her hand to help Sandy up as well. She looked
over to where the urn had sat for the service and gave a deep sigh.
“Alright mom, let’s go to that damned wake and get it over
with.”

Sandy smiled as well as the day would
allow, and they headed towards the parking lot. “Do you need a
ride?” Sure enough, Peter Lowe was standing in the distance,
waiting.

“
No, I drove myself from the
airport.”

They got closer to Peter, and he asked
“You ladies alright?”

Cassidy nodded, and patted Sandy on the
shoulder. “Mr. Lowe, you’re a lucky man.”

Sandy chortled. “Oh, hon, I think I’m
going to ride with Cassie to the wake. For one thing, she doesn’t
know her way around here, and-“

Sandy stopped short when Cassidy
abruptly pulled her terminal out of her jacket. It had been on
vibration mode, and had just rang.

“
Stanton.” Cassidy said,
holding the terminal like a handset phone. She stared into she sky
while the caller spoke. Her expression went from her former mosaic
of emotions, to professional stone. “Right. Yeah, I’m ready now.
I’m still at the cemetery, I’ll drive right to the airp- Oh,
alright, that works. West side’s empty. It’s probably enough. Got
it. Over and out.”

Sandy tilted her head.
“Cassie?”

“
I guess I’m missing the
wake after all. Remember when I said I was going to get him? Well,
I’m going to go get him. Wish me luck.” Cassidy started
running.

Sandy stammered, “Good luck!” Peter
stood, confused.

Cassidy ran past the jeep she came in,
and towards the empty west wing of the parking lot. The huge flying
brick of an aircraft was now easily seen in the sky, to the awe of
the Lowes, and everyone else in about a quarter
kilometre.

The airlimb landed with very little
spare room, with the bay door open, and Keith ready to help Cassidy
up.

“
How good is this
informant?” she yelled over the engines as she stepped
up.

“
He managed to stay
anonymous, but he knows stuff we never released.”

The airlimb began to rise again.
Cassidy turned to wave at the Lowes. “Sounds like it's worth
missing a wake for!”

Cassidy marched to her quarters as
Keith followed.

“
Alright Keith, Where are we
going?” She asked sharply. It was time to suck it up, and get to
work. Focus. Push out the funeral. This was endgame. Keep the mind
going fast, keep it away from where it shouldn’t be.

“
It’s an isolated dugout
home on the southwest edge of the desert. No registered owner, the
land doesn’t even legally belong to anyone. The dugout was built
illegally. Satellite records show it to be over five years old
though.”

“
Uh huh.” Cassidy walked
into her quarters, sliding the door shut, leaving Keith in the
hall. “What do we know about our target?” she called out to him as
she dumped her jacket and blouse on the floor.

“
Our primary target and
suspect on the temple assault is a man named ‘Horad’. The informant
says he calls himself an Elder, and leads a handful of A.R.A., and
that they're to blame for the grenade attack on the temple, and
probably some urban attacks in the past.”

By now, Cassidy was already strapping
into her boots. “Alright, so we have what, half a dozen goons in a
hole in the ground? So what then, smoke ‘em out?”

“
Close. The Colonel was
planning to smoke ‘em, then rush in en masse with infra red and
respirators.”

Sizing herself up in the mirror, she
adjusted her hat, and nodded a small confident nod to herself. “I’m
invited, I assume?”

“
Yes Sir! I don’t recommend
you take point if you’re not used to operating in smoke,
though.”

Cassidy slammed open the door, her
sidearm on her hip, spear in her hand. With great determination,
she declared. “Alright! I’m all set to… wait until we get
there.”

“
Yes Sir,” Keith smirked,
“Have you eaten?”

“
Yeah, I’m good. And stop
calling me Sir, we’ve been through that.” Cassidy wasn’t in any
mood to sit still. She wished she was at Maxine’s exercise
yard.

The thought of the temple base reached
out warmly with a small wave of nostalgia. It hadn’t been that long
since she had been there, but she missed it. Her mind wandered from
Maxine’s exercise yard, across the ruins to the camp she made with
Cheryl.

Vivid memories of those days brought an
uncomfortable blend of fondness and pain. “Keith.” Her confidence
shattered, her voice broke softly. “How long until we’re
there?”

Keith paused, a little taken aback by
Cassidy’s quick change in body language, leaning towards the door
frame, grip on the spear loosening. He looked at his watch. He
replied in a tone matching Cassidy’s. “A bit over twenty
minutes.”

Cassidy put her free hand on the edge
of the door. “Kay. If I’m not up in the bay when we’re five minutes
out, buzz me.” She receded into her quarters, closing the
door.