Watercolor (21 page)

“Great,” I exhaled.

Julian laughed. “Poor dad. Want me to come in or just come back later?”

I shrugged. “It’s up to you.”

“Let me head on home. I need to check in with Mom.”

I slipped my hand up to his cheek and kissed him softly. Our lips parted, and when his tongue touched mine, every part of me heated up. He gently pulled back, and our eyes met, his that cool Kyser blue. I’d thought I loved Jack, but I had never felt this way about anyone before. Julian knew me so well, and even though he made my stomach tighten into knots every time he smiled at me, they were thrilling knots. Yet somehow, at the same time, I was completely at ease with him.

“Back soon,” he whispered.

I walked into the house and Dad was at the bar eating the hot pocket Mom had left in the microwave. “Where have you been?” he asked.

“Julian took me to ZaZa’s.”

Dad frowned. “I thought Mom said you two broke up.”

“We did, but we got back together.”

He nodded. “He’s a good kid.”

“I think so.” I watched him take another big bite of the sandwich. “Hey, Dad? What would you do if…” I wasn’t sure how to phrase it without giving away too much information.

His brow creased. He put down the hot pocket and faced me. “If what?”

“Well,” I hesitated, “say you knew somebody who was keeping a secret from somebody else. And you really wanted them to tell the other person, but they wouldn’t.”

“Not much you can do about that. Who’s keeping a secret?”

I shrugged. “Just one of my girlfriends. And I think the person needs to know the truth, but I can’t convince her to tell him.”

He pressed his lips together briefly. “Is it something dangerous?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Is someone going to get hurt?”

“Not physically.”

“Then you’re just going to have to let it play out.”

I frowned. “But it’s the wrong decision.”

“Then she’ll have to deal with the consequences.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. I hugged Dad and made an excuse to go upstairs. After a while, Mom stuck her head in my room to say goodnight, and a little while later the entire house was quiet. I glanced at the clock and realized Julian would be here before long.

Running over to my dresser, I dug out the cutest sleep set I owned then I smoothed my hair and touched a little perfume on my neck. I smiled, feeling self-conscious. I’d never done any of these things for him before.

Still, I turned on my music player and adjusted the volume to low then I slid into bed and picked up a book. I had fallen asleep when I felt him slide in behind me, but my heart jumped. I quickly moved into his arms.

“Hey,” he whispered. I didn’t speak, but rather scooted up to kiss him. He rolled me onto my back and kissed me slowly. Our lips moved against each others’, and my whole body felt tingly and warm. A small noise came from my throat as his hands slid under my shirt. Chills followed his fingers across my stomach, traveling higher, until he discovered I wasn’t wearing a bra. He made a pleased sound, and my arms tightened around his neck.

Pressure was building inside me with every touch, and I pulled desperately at the thin sweater he wore. He quickly took it off and returned to me, but my hands weren’t satisfied. They went under the tee he was wearing, I wanted his skin. But as soon as I touched him, he let out a frustrated groan. He kissed my mouth one more time before sitting up and shoving his fingers into the sides of his hair, propping his elbows on his bent knees. I frowned and pulled up beside him, straightening my top.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered.

He shook his head but didn’t speak.

“What is it?” My whisper grew more urgent. I wanted him back. I wanted to keep doing what we were doing.

“I can’t do this,” he said, jaw clenched. I watched as he slid to the floor and leaned back against my bed.

I dropped down beside him, my body still throbbing. “I don’t understand. We’ve been doing this for months.”

“Yeah, but it’s different now.”

My lips tightened, and I reached for his shoulder. I wouldn’t let him pull away like this. I wanted him to kiss me again.

He looked at me. “I want it be special for you. Not like this, here, with your parents right across the hall.”

“Julian…” I moved to my knees and put my hands on his cheeks to kiss him. He lowered his knees and pulled me into his chest, but after a few more kisses, he moved me beside him and stood.

“I’d better go,” he said.

“Why?” I jumped up to follow him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt.

“Listen,” he said, stopping at the window. “The first time’s different. You’re going to remember it. I
want
you to remember it. You’re my angel, and I want it to be the best thing we share.”

My hand dropped. “I do, too, but… well, it’ll be memorable no matter what.”

“Nope.” He smoothed a curl behind my ear. “I want it to be better than that.”

“Julian. Stay with me.” I pleaded. “I don’t want you to go.”

He pulled me into a hug and kissed my head. “I know. I’ll figure something out soon.”

He let me go and was out the window before I could stop him. I watched him descend, and at the bottom he looked up and smiled. For some reason, the balcony scene from
Romeo and Juliet
was in my head. What had they said about parting being sweet sorrow? I always thought that was a dumb line. Not anymore. I knew exactly what they meant. Except I’d ditch the sweet part altogether. It was only sorrow.

I gazed after him jogging down the road as long as I could until he disappeared from sight. Then I walked back to my bed, kicking a shoe across the room on my way. His sweater was on my floor, so I picked it up and pulled it over my head. It smelled like him. I carried Mr. Bear to the bed to lay behind me, and this time his huge paw around my waist combined with the warm scent of Julian’s sweater almost made me feel better. After about ten minutes, I grabbed my phone and punched up his number.

“Hey,” Julian said. “It’s really cold tonight.”

“You left your sweater.” I closed my eyes, imagining my cheek pressed against his chest.

“I realized it when I hit the ground.”

“You could’ve come back for it.”

“I might not’ve left.”

“That would’ve been okay.”

“Anna…” He exhaled a sigh, and for a moment we didn’t speak.

I broke the silence with a sad little whisper. “I miss you. We’ve been apart two weeks. We got one night, and now this.”

“I know,” he chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I’ve lost it. I’m about to turn the car around and come back.”

I sat up quick, my voice excited. “Do it!”

He laughed again. “Next night Mom’s away, can you make up an excuse and come to my house?”

“Like what?” I asked, thinking.

“I don’t know. Spend the night with Rachel or something?”

My mind raced through all our options. “We’re out of school all week. Maybe I could come over one afternoon?”

“I told Mom I’d help her at the store every day til school starts back.”

“Why’d you do that?”

“We were broke up.”

I sighed. “Well, I guess this is it, then. It was nice while it lasted.”

Julian laughed. “Okay, hot pants. I would think after eighteen years you’d be more patient. I’m the one who knows what I’m missing.”

I lay back down, pulling Mr. Bear’s arm back over me. “I bet you didn’t make such a production out of your first time.” Then my mind wandered. “Who was it?”

“You know, it’s not cool to talk about exes.” I heard the door slam, and I realized he was back at his house.

“Do you have any exes?”

“Not really.”

“Oh my god.” The sudden realization put a lump in my throat.

“What?”

My eyes pressed closed. “It was Renee, wasn’t it? Were you hers?”

“This is why talking about exes isn’t such a great idea.”

“Do you consider Renee one of your exes?”

“No.”

“Why not?” I felt a flash of jealousy again. “Is she still a possibility?”

His voice was a whisper, and I figured he was inside his house. “Are you trying to trick me?”

“You were just with her at the bonfire.”

“And I left her there to be with you.”

I thought about what happened that night. They were on a date, and yes, he’d left her to come to my house. But
how
had he left her? “Did she think you two were together as a couple?”

“I don’t think Renee thinks of me that way.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

“Well, even if I am, I don’t think of her that way.”

I remembered her sitting on his work table, neckline plunging. “She is just so… so…”

Julian laughed. “You don’t have to be jealous of Renee.”

“She is
always
waiting for you.”

“She’s really not.”

“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes. “I saw her clutching your arm. She’s like a vulture. Or a—”

“Hey, know what?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

I bit my lip. “I love you, too.”

“And I’m home now. So you give that imagination a rest, okay?”

“You’re working tomorrow?”

“Yep. But I’ll call you when I get off.”

“OK. ‘Night.”

“Night.”

We hung up the phone, and I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I really hated Renee Barron. I thought about her black hair and green eyes a few seconds longer. Then I pulled the neck of Julian’s sweater over my nose to breathe in his scent. Mr. Bear’s arm was around me, and I closed my eyes to sleep.

Chapter 20

Spring break turned unexpectedly long and boring and difficult. Nancy was out of town, so the paper office was dead. The first day, I went in, but after sitting around doing nothing until lunch, I drove to Ms. LaSalle’s shop. Julian was working, and the customer flow was pretty much nonstop.

He was very patient helping tourists make their own jewelry, and I wandered around watching him sprint between answering questions and handling the register. I’d have been happy watching him all day, but I felt in the way. So I made an excuse and left. That evening I was ready to see him when he texted asking if I’d meet him at our regular stretch of beach.

We walked out to the water holding hands as the sun faded into the ocean. It was so wonderful being with him, feeling his warm fingers laced with mine. At the shoreline, he sat on the sand. I sat behind him, straddling my legs down his sides and resting my cheek on his back. I wrapped my arms around his waist and felt his palms slide down the back of my calves to my ankles, stopping at my bare feet.

“I really love you,” I said, listening to his heartbeat through his back. I heard him chuckle. “It’s amazing.”

“Yeah,” he said.

I had closed my eyes in the dim orange light, but I could still see the flash of the camera as it went off.

“Got it!” Summer called out. “Good one.”

I lifted my head. “What are you doing here?”

“Practicing my photography. Check it out,” she said turning her large camera around to show me the snapshot of Julian and me. “That’s the yearbook shot. Cutest couple. No?”

“Over Rachel and Brad?” I argued. “You’re joking, right?”

“No way! You guys are totally it. Besides, you’ve been the soap opera of senior year. Especially after Renee’s meltdown when Julian ditched her at the bonfire Saturday to find you.”

I felt a little warmth around my middle. Julian didn’t say anything, but he stood and walked down to the water.

“What was that all about?” Summer asked.

I watched him, feeling irresistibly smug. I would’ve loved to witness that scene.

“Nothing,” I said. “Just you again.”

“Sorry.” Summer looked down, but then she glanced up at me. We both grinned.

“I’m sorry I left you there,” I said. “I was majorly depressed. But you got home all right?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said. “And I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have missed that drama for the world. Looks like it turned out all right for you, too.”

“Yeah,” I said. Julian was walking slowly, but I knew he’d wanted us to have some alone time. “I’d better catch up with him, but send me a copy of that picture.”

“You got it,” she called after me.

There was a time when Julian and I were easy together. We would joke and laugh all the way to the car, all the way through the drive to wherever we were going, then all the way through whatever event we were attending. We would spend the whole night in my bed with his arm around my waist, his soft breath on my neck. And we would sleep…

Now all that was over. Now there was this force between us. A longing that kept us in a constant state of distraction. I couldn’t put my finger on when the switch had flipped, but the tension every time we were together now was almost overwhelming.