Waters Fall (28 page)

“Are you all right?” she asked tentatively.

Sandra straightened, nodded briskly, and pulled away from Nora’s touch, placing a safe distance between them. The vulnerability in her eyes was gone. “I’m fine, yes. You’re right, of course, the flooring is beautiful, and I do appreciate beautiful things. I don’t think that scratch is part of the grain—it’s too deep—but I do see now that it was done by someone besides the drapery installers. I’m glad we didn’t call those men and give them an excuse to be condescending toward me. I can’t stand it when I see that ‘stupid little woman’ look in a man’s eyes.” She frowned, apparently disgusted at the thought, and when she began to rearrange the fabric over the spot again, Nora helped.

But her mind was racing with unasked questions. What was it with all these women she worked with? Where were the men in their lives, the real men? Sandra had spoken of her husband only once in the weeks they
’d worked together, and that was to indicate that he was in France, she didn’t expect him back until the middle of September, and that he wouldn’t even notice the changes she’d made to the room. Nora couldn’t imagine anyone
not
noticing the differences, but she held her tongue because of the scathing tone Sandra used. She now wondered if Sandra’s meanness wasn’t directly related to how her husband treated her, or mistreated her, or possibly didn’t treat her like anything at all. What was wrong with men these days?

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Sandra? I’m sorry to have to rush, but I do have an appointment in half an hour and I must get back to my office first.”

“Of course. No, you’ve taken care of everything.” She began walking towards the front of the house and Nora followed, not sure what else to do. She glanced once more over her shoulder at Tristan’s painting and had to bite her bottom lip to keep from making a sound. The pain in her heart made her glad she didn’t have to come back here to photograph the room for her portfolio. Although she was extremely proud of the way it had turned out, Sandra refused to allow photos of it to be displayed, for fear someone might take note of some of her priceless possessions and rob her.

When Sandra opened the massive front door and stood aside to let her out, Nora took a deep breath of relief. She started to say good-bye, but Sandra spoke first.

“Listen, Nora. I do appreciate you making time in your day to see me. I know that I wasn’t very flexible with you this morning.” She paused briefly, then flapped one hand in the general direction of town. “And thank you for sparing me the embarrassment of making a fool of myself in front of those men. That would have been unbearable.” She took a breath and didn’t let it out right away, as though she wanted to say more but wasn’t quite sure what.

“Well, I’m glad I could help,” Nora spoke into the silence. “Just let me know when you have your piano cleaned, all right?”

“Oh no. Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it. I’m sure some of that is normal dust that builds up anyway. As my husband always says, ‘Once again, Sandra dear, you’ve gone and opened your mouth simply to find a place to park your foot.’ And he’s right. That’s exactly what I’ve done.” she shrugged, a hint of the earlier defeat on her face again.

Nora smiled kindly, not sure what to say.
“Call me if you need anything else, okay?”

“I will. Thank you. Goodbye now.” Sandra closed the door slowly, but firmly.

Nora got back in her car, pulled out of the driveway, and headed back to her office. The whole encounter was distressing. “Kill her with kindness,” she muttered, shaking her head. She was grateful that it had all been resolved with no loss of life or limb, glad that claws had been sheathed on both sides, but she struggled to understand the misery that she’d seen in Sandra’s eyes. Were all marriages doomed to such an end?

33

The rest of the afternoon passed without any more
major hang-ups. Jo poked her head in at one point to ask if Nora needed anything from the office supply store. Their relationship was a little strained, but she understood.  Although Jo was glad she had stopped seeing Tristan, it wasn’t because she thought Jake was any better of a choice. Jo firmly reminded her that she’d been making plans to leave Jake even before meeting Tristan, and her concern was that the problems in the marriage hadn’t changed, that Nora’s affair had only added to them. Even so, she often poked her head in for a quick hello or a short chat, and she always welcomed Nora when she crossed the hall in Jo’s direction. They just didn’t have any long visits anymore, and Nora wondered if Jo missed her as much as she missed Jo.

By the end of the day, Nora was starving, having skipped lunch to meet with Sandra. Her arms full, she backed out the front door of the building, and tripped over the doormat, landing on her rear end. Embarrassed, but not surprised after the day she
’d had, she thanked the group of teenagers walking by who helped her gather her things. She finally got herself home, anxious for the reprieve it promised. But when she walked in, things were not as she’d expected. Leslie was in her room, the door closed, and Felix was sitting on the sofa, sullen and frowning, an open book unread in his lap.

“Hi, Felix.”
She didn’t ask him what was wrong; she wasn’t quite ready to open the floodgates of Felix’s mouth. “Where’s Daddy?”

“His office,”
came his stilted reply.

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” She placed a kiss on the top of his head and hurried towards Jake’s office.

Her husband looked up from his paperwork and smiled tightly when she entered the room. “Nora.”

“Hey. What’s going on around here?” She didn’t like the way he greeted her; it sounded foreboding. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it.

“Well, let’s see.” Jake’s voice was falsely bright. “Les is in her room crying, Felix is on the couch mad, and I’m in here trying to figure out what else I can say to further destroy our children’s lives.”

“Sounds like great fun. Shall I join in on this activity? Maybe I can pour a little rain on everyone’s sunshine.” She tried for levity, but Jake just scowled.

“Unfortunately, you already have.” He sighed heavily, and leaned forward, his elbows on his desk. “Les and Felix asked me if we were thinking about splitting up. They wanted to know why you have your own place.” Jake didn’t look at her. He ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the flickering cursor on his monitor.

“What did you say?” Nora could feel a band tighten around her chest, squeezing the air out of her lungs. She straightened and crossed her arms, suddenly feeling defensive.

“I told them that things weren’t easy for us, that we were working on stuff, but that you just needed some space right now.”

“Oh no.”
Nora groaned. “You told them I needed space? Jake! Do you realize how selfish that makes me sound?” She couldn’t believe he’d said those words, probably the most often used line in the history of all break-ups. No wonder her daughter was in tears.

He shook his head, grim lines forming around his mouth.
“You know, I wasn’t thinking it at the time, but I suppose you’re right. It does make you sound selfish.” He shrugged one shoulder and held her gaze, his blue eyes glittering with frustration. “But what else should I have said? It’s the truth, isn’t it, I mean, the whole needing space thing?”

“Oh please, Jake. Now you’re just trying to make me feel rotten, too. I never said that, and you know it.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the door. “Why didn’t you wait for me? It would have been much better to have both of us here.”

“I didn’t choose the time, they did. They came to me when you weren’t here. Don’t make me out to be the bad guy, Nor.”

“Oh, right.” She brought her hands up in surrender. “God forbid you should be the bad guy in any of this.”

“Hey, you’re the one who had an affair, remember? You’re the one who chose to move out.” Jake snapped back at her.

“You know, life didn’t start a year ago, Jake. A lot happened before my affair,
remember
?” Her face burned with indignation as she mimicked his tone. “In fact, if I recall—please correct me if I’m wrong—the majority of problems in this marriage have been brought in by you,
remember
? Drinking, porn, women, spending money we didn’t have, not working, forgetting that you have children, a wife, responsibilities,
remember?
Do you remember any of this? The foundation of my affair was laid by you, Jake,” she pointed at him. “By you!”

He stood up and took a step toward her, his fists clenched at his sides.
“Are you actually trying to say that your whoring around is my fault?”   

“I didn’t whore around!” Nora cried out. “Why do you insist on using that vile word? Does it make you feel better about yourself?” She was sick to her stomach, anger and
hunger churning up the acids and making her feel shaky and weak. She still hadn’t completely regained her strength since being so sick, and the continued stress of trying to work things out with Jake wore her down. “And no, I am not blaming you for my affair. But I am blaming you for your part in the breakdown of this marriage. For sixteen years, I bent over backwards trying to hold things together. I covered for you, I cleaned up after you, I supported you, I encouraged you, I cheered for you. For sixteen years I devoted myself to you. In return, you always chose something or someone else. Always! That doesn’t make what I did right, but by God, it sure makes it understandable, whether you want to admit it or not.”

Jake glared at her, and she could see his Adams apple bobbing in his throat like he was trying to get words out past it. Finally, he spoke, his voice tight.
“You, my dear, are amazing. I have no rebuttal.” He backed up and leaned against the edge of his desk, still facing her, his hands resting loosely on either side of him. “I stand corrected. You win. You always win.”

“I win? I
win
? Why do you always say that?” She could feel tears beginning to form, but she didn’t want to cry. “I almost wish you had just told them the truth. At least things would have been out on the table for real, and they wouldn’t be out there with more questions than they started with.”

“And what would you have had me say to them,
hm? You’re the master wordsmith. How do you think I should have put it to them? ‘Well, kids,’” he opened his eyes wide, tipped his head to one side, and spoke in a chipper tone. “‘Your mom has had an affair and can’t decide whether she wants to come back home to us or not. Meanwhile, I wait around like a beat dog, trying not to beg for any morsels she’ll throw my way.’ Is that what you’re looking for?”

“Very nice, Jake.”
The tears evaporated in the heat of her anger. “You want words? How about this? Maybe you should have said, ‘Your mother has moved out because I am a self-righteous, suffocating, condescending jerk, and I can’t stand the thought that she might not have been blissfully happy with my asinine qualities, so I refuse to stop beating her up with scathing remarks about her personality, calling her inappropriate and degrading names, and dropping unfair hints of her betrayal around you children. I am squeezing her so tightly that she has been forced to find an alternate air supply just so she can breathe.’ How long, Jake? How long are you going to do this to us?”

“Me? Do what to us? You’re the one who can’t decide whether you’re coming or going, Nora. You’re the one calling the shots around here. You’re the one with all the options. Which door will it be, Nora?”

“This one!” She cried, tearing open the office door, then slamming it again behind her.

Felix sat still as a stone, with wide, frightened eyes. She had no doubt that even if he hadn
’t heard the words, he’d heard the angry tones coming from behind the closed office door. She leaned over and kissed the top of his head again.

“I love you, little man,” she reassured him. “Let’s find something to eat, shall we? I’ll grab Les.”

“She won’t come out. She said she’s staying in her room until you move back.” His words were so quiet she had to bend down to hear them.

“Hm.
I guess we’ll just have to see about that, won’t we? You wait here. Maybe I’ll try to find that tickle spot just behind her left knee.” That got a small grin out of Felix, but Nora noticed the smile didn’t remove any of the fear from his eyes.

Nora knocked on Leslie
’s door but was greeted only by silence. “Les? It’s Mom. Can I come in?”

Still no answer.
Nora quietly opened the door, thinking that maybe her daughter had fallen asleep.

“Get out! Did I say you could come in? Get out!” The anger in Leslie’s voice shocked her, and she stood just inside the door, not sure what to do. Leslie was
lying face-down on her bed, her arms up under her pillow.

“Can we talk?” Nora finally asked.

“I don’t want to talk to you,
Nora
.” Leslie lifted her face to glare at her mother across the room. “Why don’t you just go home?” Nora sucked in air like she’d been punched. This was far worse than any pain Sandra Madison or a hungry lion combined could inflict on her.

“Go home!” Leslie yelled this time, her voice breaking into sobs. “Go home,” she repeated mournfully, as she buried her face in her pillow again. Nora quickly crossed the room and sat down on her daughter’s bed. But when she reached out to stroke her daughter’s shoulder, Leslie flinched the same way that Sandra had earlier, and this time, Nora withdrew her hand.

“This won’t fix things, Les, not speaking to each other. I want to get things figured out as much as you do, honey.”

“Oh please!” Her response was muffled into her pillow, but Nora knew sarcasm when she heard it. “You don’t want to figure anything out. You’re just going to run off and make your own life. A few problems and you’re just going to cut and run.”

“Daddy and I are trying….”

“Don’t you
dare
bring Daddy into this!” Leslie pushed herself up to a sitting position, her back to her headboard, pulling her pillow up against her chest and hugging it to her. She turned her puffy red face on her mother, eyes filled with rage and accusation. “He’s not the one leaving, you are! If you think that leaving is the way to figure things out then you’re stupid. Stupid!” Leslie pressed her face down into her pillow again, her body trembling as she tried to control her anger and tears.

“I’m not leaving, Les.” Had she been listening outside the office during her parents’ argument?

When Leslie didn’t respond, Nora tried again. “I’m not leaving. The cottage is a place where I can spread my stuff out and work on things. It’s a place where I can be alone. It’s like your room, honey. Like right now. You came in here to be alone, to a place that was yours, to deal with all the thoughts in your head without having to explain everything to someone else.”

“Alone. That’s right.”

Nora bit back a frustrated sigh; she felt on the verge of collapse. She needed food, rest. Little pinging sounds kept going off in her throbbing head. She continued anyway. “Well, I don’t have my own room. In fact, I’ve never had my own room. I shared a room with Aunt Cass my whole childhood, up until Daddy and I got married, then I moved right into his room. I need my own room right now, Leslie. It’s not because I’m leaving, though. I think it’s so I can figure out how to make staying work better.”

Leslie didn
’t respond.

“I’ll be honest, Les. Daddy and I are struggling right now, that’s true. Sometimes, we don’t really like each other very much; that’s true too. But I do love him, just like when you and Felix fight and you still love him.”

“Felix isn’t my husband.”

“No,” Nora relaxed a little, sensing a softening in Leslie’s muttered response. “He’s not. And I’m relieved to hear that, because it would be really weird if he was.” She paused, and smiled when Leslie poked her in the hip with a toe. It was a little rough, but Nora understood. “But I think you know what I mean. I love your Daddy, Les. I just don’t feel like I know how to show him right now.”

“And I love your mom, Les.” Jake slipped into the room and slowly approached the bed. Nora could read the pain on his face, and she knew that it must have taken a lot of courage for him to come in to support her after hearing her speak so candidly to their daughter. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful with the things I said to you earlier. I should have chosen my words better. Your mom is right, things are hard right now. But neither one of us is willing to give up. We won’t give up on this family, do you hear me?”

Leslie lifted her head a little but didn
’t look at either one of them. She finally nodded in acknowledgment. Then she asked, “You two were pretty loud in there. Has it been hard for a long time?” Her voice shook in a way that broke Nora’s heart.

Jake and Nora exchanged glances and he responded first.
“Yes, for a while. We should have started working on things long ago, but I didn’t want to admit that there were problems. That’s my fault, and I take full responsibility for letting things get to this point. Your mom was brave enough to take action even when I didn’t. She kinda woke me up, and I’ve been really grumpy about it.”