Watery Graves (3 page)

“She’s getting old.”

Emmy laughed and slapped him. “Don’t let her hear you say that?”

“We all get tired from time to time, Emmy.”

“I s’pose.”

Below them, long grasses danced on the steep slope. Weeds with yellow flowers clung to rocky outcrops, offering precarious drops to the water’s edge. The river stole its way around the bend so stealthily, it appeared stagnant.

Chapter Five

Emmy and her best friend Libby, the youngest of the Bexley girls, crunched over the gravel path through the paddocks between their homes.

Emmy bent to pick a yellow wild flower. She tucked it behind her ear.

“Too cute,” Libby said, bending to pick a white flower. She twirled it in her fingers. “God, it’s great to get away from my sisters for a bit.”

“Really? I love them.”

“No, they’re great and everything. Cassidy’s just so loud all the time and Matti lets her get away with it. I go to our bedroom and one of them comes in. I sit in the lounge to catch some TV and one of them wants the music on. The house is so small. And if we’re not all at school, we’re at home. All of us. You at least can get some space in your place.”

“It’d be quiet without them.”

“But your family is so much saner than mine.”

“I sleep in the same bed as my mum.” It was rare that Emmy spoke about what her life was like. Most of the time, it felt like there wasn’t much to say, but then other things that played on her mind seemed best kept private.

“Really?” Libby absentmindedly pulled off one petal at a time and let it blow in the breeze as they walked. “I can’t imagine sleeping in the same bed as my mother.”

“Your home feels so warm. I like being there
.” Emmy smiled. “But you can come over to my place any time you want,” she added, but then, realising what she’d said, started to backtrack. “I mean – when we’re not doing chores and everything.”

Libby’s eyebrows were raised. “It’s okay. I’m happy to just meet up at
the lookout.”

Emmy pressed her lips together and nodded
. “Yeah I like that too.”

Emmy ducked through the wire fence and held it open for Libby. As they walked through the top paddock, the cabins and the river came into view. Below, in the gravel driveway, she spotted her mother and Maya near the van in what looked like an embrace.

Libby froze. “What are they doing?”

Emmy looked at her watch, “Am I late? They think I’m missing.” Emmy cupped her hands to her mouth and yelled, “I’m here
! I’m not missing, lost or dead!”

Neither of them looked up.

“Gotta go,” Emmy said, taking off.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine!” she called back over her shoulder.

She skipped and skidded down the hill, losing sight of the women as the bedroom cabins loomed. Around the bend, she pulled up. The dust on the dirt track settled around her ankles.

Her mother had Maya in a head lock.

“Get in the van,” Ingrid commanded.

“Let go of me,” Maya cried.

“I got you the last appointment of the day.”

“Well, you take it.”

“I’m not the one vomiting blood.”

Overcome with images of blood gushing from Maya’s open mouth, Emmy jumped when Kristian came up behind them.

“It’s not like you’re imagining it.”

“Blood is blood.”

“Whoaa. Girls. What’s going on?” he said.

Emmy stepped aside, gripping onto a fence post.

“She won’t get in the van,” Ingrid cried, “She needs a doctor. Start the motor, Kristian,” she managed between puffs and grunts. Once she’d spotted her standing at the corner of the cabin, she added. “Help me Emmy.”

Emmy shuffled forward. “How?”

“I tell you what,” Kristian said. “Neither of you ha
s been for a check-up in years. Why don’t you both get in?”

Ingrid released Maya. “What?”

“I’ll go if she does,” Maya said, turning to Ingrid, “We’ll go together, like friends do.”

“I’m not the one who’s sick.”

“Well, what if I am? I’m not going to a doctor if you’re not with me.”

Ingrid’s eyes glazed over. “We’ll go tomorrow then. Together.”

*

Emmy played with her English text, flipping through the pages, bored by the exercises she’d been set for home school. Sebastian sat across from her, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth and his hand etching out an essay at high speed.

She reached forward for the old
Heinemann Australian Dictionary
they shared. She flipped through the flimsy pages and looked for the word ‘rape’. It read ‘the crime of having sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent; a seizing or theft; any abusive or improper treatment.’

Her face became hot and her limbs weakened and went limp.

“Hey,” Sebastian patted the table in front of her. “Are you working?”

She clapped the dictionary closed.

“Stop dreaming. You know the rules. If we get this done we can get out of here.”

“I wish I was dreaming,” Emmy replied. The world was closing in. A girl was forced to have sex and everyone was gossiping about it, including the journalists in the papers. Her life had become entertainment. When she wasn’t mulling that over, she was stuck on thoughts of Maya being sick. Emmy knew it was bad for her mother to consider going into town with her.

Sebastian shoved the pen back into Emmy’s hand. “Write something.”

“Remember that thing about the girl in the town paper?” she said.

“What thing?”

“You know the rape. Remember? It happened to her. And with everyone writing about it and talking about it and making up their minds about what kind of person she is. It’s just like they do with us.”

“Do you actually know what rape is Emmy?”

“Of course I do.” Then to prove it she said. “It’s the crime of having sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent.”

He smirked. “You just looked that up didn’t you.”

“Ah – no. You can just tell by reading the story.”

He reached for the dictionary and started flicking through the pages. She snatched it off him and stuffed it under her research books.

Sebastian shrugged.

He gave in too easily to her and she hated it.

“I can’t stop thinking about her,” Emmy continued. “Everyone is talking
, making up their own minds about things. Everybody knows. Everyone would be looking at her. Watching every move she makes.”

“Emmy, if someone’s been raped, I think the people who did it should be the ones to worry about it being in the papers, not the girl. And besides, you know what Kristian says,
keep your mind on your own life
.
”

“I don’t want to read papers anymore.”

“Yeah sure.” Sebastian grinned. “Do some work.”

“I really don’t.”

“Maybe, that’s a good idea. If it stirs you up like this.”

“So maybe we should both stop looking through the news.”

“There’s no ‘we’ in this. I like seeing what’s happening out in the world.”

*

The lamps set a warm glow to their sitting room. Emmy and Ingrid relaxed in their armchairs, reading, stretching their legs out on a shared ottoman. On the surface, everything was just as it was supposed to be. The hush of night gave space for sounds that would go unnoticed in the day. Tiny paws tapped across the tin roof. Bullfrogs and crickets joined in a rise and fall of its own symphony. Water lapped at the river’s edge, joining in with a smooth lilting beat. It set an air of peace.

Emmy loved the feel of the old paper, her finger tips running over the print as she fell into the last pages of
Little Women
. The book was ancient. While part of the spine was torn and the once dusk pink cover had turned muddy brown, she loved the feel of the book and the way it fell open on her lap.

In the chair across from her, Ingrid sighed and snapped her book shut. She lifted her feet, sat cross
-legged and closed her eyes. Her hands fluttered down onto her knees.

Emmy marked her place
. “Mum?”

“Hmm.”

“What exactly scares you about going to the doctor?”

Ingrid’s eyelids fluttered. “I don’t like going down to the village. You know that. People talk. Doctors pry. They take tests. Everyone sees the results. Oh I don’t know why I’m forcing Maya to go really. It’ll make things worse. We’re probably better off not knowing.”

“I’ve never seen you fight with Maya…ever.”

Ingrid opened her eyes
. “Yep, I don’t want to fight about it. Kristian should take her to the doctor. He’s her partner. He should step up and make her go.”

“If it’s what Maya needs…”

“I’m worried we left it too late this time.”

“Too late for what?”

“For Maya. Haven’t you noticed? Her arms are bone thin. Her cheeks are sallow. Her belly is swollen.”

With a sharp intake of breath, Emmy’s eyes shone
. “She’s pregnant.”

Ingrid shook her head, “I touched her stomach. It’s hard like rock.”

“What does that mean?”

“She’s sick. We haven’t made the right choices all along, have we? We should have been going down to the village from time to time to see a doctor. A check-up was all it would take.”

“But there’s no point in bothering a doctor unless you’re sick.”

“Sickness can creep up on you. And when you live like we do, it’s harder to detect. We’re not forced to work. We choose to. We enjoy waking up every day and doing what we love. We don’t notice every creak and groan our bodies make.” Ingrid rubbed her face, and grinned.

Emmy guessed her smile was forced.

“Sometimes, no matter how hard you try you can’t hide from the things you fear the most,” Ingrid finished.

Emmy wanted to ask her mother what it was she feared exactly. What was the ‘it’ they were too late for? She wanted to hear exactly what could happen to Maya. But to ask might be too direct. It might set her mother off. And really Emmy knew all the answers. It just wasn’t something she wanted to think too much about.

Emmy watched Ingrid lean forward and light the candle between them, then switch off the lamp above. Ingrid’s eyes rested on the flame and Emmy noticed her mother’s body soften.

With the pages lit only by her small lamp, Emmy shifted in her chair and tried to settle back into the story. But her gaze fell onto the candle flame too. It was calming watching it flicker.

Ingrid rose quietly and slipped out the door into the night.

*

In the loft bedroom above their sitting room, Emmy woke from a dream laughing. She believed in dreams. They held the answers to life’s hardest questions. When she turned to cuddle into her mother, she discovered the bed was still empty. Ingrid had not returned.

She rolled over to face the window. The lights were off in Kristian, Maya’s and Sebastian’s cabin. The kitchen cabin was in darkness. There wasn’t really anywhere else for her mother to be. Emmy couldn’t think of any other time her mother was alone. She was always with someone. In the day, she was with Maya. But at night, Emmy took over.

Thoughts of where her mother might be made it tough for Emmy to fall back to sleep. She sat up against the wall, cuddling her knees to her chest and waited for her.

*

It was a long time before she heard footsteps on the stairs. Emmy scooted under the sheets, and flopped onto the pillows.

The mattress dipped as Ingrid eased into bed beside her.

“Are you okay, Mum?”

“Yes. It’s late. Go to sleep.”

“Where were you?”

“Out walking.”

“Alone?”

Ingrid cocked her head to the side. “I’m tired now Emmy.”

“I had a dream. Maya’s going to be okay,” Emmy said, slipping her hand into her mothers. Their fingers interlocked. “Maya and I were swimming in the river. I was doing handstands. Water was going up my nose and she thought it was hilarious. She had the pinkest cheeks. And I wasn’t afraid of anything.”

Ingrid settled beside her. “I want that for you.”

“It felt real.”

“Dreams are real.”

“If you and Maya went for a walk in the middle of the night she can’t be too sick.”

“Emmy, don’t say anything about this tomorrow.”

Emmy considered not asking the next question, but her lips made the sound before she could stop them, “Why?”

“Please, just don’t. Okay.”

“You want me to keep a secret?”

“Look, I just went and sat with Kristian. I needed to talk to someone. I don’t want Maya to know how much I’m flipping out about her.”

Emmy looked at her mother. She seemed fine, compared to the way she usually flipped out. “I think Maya knows
, Mum.”

She saw her mother shake her head but she smiled. “You’re probably right about that.”

“You can talk to me.”

“I know.”

“Anytime.”

Ingrid smoothed the hair back off Emmy’s face. “I’m scared,” she said. Her face crum
pled.

Emmy felt that familiar panic wash through her,
as if she was drowning. “Don’t be.” It was all she could come up with. “Please don’t be scared.”