We Interrupt This Date (28 page)

“You rat. You horrible, thieving con man,” she said,
spacing the words out for emphasis.

Lurlene raised a quizzical eyebrow. “The latest Mrs.
Beauchamp, I presume?”

The latest looked at her, then at me, then back to
Lurlene. “I’m Katherine. And you are?”

“Lurlene. Welcome to the club, sister.” Lurlene
jabbed her thumb at me. “And this is Susan. She’s not a wife, she’s
the daughter of another woman he swindled. She’s here to get him to
stop blackmailing her mother out of what’s left of her money.”

“Blackmail? On top of everything else? I am taking
back the El Camino, Philip.”

Wow, this wife meant business.
You go, girl,
I
thought.

“By the time I get done with you, you will wish you
had moved out of the country before you ever set eyes on me,” she
added.

I stared, fascinated. It was eerie the way Katherine
could screech and tremble with rage while her facial skin didn’t
move. From her expression, you would have guessed she was telling
Philip she’d cooked him a nice lobster dinner.

Lurlene chuckled deep in her throat. “Honey, you’re
going to have to stand in line. I get him first.”

As if by mutual agreement both women approached
Philip, claws held out in front of them with wicked determination.
I saw my chance and scampered out of the room behind them.

Patty was leaning against the side of the van
studying her fingernails when I shot outside. When she looked up
and saw me, she stood up straight and stretched like a lazy cat
sunning itself in a window. “What took you so long?”

“For God’s sake, Patty, I thought you were going to
watch my back. Those women might have decided to take their anger
out on me instead of Philip. Some sidekick you are.”

“I heard everything.” She waved a hand at me. “The
only danger in that room is to that worthless ex-lover of your
mother’s.”

“Didn’t I already ask you to stop calling him that? I
mean, worthless is okay, but he’s not Mama’s ex-lover. Let’s get
out of here. My nerves are shredded.”

“Can’t. Not unless you have two spares.” She flicked
her thumb at the passenger side tires of my van.

I stared in horrified disbelief. “Flat? Both of them.
What’s next, a UFO showing up on my roof?”

When I’d first pulled into the parking lot, I’d
thought I’d rolled over a bump. Now I walked halfway across the lot
and I could see that it was no bump I’d encountered, but a board
studded with nails. I heaved the offending object into the motel
Dumpster and then marched back to Patty dusting off my hands.

“The perfect end to a perfect day.” At least I wasn’t
Philip. The last time I looked, he was being frog marched by both
his wives to a rental car parked at the back of the lot.

Patty yawned. “Don’t get so worked up. I wasn’t out
here counting the stars while you dealt with that mess. Help is on
the way.”

“You called a tow truck?” I brightened. An extra
expense I didn’t need, but we had to get home somehow and I
couldn’t leave the van here to be stripped.

“Uh-Uh. Jack did.”

My bright mood evaporated like mist. “Jack? Why in
the world would you involve him? You can be so dense when it comes
to other people’s feelings and I can’t understand that coming from
someone who’s addicted to self-help books and Dr. Phil.

“Get a grip, Susan. It’s not like I carry the numbers
for tow trucks around with me or that I’m a walking phone book. I
looked in your purse, found your phone and Jack’s business card and
called him. He’s sending a truck.”

“Why didn’t you call Kyle? I’m sure he wouldn’t have
minded helping.”

“Kyle’s at a taxidermist show in Greenville. He
entered the raccoon family he did for his friend and he says if he
wins first place he’s taking me to Myrtle Beach for a weekend.”

“How nice for you. Glad someone is having a great
life and weekends at Myrtle Beach.” I snatched my purse away from
her. I’d politely thank Jack for sending a tow truck when I saw him
at Blackthorn House tomorrow, probably when he showed up looking
for Veronica. I hoped he wouldn’t complain too much about their
date being ruined by my car troubles. “You could have called my
house and asked DeLorean for help.”

Patty snickered. “You’re kidding, right? From what
you’ve told me, I suspect she’d have a meltdown. Why are you being
so bitchy anyway?”

“I’m not being bitchy, though I admit I’m not in the
greatest of moods. But that’s only because I didn’t want Jack
involved. I can sort out my own messes without help from him or any
other man on the planet.” I was managing—barely—to keep a tight
hold on my emotions. Hysteria in the middle of a crime district
could get me the wrong kind of attention.

“Tell him yourself, then. He’s on his way. In fact,
that must be him in the car following behind the tow truck that
just pulled in.” She peered toward the road and waved.

I followed the direction of her gaze. “I am now going
to kill you. Slowly and with great satisfaction.”

Two vehicles rolled to a stop in front of us. Jack
got out and walked around the van assessing the damage. The tow
truck driver, a hygienically challenged type wearing greasy
overalls and a Carolina Panthers ball cap, made a remark about
careless driving. Then he got down to business and hooked the van
up for tow. I gave him the name of my mechanic and asked him to
leave it at the shop. I watched him leave before I turned to Jack
and fake-smiled so big it felt like my cheeks were going to split
open.

“Thanks so much. But you really didn’t have to
interrupt your date to come way out here. I was telling Patty this
very minute she could have called DeLorean.”

“No trouble. Get in and I’ll take you home.” He
jerked his thumb in the direction of his car.

He walked over to the driver’s side. Patty scurried
after him and climbed in the back seat. Too late I realized I
should have forged ahead of her so she’d have to ride shotgun and I
could take the back.

As soon as I got in and shut the door, Jack said,
“Dammit, Nic, what in the hell were you doing? This isn’t the
safest place to hang out, as you well know. And in case you still
need a clue, did you see the bars on the office window and the
general run down appearance of the whole street?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, slum central. But it’s all
over now, Mr. Safety Police. Patty and I were taking care of a
minor matter for my mother. Problem solved, mission accomplished.
And if you’re into business speak--no more crime issues to disrupt
the new paradigm. I am sorry she bothered you.”

Patty tapped the back of my head and a throbbing vein
in my scalp threatened to burst. “Speak for yourself, woman. We
might have been kidnapped by thugs if we’d had to wait half the
night for your sister to show up.”

Good old Patty, always ready to help. I turned around
and shot her the look she deserved. Then I wiggled my eyebrows up
and down trying to signal her to shut up. I may as well have tried
to eyebrow signal a train to stop at the next crossing.

“Get this, Jack. After Lurlene busted the door down,
I thought about going in with my pepper spray and taking her out.”
Patty blabbed as if she were simply discussing her makeup.

My eyebrows went into a Tango. I wondered if she’d
take the hint if I plastered my hand over her mouth and held it
there until we dropped her off.

“Who is Lurlene and why did she break the door?” Jack
asked in flat tones. He glanced at Patty in the rearview mirror. If
Patty had known Jack as well as I did, she would have known to stop
running off at the mouth and change the subject.

“I guess Philip wouldn’t unlock it. He’s Susan’s
mama’s ex love…I mean, her mama was married to him, except it
wasn’t a real wedding and he was trying to extort money to keep her
secret. Until his two wives showed up. One of them is real, but we
don’t know about the other one. I mean, we do know. He’s a bigamist
for sure.”

I dug my fingers into the sides of my seat. I hadn’t
wanted Jack to know any of this, and Patty should have been able to
figure that out using plain old common sense.

A major muscle in Jack’s jaw twitched like someone
had hit it with a shot of adrenaline. Patty leaned forward and
directed him to turn at the corner and seconds later we pulled up
behind the pawnshop.

“Thanks so much,” she said, getting out of the car.
“It was great meeting you, Jack.”

“Same here.” His expression was the look someone
might wear if they’d just discovered their dog ate the sirloin
steaks they’d put on the table for a dinner party.

I braced myself. I didn’t really care if Jack was
angry. Not one bit. I simply didn’t want to have to listen to his
criticism.

He turned, oh so slowly, until he was sideways in his
seat facing me. “What were you doing confronting a criminal in his
room? What possible reason could have have to put yourself into
that kind of danger?”

“It’s none of your business, but if it will shut you
up, I’ll tell you the whole sordid story. Philip Beauchamp has been
causing trouble for my mother. I told him to leave her alone. Don’t
worry, Jack, I wasn’t in the least bit of trouble. Both his wives
showed up shortly before you got there and they’re making him think
better of continuing his wicked ways. The end. Now please take me
home. Or do I have to call a cab?” I put my hand on the door
handle.

He put the car in gear and roared out of the lot. I
could only imagine the state of his bad back. He really ought to
consider a yoga class to deal with tension.

“You’ve never figured things out, have you, Nic? Your
mother is perfectly capable of handling her own problems without
your involvement.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “You would think so,
but you should have seen her Sunday night. In fact, you would have
seen her, if you hadn’t driven off in a snit because DeLorean
called me to come home for an emergency. For your information,
Philip showed up at my house Sunday while Mama was alone and
helpless with a sprained ankle. What was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, call the police, maybe? That’s what I
do when blackmailers come around.”

“Sure, I’ll bet you have that problem all the time.
But Mama was afraid he’d tell Rhett, her new man friend. That’s
what blackmail is, Jack. They scare you into thinking they’re going
to out you on something, which will ruin your life forever. You’re
supposed to pay up to keep the world from knowing about your sordid
past.” God, the man was exasperating. He didn’t understand and he
never would and I was sorry he’d ever come back to Charleston to
stir up a bunch of negative emotions I didn’t need.

After he dropped me off and went back to Veronica, I
never wanted to see him again. Even as I had these thoughts, I knew
I was kidding myself. But life had been a lot simpler when all I
had to do was mope around and drag myself in to work and not have
any real thoughts or feelings.

Judging by the look on his face, Jack was probably
wishing the same thing. The tires squealing a protest, he swung the
Mercedes around a corner, accelerated to my driveway, made another
hard turn and braked to a stop. His car wasn’t going to last if he
didn’t stop abusing it every time he had to bring me home.

“Goodnight,” I said, getting out. I’d suddenly
developed a headache that felt like a horde of miniature cavemen
beating me behind the eyes with stone hammers. Brad’s staccato
barking in the background didn’t help. “Thanks for the rescue. The
last thing I wanted was to interrupt your special evening with
Veronica.”

I slammed the car door and stomped up the driveway
doing some serious damage to the bottoms of my shoes. I thought I
heard Jack say something, but I didn’t turn around. Yeah, yeah, so
I’d mistreated his car. He could send me a bill. I reached the
house and stormed inside.

Footsteps sounded behind me. “We’re not done here,
Nic.” Jack rudely pushed his way in before I could lock the
door.

“Yes, we are. Thanks again. Now if you don’t mind, I
have the headache from hell and the last thing I need is another
hour of criticism from you.”

I headed into the kitchen to find the aspirin bottle.
Jack trailed after me. Of course Mama and DeLorean were waiting in
the kitchen. I had the feeling that even if it were three in the
morning, they’d be waiting in the kitchen.

Mama was scolding DeLorean about her blouse, which
was, according to Mama, entirely unsuitable for a woman who was the
mother of an infant. She was shocked and so forth. Sure, Mama, you
have to give up your whole existence and turn into a frump once you
give birth. I’d been the recipient of the same lecture six months
after Christian was born when I wore a two piece bathing suit to
Folly Beach.

When she saw Jack, Mama broke off in mid-sentence,
squirming in her chair like a cocker spaniel greeting its owner. An
onlooker would have thought George Clooney--her favorite actor--had
followed me home.

“Jack Maxwell, why bless your heart. Oh, my word,
DeLorean
said
you’d moved back to town. I’m absolutely
delighted to see you again after all these years.”

“Good to see you, too, Mrs. Marsh.” Jack, always
charming, leaned over and kissed Mama’s cheek. Then he acknowledged
DeLorean with a nod and a grin.

Was it my imagination or had DeLorean unfastened the
top button of her blouse since I’d seen her last? I tossed my purse
on the counter and yanked the aspirin bottle out of the kitchen
cabinet. Jack wanted to talk? Fine. Let him visit with Mama and my
sister. DeLorean could even offer him another backrub for all I
cared. I was going to bed.

“Susan, you said you weren’t going out with Jack
tonight.” DeLorean’s bottom lip quivered and she showed every sign
of birthing a pout.