Weapon of Desire (35 page)

I softly shake his hand and smile appreciatively “Thank you for all your help.”

With another flash of those perfect teeth against his tanned face he smiles down at me before leaving.

Looking up at a television screen there is
breaking news of a shooting outside a bank and a body of a man found dead in a car this afternoon in Berlin. They’re not sure if the two incidents are connected at the moment.

I pick up the package
and stare at the photograph and name on my new passport. So I’m Jessica Palmer from now on, I make my way out of the bar walking towards the Airport Departure Terminal.

After checking in I wander around the shops trying to create a new image for Jessica Palmer and
finally choose a casual outfit to fit my mood. Blue jeans, wedge suede, tan shoes and handbag, white chiffon blouse and new sunglasses. Blowing three hundred euros in two hours is fun and there’s no doubt that retail therapy really works.

A
beautiful silk scarf decorated with hot air balloons catches my eye, I immediately think of Anthony’s wish to watch the sun set from a hot air balloon. These all seem so distant dreams as I stare down at my engagement ring. Now that I’m starting a new life as Jessica Palmer it seems only appropriate to return the ring to him.

With my impulse
purchase of the scarf I slowly slide the ring down my finger wiping tears of despair from my cheeks. I wrap the ring in the scarf tucking it inside a bubble wrap envelope. Borrowing a pen I scrawl Anthony’s address on the front and smudge the letters with a stray tear as I dab down the postage stamps. My heart breaks in half as I slip the package inside the postal box. I close my eyes releasing a flood of emotion as I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. How am I going to live without Anthony? People stare as they stroll by and I try to compose myself to detract any unwelcome attention.

The short flight passes
like the blink of an eye and I feel as though the last month has been a haze or perhaps sometimes a nightmare. Did I really meet a man called Anthony who I fell in love with, had amazing sex and accepted his marriage proposal. Did Daniel break my heart and can we lock away these memories and start over again? I’m numb, questioning whether I could love anyone else again. I don’t know how to move forward and breathe each second as it washes over me.

Walking through the arrivals hall I can see Daniel waiting with his hands in his pockets and beaming from ear to ear. The smile is infectious as I grin removing my glasses and propping them on top of my head.
As I reach him my eyes fill up with tears and my lip wobbles as I try to control my feelings of relief.

“Hi
Jessica, I’ve missed you.” He cradles my shoulders against his chest.

“I’ve missed y
ou too.” Our lips touch and it feels as though the past few weeks didn’t happen, as though we’ve never been apart.

“Come on let’s get you home.”

Daniel opens the car door watching every expression on my face. I’m so tired but also relieved to be safe. Without speaking a word I curl myself sideways observing Daniel’s body language as he enters the driver’s seat and starts the engine. He seems relaxed with a comforting grin that settles my agitated anxiety. My mind wanders with so many questions and self-made assumptions that I’m too confused to talk. He’s been a rock for me and has never given up on us even when I rejected him.

The street lights flash by as we drive along the motorway
towards the city of Madrid. This is the most uneasy feeling ever, a new identity and life and I’ve no idea where we’re heading and somehow I don’t care. I’ve given up fighting to survive as Darcey and accept Jessica’s offer of anonymity, blocking out my previous life and the pain that came with it. 

After the silent journey we arrive in central Madrid where Daniel guides me
to a quaint first floor apartment. I step inside with his arm wrapped reassuringly around my back. Standing lifeless for a few seconds I take in the fresh white walls, soft charcoal grey sofas, shiny wooden floors and black suede and glass table lamps. This is home……I’ve an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and fear as though I’m standing at the base of a mountain contemplating the enormous task to surmount in order to feel human again.

I walk slowly to the balcony overlooking a pretty courtyard where lamps light up a beautiful old tree
and yellow washed walls with sheltered seating. The tranquil scene brings calmness to my panicked state of mind. Daniel’s hands gently touch my shoulders as the tears flow freely down my face. It’s as though nothing needs to be said as we stand together in silence.

Where do we start? What do we
do next and how? I feel like somebody learning to walk and talk again. All I know is that I’m scared, ashamed of my crime and extremely sorry and very grateful to Daniel.

“I’m so sorry.” I
whisper wiping away the tears from my cheeks.

“
Shhh……… we’re not doing this tonight Darcey. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Daniel softly takes my finger tips and leads me to the bedroom.

He
instantly soothes my heartache calling me Darcey instead of Jessica, recognising the old me and not some false character I’ve become. Switching on the bedside lamp reveals a double bed dressed in white linen set against a warm stone wall. The room exudes old Spanish charm with a rustic homely feel.

“You have the bed and I’
ll take the sofa.” He releases my hand and turns to stare deep into my watery, tired eyes.

“Daniel thank you for being so understanding.” I wrap my arms around his waist and breathe
in his familiar cologne.

“Darcey, I just want us back the way we were and i
f it takes forever I’ll wait.” He plants a kiss on the top of my head and then leaves the room closing the door behind him.

What have I done to this man? My heart is aching to heal him and make everything ok.
As I lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling I wonder how this all became so crazy. My eye lids feel heavy and I’m no longer able to hold back the need to sleep.

Waking
to the sound of Spanish conversation I notice that I’m still fully clothed and in the same position. Rising up from the bed I walk across the room to take in the view of the courtyard below where two women are talking and laughing loudly. I’m eager to find Daniel as I open the bedroom door and wander through the lounge to a small galley kitchen. A note scrawled on a piece of paper is laid on the counter.

Darcey, gone shopping will be back soon.
X

I make my way to the bathroom where fresh fluffy white towels are neatly folded on an
old oak dresser next to a white butler style sink. Terracotta tiles on the floor feel rough and cold as I tip toe to the shower hauling my shirt over my head and unzipping my jeans. The warm water jets feel so good and the sweet citrus aroma from the shower wash brings about clarity and a positive outlook.

Reappearing from the bathroom wrapped in a towel
with dripping hair I cross the hall to the kitchen where I can hear movement. Daniel stands with his back to me as he unloads shopping bags.

“You’ve been busy.” I smile taking in the view of a carefree, cheery Daniel in beige chinos and a loose linen white shirt.

“Morning” he turns swiping back his loose, stray hair with a gleaming smile that I so remember and love.

He scans me from head to toe as I lean against the door frame. His eyes can never lie and give away his yearning desire to search beneath my towel. We stand motionless for a few seconds and
it feels like we’ve only just met. He spins around dragging away his gaze from my naked body as though it’s forbidden to look.

“I’ve bought breakfast
, freshly baked bread, cheese, ham, fruit, yoghurt and of course coffee…….. oh… I also picked up some clothes for you.” Daniel is noticeably tense and trying very hard to make this seem normal.

I’
m lost for words as I move up close behind him, hugging tightly. “Thank you.”

Daniel stands immobile and I sense the awkwardness b
etween us. I suppose the last time we were this close he was drunk and not welcome. He seems to be uncertain of my affection towards him.  Bowing his head he looks down at my clasped hands at his waist and cups them with his.

“Darcey, I thought we could spend the day checking out the area and perhaps stop for a cold glass of wine or two with tapas, what do you think?” Still holding my hands he drags me under his arm and into his c
hest as he looks down into my eyes.

“Perfect.” I smile warmly
appreciating the attention he’s devoting to me. “I’ll get some clothes on and join you for breakfast.”

Daniel had bought me a pair of
sky blue, straight cotton trousers and a fitted shirt with pale blue and yellow flowers. They make me smile reminding me of summer and I love how stylish they look complete with my new wedge shoes.

The surrounding area is a ty
pical Spanish neighbourhood not too far from the bustle of the city shops. We dart in and out hand in hand buying more clothes and pieces to make the apartment feel more like home. As we sit for hours outside a bar drinking and eating we begin to talk of the past and it’s the first time in a while that I feel like me again!

After purchasing ingredients to cook dinner
, we head back wearily to our cosy apartment passing a library where Daniel points out a poster with details of weekly book club.

“Darcey you
should join the library, keep yourself busy and get to know some locals.” He wraps an arm around my neck as we climb the steps to the apartment.

“I’ll do that as I’ve not much else
in my diary at the moment.” I’m exhausted but in a refreshing way. “When do you have to leave?” I turn to face Daniel as he opens the apartment door. I’m aware that I can’t keep him here in Madrid forever.

“I have to be in Russia
Monday morning.” His eyes look sad as he acknowledges my disappointment. “I’ll be back Friday…….I want you to get busy filling up your wardrobe with new clothes and shoes……oh and there’s a gym you can join that is only two blocks away.” He manages a loving smile “I’ll call you every day and night.”

“Don’t worry about me I’ll be fine
, I’ll have dinner on the table when you come home!” I smirk picking up the shopping bags entering the apartment.

We work together preparing chicken, chorizo, onions and w
ine in a casserole while Caro Emerald sings of “Riviera Life.” This feels so good and so easy with Daniel without even trying to love him. 

We sit on the lounge rug supping wine, listening to music and relaxing in each other’s company, surrounded by flickering scented candles that we picked up in the marketplace. The starchiness Daniel displayed this morning and last night has faded away.

Our chicken creation is delicious and Daniel is soon himself cracking jokes and poking
fun at me for awful dishes I’ve produced in the past. He is right I haven’t always been a good cook with some disastrous offerings are still imprinted in my memory.

Full with good food and wine we lounge back on the floor leanin
g against the sofa. I’m pleasantly surprised how little I’ve thought about Anthony today while in Daniel’s company and I’m confident that here in Madrid we could make it work.

“Daniel how soon
can I contact Mum and my brothers? They’ll be worried about me.” I slide onto my side watching Daniel resting his head on the edge of the sofa.

He turns to face me and smiles “Darcey we just need to ensure that Marie and Frederick are no longer a threat to you or your family.”

I sigh with despair as reality seeps into my secret world as I flip onto back looking up at the ceiling. In my head I try to establish a plan to take control of my life.

“Darcey it won’t be forever. You just need to stay low for a while.” He sits up beside me waiting for my response.

“I’m truly grateful Daniel but I can’t expect you to fund my lifestyle here.” I rise upwards to face him provoking a confrontation.

Our bodies are inches apart as we stare deep into
each other’s eyes searching for answers to go forward. Daniel impulsively kisses me softly and then pulls back to register my approval. I respond by sliding closer, opening my mouth to return the kiss. His hand strokes my face and glides down to my chin drawing me in towards him.

“This is our life together I’
m funding.” His mouth possesses mine and we’re instantly entangled with one another.

I
frantically worry that I’m enjoying this too much or is it I yearn for the touch of a man. I start to panic as my thoughts meander to Anthony as I pull back panting and holding Daniel’s puzzled gaze.

“
What’s wrong?” He sits upright looking concerned.

“I just need some time.” My heart bleeds as I notice the pain in Daniel’s face.

“Ok…no problem we’ve all the time in the world.”  He calmly stands collecting the empty dishes carrying them out to the kitchen.

With one wall separating us there is silence from both rooms
as Caro Emerald sings of a “Black Valentine.” I’m immediately remorseful as I stand contemplating whether I should enter the kitchen or not. Daniel returns to the doorway and smiles with both hands placed firmly in his pockets.

“Darcey, I understand
, it’s ok……we’ve had a wonderful day together, let’s not rush things or ruin it.” He leans against the door waiting for my reply.

“I’m
sorry for acting so weird… I do want this to work.” I can sense chemistry building again between us and my heart races. I’m frightened to let my urges spill out and instead turn to move towards the bathroom halting as I reach the door where Daniel stands. “I’m tired after all that shopping……I think I need to go to bed.”

“Yes me too.” He looks down at me with sparkling eyes and I gulp trying to restrain my body as I pass him in the doorway.

I stop for a second “Thank you for today.”

His mouth curls with a sexy smile “Goodnight Darcey.” He leans forward kissing me slowly.

Every fibre of my body tingles and it takes all my strength to pull away from his lips. He grins knowing the affect he is having on me and I smirk looking down realising I’ve exposed my vulnerable inner desires.

“Goodnight.”

I rise early in the morning to find Daniel in a deep slumber on the sofa. Tugging on my jeans and Daniel’s sweater I stroll along the sleepy street in search of the grocery store. I have a craving for melon and plan to make a cheese omelette for both of us. Standing in the checkout queue I spot a photograph of myself splashed across the front page of a local Spanish newspaper. My heart thumps loudly inside my chest as I pick up a copy to read. It’s in Spanish making it incomprehensible to me but Daniel is fluent in both Spanish and French.

The checkout assistant is too busy chatting to a young man
on the other side of her till while she scans my items with a quick hola without making eye contact. Relieved I quickly pack away the newspaper and hand her ten euros accepting my change swiftly in an effort to leave.

Daniel is in the kitchen
dressed in joggers making coffee when I return in a panic. “Daniel I’m all over the papers…look!” I retrieve the newspaper and push it under in his nose.

“Morning Darcey” he sarcastically replies. “Would you like a coffee?”

“Daniel this is important…… I’m sorry for being so hysterical but what does it say?” I lean back patiently as he sips coffee and sighs.

“Darcey what did
you expect, you was kidnapped, then involved in a murder and now missing.” Daniel takes his coffee and the newspaper and walks into the lounge sitting down on the sofa. He starts to read privately and sips more coffee which starts to infuriate me.

“Well?” I
sit opposite watching his frowning expression.

“It says that they believe the sho
oting outside the bank and the man found murdered in the car is connected and that three men and a woman are being detained for questioning. They want to speak to you and urge anyone to come forward if they know of your whereabouts. They know you purchased a train ticket and suspect you are still in the city.” Daniel looks up smiling “They don’t know where you are.”