Weeds in the Garden of Love (14 page)

Craig wondered where Mark was heading with these questions. “Yeah, it was pretty obvious she was impaired.”

“
Has her drinking reduced her capacity to be a good mother?”

“
I don’t think so—well, maybe it has.” Craig wondered why Mark was asking. Then it dawned on him. “You’re not thinking of going after custody, are you? I thought the courts always favor the mother—”

“
It’s part of the strategy,” Mark said, “and you’re right. The courts rarely grant custody to the father. We would need a lot of proof, and it would be messy. I want to shake things up. If she thinks you’re going after the kids, she may want a quick settlement, that’s all.”

“
Okay. But for the record—I wouldn’t hesitate to have my kids living with me.”

“
I know. Let’s move on. How’s she doing at Towercrest? Making lots of money?”

“
Yes,” Craig said. “Towercrest is now number one in commercial real estate.”

“
What about you? Are you working yet?” Craig expected this, even from a lawyer who’s a friend. After all, lawyers live to bill.

“
I’m still looking.” Craig was embarrassed by the fact he was having trouble finding a job. He felt an explanation was in order. “But the job market is tough. In the meantime, I found some money in a joint account at our old bank. Guess we forgot to close it when we switched banks. Not a fortune but enough to tide me over for a while. You’ll get your money, old friend.”

Mark gave him a reassuring smile. “That’s not why I asked. Chrissie’s lawyer probably won’t proceed with the divorce until you’re employed. It will enable them to demand more financial support from you, for the children.”

“
What about spousal support for her? Chrissie has always made a lot more money than me.”

“
Court is a funny place, Craig. They say they believe in gender equality, but guys usually are the ones who get screwed. We’ll do our best to prevent that, but we may have to get tough.”

“
In addition to the custody thing?” Craig said.

“
Yes.” Mark hesitated. He had the look on his face lawyers get when they smell a litigation battle. Craig was reminded of a lion stalking weak or lame prey separated from the herd. “We’ll ask for full disclosure of Chrissie’s finances, including a look at Towercrest’s books. If they try to hide anything and we find out, we’ll nail ‘em.”

“
Whatever it takes,” Craig said. “She put me through hell. But I won’t do anything to hurt my kids.”

“
Understood. But don’t forget—you will be legally bound by this court decision for many years. I’ve seen men financially ruined because they wanted to be fair. I want you to have what is rightly yours.”

Craig was relieved. Initially, he was unsure Mark would be a match for Chrissie’s lawyer. She had retained Kathryn Edwards, one of the top divorce lawyers in the city. She had a reputation as a ball-buster, bent on making men suffer in divorce cases. Mark, however, was proving to be sharp, articulate and motivated. He would be a strong advocate and certainly up to the task.

“
One more thing,” Mark said. “What precipitated the letter from Chrissie’s lawyer requesting you vacate the matrimonial home?”

Craig shook his head.
“I have no idea. It came right out of the blue. She threw it at me one night and said: ‘Here, this is for you!’ No explanation—nothing. Maybe your private investigator can fill in that blank.”

“
Spoke to him yesterday,” Mark said. “He’s almost done. We’ll know soon. I’ll be in touch after I get his report.” They small-talked for a moment about sports and their kids.

Man,
I’ll be glad when
this is over,
Craig thought, as he walked out. He had yet to realize divorces are never over. The divorced do their best to forget. It’s like they take all the heartache, the blame and the anger and wrap it in a package marked: “divorce – do not open!” They place the package on the top shelf of a closet, way back out of sight, hoping it will be forgotten. But invariably, something comes along and forces them to take the package down and unwrap it: graduations, weddings and funerals, a court case or simply a chance encounter. Then they re-wrap the package and put it back up on the shelf—until next time.

That evening, Craig attended his first Men’s Group meeting. Mark suggested it would be a good resource during the maelstrom of divorce. This self-help group was formed so men could fight the prejudices of the divorce industry. Many divorced men are persecuted and discriminated against, both by the courts and the SOE. The meetings provided the support and fellowship they needed, as well as the opportunity to share horror stories, helpful information and contacts.

Craig parked in the lot behind St. Paul’s Church. The meetings were held in the church basement and were always full. A man seated behind a table welcomed him. Craig signed in and filled out a “Hello—My Name Is” stick-on tag.

Looking around the room, Craig saw men from every walk of life, every ethnic group, every size, shape and age. He was surprised so many divorced men sought the support of meetings like this. He hoped he could find some answers that would help to mend his hurt.

Craig found a seat near the back of the room. Several of the men seated around him introduced themselves, and he immediately felt he was among friends.

The chairman called the meeting to order and proceeded through the agenda. It included the latest changes to the Divorce Act, controversial court rulings and examples of hard-handed SOE tactics. Apparently, the SOE showed no mercy when tracking down support payments from fathers in arrears, whom they refer to as: “deadbeat dads.”

Next,
he introduced a guest speaker, a lawyer and the author of a new book about the divorce industry. Craig missed his name. The speaker had done extensive research on the myriad of problems plaguing our family law system, especially those pertaining to non-custodial fathers. He was currently lobbying politicians and government for changes.

Craig was astonished at what this lawyer was saying. He had statistical evidence indicating ninety percent of child support orders are in compliance. The remaining ten percent of orders were in arrears but less than two percent of the payers could legitimately be labeled as, unwilling to pay, deadbeat dads. The divorce industry blindly lumps together the “unable-to-pay” and the “unwilling-to-pay.” Thus, the entire ten percent of payers in arrears are classified as deadbeats and dealt with harshly. They are hounded, harassed and prosecuted, ostensibly without recourse. Family Court, unfortunately, often offers no relief. Judges, rightly or wrongly, assume the non-payer is just another deadbeat deliberately avoiding payment and are reluctant to vary child support orders.

“
We must not confuse the willingness to pay with the ability to do so,” the speaker said. “Most non-payers, almost always the father, have little or no choice. Often they are in financial trouble and unemployed due to lay-off, downsizing or are otherwise unable to find work. They also face the added burdens of support payments set when they were employed, steep legal fees and separation from their children. Hardly the ‘Life of Reilly’ many in our society believe these men are living. Many so-called deadbeat dads are living in poverty or are homeless.”

Talk about prejudice,
Craig thought. He was learning how unjust and one-sided the family law legal system was in its treatment of these men.

The speaker continued, “I found a confirmed case where the SOE prosecuted a man living in the back of his pick-up truck. They had another man served with a summons to a default hearing while he was in the hospital suffering from malnutrition. The man was out of work and couldn’t afford groceries.

I’ve read several cases where custodial ex-wives send children to live with their fathers. These women claim the children have behavior problems and are beyond their control. According to the court and the SOE, even though the children are living with their father, he must still make child support payments to his ex-wife. He would be prosecuted as a deadbeat
if he stopped paying. Deadbeat dad statistics also include some unable to pay because they are in jail and even some who are deceased.”

The speaker took off his reading glasses. He leaned on the lectern and stared at the audience for a moment. Then he resumed.

“
I know of a unbelievable documented case where a man was ordered to pay support for a child conceived by his wife as a result of an extra-marital affair. The biological father could not be found.”

Craig shook his head in disbelief. In all the examples the speaker cited, the men would be classified as deadbeat dads. It didn’t seem fair.
The media and politicians make the deadbeat dad issue sound like a whole bunch of rich guys are running around avoiding payment to their ex-wives. No wonder the Men’s Group is trying to change that perception.

The next speaker was a Dr. Dorothy something, a psychologist and family counselor. Her resume was impressive. She had counseled many couples and their children both pre- and post-divorce. She said children often shoulder the blame when their parents separate. They think their own misbehavior was the cause. Craig wondered about Robbie and Heather. He would discuss this with them.

Dr. Dorothy talked about non-custodial fathers who either can’t find their children or are denied access. Custodial mothers who attempt to punish the fathers by playing access games only end up harming the children. Craig’s ears perked up. Chrissie was capable of that. She could be vindictive.

“
Many times children become pawns in their parent’s senseless battle to get even with each other,” Dr. Dorothy said. “The children are used to convey messages and gather personal information. They are compelled to choose sides, in an effort to mitigate the pressure they feel. If the absentee parent, usually the father, is constantly criticized and degraded, the children will naturally choose the custodial parent. These absentee parents end up being rejected by their own children.

“
A custodial parent utilizing children to punish the other parent is one of the most devious and destructive aspects of divorce. Children need to be secure in the knowledge both their parents will always love them unconditionally, regardless of the circumstances.”

Craig was astonished people could act like this. He could not imagine ever using his children to punish Chrissie. He wasn’t so sure about her.

Dr. Dorothy concluded her remarks, and the chairman adjourned the meeting. He invited everyone to stay for coffee.

Craig met a guy at the coffee urn. “Hi, Craig. I’m Garth. Garth Hodgson. You must be new. I haven’t seen you here before.”

Craig wondered how this guy knew his name. Then he remembered his name badge. “Hi, Garth. As you noticed, I’m Craig Andrews. Great to meet ya and yeah, this is my first meeting.”

Craig and Garth quickly became friends. Garth was an interesting guy. What he lacked in education, he made up for with street smarts. He had a quick smile and a good sense of humor.

Craig noticed right away Garth had a clever knack of deflecting the conversation away from himself. He figured Garth knew people liked talking about themselves more than anything else. He did seem, however, more genuinely interested in learning about Craig than spouting about his own life. Craig managed to learn that before Garth was divorced, he lived in Botsford Downs.

Craig left the meeting that night feeling more optimistic than he had in a long, long time. This was a group of people he could relate to. They had survived divorce and its aftermath. The best part was they were more than willing to share their knowledge and experience. He particularly enjoyed meeting Garth. Craig hoped to spend more time with him and hear his story.
His ex-wife Loretta sounds like a knockout.
W
onder why they split up?

* * *

Lorne Davis was in his office preparing for an impending default hearing. He was reading an affidavit filed by the father. He was explaining why he was in arrears on the order.
Obvious whining by another deadbeat
, Lorne thought.
I’m taking him down.
Smiling, he closed the file. Lorne loved his job.

Doug Anderson buzzed and told Lorne the Director wanted to see him immediately.

“
Do you know what it’s about?”

“
Nope,” Doug said. “But apparently he’s very angry.” Doug could scarcely mask the joy in his voice. He knew Charles Talbot was upset with Lorne about something important. Talbot’s secretary had told him. He hoped this was Lorne Davis’ day of reckoning.

The Justice Department usually appointed the Director of the Office for Support Order Enforcement from within the organization. Charles Talbot was no exception. From his law school days at Harvard to his fifteen years at Justice, Charles had proven to be an exceptional litigator with a keen legal insight, a sharp mind and an amazing ability to quickly recall minutiae from every case. He was an excellent administrator who abhorred disorganization, unprofessional behavior and unresolved conflict. A summons to his office was never trivial.

Lorne waited outside Director Talbot’s office like a schoolboy waiting to see the principal.

“
The Director will see you now, Mr. Davis,” Talbot’s secretary said. “Would you like a coffee?”

“
No thanks, darlin’. Won’t be a coffee kind of meeting.”

The Director didn’t like Lorne Davis. On Talbot’s first day on the job, Lorne made the mistake of calling him Charlie.
No one called him Charlie. Not even his own mother called him Charlie. Anyone who called him Charlie was immediately corrected and placed on an imaginary black list—forever.