West of Nowhere (17 page)

“I wouldn’t worry about your dad if I were you. I hear wedding bells in his future.”

“Yeah, maybe. I like Barbara.”

“Then you’d be off the hook.”

“It doesn’t feel like a hook, but I know what you mean. I never worried about Pop while I was in Norfolk until my mom got sick.” She pulled around to the carport in back. “But if he got married again, he’d be okay. And who knows? I might put in for a transfer back east to be close to Madison again.”

That would certainly be an ironic twist, Amber realized. Even if she got training and a good job out here, she’d have nothing at all invested in California if Joy left.

* * *

It was after eleven on the East Coast, way too late to check in with Madison. Joy intended to call her the next morning but talking about her with Amber made her want to connect now, if only for a few seconds. Rather than call she did the next best thing, which was to watch a video she’d taken of Madison shouting into the Grand Canyon in hopes of hearing an echo.

What would Madison think of Amber? Joy had been reluctant at first to let her know she’d picked up a stranger on the side of the road, and the more time that passed without saying anything made it that much harder to broach the subject. Once she did, Madison would probably get silly and say Amber was her new girlfriend.

The idea made her face heat up, not because it was far-fetched, but because she could imagine herself getting tongue-tied trying to answer. Of course Amber wasn’t her girlfriend but that would lead only to more questions, like why wasn’t she?

Because…Amber didn’t like girls that way. Joy wasn’t totally sure that was true. The only time Amber ever mentioned her ex-boyfriend was to call him an asshole, and she wasn’t shy at all about her sexual taste for women. Whether she preferred one or the other wasn’t even the real issue. Amber seemed to prefer what she happened to need on any given day, and that made Joy unwilling to take a chance. Syd had been that way too—whether she admitted it or not—and left the moment a better opportunity came along.

Then there was her father’s observation that she was always looking for a damsel in distress. Joy admittedly loved the feeling she got from coming to the rescue. It was one of the reasons Dani hadn’t appealed to her, because Dani didn’t need anyone, at least not in the desperate sense. She was strong and independent, and even the one time they were intimate, Joy had been left with the feeling that she hadn’t brought anything special to the party. Whatever Amber’s experience had been fooling around with her girlfriends, it was nothing compared to how Joy could make a woman feel when there was love between them.

A crack of thunder startled her and she closed her laptop.

“Come on, Skippy. It’s okay.” It was Amber’s voice just outside her camper door.

Though the yard was lit only by the porch light, Joy could see her crouching figure underneath the deck. “You need some help?”

“He’s afraid of thunder. He ran under there.”

Huge drops of rain begin pelting them as Joy tried coaxing him out with a cracker. Amber grabbed his collar the moment he came within reach. A bolt of lightning lit up the yard and they raced to the camper door with Joy shouting, “Let’s get in here.”

Once inside, she dried off and handed Amber a fresh towel.

“Thanks. Where the hell did that come from? I’ve been here nearly six weeks and haven’t seen a drop of rain, and then all of a sudden the bottom falls out of the sky.”

“Welcome to fall in the Bay Area. Once it starts, it can last for weeks. Just be glad you don’t work outside like I do.”

“Speaking of where I work, I hope Shep didn’t get caught in this.”

“He’s a big boy. I don’t think he’ll melt.”

“Maybe he’s holed up with Barbara making some lightning of his own.”

Joy put her hands over her ears and shook her head. “If he is, fine…but please don’t make me think about it.”

Amber set her towel aside and leaned back against the cushion of the dinette seat, her nipples straining against the wet cloth of her tank top. “Bet you didn’t know he’s been thinking about your love life. He asked me the other night if there was something going on between you and me.”

A deep breath…then another. “What did you tell him?”

“That I thought it was all in his head because I hadn’t seen anything…and trust me, I’ve been looking.” She leaned across the table until she was only inches from Joy’s face. “So if you’re trying to tell me something, you’re being way too subtle.”

Joy tried to swallow and found nothing but air. “I wasn’t…I didn’t…it probably wouldn’t be smart.”

Amber’s bravado dissipated instantly and she leaned back again, folding her arms over her chest. “That’s too bad. I kind of liked the idea, but I can see why you’d have problems with it. You want someone with a better track record who can take care of herself.”

“It’s not that, Amber.” Just hearing her disparage herself made Joy want to reach out and prove her wrong. “I like you…and of course I’ve noticed you. How could I not? You’re a pretty girl, you’re fun to be with…but I didn’t want you saying yes just because I have power over your job. It wouldn’t be right for me to push myself on you.”

Before she knew what was happening, Amber was beside her, pressing into her chest and forcing her backward on the couch. “What if I said it was okay for you to push?”

Joy surrendered to her kiss, tuning out all the warning sirens in her head. Amber was an adult, capable of making her own decisions, and after six weeks on the job had to be secure enough to know she didn’t have to do this. That made it okay to enjoy, and Joy squirmed in the tight space to pull Amber onto her lap, never breaking their kiss.

It was only when Amber’s hand slid upward to cup her breast that the ringing bells made themselves heard.

“No…no.” She grasped the hand and held it at bay. “I can’t do this with you, Amber.”

“Seemed to me like you were doing it just fine.”

With a gentle buck, she nudged Amber out of her lap and onto the bench beside her. In just those few moments, it was as if the temperature in the tiny camper had gone up twenty degrees.

“It isn’t as simple as that, not for me.” There was a lot of baggage she could unpack to explain what was stopping her, but those six years she’d lost with Syd weren’t Amber’s fault. The lessons she’d learned, however, were ones she’d never forget. “I’m a lesbian. I never made a choice to be this way. I just discovered it in myself and accepted it. I need to be with someone who understands that, and who feels the same way.”

“So I’m not gay enough.” Amber was clearly offended.

Joy sighed. “Being gay isn’t just about sex. It’s a whole lifestyle. We see the world differently.”

Amber abruptly rose and wrapped the towel around Skippy. “Got it. Maybe I can take a course and get certified.”

She didn’t even bother to close the door as she sprinted into the house beneath a downpour.

* * *

Joy was probably right after all, Amber realized. All she’d accomplished with her daring kiss was to put her job at risk. There was an uneven distribution of power between them—Joy had it all. And as usual, she couldn’t just accept Joy’s reservations with maturity, or even a dose of humor, which would have defused the awkwardness. No, she did what she always did, which was to get off a parting shot that made rational discussion impossible. No wonder she’d been fired from practically every job she’d ever had.

After making sure Shep wasn’t home yet, she pulled off her wet shirt and pants and slung them over the shower rail to dry. If Joy didn’t like her mess in the bathroom, that was just too damn bad. Wrapped in only a towel, she’d started for her room when the back door suddenly opened.

“I just got a call from Pop. He’s at the hospital with Barbara. She had a reaction to something she ate at dinner.” Joy was still in her jeans but now with a dry shirt and a raincoat. “I need you to come with me so you can bring Pop home. I’ll wait until we see what’s happening with Barbara and then I’ll drive her car home…with her in it, I hope.”

Concern for Barbara trumped everything else on the short ride to the hospital, and neither of them brought up the incident in the camper or how it had devolved into a spat. Joy adopted her usual take-charge persona, making sure Amber knew to park beside the ramp when they got home if it was still raining instead of in the carport. Then she scanned the hospital layout and indicated the best place to transfer her father into the car so he wouldn’t get wet.

In the emergency room waiting area, Shep sat at the end of a long row of chairs, his hair and jacket still damp from the rain. He was clearly distraught.

“Is she okay, Pop?”

“Jesus, I’m glad you’re here. Yeah, they gave her a shot. They want to keep her a little longer but she’s already better.”

“That’s good, Shep,” Amber said, draping her arm around his shoulder as she took the chair next to him. Regardless of her situation with Joy, Shep was her primary responsibility, and this was where she needed to put her energy and focus. “How about you? Are you okay?”

“Fucking useless is what I am,” he grumbled. “There she was—turning purple, for Christ’s sake—and she had to help me into the car before she could drive herself to the emergency room.”

Joy squatted in front of him and took his hand. “You’re not useless, Pop. You know this is just temporary until your shoulder gets better. Then you’ll be back to doing everything for all of us again, just like you always have.”

“She’s right, Shep. Any other time, you would have had it all under control. You’re already a lot stronger than you were a few weeks ago and it’s only going to be a couple more months before you’ll be back to your old self.”

If he was placated at all, he didn’t show it. Instead, he looked at Joy and tipped his head in the direction of the nurses’ station. “Go check on her again, will you?”

As he dismissed their words of reassurance, Amber’s heart broke for the old guy. For the first time since she’d known him, he seemed to be feeling sorry for himself.

“Would you like to go home? I can take you. Joy said she’d wait and bring Barbara’s car.”

“I think I’d rather stick around if it’s okay with you. I want to make sure she’s all right.”

“That’s fine too. What about if when we get home, I stay over at Barbara’s tonight just to keep an eye on her? Joy could sleep in my room.”

He looked up and nodded, finally showing a bit of eagerness. “That’s good. And maybe I should stay over there too. She has a recliner in the living room I can sleep in, but I’ll need some help getting this chair up the back stairs.”

Joy returned looking visibly relieved. “The doctor said the antihistamine did exactly what it was supposed to, and she’s doing just fine. They want to watch her for another thirty minutes or so and then she can come home with us.”

Amber walked Joy to a private area of the lobby and filled her in on their plans for the night, expecting a pushback. Joy would probably want her father in his own bed, and would be just as adamant about being the one to take charge of Barbara…since she always took charge of everything else.

“He really wants to do this, Joy. It’ll be easy. I can sleep on the couch over there in case either of them needs help.”

“That was good thinking. He’d be up all night if he wasn’t right there watching over her. It’ll put his mind at ease, and it’ll put mine at ease if you’re there with both of them.”

There was something different in Joy’s expression, and it was more than gratitude. It was respect.

“Look, Joy…about what happened earlier. I’m sorry I spouted off. Whatever reasons you have…they’re okay, and you don’t have to explain them to me. You guys have been really nice and I should have left well enough alone.”

Joy put her hand on Amber’s shoulder—like a big sister. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I won’t. From here on out, I’m just going to focus on doing my job.”

“I don’t get it, Madison. You’ve always gotten good grades in math. What’s different this year?”

“I hate it,” the child whined from the computer screen. Joy had never seen her so disgruntled about school. “It’s too hard and my teacher gives too much homework.”

Though Joy felt bad about giving Madison grief over school, especially on a Saturday morning, it was obvious Syd wasn’t helping her over this rough patch. From where she was sitting, she wasn’t even sure Syd was doing anything at all.

“School’s supposed to be hard, honey. If it weren’t, you’d already know everything and you wouldn’t have to go.”

“But it’s not fair. Even when I try real hard, I still get the answers wrong. Luke says I’m stupid because I’m half black.”

Joy bit her tongue to keep from saying something obscene about Luke, who had been in Madison’s class since second grade. “Someday Luke will grow up and be ashamed of himself for saying that. In the meantime, all you have to remember is that I’ve known you a lot longer than he has, and I think you’re very smart.”

She was visibly cheered by the praise, grinning into the camera of her tablet. “I got a B-plus in spelling. I missed ‘protein’ because I thought it was supposed to be ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’. What’s the point of memorizing all the rules if you’re just going to break them?”

“Good question. If I knew the answer I’d be a genius.” Joy didn’t want to spend any more time nagging Madison about school. “What are you doing today? Is the sun shining?”

“Yeah, but I can’t go outside. Mom and Mitch went to get some new tires for his Camaro. He loves that car like it’s a person.”

“You’re home by yourself?”

“It’s
okay
,” she said, emphasizing the word. “I’m not a baby. Besides, it’s just for a couple of hours and I’m not allowed to do anything but play with my tablet and watch TV.”

Joy didn’t like it much, but it wasn’t entirely unreasonable to leave a nine-year-old alone for a little while in a familiar place. “Fine, but what are you supposed to do if there’s an emergency?”

“Call you.”

“I’m too far away to help. What if the toilet runs over and you can’t get it to stop?”