Wet (11 page)

I nod. “Yes, her light bulb burned out.”

“Light bulb?”

The pipe-smoking Viking appears ruffled.

“Gee Elle, you struck me as the type of woman who could handle anything, certainly a burned out light bulb.” He gives me a wary look.

Ha!
He’s suspicious of us now.
I should feel bad for being delighted, but I don’t at all.

“Oh, Paul is only telling half the story. Aren’t you, Paul? The heavy hanging light fixture was the issue.” She punches me semi-playfully in the shoulder.

I nod. “Really heavy.”

“And as a matter of fact Paul was just leaving.”

I’m being asked to leave?

Well screw that.

“I
am
leaving. Great to meet you, Stephan. And thanks for the lasagna, Elle. Sorry we made such a mess in your bedroom. I think I got some dirty footprints on your bed.”

The expression on the Viking’s face is priceless. I think I’m seeing some shades of green breaking through the bronze toner it looks like he’s sporting.

Elle starts scurrying about to push me out the door and distract him. Is the Viking’s booty-call a bust?

“Bye!” I call out right as the door shuts.

I’m sitting in my car, contemplating going back inside, when my cell phone goes off.

It’s a text from Elle.

Dirty footprints?

I text back a smiley face.

Her response makes me smile.

Asshole.

Chapter Six

THE MAN TRAP

T
hat night as I lie in bed I think about Elle and how I wish I knew what to do about her. She’s the most unpredictable woman I’ve ever met. One minute she’s getting me worked up with that dirty mouth, the next she’s baking lasagna and apple pie like one of those 1950’s T.V. moms.

It’s confusing because I’m constantly fighting off the urge to get close to her. Maybe it’s because I grew up being taught that divorce damages people and they carry that into their next relationship. I can’t disagree since Elle still talks freely about her disappointments. My mom taught us to never date a divorced woman or we’d regret it . . . what would guarantee that the same thing wouldn’t happen to us?

Besides, after how I’ve changed my life, could I really date a girl who was willing to screw everything from a germ-a-phobe to a finger sucker? Where would I stand in her illustrious Tinder line-up?

I toss and turn until I finally make up my mind. I’m going to tell Ma that she can finally hook me up with that Sunday school teacher at her church. Maybe it’s time I see if what I think I’ve been wanting was worth the wait.

At our family dinner Ma glances up at me with a hopeful look. “Are you serious, Paulie? You’re really going to let me introduce you to Lourdes?”

“Indeed I am.”

She claps her hands together. “She’s the sweetest lass, and has the most gorgeous shiny black hair. It’s curly, with ringlets down her back. Oh, Poppa! Just think of the babes!”

Dad gives her a warm smile. Hell, they’re practically goo-goo eyes. He must really want grandkids too.

Trisha sets down the chicken leg she’s been gnawing on. “Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Ma’s pulling off two set-ups in one month. Surely this is a new record.”

I shake my head. “It’s not a set-up. Lourdes hasn’t agreed to go out with me yet.”

Ma has a smug smile. “Oh yes she has! She hasn’t left me alone since I showed her your picture!”

I narrow my eyes at her. “And what picture was that?”

“The one of you crossing the finish line,” Dad says.

I feel my ears get hot as my blood pressure goes up. “You showed her that high school track picture?” This picture was infamous in my family for reasons I try not to think about.

Trisha starts howling like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard. “The one where his thing is falling out of his track shorts?”

“That’s the baton,” Ma insists.

“How many times do we have to go over this Ma? The relay baton is black not flesh colored.”

“Enough!” I roar.

“Stop provoking your brother, Patricia,” Dad demands.

“Lourdes said you look like a young Ryan Gosling,” Ma says to distract me.

Trisha rolls her eyes. “Apparently a really young Ryan Gosling.”

“And that you’re quite the athlete,” Ma continues.

“She did,” Patricks agrees. “I was standing right there.”

“Great! Who else witnessed this? Father Murphy?”

Ma shakes her head. “No, although I did show him the picture and he said you’re a very fine specimen of a man.”

“You showed it to your priest?” My temples are throbbing. Maybe my head is going to explode.

“Of course, he always asks about you.”

“But not as much as Lourdes does,” Patrick says.

I pound my fist on the table. “If we don’t drop this now I’m not calling her!”

The resulting silence is deafening. They must really want me to take her out on a date.

I decide that I better go to church with my clan to see what I’m getting into. For all I know she may be trying to set me up with some well-meaning girl with bad breath. To impress the ladies I put some effort into my appearance, I even wear a sport- jacket, which makes my mom swoon. She struts into church like we’re two peacocks.

Honestly, I tune out the sermon, it’s not really my thing, but I like the choir part. This church has an impressive group of singers. That’s what you get for living in a city of wanna-be performers.

When it’s time to go socialize Ma links her arm through mine. Everyone seems surprised to see me. Has it really been that long?

We’re near the table with platters of sugar cookies and bunt cake when a small sparrow of a woman catches my eye. She’s tiny with huge light-blue eyes, but the most startling thing is the contrast between her porcelain skin and her thick head of black ringlets that trail down her back. She looks like she’s from some kind of mythical world.

She gives me a shy smile and twists a ringlet around her finger.

Ma pulls on my arm and nods her way. “Lourdes,” she whispers.

Smiling, I nod. I have to admit there’s something very intriguing about her.

Right as we approach, a little kid grabs her, throws his arms around her waist, and cries out, “Miss Solaris, Cindy said I was ugly.”

She gently pushes him back so he can look up at her and she runs her fingers through his hair. “Jeffrey, sometimes kids tease each other just to get a reaction. And look—it worked. The best thing you can do is to ignore such silly comments. You’re very handsome.” She taps him on the tip of the nose.

He instantly blushes and breaks out into a wide grin. “Thanks, Miss Solaris!” He runs off, and all is well in his little world.

Damn, if only life were that easy.

Ma seizes the moment. “Look who I have here, Lourdes. It’s my Paulie!”

I smile, reach out, and shake her hand. “But you can call me Paul. It’s much more dignified.”

She smiles back. “I’m happy to meet you, Paul. I’ve heard so many nice things about you.”

“All lies,” I tease. I look to our right where the little boy ran off. “You were really good with him.”

“Oh Jeffrey. He’s such a sweetie . . . such a sensitive boy. All the girls love him but he just doesn’t get it. Of course one day he will.”

“I sure wish you’d been my Sunday school teacher.”

“Yes? Who was yours?”

“Old Mrs. North. She used to smack our hands with rulers when we didn’t memorize our Bible verses.”

“She did not!” Her rosebud lips are making a little “O” shape. I bet those lips would be fun to kiss.

“She did!”

Ma scoffs. “Quit telling stories, Paulie!”

“And you’re much prettier than she was. I’d have had a crush on you like Jeffrey appears to have.”

Lourdes cheeks color. “That’s very sweet.”

I decide to just go for it. She’s certainly pretty and kind, and Ma likes her. That’s as good a start as any.

“So Ma here wants to set us up, don’t you Ma?”

She smacks my shoulder. “Paulie!”

“Well don’t you?”

“Yes, but you don’t need to advertise it. I thought you were smoother than that.”

I wink at Lourdes. “Sorry I’m not smoother.”

The corners of her mouth turn up. “Oh, I like a man who’s direct. That’s very refreshing.”

“Would you like to have dinner next week, say Friday? There’s a new bistro on Melrose I’ve heard is good.”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

Pulling out my phone, I put her number on my contact list and then call her so she has mine. She looks happy. This dating thing is very different than hooking up.

“So is it true you said I looked like a young Ryan Gosling?”

She throws her hands up to cover her face. “Oh my goodness, I’m so embarrassed!”

“It’s okay. I considered that a compliment.”

She inches her tiny pale hands down. “Oh, it is a compliment. He’s a very handsome man!”

I grin at her. “Well thanks again. I’m going to get Ma home, but I’ll look forward to Friday.”

“Me too!” she replies.

Ma gives her a squeeze before we go to find Patrick and Dad. When Lourdes waves good-bye, her sweater slides down her arm and I notice a tattoo that looks like a cross on her wrist. It kind of weirds me out. What if she’s a religious fanatic? She probably wouldn’t put up with my apathy. I decide not to worry about it before we’ve even had a date.

As we walk away Ma turns to me. “Goodness, Paulie! Where’d you learn to be so dashing?”

If she only knew about how wild of a player I was. I’ll spare her the truth. “It was all those old Cary Grant movies you used to watch, Ma.”

She grins widely. “Of course! Oh, how I love that man!”

Over the next few days I wonder how Elle is doing but I don’t call her. Is she still with Sterile Stephan the sponge bather? I wonder if he ever got over my comment about dirty footprints on the bedspread.

I decide to wait to talk to Elle until after my date with Lourdes since I want to give Lourdes my full attention. Little did I know that I’d have a big old surprise at our weekly family dinner.

Trisha looks like the cat that caught the canary. “Patrick has a date!”

“You do? With who?”

“Well, Elle of course!” Ma says with a grin.

“I’m taking her to the science museum Sunday. They have a kinetics exhibit I thought she’d like,” he replies.

“What makes you think she’d like kinetics?”

“She said something that night at dinner about how things are always on the move for her.”

“And to you that translated to a kinetics exhibit.”

His expression falls and I feel like an asshole.

“You know what, Patrick? Actually, that’s a really cool idea for a date. I like it. It’s different.”

Ma gives me a smile of approval.

“She seemed excited about it,” he agrees. “And I hear you have a date, too, Paul.”

“Yes, I’m seeing Lourdes tomorrow night.”

“That’s outstanding.” He gives me a thumbs-up. It’s like the two of us for one brief moment finally have something in common.

Later over banana pudding I ponder Elle agreeing to go out with Patrick. Now that we’ve established we’re friends I can’t believe she’d do it just to make me jealous. Maybe she really wants to go out with him. I guess stranger things have happened.