Wet: Part 2 (26 page)

She nodded but sat quietly. She still didn’t look up.  

“But if I penetrated you—that’s just it—I don’t know. I don’t know what the fuck I—
we
did.” He carefully corrected himself after her little objection. “I don’t
think
I did.” His eyes darted to her and he corrected himself again. “
We
did. I didn’t see any blood.”

He let out a shaky breath. He slowly and hesitantly turned his gaze from her. It wasn’t enough. He had to close his eyes to ask the hard question.

“You
are
a virgin, right? If I had—” He cleared his throat. “Penetrated you, there’d be blood.”

Rhees didn’t answer. It was as though someone had sucked all the air out of the bathroom and he had to look. She appeared sick. She
was
sick, she drank too much the night before, but she looked a different kind of sick as she sat stoically on the floor, trembling.

“Rhees?” Based on what he’d witnessed since he’d known her, Paul knew he’d pushed her farther than she could handle. He sighed and then retreated, hoping to bring the focus back to himself—bring her back. “There wasn’t any blood. I didn’t deflower you. Rhees? I think we’re okay.”

She finally nodded and he watched as she slowly came back from the dark room she’d locked herself in for those few seconds. They sat silently for a while until his disgust with himself got the better of him again.

“This is entirely my fault, not yours, but no matter what I did, exactly—it was too much. It should never have happened.”

“I wouldn’t have cared,” she said in a soft voice.

“Oh my God.” He snapped back to frantic. “God damn it, Rhees.”

It didn’t matter anymore what he might really be saying or trying to make her understand. She’d tried to tell him she could be okay with more physical intimacy but he’d made it clear. The idea repulsed him. She only heard rejection and she knew why he’d want to reject her. She stood and hesitated, unable to decide what to do, yell at him or run away. She did both. 

“I’m not a fucking idiot! I understand plenty! I understand you hate the idea of being with me, and I don’t blame you. Actually, I am an idiot. I get it, okay? I just thought things might finally be different, but nothing’s dif—I—I’m still dirty.” Her shoulders went limp and she stopped herself. She’d never come so close to spilling her personal feelings aloud, she never allowed herself to even think them. She looked around the room a few times, as if lost, as if she’d lost her bearings in the small room.

She ran out of the bathroom, but it wasn’t far enough. She needed to get away, but she couldn’t think straight. She ran out the door and headed down the long hallway of the hotel.

Paul heard the door slam.

“Aw shit!” He jumped out of the tub and ran out the door after her.

He didn’t catch her until she’d made it to the elevator and stepped inside. He grabbed hold of her and dragged her back out before the doors closed again. She fought, but he ignored her attempts to get away, holding her to him until she finally gave in and hugged him back. She buried her face in his chest and cried.

“It’s going to be all right. I promise.” He let her cry it out, but winced at his own words. He’d just made a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep. No, actually, he’d made one before. He’d promised she’d leave their island the same way she’d come, and though he hadn’t broken that one exactly, he’d come too close. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how much he had changed her.

She would never be the same again and it wrenched his conscience, unable to decide if it was a good thing or not. She once couldn’t bear him touching her. He knew that wasn’t good. How seriously messed up does a person have to be, to hate being touched as much as she once did?

She didn’t mind
his
touch anymore and he thought that was good, but only for a second. Now she didn’t mind
too
much. Maybe he hadn’t done her any favors after all. He believed himself to be the last man she should get so comfortable with. The fact that she still freaked out when anyone else touched her only added to his concern.

He’d come too close. Yeah, he felt sick inside and needed to get his mind off this line of thought. He winced again because he couldn’t help himself. He squeezed her to him even tighter. He knew she’d be better off without him, but he never wanted to let her go.  

“You are aware we just locked ourselves out of our room?”

Rhees shook her head as best as she could without having to break contact with him. His chin rested on the top of her head and after quietly holding her for several minutes, he spoke calmly, soothingly, and began rubbing his hands up and down her back. It felt good and she started to feel better.

“The key is in my jacket, on the counter, in the room, behind the door that is now shut . . . and locked. My phone is in there too. We’re standing at the elevators on the top floor of a five star hotel. We slept in our clothes. Neither of us is wearing shoes.” His chest vibrated with a quiet chuckle. “My mom would die. She’d say something like, ‘People will think we’re a bunch of hillbillies or trailer trash’.

“My dad always responded to her social concerns by saying, ‘Dude . . .’.” Paul laughed again at his dad calling his mom, of all people, dude. “‘You can take the trash out of the trailer, but you can’t take the trailer out of the trash’. I never really understood what that meant when I was a kid.” Paul’s chest shook with another chuckle. “You know? I haven’t had a fond memory of my parents in a very long time. My very prim and proper mother and my dad who grew up poor, but clawed his way to the top, how they ever wound up together will forever be a mystery. ”

“Opposites attract,” she mumbled into his shirt. 

“Falling in love is a curse enough. Falling in love with your opposite, someone you have nothing in common with, makes it even worse.”

She looked up to see his face, hurting and hating how he’d just reconfirmed he could never fall in love. Not with her, or anyone else. She rested her cheek against his chest again and breathed him in as deeply as possible, wishing he hadn’t been so damaged as a young boy. She understood why she would never deserve his heart, but sadly for him, she believed his brother and the girl who stole Paul’s innocence were the real curse. She didn’t want to cry again.

“At least we both have our clothes on,” she said. “That’s pretty lucky considering you just got out of the tub.” 

Chapter 21

T
he gang had brunch, the last thing they would do together for another year. They all had flights to catch and would be heading their separate ways until the next Testosterfest. The men, nearly inseparable through junior high and high school, realized as they got older, their friendship would eventually take a backseat to real life. They’d come up with the idea to take one week a year to revisit their wild, carefree days. Taylor and Bryce still lived in Miami and got together occasionally, but David had taken a job in Washington D.C.

Paul had missed a couple of years when he
got lost.
His friends were happy and relieved to finally find him again, via his father’s team of private investigators, but Paul refused to return to Miami for any reason. Every now and then, the three men made their way to the island for a one-on-one visit with him, but as predicted, Testosterfest had become the only opportunity they had to all get together at the same time.

The girls on the other hand, would probably never see each other again. They just didn’t know that yet. Of the three, Ashley, at the beginning of the week, may have had the best chance of returning, but David had finally decided to take Paul’s advice. He’d confided in Paul how meeting Rhees, and seeing the two of them together, made him realize there really were more important things to look for in a woman. He mentioned he was toying with the idea of taking a ski trip to Utah that winter and asked the guys if they wanted to join him.

The mood among the group seemed more subdued than it’d been all week. Everyone was tired, a little sad about parting, and hungover, but no one missed how much quieter Paul and Rhees seemed to be, toward each other. He’d pulled his chair closer to hers and sat, leaning toward her with his arm over the back of her chair, marking his territory as usual, but he never touched her and they never made eye contact.

“Rhees, are you all right?” Liz asked. “I hope you won’t let the way that jerk had his hands all over you ruin your impression of the whole vacation. I know, after the way you reacted to Taylor’s hug, it must have really upset you, having that complete stranger getting so personal.”

The look on Paul’s face made Liz’s voice falter. The color drained from his face. Rhees watched Liz expectantly.

“When did that happen?” Taylor shook his head. “I don’t remember anything after I drank the wine at dinner,” he said to get a laugh. David and Bryce laughed too, nodding and comparing their own memories, or lack of them.

“Liz?” Paul asked, anxiously. She gave her eyewitness account of the incident, including the fact that Paul had been ready to slug it out with Taylor at the moment it happened. Jeannie filled in a few holes from her own point of view and everyone glanced around at each other in uncomfortable silence. They’d all witnessed Rhees’ reaction to someone she knew, Taylor’s hug, and were sure she’d have a problem with the new revelation.

“I don’t remember a thing.” Rhees laughed and leaned back in her seat. “Wow!” she said thoughtfully. “Alcohol is useful for so many things. The list just keeps growing. I wish I would have known, years ago.” She refused to look at Paul.

Everyone laughed, except Paul. The new information only made him feel sick inside, more than he already did. 

oOo

Paul and Rhees sat in their first-class seats, headed home. They’d been in a quiet mood the whole flight, not angry, just quiet as they reflected on the circumstances.

“I’m sorry I overreacted this morning. I just
really
didn’t want anything like that to happen. I’m so sorry that it did. I shouldn’t have.”

“Paul, I don’t believe for a second that you forced me to do anything, so stop beating yourself up. I’m just as much to blame.” She looked out the window of the plane when she whispered the next words. “And I said I didn’t care.”

Paul thought about her comment at brunch. She seemed a little too relieved she’d been too drunk to remember the new creepazoid. It probably was a stroke of luck, for her sake, though he had to wonder if her disappointment about not getting it ‘over with’, hit her for the same reason—she wouldn’t have to remember that, either.

He let out a frustrated sigh. He didn’t want to argue again. “Okay, but let’s make sure it doesn’t happen again, all right?”

She shrugged indifferently, and he sighed again.

A few minutes later, still at a loss for words, but hating the silent treatment, he playfully bumped her shoulder with his own. She looked over at him, finally, and he gave her a cheesy grin, trying to cheer her up. She gave him a faint smile and he took her hand in his, brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. She rested her head on his right shoulder and snuggled up to him while he caressed the hand he still held. They sat quietly for a while, but they both felt a little better.

“Rhees?” Paul sounded somber. “Why did your brother run away from home?”

She hadn’t thought about her brother since the night she’d mentioned him to Paul. She moved one shoulder up and then down.

“I don’t know. I was only ten. My parents never really let me in on it. He was seven years older than me. He was born, and then my mom couldn’t get pregnant again. When she finally decided she’d never be able to have another baby, voila, she got pregnant with me.”

Paul reached for her hand and held it.

“I remember a lot of yelling. My parents would send me outside, or to my room when they started up. I could hear the yelling, but not what they were saying. And then one day, they were all screaming at each other, and Perry just walked out and never came back. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. My mom worried about me. She always worried about me, but she had to sleep with me for a while, because I guess I had nightmares then too.” She had to stop long enough to keep her composure, realizing how much she’d come to depend on Paul the way she’d always depended on her mom.

She didn’t like the realization that Paul had taken, not only her dad’s place, but her mom’s too. She suddenly wondered how she’d manage if he left her too—when. It was only a matter of time.

“Hey.” Paul kissed her forehead. “There’s nothing wrong with wishing painful things could have been different, that I know from experience.”

“Why do you have to be so wonderful?”

“Wonderful?” He humphed, showing his doubt about her description.

“Man. I really am such a baby.” She leaned into his lips and he kissed her again. “Perry and I were never that close because of our age difference, but we were family. It really scared me that he could just leave us like that. He just walked away and never came back, never said good-bye, never gave us a second thought or second chance.” She’d always believed he left because of her.

“Rhees,” Paul said a while later. He was nervous, hesitant. “I—I’ll tell you why I ran away from home if—” Her eyes shot to his. That topic had always been unquestionably off limits. “If you’ll tell me . . . why you don’t like to be touched.”

“No,” she said definitively, without having to think about it. She seemed to have thought better of it, as though she didn’t want to give him more reason to be curious. “I know how hard it is for you to even think about that part of your life. I don’t want to know.”

She’d outmaneuvered him by making it sound like he’d be the one who would have trouble keeping his end of the deal. He glanced down, sad and even more worried. 

“I could do it. It wouldn’t be hard, now, not anymore, not with you.”

“No,” she snapped again, but then quickly forced a smile. “I don’t know why. There
is
no reason—it’s just one of my crazy OCD issues. It’s not a big deal.” She tried to laugh, but didn’t sound convincing. “I don’t react that way anymore—not with you.”

He nodded his agreement and decided to let it rest, but the nervous tick in his mouth became very active the rest of the flight as he realized he would need to do a little research when they got home. He didn’t really want to, but he couldn’t make the nagging go away. He needed to learn more about victims of child abuse.