What a Lady Craves (37 page)

“Honor, always honor.” She glared at him, willing him to see. At least he now realized she would not marry him simply for honor’s sake. “And yet you claim honor led us to this point.”

“I thought to preserve the honor of two friends.” Wincing, he plunged his fingers into his hair. “They would not have trusted anyone else with the secret. I was there, and I could help. I do
not expect you to accept that as an excuse, but it is the fact of the situation. Nothing I ever said to you was a lie.”

“You omitted things, and that was just as bad.”

“I did. I cannot deny it. But at the same time, I understood what Marianne was requesting of me—what Harry would have wanted had he been alive to ask. Harry loved Marianne the way I love you.”

The words pounded her straight in the gut and knocked the breath from her lungs. Bugger it. Bugger
him.
If only he’d declared his love before he’d gone to India. And then what? The knowledge would not have changed any of the hurt she’d experienced at his betrayal. If anything, the pain would have been multiplied.

But what if the feelings are new? What if they’ve deepened?
Damned annoying voice in her head. It was doing nothing but adding to the emotional turmoil seething inside her.

“I would have done anything to preserve your reputation,” he continued, “had you been in the same spot. I felt bound to step in.”

“And honor will ever bind you.” How much easier to ignore his declaration.

“Yes, it will. But if I’ve realized anything in all this, it’s that one may face two choices and both of them involve losing one’s honor somewhere. I chose as best I could, given the circumstances. I know now that I chose wrong. All I could think about was sacrificing my happiness. I never stopped to consider I was sacrificing yours, as well.”

The back of her throat stung, as her feelings welled. If he was expecting a reply, she couldn’t give it.

“I’d beg your forgiveness,” he went on. “I’d even beg you to stay, but I do not deserve such. In fact, since my return, you’ve given me more than I could ever dream.”

Her cheeks heated. Was he referring to their single night of passion? Yes, she’d given that night, given him something she’d never have back.

“You have taken my daughters in hand and shown them such … love”—the word slipped shakily off his tongue—“without expecting anything in return.”

This was about his girls? A vague sense of disappointment allowed her to find her voice. “They have also not deserved what life has handed them. To lose so much so young. Helena in particular. She’s lost the chance at both her parents raising her. The least I could do was open my heart to them.”

“I thank you for that. Although my aunt, in her infinite wisdom, has seen fit to tell the girls that you would make an ideal mother to them.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” Damned busybody. She’d be happily quit of Lady Epperley. At one time, she might have looked on her return to her family in the same light as Wellington retreating at Waterloo, but some situations were not to be borne. “You can’t be saying you agree.”

“It happens I do. If things had worked out differently, if things had worked out the way they were meant to, you would have been those girls’ mother.”

“Not those girls,” she pointed out too quickly, no matter how many times she’d had a similar thought.

“The mother of my children, then.” Heavens, he said that with such hope, and yet a thread of despair wove through the syllables. “I’ve realized something else through all this. My feelings for you have never changed in eight years.”

“You wanted me then, as you want me now.”

“No.”

He struggled again, enough that she went to him and helped him sit. He leaned into her embrace, and she breathed his exotic, spicy scent … for perhaps the last time.

“No,” he repeated. “I’ve come to realize that I loved you from the start, and for eight years you’ve held a place in my heart. Nothing I’ve been through has dislodged you. You’ll still be there the day I die. In India, I cut you free when I shouldn’t have and to my everlasting regret. It’s worse now, in a way. I now realize what we might have been.”

She closed her eyes on a spate of tears at the might-have-been. Lord help her, she knew now, as well. Damnation, but she wished she didn’t.

He pressed the ruby into her palm and closed her fingers about it, squeezing slightly before letting go. “Take this and make your way in the world. And know you’ll never be out of my thoughts.”

Never out of his thoughts. Oh, dear Lord, if only she hadn’t heard that. If only she hadn’t heard the rest of his confession. In fact, she should have sent him to blazes when he ventured into her chamber.

To sacrifice his chance to start over so she could begin a new life. What was he thinking?

She opened her fist and looked at the ruby. It nestled in the center of her palm, reflecting the sunlight filtering in from the window. Despite the flaw bisecting its center, the jewel’s facets threw red sparks onto the coverlet. Her skin glowed red through the gem. Doubtless a London jeweler would give her a handsome price, enough that she might live in some small way on the proceeds. True independence, at last.

He’d robbed her of one life, yes, but now he was offering another.

“I … I don’t know how to thank you.” She croaked the words through a tight throat.

“I only hope …” He stopped, his words just as thick. He held her gaze, the spark in his eyes as intense as any light thrown by the gem in her hand. “Someday you’ll find this makes up for the wrong I did you.”

Heaven help her, she could not look away. “Not someday. Now. I do understand.”

“Then perhaps you’ll allow me one final kiss. As a goodbye.”

Lord only knew, she ought to refuse, but the pure fire of emotion in his eyes would not be denied. He reached up, and the pads of his fingers grazed her cheek and neck in a caress whose heat lingered long after his touch eased away. She leaned closer, seeking more contact. More of him.

Gently, as if she were made of nothing more than dust and shadow, he brushed his lips against hers, pulling away far too quickly. She followed, unsatisfied with such a shallow touch. After all he’d meant to her, she wanted to leave with something more to show for it. Her mouth clashed with his, and she relived for a few, all-too-brief moments the passion between them.

Do you remember this?

God help her, how could she ever forget? Not only did she remember, she also wasn’t ready to give it up. Not with the possibilities that still existed between them. Both of them stood on the verge of a new life—one they might even consider sharing. Abruptly, she pulled away.

Alexander gasped for air, as if he’d just run a race. That fire still burned in his eyes.

We go together.

His words to her the night they made love echoed through her mind, fraught with potential. He’d referred to their mutual pleasure, but the utterance might connote so much more. A vision flashed before her eyes. She and Alexander walked along a rocky shore, hand in hand, while Francesca and Helena ran ahead of them, laughing. They might go through life together yet, a chance he’d offered since his unforeseen return.

She could give him back the gem, and they could help each other start again. Together. As they’d once been separated, they no longer needed to be. All she had to do was stay.

Next time.

Yes, he’d said that, too. There could be a next time, and she held the power to decide that.

I want you. I want this. Again and again.

Blast it all, so did she.

I’ll never stop wanting.

Heaven help her, if he asked her to stay with him now, she didn’t think she’d resist the temptation. She was doomed to never resist him.

“Henrietta …” He reached up and touched her again, the lightest of caresses on her cheek, trailing down to her neck. “Hang it all, say something.”

“I …” She could hardly admit to her sudden indecision. If she did, he’d leap in, press his advantage, say something that would convince her to change her mind.

“Deuce take it, I swore I could let you go, but I cannot help myself. I want you too much—for you. And I’ll do whatever it takes to convince you. Will you stay? Please?”

Unable to speak through the flood of emotion in her throat, she nodded.

He leaned forward to claim her mouth in a deep but all-too-brief kiss. “You’ll marry me this time?”

“More than that.” She could do no more than rasp the first words, but her voice strengthened with each syllable. “I’ll love you, as well. I never loved anyone the way I loved you.” The line echoed out of her memory to fall on her tongue. She’d wanted to say that very thing to him ages ago. “I know that because my feelings never changed.”

He gripped her jaw, his fingers framing her face, and his smile transformed his battered features. “Then you’ll marry me as soon as possible?”

At his eagerness, a giggle bubbled through her turmoil. “I’d be a fool not to. At least, if you take it into your head to leave the country again, you won’t have any choice but to bring me with you.” She pressed the ruby back into his hand. “It looks as if I won’t be needing this. Sell it, so we can settle in England.”

“And here I’d taken you for an adventurous sort.”

“Perhaps, but I’ve had as much adventure as I can tolerate for the next few years.” With her fingers, she smoothed the fine lines above his brow. “Meanwhile, you have your family’s affairs to settle, and friendships to repair.”

“I can do that. But first I mean to make up for eight years of hurt.”

A lifetime of happiness would certainly suffice.

She leaned in and kissed him. “The hurt is forgiven. The time apart? That’s something you can make up for.”

He smiled. “As soon as I’m better, I’ll keep that promise.”

And so the first of the three friends lived happily ever after, and his life worked out as it was meant to. When the happy couple announced their intentions to their family, the closest person to the evil stepmother in this story observed, “Naturally, you’ll marry. Albemarle predicted this turn of events ages and ages ago.”

Dear readers,

Thank you so much for reading Alexander and Henrietta’s story. I hope you enjoyed it.

To find out when the next book in the series,
What a Lady Demands,
will be available, please subscribe to my newsletter. A sign-up link is available on my website:
ashlynmacnamara.net
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Want to help an author out? Reviews, both the positive and the negative, are one way a reader can get involved. Please consider taking a few minutes to post your thoughts on this book.

And now I hope you’ll bear with me while I send out a few thank-yous.

As always, to my wonderful agent, Sara Megibow for being there and believing. To my amazing editor Junessa Viloria for the same.

To my critique group for their thoughtful feedback and eagle eyes.

To Maggie Jagger for plotting this story with me on one of our drives to Ottawa.

To Caryl and Lizzie and the rest of the KOT crew for listening to me moan and on top of that for pushing me to write more.

To the Lalalas, especially the sprint group, because I wouldn’t have got this done without your pushing and your suggestions. I owe Lynn Cahoon especially for the idea behind Tilly’s name and the name of his shop.

To Elizabeth Essex for suggesting the cat—a cat, I might add, who ended up changing everything.

To the Secret Curtsey Society for their moral support.

To Valerie Bowman for her helpful feedback and her eleventh-hour consultation (along with Tracy Brogan) on appropriate historical terms for male anatomy. Those emails are one of the best parts of our job!

To my husband and daughters for putting up with the amount of time I spend living in my own little dreamworld.

Until next time!

Cheers!

Photo: Nicole Morisco

A
SHLYN
M
ACNAMARA
is the author of
A Most Devilish Rogue
and
A Most Scandalous Proposal.
She lives in the wilds of suburbia outside of Montreal with her husband and two teenage daughters. When not writing, she looks for other excuses to neglect the housework, among them knitting, reading, and wasting time on the Internet in the guise of doing research.

ashlynmacnamara.net

Did you know August is Romance Awareness Month? It give us the perfect excuse (as if we needed one!) to immerse ourselves in some wonderfully romantic stories. And we have just the perfect ones. So wind down the dog days of summer with these great Loveswept reads.

We’re incredibly excited about
New York Times
bestselling author Ruthie Knox’s steamy new contemporary romance series set in New York City—if you haven’t yet experienced a Ruthie Knox book, you need to get
Truly
ASAP! You won’t regret it. Laura Drewry also returns this month with the witty and tender romance
Prima Donna,
which features a sexy love-shy doctor. Sidney Bristol proves that desire can be the most dangerous drug of all in her erotic tale of sensuality and suspense,
Committed.
And speaking of hot—have you seen the cover for Ashlyn Macnamara’s
What a Lady Craves
? It’s positively sizzling and the story is too—it’s a delicious tale of two souls torn apart by circumstances and reunited by fate. Then we have Vonnie Davis’s fantastic novel
A Highlander’s Obsession,
where two wandering souls discover that true love needs no words. And if you haven’t yet discovered Cecy Robson’s sensational Weird Girls series—or just want to return to where the magic first began—pick up a copy of
A Curse Awakened,
the prequel novella about four sisters coming to grips with their unique supernatural powers.