What A Rogue Wants (24 page)

He reached for her suddenly, and with
the memory of her mother’s last spanking fresh in her mind, she
shoved her chair backwards out of his reach.

“
Madelaine
.” He dropped his hand and
sat very still. “Goddamn,” he whispered. “Did your father beat you
as a child?”

“
No.” She was very glad
he’d not asked about her mother. She’d never told a soul about the
spankings she’d received from her mother every time she’d been a
disappointment, but now that she was remembering them, she was
shocked to realize just how many she could recall, and the pain of
what her mother called “a simple spanking”.

He studied her intently for a moment
before speaking. “Who beat you?”

Heat flooded her cheeks, and she
swallowed convulsively against the feeling that her tongue was
tied. “N-n-no one.”

His eyes glittered as he stared.
“Madelaine, you’re lying to me.” His voice was low and fierce.
“Tell me. I’ll keep your secret.”

His scent of freshly washed male
surrounded her. When had he moved his chair closer? Their arms
touched and their legs brushed. She glanced worriedly at Louisa,
but the woman’s eyes were closed and her mouth was hanging open.
Wonderful, her chaperone, her lone defense against her own desire
for Grey, was fast asleep. Discomfited, she pressed her fingers to
her temple and took a deep, calming breath. “My mother didn’t beat
me,” she said without stuttering, so it had to be true. “She s-sp―”
She clenched her teeth and took another deep breath. “She spanked
me when I deserved it, which was quite a lot given how disobedient
I was.”

He slid his arm around the back of her
chair to rest on her shoulders, while he smoothed her hair in a
repeated, calming fashion with his free hand. “What sort of
spankings?”

She sighed at the relaxing feeling his
touch brought her. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against
his arm. “The typical sort with her hand and sometimes a leather
strap.”

“
And did it hurt very
much?”

“
I don’t know.” But her
bottom screamed now in remembrance.

“
Madelaine
.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him.
His face was inches from hers. She tried to draw back, but he slid
his hand to the base of her skull and held her locked in place.
“Did it hurt?”

He’d not relent until he had his
answer. She could see it in the dark glint of his stormy gaze.
“Yes, it hurt. Terribly. I usually couldn’t sit the next day. Are
you satisfied?”

She tried to turn her face from his,
but his other hand came up and captured her chin. “No, I’m angry as
hell. Did your father hit you too? Because if he did―”

“
No,” she said as sharply
as she dared with two people sleeping so near. “As far as I know,
he never had an inkling Mother hit me. He was gone often to see the
king and on various trips, and when he came home Mother would
always be upset with him for having been gone as long as he was. I
think they were too busy arguing over how much he was gone to talk
much about me other than for Mother to bemoan what a failure I was
as a proper lady.”

Grey looked at her as if he was
struggling with some great emotion. He stroked her bottom lip with
his finger, igniting that familiar fire he’d lit before deep in her
belly. “I’ll never hurt you, or let anyone else hurt you
again.”

The shock of his lips on hers silenced
anything she was about to say and allowed him complete access to
her mouth. His tongue slipped inside like silk, but burning hot. He
explored her mouth gently with erotic strokes until the fire in her
belly started to spread up her body, and a low moan escaped her.
Then just as suddenly as he’d started the kiss, he pulled away but
captured her hand as he did so and brought it to his face. “I wish
we were alone.” His voice was raw and gravelly.

She traced down the slope of his
jawline, and then made herself pull away. “I wish it too, but I
know it’s very good we are not.”

“
Why’s that?” His hand was
again around her shoulder, his fingers brushing lightly back and
forth over the skin exposed at the base of her neck.

“
Because you scare
me.”

“
I scare you?” He stopped
brushing her lip.

“
No, no.” She shook her
head. “The way you make me feel when I’m around you scares
me.”

“
Ah.” He smiled, two
dimples appearing in either side of his cheeks. “That’s different.
That kind of fear I like. You should release yourself to your
fears. A little bit, that is.”

God, the man was impossible. His every
word sounded like an invitation to sin, and she very much wanted to
respond “yes”, but she couldn’t. Yet she could offer him the truth
of her heart. “I’ve avoided you since you told me what my father
said because I was afraid if I was alone with you too much, I would
break my vow to be an obedient daughter.”

“
I see.” He fiddled with
one of the flowers embroidered on her dress. “So you do want me to
continue to court you?”

“
Very much,” she
whispered, suddenly feeling shy.

A crease lined his forehead. “And if
your father won’t relent and give his permission?”

She refused to consider the
possibility. “He won’t refuse me. He’s very reasonable, and I’m
sure his worry has to do with your reputation at Court. But once he
hears how honorable you really are, and I tell him how you cared
for your sister, I know he’ll change his mind.”

“
What if your father is
refusing my courtship because of other reasons?”

She frowned. “What else could there
be?”

Grey shrugged, not meeting her gaze.
“Nothing.” His tone was harsh. “There’s nothing.” He looked up and
smiled. “Together we’ll change his mind.”

She nodded. They had to change his
mind. She didn’t think she could defy her father. His
disappointment would be so great, and there was part of her that
wondered whether it was her mother’s disappointment with her that
had led to her parents’ last argument that had sent her mother
tearing off on her stallion into a snowstorm and her death. “So you
don’t mind waiting to court me?”

“
I’m courting you now.” He
grinned. “And I mind very much waiting for you, but I suspect
you’re worth the wait. Will you consider something for
me?”

“
What?”

“
Will you see me if
someone is always present, and I vow not to touch you again until
we have your Father’s agreement that I may court you?”

“
Yes.” Her husky tone made
her wince. She had to get a little control. It was hard. She wanted
more than anything to spend more time with him. “I’ll see you as
long as someone is always present.” After all no harm could come if
he kept his vow.

Madelaine crumpled the paper in her
hand, plopped onto her bed, and stared into the crackling fire. She
was utterly disgruntled. Why hadn’t Grey kissed her when they’d
strolled in the garden tonight? It wasn’t as if there hadn’t been
ample opportunity. His aunt had left them for a moment to speak
with an old acquaintance. Madelaine had been so sure she’d get a
kiss or at the very least he’d try to hold her hand. He’d pointed
out stars. She kicked her slippers onto the floor. Stars were
perfectly lovely, but she’d wanted his lips on hers not his
knowledge.

She was being unreasonable, but she
didn’t care. This week had been horrid. Grey had kept to his vow
not to touch her like a saint. She wanted to kick herself for
agreeing to his suggestion. The letter she’d just received from her
father didn’t improve her mood.

She’d not been prepared
for him to refuse to come back to the castle. Let alone
under
any circumstances
,
barring imminent danger to herself
or the return of the Prince of Wales from his trip abroad.
His words made it next to impossible to obey his
wishes. If Grey didn’t touch her soon she’d go insane.

She closed her eyes and listened to
the wood pop in the fire grate. There were two choices. She and
Grey could keep on as they had been or they could allow small
harmless touches, such as a brush of the hand or even a chaste
kiss. Butterflies danced in her stomach.

She felt trapped between
desire and duty. What to do? She plucked at her coverlet. Her heart
told her Grey was honorable. Father
would
see reason. Eventually.
Setting her worries aside long enough to dress for bed, she donned
her night rail and looked out at the moon. Was Grey somewhere
gazing at the same sky? Would she see him tomorrow and have to
endure more sweet torture?

She closed the shutters of the small
window. She longed to be alone with Grey and feel his hand cup her
face and his lips crush against hers as they had before. She yanked
back her covers and settled into her cool sheets.

She was sick of the
yearning gnawing at her every waking moment. If she was sure she
could convince her father to agree to Grey’s suit, there was
nothing really forcing her to endure this torture one more moment.
She smiled. That was an easy decision. Why on earth had it taken
her so long to make it? Tomorrow, she’d somehow show Grey that he
needed to break his vow. She wrinkled her nose. However could she
do that without embarrassing herself? She could brush his hand when
no one was looking, or maybe they’d even find themselves alone
again for a moment and
she’d
kiss
him
. The scandalizing thought made
her grin. She was looking forward to getting him to break his
vow.

When she woke the next morning and
learned the queen had unexpectedly departed for Kew with a small,
select entourage of the king’s men, two of the king’s physicians
and all the ladies-in-waiting except for her and Elizabeth,
Madelaine was thrilled. This was perfect. Now, all she needed to do
was find Grey.

Perhaps Elizabeth could somehow help
her come up with a plan to be alone with him for a few minutes.
Madelaine raced through the halls as quickly as she could and
arrived breathless at Elizabeth’s room. She burst through the door
and stopped at the sight. Grey kneeled by his sister’s bed, a
crumpled letter in his hand and an amused smile on his face.
Elizabeth’s face held deep lines of worry. The only noise in the
room was the loud snoring of Louisa, who sat slumped on the
settee.

Madelaine inched open the door and
winced at the loud creak of the hinges. Grey rose and motioned her
over. When she was close to the bed, he drew her near his side. His
unexpected touch sent her pulse soaring. His hand lingered on hers
for the briefest second but even after he released her, her skin
tingled with awareness. “Lady Madelaine, I’m glad you’re here.
Maybe you can convince my sister there’s nothing to worry about.
Nothing I’ve said seems to be doing the trick.”

Madelaine sat and took Elizabeth’s
hand. “Worrying is bad for your recovery. Stop
immediately.”

Elizabeth frowned. “Grey said almost
the exact same thing, but I can’t help but worry when he’s been
called home so cryptically.”

Madelaine’s heart lurched.
“Home?”

Elizabeth nodded. “Foxhaven, my oldest
brother, has summoned Grey home immediately with no explanation.
It’s unlike him to be enigmatic.”

Grey laughed, but it sounded forced.
“Edward is highhanded, Liz. Surely you’ve not forgotten that. He’s
probably taken it in his head that I’ve done something unpardonable
and doesn’t want to write it in the letter because he fears I’ll
avoid him. I’ll go home, soothe his worries, and then I’ll
return.”

Grey’s gaze had locked on Madelaine.
His promise to return made her stomach somersault. “When will you
be departing?”

“
Now.”

“
Now?” She cursed the bad
timing. “How long will you be gone?”

He gazed down. “Possibly a sennight or
two.”

Two weeks? Why didn’t he appear as
upset as she felt? As he leaned down, hugged his sister and said
his goodbye, Madelaine tried desperately to breathe normally, but
catching a proper breath was difficult. Her chest felt compressed,
her throat tight. When he stood and faced her, so near she could
smell the scent of pine lingering on his skin and see the flecks of
grey in his blue eyes, she willed him to touch her.