What About Charlie? (7 page)

He quickly strode out of the den, anxious to get to her. Coming to stand at her door, he knocked. “Charlie?” Without waiting for an answer he opened the door and entered.

****

Charlie heard the door creak and peaked out from under her blankets. Quickly she wiped her cheeks free of tears with the back of her hand.

“Evan.”

He came to stand beside the bed. Looking down at her, his eyes filled with worry, he asked, “Are you ok?”

A beam of moonlight shone through the window, stretching across the room. The moonlight enveloped him, his body bathed in the soft white light, making him look like a Greek Adonis. Charlie couldn’t help but stare. This was the first time she had seen him without a shirt. His chest was sprinkled with curly light brown hair, a trail of it running below the waistband of his pajama bottoms. It was something of a shock to see him this way. She told herself to look away, that she shouldn’t be finding him so attractive, so darn enticing, especially at a time like this.

She looked away from him, her eyes focusing on a design etched in the quilt. She could not look at him. “No. When I close my eyes, all I can see is daddy lying on the ground.”

“You’ve got to sleep, Charlie.”

Evan’s insistence irritated her. “I can’t, Evan. I get in here by myself and I can’t sleep. My mind seems to run a hundred miles an hour. Believe me, I’ve tried to sleep.”

Charlie felt his arm brush hers; her foot momentarily rested against his calf until she quickly moved it away. She felt alarmed and nervous, though she knew it was nothing but a friendly, innocent gesture. But she’d never been in a bed with a man.

They both lay there in a companionable silence. Then Evan reached and grabbed her hand, and gave it a light squeeze to let her know he was there for her. Instead of letting her hand go after a few moments, he kept hold of it.

Charlie closed her eyes, marveling at the warmth of his body, the softness of his skin, the tenderness of his touch. The faint smell of his aftershave tickled her nostrils. She felt her knotted muscles relax, his very presence somehow making her feel safe and secure.

She was so glad Evan had come. She briefly wondered what it would be like to lay by him night after night like this. Would it be like this with another man? Before she drifted off to sleep, she wondered if she would ever find a man who had the warmth and compassion to equal Evan’s. Would she ever find a man who would care for her as much as Evan did?

****

Beams of bright sunlight filtered through the lacey white curtains that hung in Charlie’s room. She opened her eyes, feeling disoriented. She was lying on her side, curled around Evan, her arm draped around his waist. More precisely right below his waist.

Disoriented, she thought what in the world is he doing in my bed?

Then she remembered. He’d come to comfort her, to help her fall asleep. She felt embarrassed.

Nonetheless, Charlie marveled at how wonderful it felt to be snuggled so close to him. She was molded against his warm body, feeling every hard and soft contour of it, from his back against her chest to his rear end pressed against her stomach. Only then did Charlie realize where her hand was resting and how hard Evan’s anatomy was.

She felt a surge of heat run through her, and then suddenly felt foolish. Filled with embarrassment, she quickly moved her hand to her side. Evan certainly didn’t desire her. What she felt against her hand was a natural male phenomenon a lot of men experienced while they slept. Her friend Amy had told her so.

Still, even knowing that, the desire rippling through her didn’t ebb. She was enjoying Evan’s closeness far too much. She should get up and remove herself from the situation and save both of them embarrassment, but she was reluctant to do so. He was still asleep. What harm could there be for a few more stolen minutes?

She had this insatiable need to savor this closeness, to savor his comfort and strength because she knew she would never experience anything like this with Evan again. Just a few minutes longer to enjoy this, she told herself, just a few minutes more.

So, she lay there thinking. Thinking about the day before – the fight with her father, the anger and the hurt they both had experienced, his being gone forever.

Guilt.

She felt immense guilt.

Charlie still couldn’t believe Henry was gone. That he was going to eventually die had been something she’d occasionally thought about, but she’d never expected that it would happen so soon nor so quickly.

Why did she wait so long before going to check on him? Why did their last words to each other have to be mean and hateful? She couldn’t help but think maybe their argument had upset his heart and that’s why he’d died. It was a sobering thought and one she didn’t care to think about, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t dismiss the idea.

Reluctantly, Charlie moved away from Evan, breaking the contact between them, rolling on her back. Sadness and resignation enveloped her. It was time to get back to reality. This moment in time was over.

****

Evan opened his eyes, disappointed that Charlie was no longer curled around him. He knew he was enjoying her warm, curvaceous body pressing against him far too much, feeling much more than what a friend should feel towards a friend. But he couldn’t help it. Charlie snuggled against him felt so right.

He’d awoken about half an hour ago to find her soft hair brushing his cheek, her warm hand resting against him, almost cupping him, giving him one hell of a hard on. He should have moved, but he didn’t. Instead he lay there pretending he was still asleep, not wanting what they were sharing to end.

Evan rolled onto his side and propped his head up in his hand. Charlie looked over at him. She was incredibly pretty first thing in the morning.

“Good morning, Charlie.” Evan’s voice was slightly husky.

She smiled, glad that she had scooted away from him when she had. What would Evan think of her if he’d woken when she had been curled around him? It was a mortifying thought.

“Good morning, Evan.” She couldn’t seem to take her eyes off him.

“Did you finally sleep ok?”

A wide smile crossed her lips. “I did, Evan. Thanks for coming in here last night. I would have never gotten any sleep if you hadn’t.” She searched his eyes. “I’m glad you drove up here last night even though I told you not to.”

“Me too, Charlie. You’re my best friend. My place is here with you.”

Her eyes misted, not from sadness, but from thankfulness that she had such a wonderful friend. “And you know I’ll always be there for you no matter what.”

“I know, Charlie.”

A companionable silence surrounded them for a few moments, then Charlie sat up, her eyes filled with trepidation and sorrow. “I guess I’ve put it off long enough. I’ve got to arrange daddy’s funeral.”

“I’ll take care of everything, Charlie.”

****

The funeral was a small graveside service. Besides she and Evan, there were only a few neighbors and William McGee present. There was no family there. All of the close relatives had died. The same went for her father’s close friends. They had all passed on, too.

During the short service while the preacher talked, Evan kept his arm around Charlie, pressing her protectively against his side. She kept her head bent the whole time, silently crying in the handkerchief that he’d given her. He turned and studied her for a moment; she was pale and drawn. The black dress she was wearing only amplified her paleness.

To Evan’s consternation, Charlie insisted on staying until her father was lowered in the ground. Then he took her hand in his to lead her back to the car, to get her away from all this sorrow. But then she yanked her hand out of his and walked to the edge of the grave. Evan wanted to go after her; he wanted to be by her side every step of the way. But he let her go. She needed to say goodbye to her father. And she needed to do that alone.

She knelt, bowing her head, giving a silent prayer. Standing, she dropped the single red rose she had been holding in her hand on top of the casket.

“I love you, daddy,” she said in a bare whisper.

Then walking around the hole, she knelt by the tombstone that was right next to her father’s grave. She rested her forehead on the cold granite.

Mama, he’s with you now. I tried my best to be a good daughter to you both. I hope I didn’t disappoint you. I love you, mama.

Charlie wiped tears from her cheeks. Then, lifting her head, she put her hand on top of the gravestone, leaving it there a few seconds, and then abruptly stood.

Evan’s guts wrenched as she walked towards him. She held her head high, her shoulders square. She was trying to be brave, to put on a good face for those who didn’t know her like he did. But he could see the loss and desolation lurking in the green depths of her eyes. And he knew at any moment his Charlie could fall apart.

He wanted to whisk her away to his BMW and take her from this place of sadness. But he couldn’t. The mourners needed to pay their respects.

So, he stood silently by her as they did one by one. Mr. and Mrs. Harvey, owners of a neighboring farm, gave her a hug and their assurances that they would help her with the corn and soybean harvest if she decided to keep the farm. Though pain and sadness was filling her heart, she thanked them as graciously as she could for their thoughtfulness and for the casseroles of food they had brought by earlier.

With each person, Charlie kept her tears in check. She was determined not to lose her composure in front of them. She was relieved to look up and see only one person left to give condolences. How she wanted to get away from this place!

William glanced briefly at Evan, who was standing only a few inches from Charlie’s side, gave a curt nod, then turned on his heel, leaving them standing there by themselves.

Evan watched the young man go, feeling a surge of protectiveness for Charlie. He’d seen William’s eyes flash with appreciation for her. He’d seen the longing and want there. It somehow unsettled him that a man was looking at her in such a way.

Evan knew his thoughts were illogical. He didn’t have any right to be experiencing such malevolent feelings towards William. He was acting as if he had some claim to Charlie. Which, of course, he didn’t.

Following William’s back with his eyes, Evan reluctantly admitted what he’d been trying to deny. He had looked at Charlie in the same way William had. Indeed he felt great desire for her himself. The thought made him pause. Then it scared the hell out of him. Was he falling for Charlie?

***

Charlie pulled open a drawer in her father’s cherry wood secretary. She was in the den and paused for a moment to look out a nearby window as she heard faint voices drifting from the machine shed. Evan was out there with Mr. Harvey taking inventory of the farm equipment. She was so relieved when Evan had offered to do it.

It had been two days since her father had been buried. It seemed like an eternity. She spent the afternoon of the funeral and the day after drowning in her grief, lying in bed with her head under the covers, crying, refusing to face the world.

Evan, bless his heart, had been there the whole time, making sure she’d eaten and all her needs were met. Whatever she had needed, he was there to do it. He even slept with her for the past two nights when she couldn’t sleep. Both mornings she woke to bright sunlight with Evan curled around her, his hard maleness pressing into her backside, his arm haphazardly draped around her waist.

Common sense told her to put a stop to all this craziness. Their close proximity for the past few days was affecting her in ways she’d never expected. Her heart hammered when he was near. She actually felt excitement at the thought of his touch; she longed that he would indeed touch her again. Charlie felt consumed with desire.

Sure, she’d felt desire before. But in her past experiences, she’d been able to suppress it, ignore it. With Evan, however, he was on her mind all during her waking hours and he filled her dreams at night. She couldn’t see him enough. She couldn’t touch him enough. She was consumed.

But she didn’t want to have these carnal feelings towards her best friend - feelings that (1) she shouldn’t be having and (2) she never would be able to realize. It was out of the question.

Determined to push the confusing thoughts out of her mind, she went back to her task of searching through the secretary’s drawers. She was looking for all the monthly bills and had no idea where her father put them. He was never one to have a set place for anything. He would often set something down and leave it in the same place until he came back and found it.