What If You Are a Horse in Human Form (4 page)

I had Wednesday off, and during that day I had an intense emotional experience regarding a question that I felt compelled to ask a friend of mine. Before my trip to Palmer, I had communicated with the Horse Ancestors on a few occasions (by their initiation as well as mine). One night I managed to make a brief contact with them, and I saw them (a moving black-and-white image of several horses standing in a misty thicket, looking back at me).

During this contact I had thought about my night manager at work, a kind and grandmotherly German immigrant lady named Heidi. She has several health problems and lives in near-poverty, and at that time she had much sadness in her life. The Horse Ancestors became aware of her through my thoughts, and soon afterward they asked me to relay a most unusual invitation to her. They said (in non-verbal thoughts): “Tell her that when her current life is over, she is welcome to join us—to become one of us.” In other words, they invited her to become a horse!

I relayed their invitation to her (she already knew that I am a horse in human form), and she was intrigued by their offer. The day after that (a Wednesday) was one of my days off from work, and the Horse Ancestors literally “broke in” on my thoughts that afternoon. I had awakened at around 1:00 PM and was lying on my back in bed, thinking about my “to do” list for the day (“Let’s see, I need to go to the Post Office, then the credit union, then the grocery store, and…”). Suddenly, I was standing in a dark void that was as pitchblack as a mine shaft. There was a large rectangular portal in the void just ahead of me, through which I saw a black-and-white image of a large, grassy field.

There was a line of trees around a quarter of a mile away, and there was a single oak tree about sixty feet away from me. Six or eight horses were near and under the tree. Some were grazing, some were slowly walking past the tree, and two of them were standing in front of the tree. These two were a coal-black cart horse (an oldstyle, all-black Shire with heavily feathered legs) and a light-colored draft horse who looked like a Percheron. They slowly turned their heads to face me, and when our eyes met I “heard” thoughts of approval from them. Their thoughts would be translated into English as: “We know what you did (relaying the invitation to Heidi), and we thank you.” Just as suddenly as I first found myself in the black void, I was back on my bed. The whole encounter lasted perhaps five or six seconds. It was not the least bit frightening (although the sudden change of scenery certainly grabbed my attention!), and in fact it was a relaxed and pleasant experience.

Heidi eventually declined their offer, saying: “I love horses and I grew up on a farm with horses, but I would prefer to remain human.” Soon after this, however, the Horse Ancestors gave me another insight about her.

The Horse Ancestors invited Heidi to become a horse because she already has a horse-like soul. (She has always struck me as being like a Suffolk draft mare. Of all draft breeds, they seem to have the most serious work ethic.) In the military and in business, it is said that a good follower makes a good leader (“Before you can give orders, you have to be able to obey orders”). Likewise, a good lead mare would make a good horse owner if the lead mare took on human form. Since Heidi already has the qualities of a good lead mare, she would be an ideal owner for me when I return to equine form.

The thought of asking Heidi to be my owner in the future brought tears to my eyes, not out of sadness (or even joy, although I do feel that at the prospect), but because I had touched something deep and authentic. On Thursday, the day of my final Equine Experiential Learning session in Palmer, I wrote out to Jessica the question that I wanted to ask Heidi because I knew that I would become emotional again if I tried to describe it verbally. After reading it, Jessica said that I should ask Heidi the question.

After I returned home from Palmer, I wrote a five-page letter to Heidi explaining why I wanted to ask her the question. She said YES! The Horse Ancestors were right—she and I are meant to be together as horse and owner in the future. She told me that she had always wanted to have a horse and that she would be very happy to have me as her horse one day. We had a long heart-to-heart talk about this and about spiritual matters in general. The things that I had learned (and had confirmed) during the Equine Experiential Learning sessions put things in a fresh light for Heidi.

During the last session I met Jessica’s herd in the pasture, and they surrounded me. They nipped and pushed against me, and I insisted that they respect my boundaries by blocking their advances with my hands. (Bella and Paint had nipped me during our previous one-on-one sessions while they were following me around in the round pen, and I had blocked them then as well. Paint and Maverick had also backed into me to have their rumps scratched and I had pushed them away, insisting that they stand parallel to me before I would scratch their rumps.)

George and Joe, Trixie’s twin yearling colts, grabbed my coat sleeves in their teeth. I pushed them away and glared at them, and they both made suckling gestures, which is what foals do when they fear punishment from an adult horse. (It translates as: “I’m little. Please don’t hurt me!”) They thought I was about to dispense some herd discipline, and they were right! After a few minutes, the horses all realized that I insisted on being treated as a high-ranking herd member, and then they treated me with respect. They accepted me as a herd member, and I felt a profound sense of belonging with them.

The following month, at Jessica Paul’s suggestion I called Debra Chesnut, a shamanic practitioner in my area. Debra told me that she could perform a shamanic journey (literally, a journey into the spirit world) on my behalf to acquire information that could help me in my work.

She told me that I need not be present for this initial shamanic journey. Also, she said that the less I told her about what I needed, the better (so that details would not “color” her perceptions during the shamanic journey). I simply told her that: “I need your help so that I can more effectively carry out a long-term spiritual task that I volunteered to do.”

After Debra conducted the shamanic journey, I talked with her again soon afterward. She had discovered five things about me during the journey:

[1] I have lived previous lives here, but for some reason the world appears new to me now.

[2] I have a spirit guide with whom I must connect, and who wants to connect with me.

[3] I am (in Debra’s words) very “wide-eyed,” and I see everything from a broad perspective.

[4] I am missing several pieces of my soul that must be recovered and re-integrated via a shamanic “soul retrieval” ceremony. Debra said that these lost pieces need to mature. She also told me that while nearly everyone is missing one or two pieces, it is unusual that I am missing so many pieces.

[5] I have something in my past that I need to work on before I can move on. Debra said that she would deal with it carefully because it might be unpleasant.

When I revealed to her that I am a horse in human form, these five things all “clicked” for her as they had for me. Being a horse who has always perceived the world through equine senses and who then came here in human form, the world
would
look new through these un-equine senses. My spirit guide is Lucy, the wise Arabian cross mare I had ridden when I was a teenager. I am “wideeyed” because that is how we horses (being prey animals) perceive the world, both physically with our eyes and with our other senses, since we pay attention to our surroundings rather than to singular goals or tasks as humans do.

Debra also agreed that being missing so many pieces of my soul might be expected for a horse who took on human form. I told her that there are aspects and traits that a horse soul might need to temporarily “lose” (set aside) to function effectively in a human body. By human standards, they might well be immature. Lastly, she said that she wanted to perform a shamanic ceremony with me present.

On the morning of July 7
^th
, 2004 I went to see Debra Chesnut for the ceremony we had arranged. Before I arrived, she had performed a second shamanic journey on my behalf. She saw a vision of me (in human form) holding a ball, which represented my focus to do my work for the Horse Ancestors. In the vision, I dropped the ball and it rolled away. As she explained to me, this loss of focus turned out to be what had
appeared
to be missing pieces of my soul during her first shamanic journey. (We horses have feeble powers of focus compared to those of humans, so it is not surprising that she saw it as missing soul pieces.)

She also found out that I have
always
been a horse before this life, and being in human form for the first time makes everything in the world look new to me. This, combined with all of the things one must learn and do in order to live in human society, had distracted me and caused me to lose my focus. She also reiterated that I needed to connect with my spirit guide to regain this focus.

While kneeling on the floor in the ceremonial room in her house (a large living room with shamanic symbols on the walls), Debra lit a smudge pot and briefly described the ceremony she would perform with me. She wanted me to relax in a comfortable chair with my eyes closed, then silently (in my mind) call my spirit guide to me and ask the guide to restore my focus. While I did this she would chant, shake her shamanic rattle, and use her ritual drum to enter a trance state (the shamanic state of consciousness, which enables shamanic practitioners to perceive and enter the spirit world).

Once in that state, she would shake the rattle near my ears and forehead to open the third eye, to facilitate my communication with my spirit guide. She also said that she would blow into my heart chakra and head chakra. The first (heart chakra) would help open the communication with my spirit guide, and the second (head chakra) would “set” the focus into my mind. With all of this explained we began the ceremony, and we both got more than we bargained for!

Debra started with the rattle and then moved to the drum, accelerating the beat to enter the shamanic state of consciousness. Then she began chanting. I silently called not only my spirit guide (Lucy the mare), but also Copper. (He was the buckskin gelding who, in 1980, had dragged me, which resulted in the back injury that the Horse Ancestors purposefully inflicted upon me to keep me sensing the world with my body as well as my mind, as horses do.) I also called the other Horse Ancestors. With my eyes still closed, I could hear Debra gasp in amazement several times.

I didn’t see anything in my mind except a faint, allencompassing veil that looked like slowly swirling fog. I also faintly felt the presence of Lucy, Copper, and many other Horse Ancestors. The air in the room literally felt thick with their combined presence. I thought to them: “I am a Shire draft horse, heavy and close to the Earth. Please help me to connect with you.”

To try to help them, I pictured myself in my natural Shire form, looking down my long equine face. At that instant I felt an electric sensation in my upper jaw, and it felt as if it was about to stretch far forward to form an equine jaw. If I had willed it at that moment, I would have slipped out of my human body and found myself in (spirit) equine form. It took a lot of willpower to
not
do this!

Still in the shamanic state of consciousness, Debra blew into my heart and head chakras, and then she gradually slowed down her drumming to return to normal consciousness. She exclaimed “Wow!” after coming out of the trance state, and I opened my eyes. “They have several things they want me to tell you,” she said. Before Debra told me these things, she expressed her amazement at what had happened, saying that: “There were
thousands
of horses who came here to witness this ceremony!” She added, “I have some bad news for you.”

Debra said that
all
horses are the Horse Ancestors, including those of us who are currently in human form. Furthermore, she stated, all of the Horse Ancestors are equals; those who are in the spirit realm are not “above” horses who are living on Earth. She also told me that the Horse Ancestors are in awe of me and of the other horses who have volunteered to take on human form. They understand that it is a great sacrifice for us, and they greatly appreciate the work we are doing for all horses. The equine race is at the point of taking an evolutionary step forward (in mental abilities), and our work here is bringing that about.

Here is the bad news: Debra said, “You can’t go back to being an ordinary horse, because once you’ve evolved you can’t go backwards. You
will
definitely go back to being a horse, but a more evolved horse. You will be the equivalent of a Buddha to horses.” She saw my stunned and slightly horrified expression (I don’t want to be an equine deity). “Relax,” she reassured me. “I don’t mean that you’ll be
the
Buddha to horses, but that all of you horses who are in human form will become wise, guru-like horses who will be leaders of your people. Having lived these lives in human form will make you more evolved horses.” I replied to her (only half-jokingly) that I “just wanted to go back to pulling plows.”

(Two days after the ceremony Linda Kohanov, commenting on what I had told her about the ceremony, said that: “Accepting a role as leader, of horses or humans, is simply a matter of focus, of being able to help others focus, and the ability to share wisdom gained through experience. It is not about dominance or rising above others. That is a purely human, highly egotistical concept of leadership that has caused all species on this Earth to be victimized in some fashion or another over the centuries. Horses who have lived in human form become natural leaders of other horses because after you’ve been in human form, your powers of focus are enhanced immeasurably. Focus is one of the greatest talents of the human species.”)

I asked Debra about the thing in my past that I needed to work on before I could move on. After her second shamanic journey on my behalf, she discovered that it was merely my concern about being able to return to equine form. She said that the Horse Ancestors told her I will
definitely
go back to equine form. She also told me that the Horse Ancestors are watching over me and over the other horses in human form, to protect and guide us.

Debra gave me a shamanic rattle as a gift, and she asked me to use it (while I was still in a state of mind in which I could more easily connect with the Horse Ancestors) to contact them and thank them for their help. I relaxed in the chair again, closed my eyes, and began shaking the rattle near my ears and forehead while Debra shook her rattle in sympathy with mine. I again faintly felt their presence. After I thanked them and ended the ceremony, Debra said that she had seen a mare (it was Lucy, as I had summoned her and thanked her individually) standing in front of me, nuzzling my forehead to open my spiritual vision.

Debra then told me that the Horse Ancestors and my spirit guide (Lucy) want me to contact my guide as often as possible. She added that I needed an object, preferably indigo in color, that I could carry with me and hold to concentrate my intention. This, she said, would make it easier for me to contact Lucy and the other Horse Ancestors, by holding it close to my heart and visualizing the focus in my heart while making the contact. I expressed my fondness for purple octahedral fluorite crystals and Debra said, “Get one!” I bought a nice one a few days later.