What is Love? (48 page)

“You’re pregnant?”
Patty turned to Ellen. “Oh, this just gets better. What’s next? Will Jonathan
suddenly appear
 …
and with a
boyfriend? I feel like I’m in the midst of a soap opera.”

Ellen turned to
Patty. “It does get better. I think it’s time I fessed up the truth.” She
looked at Sam for approval.

Sam smiled with a
shrug. “You tell her. I can’t wait to see her reaction.”

Ellen began,
“Remember the powder you gave me
 …”

Patty looked at
Ellen with a questioning glare.

“I mean, her
 …
to Ellen, over there. I know all
about it. It came from that doctor— the secret guy whose office is in Boston,
above the flower shop on Devonshire Street. Remember?”

Patty looked at Sam
in confusion.

Sam nodded. “It’s
okay, Patty, she knows everything.”

“He’s not there
anymore,” Patty said, shaking her head. “I tried
 …”

“Yes, I heard,”
Ellen said. “And that’s the problem. In fact, it’s a very big problem.”

“How? Why?” Patty
asked.

“You could call it a
side effect
 …
right?” Ellen
looked up at Sam.

“Some shitty side
effect,” Sam said with laugh.

“Yes, well, I took
the powder. I am actually Ellen, and after taking the powder, I woke up in
Sam’s body, as Sam.”

Patty covered her
face with her hands. Brianna and Beth looked at Ellen and then Sam unable to
speak. “This is a joke!” Patty cried out. “Tell me it’s a big joke.”

“No joke. Remember
how they said it could have weird side effects. I think that’s what happened.”
Ellen said, sitting forward.

“But
 …
but you’re
 …”
Patty looked up at Sam. “No. I don’t understand.”

“It’s true, sad, but
true,” Sam said.

“How long?”

“Since the coma, back
in June.”

“So all along, all
this time
 …”
Patty shook her head.
“For over three months now, I have been talking to Samantha Miller, inside of
your
body
 …
and you’re telling me she
isn’t you?’

“Exactly.”

Patty reached for
the wine and refilled her glass, taking a deep sip. She looked at both of them
again, scanning from one face to the other. “It’s impossible.”

Brianna piped in,
“So you are not my mother, and you,” she pointed to Ellen, “are?”

“Yes,” Ellen said,
reaching over to touch Brianna’s hand.

She pulled away. “I
need to process this. I hated you.” Brianna looked over at Sam and pointed her
finger at her. “And you, I trusted you, I told you things, personal private
things.”

“I tried to tell
you, God knows how much I tried to tell all of you. Everyone thought I was
crazy, remember? You thought I was crazy. Patty, even you didn’t trust what I
was saying.”

“Do you blame us?
That’s the most insane thing anyone could say.”

The conversation
died as everyone took in what all of this meant, the full weight of the lies.
They looked around at each other for several minutes, the only sound the soft
jazz playing on the stereo.

Finally Patty broke
the silence. “So who gets Jonathan?”

Everyone laughed.

“You can have him,”
Ellen said, unable to hide her grin.

Patty looked at
Ellen. “So should I call you Ellen or Sam?”

“Good question. The
more important question is could there be a way to switch back?” Ellen grabbed
Patty’s hands. “I am sorry I lied to you, sorry about everything I have done to
everyone, especially Sam, er, Ellen over there.” Ellen pointed to Sam. “I want
to try and fix this. Did you get any extra powder, or do you know anyone who
has some? Perhaps we could copy the formula and try and get someone else to
fill it.”

“I have my doubts
there is any left or that anyone will admit to having any with the lawsuit and
criminal charges underway.”

“Just curious, which
one did I take—the suicide or cancer? I thought it was suicide, but I barely
remember that night.”

“Suicide. It was
definitely suicide. In fact, they were both suicide.”

“Both? One was for
the cancer.”

Brianna and Beth
looked at them, horror stricken across their faces.

Patty moved closer
to Ellen. “I pulled a little deception of my own. I knew that cancer would
never be enough to keep Jonathan, so I filled two of the same suicide bottles.
I never told you because I thought you weren’t in any position to decide. You
needed something drastic.”

“You don’t consider
cancer drastic?” Beth asked.

Patty turned toward
Beth. “Not when your husband is about to walk out on you. That might stall a
few months. Suicide was the only way.”

“And look how well
that worked out,” Brianna added. “What is wrong with you two?”

Ellen looked over at
Brianna. “You’re right, I never should have done it, don’t blame Patty, I
wanted to do it. It was all my doing. I never meant to hurt anyone. I certainly
never expected anything like this.”

“How could you?”
Rory added. “It sounded like a big personal gamble. Who knew what else might
have gone wrong.”

“Yes, well, I
realize this all a little too late. What can I do to fix it? I just wish we
could get some of that prescription.”

“And the psychic’s
powder,” Patty added. “Better get some of that.”

“What are you
talking about?” Ellen asked.

“I played another
deceptive card. Remember those pills the psychic gave you?”

Ellen sat back,
“Yes, why?”

“I opened them and
added them to your prescription powder. Patty held out her hands. “Hey, I
thought they were harmless. I thought they might add a little boost. Remember,
she said they would give you whatever your heart desires, whatever you held in
your mind and heart.”

“Creepy,” Sam said.
“She told me I would become Mrs. Horvath and I would have money and live in the
big house as his wife, with lots of money. How deeply weird.”

“I was to lose my
husband and become poor, but he would love me again. That is weird.”

“What did you think
about when you took the powder? Do you remember?”

Ellen tried to think
back to that fateful night filled with anguish. “Yes, I wanted you to feel my
pain, to lose his love, to lose everything and to know what it was like to
suffer as I did.”

“Ouch!”

“And I wanted to
feel loved by Jonathan, desired the way I once was. To have him touch me again,
make love to me as if I was young and beautiful.”

“This is creepy,”
Sam said.

“I guess we’ll never
get that powder again. She’s long gone,” Patty said, shaking her head.

“Who?”

“That psychic.”
Patty frowned. “Passed away shortly after the event. I went to see her and was
shocked to discover— ”

“Oh no!” Ellen sat
back and rubbed her stomach. “That leaves us unable to change
 …
I honestly hoped we could try it
again. It’s too bad you got rid of all my shoes.”

“Why just the shoes?”
Sam smiled. “You should be royally pissed at me for getting rid of everything—”

“Which shoes?”
Brianna asked Ellen.

“It doesn’t matter.
I put the extra vial in a box of silver dancing shoes.”

“I have those shoes
 …
and a vial.”

“A blue glass vial,”
Ellen said as her heart raced, “almost heart-shaped?

Brianna walked over
to the shelf by the window. She picked up a bottle and brought it toward Ellen.
“Is this it?”

“Unbelievable. Any
chance of an iridescent powder inside?”

“I never opened it.”
Brianna handed the bottle to Ellen.

Ellen stared at it.
“I’m almost scared to open it.”

“Open it!” Patty and
Sam yelled.

Ellen twisted off
the top and smiled. “It’s here. I can’t believe it
 …
it’s the same powder.” She turned to Brianna. “So why
would you have it?”

“Mother
 …
er, Samantha over there, was
purging the closets and getting rid of your things. I told her I would take
them to a charity, but I kept a bunch of sentimental pieces for myself. I
always remember you holding the shoes and telling me about your magical
honeymoon. The bottle was a bonus. I set it on the shelf and forgot about it.”

“Bless you.” Ellen
touched Brianna’s cheek.

Brianna held out her
hand to stop her, then stopped. “I’m sorry, this is still strange.”

“What now?” Patty
asked, taking another sip of wine. “What on earth can you do now? You’re
pregnant.”

“I don’t think it
would work if I took it, I think she needs to do it.” Ellen pointed to Sam.

“I don’t know
 …
what if
 …”

Ellen nodded in
agreement. “I know. I know. I thought about that. It’s entirely up to you. I
want to switch so you can decide what to do about this baby. You should
experience this pregnancy if you decide to keep the baby.”

“I’m not so sure I
want Johnny’s baby,” Sam said, folding her arms across her chest.

Ellen sat forward,
clasping her hands. “It isn’t Jonathan’s.”

Everyone turned and
looked at Ellen. She gave a sheepish grin. “It’s Rory’s.”

Rory turned to
Ellen. “You weren’t going to tell me? I have a right to have a say in this.”

“Yes, but so should
Sam.”

“I’m confused,”
Patty said, setting her wine glass down on the coffee table. “So Rory, you are
going to marry this one over here
 …”
She pointed to Sam. “And have a baby with this one over there
 …”
She spun around and pointed to
Ellen.

“Exactly.”

Patty shook her
head, holding it in her hands. “Talk about Peyton Place
 …”

“What’s that?” Sam
asked.

“An old soap opera
filled with scandal and deception.”

“Yeah, that about
sums this up,” Ellen agreed.

“So what now?” Patty
asked.

They looked around
the room, studying each other’s faces, waiting for someone to speak.

“Well, I for one,
think I’ve had enough of this body and want mine back,” Sam said.

Ellen walked over to
Sam and held her hand. “And I want to give it back to you, I just wish there
were another way, a less risky way. It may not work and then
 …”

“I’m willing to try.
I was willing to commit suicide this morning, remember?”

“You wouldn’t have
done it, would you?” Rory asked, standing beside her.

“Yes, I was
 …”
Sam stopped and closed her eyes.
“I had it all planned, the plastic bag—”

“I can’t believe you
could do it
 …
I don’t want
anything to happen to you. We can—”

“We can what, Rory?
Let her have our baby?” Sam pointed to Ellen.

“We could.”

“It would be safer,”
Ellen added. “Then I could take the powder after I have the baby.”

“No, I want to try
this. I am willing to try. I want a chance to right everything, to live life as
I should have. I can’t explain but I’m not afraid of death, I’m afraid of never
having lived. I know what I want and Ellen, if you’re willing to try, so am I.”

“I am, as much as I enjoyed
being young, I feel like it’s a lie. I can’t have this baby without knowing I
tried to make this right. If it doesn’t work, the worst thing might be that we
are stuck like this
 …
but—”

“No
 …
you’d be dead.” Rory put his hand
on Sam’s hand. “That’s the worst thing. Think about this, Sam. It’s far too
dangerous.”

Sam looked up at his
pleading eyes. “You’re right, I’m in no condition to try anything now, I’m
still too sick
 …
and I’m so
bloody tired, I’d probably never wake up.”

Silence fell upon
them. Brianna and Beth stood. “I think we can sleep on this, there is no need
to do anything. Feel free to stay tonight.”

“She’s right,” Rory
said. “I have to go, but I will be back first thing tomorrow. Sam, you’ll be
okay for tonight?”

“No problem,” Sam
said. “I have two good nurses and I’ll see the doctor tomorrow.”

He leaned down and
kissed Sam on the lips. “Bye, Princess.” Then he turned to face everyone. “Hey,
Patty, need a ride?” Rory asked. “Or you, Samantha-Ellen?—you staying?”

“It’s been a long
day. Sam, I’ll go home and come back tomorrow,” Ellen said, as she walked over
and stood beside her. “I think you should rest, too. I imagine you are
exhausted.”

“Yes, I had quite
the day.”

Ellen grabbed Sam’s
hand and squeezed it, then kissed her on the cheek. “I’m glad you are alive,
and getting better. I hope everything can work out after the baby is born, that
we can fix this and make things right. I want you to be happy. I want you to
have your life back.”

“I want you to have
yours back, too,” Sam said with a laugh. “Nice of me, huh?”

As they said their
goodbyes, Ellen put her arms around Brianna and said, “I am sorry for my
failings as a mother, I hope you can forgive me.”

Brianna looked at
her a moment, then looked at Sam. “This is still so weird to get used to. But
you were a good mom, I didn’t help any.”

“Brianna, you have
the prettiest mom I’ve ever seen,” Patty chuckled.

Ellen reached over
and put her hand on Beth’s arm. “I hope we can become friends.”

Beth nodded and put
her arm around Brianna’s waist. “I guess we have a lot of changes to get used
to.”

Ellen nodded, fully
aware that it wouldn’t be easy for any of them.

Then Ellen, Rory and
Patty walked down the stairs and onto the street, waving goodbye and wondering
what the future would bring.

Ellen awoke slowly,
in a foggy haze. Her head was humming, but she could hear voices in the
distance, as well as a loud thumping and the drone of mechanical air
conditioning. She tried to open her eyes. A warm hand closed around hers with a
reassuring squeeze. Ellen could feel the weight of a blanket on her immobile
body.

“You’ve been in a
coma,” Brianna’s voice spoke softly beside her.

Ellen tried again to
open her eyes. They opened, blurry at first as she looked around the room and
at Brianna, sitting beside the bed.

“You’re in the
hospital. We found you on the floor and called an ambulance.”

Ellen raised her
hands to look at them. They were her old, familiar hands. “I’ve had the
strangest dream,” she said. “You wouldn’t believe it.”

Brianna smiled. “The
doctor said that you might have vivid dreams.”

“How long have I
been out?”

“A couple of weeks.
You really had us worried.”

“I can’t believe how
real my dream was. It was crazy. It felt like it lasted for months, and so many
strange things happened. You would never believe what happened in it
 …
Where’s Jonathan?”

Samantha Miller
entered the room and Ellen stared at her, unsure what to say.

“Hey.” Samantha
smiled, placing her hand on her belly.

“You’re pregnant?”
Ellen asked.

“Yes, I thought you
knew.”

Ellen stared at Sam.
How did she know? The foggy dream was materializing. “What has happened? Why
are you here?” Sam remained motionless. “You’re keeping Jonathan’s baby?”

Sam took Ellen’s
hand. Ellen glanced at the ring finger on Samantha’s hand, at an engagement
ring. “That’s not your ring from Tiffany.”

“No.” Sam smiled as
she touched it, then held it out for Ellen to see. “Rory gave it to me. It was
his grandmother’s.”

Ellen touched the
ring and let go of Sam’s hand. She covered her eyes. “And Jonathan?”

“Dumped him weeks
ago, while you were out—in the coma, I mean.”

Ellen looked at
Samantha and then Brianna. “What aren’t you telling me? Did we switch bodies
and live each other’s lives, and then switch back? Was all this real?”

Sam smiled. “Yes, it
was real. We weren’t sure if you would remember anything after the switch and
the coma. Brianna and I decided not to say anything, to just let you tell us.”

Ellen reached out
and touched Sam’s stomach. “The baby? Is the baby okay? The switch—were you
sick or in a coma as well?”

Sam shook her head.
“No, just another fever for two days. Sienna found me, or at least found this
body, on the floor, and called an ambulance. I went into the hospital but I
don’t know when the actual switch happened. I was delirious for two days, then
released.”

“How did this
happen? I went home, in your young body, to the apartment and went straight to
bed. The next thing I know, I’m here.”

Brianna stood and
gave Ellen a hug. “I better go, see you both later.”

Sam hugged Brianna
as well, then pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat. “That was me. I did it.
I knew you wouldn’t want me to, but I was willing to try. I should have told
you, but I didn’t want you to feel bad in case I didn’t make it.”

“Incredible. I can’t
believe it worked. Are you sure the baby is all right?”

Sam stroked her
belly. “Healthy as can be for fifteen weeks.”

“What about the hit?
Who did it? Did they catch anyone?”

“You remember that
calcium you always took? Well, they tested all your pills and found it in them.
Apparently each capsule was opened and the arsenic powder was added. Some had
more in them, which explains the changes in the symptoms and the timing of
everything.”

“But how? … surely
not Maria.”

“No, sorry about
that, I goofed big-time on that. Johnny did hire her back, with extra pay. Leo
investigated and found a guy who worked on the paint crew that helped with the
renovations. He joined The Painters Who Paint Crew and, coincidently, also got
a job as a janitor at the mental hospital shortly after you were admitted. He
was brought in for questioning and fessed up to everything. The trial for
sentencing will be in a few months.”

“Amazing.” Ellen sat
motionless for several minutes, allowing the shock to settle. “I’m almost
afraid to ask—what is Jonathan doing now?”

“Licking his
wounds,” Sam laughed as she spoke. “I think he was relieved that the baby
wasn’t his and that I wanted out. He’s all yours now.”

Ellen shook her
head. “I’m not so sure I want him anymore.”

Sam patted her arm.
“I wouldn’t blame you
 …”

Ellen lay back and
touched her hands. “I’m me again—only better, an improved model. Remodeled and
repaired. There are so many things I want to do
 …
like start my own business, a real business. I love
designing and creating my jewelry. I honestly think I would be good at it and
eventually successful. What about you?”

“I’m going to be a
mom soon. I might move home with my mom until the baby is born. I get maternity
leave but I haven’t decided yet. But I do know that I want to be a good mom. I
started reading books on babies so I won’t make the same mistakes my mom made.”

“Like marry for
love?”

Sam laughed. “That’s
one mistake I will definitely make. No, I mean all the bad stuff I had to
endure. I want a good home with a stable family life and I want to raise this
baby properly, give it what I never had.”

“With Rory?” Ellen
asked.

Sam smiled and
nodded her head.

“He’s a good man. I
hope you will be happy.”

“It’s funny. I’m not
scared. I had so many doubts about a future with Rory, about being a mom, of
settling down without money—but now they’re all gone. I guess I should thank
you.”

“What on earth for?”

“For helping me see
who I really am.”

“Actually, that’s
what I should be thanking you for. I not only feel better about myself but—this
sounds silly—I feel young again.”

Sam glanced down.
“Sorry about all the surgery. I did get a bit carried away.”

Ellen touched her
face. “I think I can live with it. Maybe tone down a few things.”

“And about all your
stuff. I never should have—”

“My social diva days
are behind me. Besides, furniture can be replaced. People can’t. I want better
relationships with Brianna and Brandon. And I want real friends.”

“Like Patty?”

“Yes, I’m grateful
to have a friend like Patty.” Ellen smiled. “And love
 …
I want to find love again, real love—like what you and
Rory have, what Jonathan and I used to have.”

“So you’ll go back
to him, forgive him?”

Ellen shrugged. “I
can’t see that happening. No. I think I need to be on my own—travel. I might
rent a house somewhere, Italy maybe. I want an adventure, a challenge. I want
to live and be happy, and I don’t think Jonathan fits into any of that, not
now, maybe not ever. And I’m okay with it.”

“He might be
crushed.”

“He’ll be just fine.
There are plenty of women out there looking for a sugar daddy.”

Sam smiled. “Yes,
there sure are.”

Ellen looked up at
Sam. “Do you wonder how this all happened?”

Sam shrugged. “The
psychic, I guess.”

“But do you actually
believe in all that stuff? It’s so far-fetched, so unbelievable.”

“I don’t know, but
it did happen. It really did. How it happened isn’t as important as the fact
that it did happen.”

“And in the end,
it’s all for the better.”

“Yeah, too bad no
one will ever believe us.” They both laughed.

***

Nine months later,
Sam received a registered letter from Italy. Inside the letter, Ellen had
placed a key—a safe deposit key.

This belongs to
you. The box is now in your name. What a clever protective ploy, something I
should have thought to do. I do not wish to have anything inside of it. Keep
the contents or sell them and use the money to buy a house or for security,
whatever you want. I’ve put some extra cash in there as well, for your future
and little Peyton’s future. I will be returning home for the christening and
look forward to seeing all of you, especially my sweet little goddaughter.

Love,

Godmother Ellen

Sam held the key in
her hand and looked at Peyton’s crib, set up in the corner of Rory’s apartment.
She really did have a fairy godmother.