What Mother Never Told Me (5 page)

She browsed the shelves of albums and CDs. She found
Betty Carter’s Greatest Hits
, which included duets with Ray Charles. She put the album on the turntable. The grooves hissed seductively beneath the tease of the needle and the husky timbre of the Godmother of Jazz filtered into the room and wrapped her in the security blanket of every perfect note.

Parris wandered over to the well-worn couch that had a faded cream-colored fabric. She sank down into the surprisingly cushiony pillows, kicked off her shoes and tucked her feet beneath her.

Humming along to the familiar refrain, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” she rested her head on the armrest and closed her eyes. The lyrics played with her, taunted, soothed and carried her off to that place that was all her own. The world she’d created as a child sitting by the Left Hand River listening to the melody
of the cicadas, making time with the bass beat of the bullfrog, serenaded by the sweet soprano of the mockingbird, smoothed and blended by the gentle brush of water over rocks and the rustling leaves of the willow sizzling under the Mississippi sun.

Parris…Parris…

The light was so bright against her eyes. Her eyes flickered open.

“Hey, sleepyhead.”

It took a moment for her thoughts to clear. She struggled to sit up.

She ran her fingers through the spirals as the final notes of Betty Carter’s “People Will Say We’re In Love” drifted away.

Nick lowered himself down next to her.

“So Celeste got you back here safe and sound,” he said.

“We went to lunch.”

“Lunch?” His brows rose. “Really? How did that happen?”

Parris smiled at the look of disbelief on his face. “We were both hungry so we went to get something to eat.”

Nick’s brow wrinkled.

“She’s really…interesting, for lack of a better word.”

“I kind of picked up on that. What I’m trying to figure out is what you two could possibly have to talk about.”

The confessions and secrets that they’d shared over juicy burgers and crispy fries drowning in rivers of red would only be understood by the ones who’d spoken them.

“Hmm, girl stuff.” She stood and stretched her tight limbs. “So aren’t you excited about your new place? What did Sammy say?” she asked, steering the conversation.

Nick’s dark eyes lit from beneath. “He’s probably more excited than I am. He’d always been pushing me to get out from under Percy.” He stood and paced the room as he spoke. “This
is what I’ve dreamed of, worked for.” He shook his head. “I still can’t believe it. And I probably won’t until the papers are signed and we have our grand opening.” He turned to her. “With you as the star.”

Parris stuck her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “There’s a lot of work to be done before then.”

“I know. But if we can get everything in place, a contractor, proper licenses, I think we can be ready by July. That’s what I’m aiming for. Sammy knows some people and I’m sure Leslie will be on board. We’re going to need a staff….”

Parris held up her hand. “Let’s figure out the staff thing and how you’re going to advertise and where. And you need to apply for your liquor license immediately.”

Nick blew out a breath. “I know, I’m running ahead of myself. Did Celeste mention when the paperwork would be ready while you two were having your ‘girl talk’?”

Parris chuckled. “Let’s go over your business plan and work out a checklist in order of priority.”

Nick spread his arms wide. “I’m all yours.”

Her neck heated.

He moved toward her and the world around them seemed to vanish. All she could see was Nick. The bottomless darkness of his eyes, the soft shadow of his beard that outlined his rugged jaw, the expanse of his chest barely contained in the black T-shirt, and the scent of him that loosened her muscles and lightened her head.

Nick touched that hot spot on her neck, sending heat rushing through her limbs.

“This is for us,” he said, his voice low and thick, like the bottom note on the sax. “Everything I do now is for us. Me and you. You need to know that, understand what it is that I’m saying.”

Her heart hammered, raising her shirt up off her chest with its pounding. “Tell me.”

His eyes glided over her face. His lips parted. “In time.” He kissed her lightly on the mouth. “In time.” He took her hand. “Come on, let’s make that list.”

As he led her down the hall toward his office, Parris wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed; only that one day the time would be right for both of them.

“You’re staying with Nick?” Gina squealed through the phone. “I can’t believe it.”

“Me, either,” Parris confessed. She leaned against the headboard and crossed her ankles. It was so good hearing Gina’s voice again. They’d been the two most unlikely people to become friends but they had, much to the delight of the office gossips, as it provided them with more watercooler fodder. Gina had developed a reputation for being “loose,” because she always boasted about her hot dates. No one really knows when all the rumors started, but Parris discovered it was far from the truth. If anything Gina was simply lonely and looking for attention, and a real friend. Parris and Gina didn’t care what other people thought. If anything the alienation from the staffers drew the two closer together.

“So…have you two…you know?”

Parris giggled. “No. We haven’t…you know,” she replied to her friend.

Gina sighed. “Girl, that fine man gave up a business, packed his bags and came way the hell down to nobody never heard of Rudell, Mississippi, to be with you during one of the hardest times of your life and you haven’t jumped all over him! Girl,” she admonished.

Parris chuckled even as she realized how right Gina was. But so much had been happening to both of them, and she was sure that when the time was right they would both know it. The last thing she wanted to do was tumble into a physical relationship with Nick for all the wrong reasons.

Gina switched gears and brought Parris up to date on the happenings at the office. “Frank is still obnoxious. You don’t know how happy I am that you’re out of that relationship. No good would have ever come from it. He wanted to control you, control your life.”

Even while Parris was in the short-lived relationship with Frank, the warning bells of trouble were like oncoming headlights destined for a collision. The end was tragic and inevitable. “All water under the bridge.”

“Which is why I can’t understand why you haven’t crossed the line with Nick.”

“I told you why.”

“Uh, beep, wrong answer. No, you didn’t.”

Parris emitted an exaggerated sigh. “For the better part of the time that I’ve known Nick, his life has been entangled with someone else’s. You know that. He was seeing Tara when we met, not to mention that he was in partnership with her father, Percy. The both of them were pulling strings from every angle. And I was dating Frank—for all that was worth,” she added with disgust in her voice. It was true that the tug between her and Nick was undeniable from the moment she laid eyes on him. They’d done everything short of draw a line in the sand to keep them from acting on how they felt. Until that one time. It was innocent. She’d just come off the stage totally elated from her performance and the thundering response from the audience…

They’d opened with a jazz medley of tunes by Cole Porter, then segued to a collection of songs by Duke Ellington, tossed in some classics from the pen of Gershwin, then changed the tempo with a Chaka Khan ballad, “Your Love is All I Know,” and closed with an original composition by Nick, written especially for Parris’s range and versatility, called “Since I Met You, Nothing Seems the Same.”

The applause was deafening, vibrating the walls, the glass, then slipping out the door to dance on the street and finally running back inside to start all over again.

Parris did three encores, and the crowd couldn’t seem to get enough. Finally she made it to her dressing room as the band played their closing theme, elation running through her in waves that kept her pacing back and forth across the floor, reliving every instant of the set. Something had happened out there. She’d felt it. She’d become one with every note, every dip and curve. She was the music.

“Parris, Parris.” Nick rushed through the door. “Baby, you did it. I just finished talking with Newhouse. He wants to meet you on Monday.”

“Oh, Nick. I can’t believe it.” Her voice cracked with emotion.

“Believe it. Here’s his card.” He handed the card to her, and she stared at it in wonder.

“This is for real, Parris. I told you that you would do it. I knew it!”

Spontaneously, Parris threw her arms around him, and he hugged her to him in return. The moment was simple and pure as they let their happiness spill from one to the other. Then suddenly, the mood, the reason for the embrace, shifted. They were no longer two people simply sharing a moment, they were a man and woman who had fought day in and out to keep a seal on their emotions for each other.

He held her a bit tighter, burying his face in the pillow of her hair…. She trembled in his arms…a soft moan escaped her lips. He leaned back and looked down into her face.

“Parris, I—”

“What the hell is this!”

Nick pulled back, not completely releasing Parris’s waist.

Tara stood in the doorway, her face a mask of injured fury. She stalked across the room.

“Tara, it’s not what you think,” Parris began.

“Shut the hell up, bitch. I’ve had about enough of your shit since you and your country ass came to town.”

“Tara!” Nick shouted, his face contorted into barely contained rage.

“You—don’t you dare. You have the nerve to do this to me—with her.” Tara’s voice rose to a screeching pitch. “If it wasn’t for me and my daddy’s money, you would still be a no-name musician running from club to club trying to put two dimes together.”

“That’s enough, Tara.”

“You wasn’t nothin’ then, and you still ain’t nothin’,” she ranted on, pacing back and forth in front of them, pointing and tossing her head in dramatic fashion. “I made you, and I can unmake you. One call from me to my father and you’re finished, do you hear me! You think I’m gonna sit still and watch this little no-talent, country hick mess up my life, take what’s mine. Hell, no. I’d rather see you dead first.”

“There’s nothing going on between me and Nick, Tara. There never was and never will be. You can’t always believe what you see,” she said, with a calmness that belied the fury and humiliation she felt for herself and for Nick. “I came here for one reason and one reason alone, but you’d never understand that.”

She snatched up her coat and purse and brushed past Tara and out the door.

“Parris, wait.”

She turned, looked from one to the other. “I think you both have some things to work out.” She closed the door quietly behind her and slipped out of the club unnoticed….

The next time she saw Nick was when he’d arrived in
Rudell for her grandmother’s funeral. He’d severed his ties with both of them the same night. Her only regret was that she hadn’t been there to see it.

“I suppose you’re right,” Gina said, easing into Parris’s thoughts and pushing them aside. “It does show what kind of man Nick is.”

Parris drew in a short breath, cleared her head.

“It does.” Nick was a man like her grandfather—hardworking, determined, a man of loyalty and principles. Even in the murkiness that her life had dissolved into it was clear that she’d been blessed with examples to live up to, base her opinions and ideals on, know what she should and should not accept in life and in love. She also knew that the very same examples and teachings were the shackles that were holding her in place.

“While I was back home I found out some things about…my mother.”

“Your mother? What kind of things?”

“She’s not dead,” she began and unwound her story over Gina’s stunned gasp. She told about the letters and the revelations her grandmother made.

“Oh, Parris. I don’t know what to say. All this time…” Her voice drifted off and in the momentary pause Parris sensed that her friend was thinking the same thing she was; how could a mother do that to her child and why?

“What are you going to do?”

“I leave for France next week.”

“What! Just like that? Does she even know you’re coming?”

“No.”

“Do you know where she lives?”

“No. Not exactly.”

“Well, is Nick going with you at least?”

“No.”

“Parris! You can’t just fly off in search of your long lost mother all alone. I know this is important to you but be realistic. What if you can’t find her? You have no way of knowing if that address is any good.” Her voice continued to climb the scales. “And if you are lucky enough to find her, what if she won’t see you? Have you thought of that?”

She’d thought of all those things. In her dreams she enacted every possible scenario, except the ending. It was like those falling-off-a-cliff dreams. You fall and fall, hurtling through the dark unknown, only to be awakened seconds before what would seem inevitable. You survive the fall. And whatever this trip did or didn’t do she would survive the fall.

“I know there’s no point in wasting my time trying to change your mind especially since you have a nonrefundable ticket.”

They laughed.

“You just make sure you see me before you go head off to parts unknown.”

“I will.”

“And try to get some for the road.”

“Gina! You haven’t changed a bit.”

“That’s why you love me. Talk to you soon.”

Parris was getting the hang of this playing house thing. She looked forward to Nick’s music coaxing her out of sleep. The scent of him. His laughter. The weight of his presence that took up space that she wanted to share with him.

They talked every chance they got, about anything and nothing. It didn’t matter. They riffed off the sound of each other’s voices.