What Piper Needs (22 page)

Piper started to laugh.

Caroline’s face was so sweet and earnest.

But Piper was laughing because the relief was overwhelming. Caroline was totally right. “When did you get so intuitive?” Piper asked her pal. “I think you’ve been holding out on me. I should’ve just confessed all my sins to you the day you moved in next door, and it would’ve saved me a lot of time and energy in the stress department.”

Caroline picked up her gin and tonic. “Oh, no, if you would’ve told me back then, I would’ve been totally aghast. Jace and I would’ve likely moved. I would’ve been too intimidated by you.” She took a sip and set her glass back down. “I wasn’t ready then, but I am now. The question is, what do you
need
in your life? What turns
you
on? No more taking a passive role, and no more worrying about your husband. He totally loves you. You’re his sun and moon! He’s not going to stray, and you’re not going to break up.”

Emma nodded. “Caroline is right. You’ve always been all about Michael’s pleasure. But like I told you at lunch a few weeks ago, Michael wasn’t into it like you thought. He just wanted
you
to be happy, so he was playing the role he thought you
wanted
him to play.”

“It sounds like you were both acting the parts,” Gillian added. “Both thinking if you didn’t give each other what the other wanted, you would drift apart or fall out of love. It’s kind of romantic in a weird way. These two beautiful souls who come together and try their best to make the other one happy, even though they’re both going against what they truly desire.”

Piper tried to speak, but there was a lump in her throat.

All the things they were saying rang true.

She just hadn’t wanted to see it. She’d been so worried about losing Michael all these years that she’d become passive to make sure he had what he needed.

The waitress came at that moment and set down their food.

The girls busied themselves scooping it onto small plates. Once Piper had her plate full, she folded her hands in front of her and said, “I want to thank all of you. You’re all right. The root of this is that I’ve been fearful that I would never be good enough for Michael. It was love at first sight for me. He was—
is
everything I ever wanted in a man. Hot, sexy, smart, funny. I think I convinced myself right then and there that he would never feel the same way about me. Our first time together was just
too
perfect, almost surreal. Then we got married, and I couldn’t believe my luck.” She shook her head and took a bite of her flatbread. After she finished chewing, and trying to swallow around her still tight throat, she glanced around. The girls were patiently waiting for her to finish. “Instead of doing what I wanted, I did what I
thought
he wanted, so he’d continue to love me. But in the end I was miserable. It ended up pushing us apart anyway. This past year has been really tough.”

Caroline reached across the table and grabbed on to her hand. “What you don’t see, that we all see clearly, is that Michael is deeply in love with you. And I mean the man couldn’t be more smitten. He’d do anything for you. You’re his person. His perfect soul mate. I think if you asked him, he’d tell you he’s been as miserable as you’ve been all this time. Now you guys are finally back on a track, and that’s wonderful.”

“Yes, and as much as it’s work, the top ten was the spark you needed to be
you
again,” Emma said. “It was a great catalyst. But I think you originally did it because you thought it would make Michael happy, right?”

Piper nodded. “Right. I love the sex, but I hate that it feels planned. Just like all those years of setting stuff up ahead of time. We had the best sex ever the night we went to Le Repas. We went at it in the service elevator like when we first met. It was amazing. That’s what I want. More of that. To feel free, happy, and get my much-needed adrenaline rush.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Gillian asked. “Just like Caroline asked you before, what turns
you
on? Independently of Michael. And I just have to say here that I respect you for what you did for your guy, consciously or not. I’m the polar opposite of you. I do everything
I
want, and everyone else can fuck off. But now that you’re bringing all this up, I don’t even know if Brad loves what we do. He seems into it, but is he
really
? That’s something for me to ponder. I love my man, but I’m also one selfish bitch.” She took a drink of her beer. “I don’t know if I could even change my ways if I found out he wasn’t into it.” She shook her head. “I’m going to have to do some soul searching of my own.”

Piper grunted. “I’m selfish in all other areas, believe me. I want what I want, when I want it. I don’t even know if kids are in the cards for us because I like my life to myself. But that’s a discussion for another time. But what turns me on? Just me? God, that’s a good question. I’ve been in the same holding pattern for so long, I’m not even sure. The first thing that pops into my mind is I want to do something brand new and exciting. I want to be floored and totally surprised by sex, and not worry, at all, for one second, about my husband’s pleasure. But at the same time I want to surprise him. To tell you the honest truth, I’m so tired of being worried about my sex life and my marriage, I just want to
be
. Does that make sense?”

There was nodding all around.

“It makes total sense,” Emma said. “And if this works for you, I might need to take a page out of your book and try it for myself. Like you, I’m constantly wondering if Pete is happy, if he’s turned on enough, if what we’re doing makes
him
happy. It’s exhausting. I think I’m in the same boat. What he and I really need is a vacation.”

“Then take one,” Gillian urged. “There’s nothing like getting away for a while to figure out what you like about each other—and don’t. Vacation is the ultimate equalizer.”

“Michael and I took a minitrip not too long ago,” Piper said. “But we weren’t in the right head space to figure anything out. My husband’s workload is always heavy, so we’re never able to go on a long trip. But I agree with Gillian. You should plan something big and fun. Total relaxation and lots of sex!”

“I agree wholeheartedly, Emma. You deserve a vacation.” Caroline addressed Piper. “What’s at the top of your wish list for sex? Maybe you can incorporate that into your top ten as the very last thing you do? Once it’s over, you tell Michael everything and get it all off your chest. It’s kind of a must to talk to him. If you don’t do that, you can’t heal this old wound.”

Piper downed the last of her martini. “I know I’ll have to talk to him, but that doesn’t mean I want to. Thinking about telling him all this still makes me queasy. He could just as easily say this is not what he wants, then what?”

“He’s not going to,” Caroline answered. “He’s going to be happy that you’re happy. You’re going to have to trust me on that.”

Piper nodded.

“She’s right, you know,” Gillian said. “Michael is going to be massively relieved when all this is settled. Once it is, you guys can start experimenting again like I know you want to. You just brought up attending an orgy the other day. That’s not for someone who wants to take a passive role in her sex life. That’s someone who wants to jump in with both feet. In fact, that’s what I think your new start should be. You go to the orgy and balls-out have a great time, and don’t worry for one second about your husband. Make it about you and your new beginning.”

“Wow,” Caroline commented. “That would definitely be jumping in with both feet. I think it’s a bold idea. If you can get through that without a breakdown, I don’t think you’ll have anything to fear from that point forward.”

“I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a long time,” Piper conceded. “I think it would be empowering on so many levels, and you know, I’d really love to not give a shit for once. I don’t think you can give much of a shit when you’re at an orgy.”

“I actually think it sounds like a perfect plan,” Emma said. “Something that will wake you the fuck up and shake up your insides.”

Piper shot Emma a look. “You crack me up. You’re like a ballerina on the outside and a badass on the inside.”

Emma buffed her nails against her shirt and blew on them. “Yep. I really try to nurture my badass side. She doesn’t get to come out very often.”

“I like her. She stays,” Piper told Emma. Then she turned to Gillian. “If I decide to attend this orgy, balls-out, how about you and Brad join us?”

It took Gillian a second, but then she grinned. “As your wingmen?”

“Exactly.”

21

__________________________

____________

M
ichael and Jace were on Michael’s sofa in the den off the kitchen, their feet propped on the coffee table. They’d already eaten the pizza Michael had ordered and were reclining with a few Buds, watching the game.

Michael glanced over at Jace. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” Jace replied, not taking his eyes off the game.

“I think I told you Piper and I are doing this top-ten sex list thing, right?”

“Yeah, you mentioned it when we were putting in your TV. Caroline told me about it, too.”

“What did Caroline say about it?” Michael asked, curious what Piper’s best friend had relayed to her husband.

He shrugged and took a shot of his beer. “She didn’t say much. But the other night she seemed to think Piper wasn’t that into it.”

Michael’s eyebrows raised. He already knew that, based on their conversation at Le Repas, but it was surprising that she’d already shared her feelings with Caroline. Or maybe it wasn’t surprising. “Did she mention why she didn’t think Piper was into it?”

“She said Piper is more spontaneous than that and prefers something more organic.” Jace glanced at him, grinning. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. She also said Piper told her she’s loving every minute of sex with you again.”

“Again?”

Jace coughed and then took another gulp of his beer. “Dude, it’s not that she was dissatisfied before, but I guess whatever you’ve been doing lately is more to her liking. I don’t know. Caroline is usually talking about this stuff right before we’re about to get busy. I’m distracted by her body and what she’s doing more than what she’s saying to me. It’s in one ear and out the other.” There was an interception, and Jace jumped off the couch and wooted his approval.

Once he sat back down, Michael asked, “Has Caroline mentioned anything about Piper’s worries or fears?”

Jace raised his brows as he looked over.

“The reason I’m asking is I’m going back and forth about whether I should take her somewhere, but I’m leaning toward no. It’s the last thing on my top five, but I’m not sure Piper will want to do it.”

“No, Caroline hasn’t said anything. But if Piper’s not into the top-ten thing, I’d suggest scrapping it. There are plenty of ways to have good sex. No need to stress her out.”

Michael nodded and took a drink of his own beer. “That’s exactly what I’m thinking. I think I’ll scrap it. We had the best sex ever in the elevator at Le Repas. By the way, you need to book that place
immediately
. Your wife will love it. But in the end, I don’t want to jeopardize the good thing we’ve got going on by taking her someplace she doesn’t want to go. I just wish I could get Piper to talk to me. That’s the only reason I haven’t made a final decision. I was hoping to feel her out.” He set his empty beer can on the table.

“Where do you want to take her?” Jace asked.

“It’s called the Sexual Underground. It’s a white-collar orgy. Very secretive. But I managed to get us on the guest list for this Saturday. Orgies have always been a fascination of hers, and mine, for that matter. But since she had her breakdown, it’s never come up again. I don’t want to freak her out. It’s not worth it.”

Jace shook his head. “I agree. Not a lot of women like to be blindsided when it comes to that kind of stuff.” He laughed good-naturedly. “I don’t know what to tell you, man, except to keep the conversation open. Women are hard to figure out. They want one thing, then they don’t, then they do. I love my wife, but I never want to see her as unhappy as she was that night we left the Slaters. That killed me. She’d have to hit me over the head and knock me unconscious and drag me to something like what you’re talking about. As of right now, that’s not in the cards for us.”

Michael grinned at him. “Never say never.”

“I’m saying never for right now,” Jace replied. “Things are going so well for us in that department, I’m sure as hell not going to mess it up.”

Michael sized Jace up. “Don’t you find sex between just the two of you a little mundane after you’ve experienced the sexual rush of doing it when others are around? If Piper and I decide to leave the lifestyle behind, it’s going to be a big switch. But, honestly, if that’s what makes her happy, I’ll do it.”

“It’s not mundane at all,” Jace answered. There was sincerity in his voice. “We’ve figured out together what makes us tick. It didn’t end up being other people for us. It was the
idea
of other people. Maybe we’re just lucky that way. Caroline has fully embraced her fantasies, and let me tell you, that girl has ridiculously hot dreams. I can’t get enough. If I repeated them to you right now, you’d go find Piper immediately. They’re that smokin’.”

“I envy you guys for figuring it out,” Michael said. “I hope to be there soon. I’m ready for Piper and I to find our happy place.”