What Remains_Mutation (21 page)

Chapter Thirteen

Harper pressed her back against the wood siding, listening for movement in the building beyond. An owl hooted in the distance followed by the lone cry of a coyote. The simple beauty of the familiar sounds eased the unsettled feelings still twisting her gut into knots, and she took a soothing breath, inching the door open then darting inside. It looked like it had several weeks ago when she’d hidden out in it with Lelin. Only this time, she wasn’t worried the guy next to her would stab her in the back, though the three tagging along behind her might do well with being tied up. Given a little lesson in how to tame some of those alpha tendencies inside them. Even if the spanking they’d given her had been the hottest damn sexual experience she’d ever had.

She cleared the lower level, waving them over. They hadn’t been happy when she’d suggested they stop for the night. Not risk the road back by traveling after dark. But they’d had to navigate around more than a few pockets of infected, and each time the damn things had nearly swarmed the SUV before Sully had found a route and gotten the Hummer clear.

She took another deep breath. Truth be told, she wasn’t ready to return to the compound just yet. After her experience inside the facility… She still couldn’t breathe without it feeling as if her lungs were on fire. But what made it worse—she knew it was all in her head. The gear and the mask had protected her exactly as Jake had promised. And other than needing to wash some grime off her face, she’d come out the entire experience unscathed.

Right. Except for the part where she’d frozen. Actually frozen. If Jake hadn’t been there, she wouldn’t have made it out. She would have curled into a ball and died.

The realization sat like a damn brick in her stomach. And while she stood by the fact that traveling at night was dangerous, it didn’t hurt that it’d give her time to gather back her composure. Salvage what was left of her pride. That’s if there was anything left.

Sully stopped beside her, scanning the area. Brow furrowed. Scowl shaping his magnificent lips. “Are you seriously going to tell me staying…” He waved at the immediate area. “Here is safer than driving the last few hours back?”

Harper let the annoyed tone in his voice go unchallenged. She couldn’t blame them for questioning her. In fact, she had a feeling she’d be questioning all her decisions for the foreseeable future. “And when the next group’s too large for the Hummer to simply muscle out of? Or we run into a highway full of them we can’t see until it’s too late? Besides, we aren’t staying down here.”

She moved over to where a rope hung tied to a large hook, releasing it and giving the length a firm tug. A ladder clattered to the floor close to the men, kicking up bits of hay and dust as it impacted the floor. Cogan eyed the contraption, but she ignored the odd expression on his face and began climbing. She’d clear the upper level then they could all get some rest.

Nothing moved as she scanned the large loft, waving the men up. Their boots made a hollow thud against the wooden rungs as one after the other scaled the ladder, each finding a place to shuck their supplies and settle into. She waited until they seemed comfortable before pulling the ladder back up, once again locking it in place. Then she slipped her bow off her shoulder, angling it against one of the walls. She hadn’t realized until she’d done the last mission without it, how ingrained the weapon had become in her survival. She’d missed the easy weight of it. The feel of the arrow notched in the stringer as she held it in position. The whisper of air when she released the tension. Not that she planned on giving up her pistol. But having her bow with her made her feel better. More like her old self. The one who didn’t freeze at the worst possible moment.

She cringed inwardly at the thought as an uncomfortable silence shrouded them, making the air feel thicker than usual. She didn’t know if it was fatigue or the obvious ‘elephant in the room’, but it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on edge. As if she were waiting for one of them to say what she knew had been on their minds since the facility.

Jake cleared his throat, kicking off his boots as he made a show of relaxing. “So. You’ve obviously stayed here before.”

It wasn’t a question. Not really, but at least it’d broken the heavy silence. “About a month after leaving that place. Lelin and I spent a week here. Until the bastard got so damn violent I had to tie him up every night to ensure he didn’t stab me in the back.” She shrugged. “Once that happened, it was easier just to keep moving. That way I never really let my guard down.”

Jake nodded, though it didn’t look as if he’d been all that interested in the answer. “Have to tell you, we all wondered why the man’s hands were tied when we first spotted you. Can’t imagine what it was like to spend all that time with him, afraid he’d get loose and kill you.”

She studied Jake. The man was shrewder than she’d given him credit. He’d breeched the subject of fear without stating the obvious. He impressed her. But two could play at that game.

“Lelin was insane. But I was more nervous about him dying and losing whatever was locked up in that skull of his than anything else. Guy wasn’t much of a fighter.”

Jake’s expression tightened, his lips narrowing into a thin line. He glanced at the other men then back to her. He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Are you really going to make me ask?”

She matched his expression. “Does the answer really matter? You were all there. You saw my reaction. If that changes things—”

“Changes things?” Jake gained his feet, marching over to her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

She rose, not giving an inch when he loomed dangerously close to her. “It means that if you can’t handle that fire scares the shit out me then there’s not much I can do about it, can I?”

He scrunched his face up. “Jesus, Harper, is that what you think? That we’re ashamed you’re afraid of something? Fuck! We’re all afraid of something. Quite honestly, it’s actually a relief to know you’re not quite the stone-cold operative you show to everyone. That there’s a part of you that’s actually vulnerable.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “This isn’t about the fact you’re scared. It’s that there’re demons eating you up inside you won’t share with us. That you think to do so would make you weak.”

She didn’t miss the pain in his voice or the desolate look in his eyes. She glanced at the other men, noting similar expressions. Something snapped inside her and she took a step back, not sure she could be that close and still remain strong.

“It does make me weak. A liability. God, Jake. If you hadn’t been there…” She choked back a sob. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it. Crawl under that damn beam. No way. I looked at those flames and I swear they looked right back.”

A shiver slithered across her skin, beading it with bumps. Jake lunged for her, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her tight to his chest. She tried to shove him back, beating her hands on his chest until the dam simply broke. She sobbed twice, not fighting him when he lifted her up, carrying her back to the center. Sully and Cogan gathered around them, their hands soft against her back. Jake made a gentle rocking motion, much like she’d done in the hallway, only this time it wasn’t out of fear. It soothed her, made her feel safe.

They made her feel safe.

“Easy, love.”

Jake’s voice smoothed over her, the raspy tone like a physical caress. Tears dampened her cheeks and she tried not to cringe when Cogan leaned in, brushing some of them away. His thumb lingered on her cheek, the warmth in it making her cry more. None of the men spoke. They just sat around her, taking turns stroking her back. She closed her eyes, feeling more raw, more naked than when she’d been splayed over Sully’s lap, ass bare, legs spread wide. This went deeper than anything physical. They’d gotten her to reveal her soul, and she wasn’t convinced she’d be able to hide it again.

Harper clenched her jaw, wishing her body would stop shaking when Jake dropped a kiss on the top of her head. She fisted his shirt, torn between wanting to stay in his arms or having the floor open up and swallow her. She hadn’t cried since…

Her chin quivered, and she knew she didn’t have the strength to push them away. To hide anything from them, and all they had to do was ask.

She released a shaky breath. If she’d had any doubts that she loved them, they’d been shattered. Even huddled in Jake’s arms, Cogan and Sully rubbing her back and arms with tears dotting her cheeks, she didn’t feel weak like she’d feared. She felt complete. Broken but somehow rebuilt. Improved.

Cogan cupped her jaw, patiently waiting until she raised her gaze to him. God, how she must look. Eyes puffy and rimmed red. Tears still clinging to her skin. Not exactly the image she pictured of herself.

He gave her a sexy smile. “Better?”

She took a shaky breath, hoping they ignored the way her hands were still white-knuckled around Jake’s shirt. “If utter humiliation is your definition of better then yeah, I’m great.”

He scowled. “Why would you feel humiliated? It’s just us.”

She scoffed. “Just you? Right. Just the three men that mean more to me than anything. Why wouldn’t I want you to see me like this.”

“Like what, sweetheart? Human?”

Her jaw trembled again, and she had to clench it to stave off another round of tears. He sounded so sincere. So completely baffled by her feelings.

Sully shook his head. “See, that’s the problem with badass partners, boys. They forget that sometimes, us alpha types want to be the big strong Neanderthal that protects them. Occupational hazard I guess.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you three to protect me, it’s just… My deepest fear—the one thing that breaks through all my training. That turns me into that eight-year-old little girl hiding in the darkness again —is what you guys are best at. Down there…” She forced herself to swallow. “I’ve never seen men display more bravery, more courage under fire, literally, than you three. And I’ve never been so proud and so damn scared in my life.”

Jake chuckled, shuffling her slightly until her head rested in the crook of his shoulder as her back pressed into his chest. “Don’t you think we feel the same about you? Shit, you go through infected like they’re puppets. You killed one with DVDs and a damn shank you made from a VHS tape! That’s not something you see everyday, trust me. Even Barrett and Rhys aren’t that savvy. And I can assure you there isn’t a day that goes by those bastards don’t get to me.”

“Jake’s right, darling. We’re all afraid of something.” Sully mimicked Cogan’s stunning smile. “And zombies and fire warrant respect. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t cautious of at least one of them.”

“Cautious? That wasn’t caution, baby, that was debilitating fear.” She shivered as the images replayed in her head, but not the ones from today. She looked up at them, glancing at Jake over her shoulder. “I remember everything about that day. The heat, the smell, the color. The way the flames seemed to breathe or how they roared as they crept through the rooms, consuming everything.”

Cogan brushed her hair back from her face. “Who did you lose in the fire?”

She cocked her head off to the side. “Everyone.”

“Your parents?”

She nodded. “My older brother, Scott. God, I’m not sure I even remember what he looked like. Just that he was a giant pain in the ass. Always finding a way to get me to do his chores for him.”

“You grow up in foster care?”

“No, though I’m not sure if I might have been better off. A friend of my father’s took me in when they couldn’t find any relatives willing to. He and his wife worked in the Embassy.” She snorted. “It wasn’t because they loved kids. They didn’t have any of their own. It was more of a political move. Taking in an orphan. A victim of a brutal tragedy. It looked good. Got them noticed in the right circles. Life with them was very…clinical. I spent an unhealthy amount of time inside that place. Somewhere along the line, they discovered I had a knack for languages. They got me recruited by MI6. I just didn’t stay on the path they’d set in motion very long.”

Cogan reached for one of her hands, giving it a squeeze. “Sully’s house burned down when he was a kid, too. But his family was lucky. They weren’t home. But just seeing the damage…knowing they’d lost every memory. It’s something none of us have ever forgotten. And I’m sure it’s the underlying reason why we chose this vocation.”

She traced her fingers along his jaw, the stubble-rough skin tickling her skin. “I’m pretty damn sure it was born into you, not chosen. Not when it’s in your blood. And it’s definitely in your guys’ blood.” She dropped her hand. “I guess I just feel bad that the one thing that frightens me is what calls to you.”

Sully laughed. “Oh, darling. Our love for you doesn’t hinge on whether you love roasting marshmallows. Honestly, it’s nice to have something we might actually be better at than you.”

She punched him in the chest, thankful he’d lightened the mood. “Jackass.” She sighed. “I just want you boys to know I’ve got your back.”

“You do. And when it comes to battling our way through flames, we’ve got yours. Can’t make it any clearer than that.”

She smiled. An easy one that felt right. “Guess you can’t.”

Jake gave her a hug. “Come on. You should rest. We can take turns holding you if you need us to.”

She stopped the man from standing, holding his gaze before glancing at the others. “I need you to do more than just hold me tonight.”

“Harper…”

“Are you boys really going to make me beg? After I cried in your arms?”

Sully shrugged. “Wouldn’t be right to turn the lady down.”

Cogan laughed. “No. I imagine it wouldn’t.”

Both men rose, slowly stripping out of their clothes. Harper sat in Jake’s lap, watching them unveil inch by glorious inch of male perfection. Braided muscles and sun-kissed skin accompanied by large erect shafts jutting out proudly from their groins. She studied every nuance of them, memorizing the angles and planes. Curves and dips. She reached for them when they returned, going to their knees in front of her. She palmed their jaws, her hands still trembling slightly.