What She Wanted (13 page)

I took my usual seat, and the others sat on either side of me, like my emotional security detail. I jammed the tines of my fork into the cake. “I don’t know why I expected today to be any different than every day before.”

“Maybe he just needs time to adjust,” Heidi reasoned. “I’m sure he hates being driven around and told what to do. You went through his room and changed things around without telling him. Now you’re basically the boss of him until he gets an All Clear from the doctor to resume his life in progress. All that is practically enough stress to do him in. Be thankful he’s just cranky.” Her pale blue tank accentuated her freckled skin. She stole a few pointed looks at Dean as she worked through her cake.

I prayed she’d save whatever she was thinking for after he went home.

Dean noticed her staring. “Your cousin Sam is a pretty cool guy. I still can’t believe he’s from here.”

She scraped icing off her plate. “All his life.”

“Small world. I missed a lot when I was here.” His sullen expression floored me. He really did regret the way his high school years went down.

It made me wonder how much he hadn’t shared about his time with Kylie.

He smiled at Heidi. “I hear you’re moving my way this fall.”

“I am. What’s the dating pool like at Kent?”

I kicked her under the table.

Dean bounced his gaze off me before focusing on Heidi. “There are about twenty-two thousand undergrads and more than five thousand graduate students. It’s not hard to meet someone worth talking to.”

Heidi squeaked. “Do you know how many people live in this town? Guess. Wait. I’ll tell you. Twenty-five hundred, and most of them are retired. I can’t wait for college. I’m going to be a dating machine.” She pounded her feet against the floorboards.

I laughed. Imagining Heidi loose on a college campus was hilarious. Someone should warn the coeds. Thoughts like that made me regret not joining her, but that was her dream, not mine.

“Are you dating anyone?” She smiled at Dean, attempting to seem casual.

I suppressed the urge to whack her.

Dean stretched long legs beneath the table. “No. I haven’t dated since high school.”

“That was two years ago.” Heidi frowned. “Why not?”

“Bad experience.”

I could almost hear her wondering how bad dating Kylie Sweeney, Queen of Everything, could possibly be for a guy.

A warm breeze kicked up, tossing our napkins off the table and bending overgrown grass in the lawn. I hadn’t thought of mowing since Mark went to the hospital, and the result was hideous. Crows and robins caught worms in the luscious depths and neighborhood cats chased moles around the shed. Mark would hate it.

A long shadow stretched over the table as wide gray clouds crossed the evening’s inky blue sky.

Dean scooped our napkins off the ground. “I’d better go home and mow before the rain comes. I’ll start here and finish up at my place. Mark would freak if he saw this. Care if I swing by after my shower tonight?”

“Nope.”

“Will Mark?”

“I have no idea.” He probably had no intention of leaving his room.

Dean stacked our empty plates. “Will you be here later, Heidi? I can bring a movie or a board game.”

She studied him like the object of one of her paintings. “No. I think I’ll only stay long enough to watch you mow the lawn, then I’ll head home so the two of you can hang out.”

Dean’s sudden laugh sent goose bumps over my skin. “Well, all right. See you later, then.”

I dropped my head forward to hide a gargantuan smile.

He let himself in the back door with our plates. A few moments later, his truck rumbled to life out front.

I lifted my blazing hot face to Heidi and wiped tears from my cheeks. “You just told him you were only staying long enough to watch him mow the lawn.” A fresh round of humor stole my wind.

“Yeah, so? I asked you for shirtless pictures, and you declined.”

I laughed until my sides hurt and everything else faded into the background.

If Mark wanted to sulk in his room like a spoiled child, that was fine by me. The Crock-Pot would keep his dinner warm until next week if he wanted. Meanwhile, I had my best friend, chocolate cake, and the hottest boy in town preparing to mow my lawn. I’d definitely had worse days.

A week later, Mark and I had fallen into a new pattern of normal. Intentionally loving a person was complicated, so I started by treating him as if I already did. I was kind when I wanted to be sarcastic. I smiled when I wanted to walk away. I spoke to him with respect and patience when he didn’t deserve either. He hadn’t helped me with Mom’s list like he’d promised, but that didn’t mean I shouldn’t hold up my end of the bargain and do my best to get him back to work. Which also happened to be an act of love.

Shockingly, my thoughts about Mark began to change after only a couple days of adjusting my behavior toward him. Seeing his face didn’t put me on the defensive anymore, and when I’d stopped mentally preparing for his rejection at every turn, our interactions became less charged. Sometimes, it was evident neither of us knew what to do about it. We had plenty of long awkward moments when we both wanted to walk away but didn’t. He stopped going the other way when he saw me and started looking me in the eye when we spoke. I wasn’t always sure how to react, but I liked it, and it gave me a sliver of hope. What if it was possible for our truce to last indefinitely? Could I do more than scratch the first task off Mom’s list? Not just love Mark and hug him, but have some sort of relationship with him. Not what Mom had with him, but something that was real for Mark and me? Whatever that would be.

Without a full-time job, Mark had no one else to talk to, so he’d begun talking at me, which I didn’t mind. He performed random bouts of grouching, and he loved to repeat himself. Two complaints he never tired of were how much he hated when I reminded him to take his pills and how he resented being treated like a child. The latter complaint started the day I offered a hand when he wobbled on his cane. While these particular laments seemed to be his favorites, he had an arsenal of general grievances and petitions as well. If there was a bright side, it was that he let me read to him sometimes. When emotion changed his face and glossed his eyes, he waved a hand and made an excuse for me to leave. Overall, the breakthrough I thought I’d seen under the filter of fluorescent hospital lighting was a mirage, shattered by the harder, brighter light of reality.

We spoke to one another now, so that was something.
Always a sucker for hope.

“I’m going to the studio.” I stuffed house keys into my pocket and hefted my camera bag across my body.

Mark grunted from his recliner in front of the television.

“There’s a roast in the Crock-Pot, so help yourself whenever you get hungry.”

He thumbed the channel button on the remote, flipping stations. “What do people do all day if they don’t work?”

“Consider this a sneak peek at retirement, but don’t get too comfortable. The doctor says your recovery is almost on track. You’ll be back to work in no time.”

He shifted in his seat. “I’m expected to lie around watching daytime television until then? Should I start napping after each meal like I’m eighty?”

I trailed Dean’s pickup with my eyes as he wheeled into the driveway. “Why don’t you read or get a hobby? If you want to go fishing, we can spend a day at the lake. If you think of something you’d like to do, let me know and I’ll make it happen.”

He mumbled something under his breath about wanting to go back to work.

“Dean’s here. I’ve got to go.”

I dragged the door shut behind me.

Dean shoved the passenger door open for me, and I slid onto the seat beside him. “Thanks for driving me. The weatherman says we’re in for more thundershowers by nightfall.” I loved the rain, but an excuse to ride with Dean was always nice, not to mention a downpour could ruin my bag and my camera. Lightning was also a little terrifying while walking the mile home. “It’s getting harder and harder to leave Mark alone. He hates being stuck in there, but I have to work sometime.”

Dean slung his arm over the seatback and pulled the shifter into reverse. “What’s he doing now?”

“Watching daytime television and regretting his life.”

“He still hasn’t warmed up, huh?”

“No. Sometimes I think he wants to connect with me, but something stops him. That could be an overly optimistic interpretation. I don’t know.”

“How about I stop by after I drop you off and see if I can find a game to watch with him? Maybe he’s been angry and alone so long he doesn’t know how to start over.”

“Maybe he thinks loving me would betray my mom. She was his daughter, not me.”

He forced a hard smile. “Katy, you’re his granddaughter. Your mom wanted him to love you. Whatever is wrong with him, it’s not that. Don’t think that. Maybe he regrets that it took a near-death experience to snap him out of his perpetually ugly mood.”

“Thanks.”

He turned the volume on the radio higher. “That’s what friends are for.”

The town sped by as we barreled along the short span of county road into town. Families rode bicycles single file along the shoulder. One mom had a baby seat on the back of her ten-speed. Two dads led the way. My old twenty-minute walk had been reduced to a five-minute drive the day Dean offered to give me a ride. He’d driven me every time since.

Dean parked in the small lot outside Essence and shut down the engine. “Heard any more from your dad?”

“No.”

“Are you okay with that?”

I raised my vibrating phone into view. “I don’t know.” I rejected an incoming call from Ray’s and set the phone between us on the bench seat. The jerk had gone from pushy to borderline psychotic when I told him I’d changed my mind about the apartment.

Dean poked my leg with his finger. “You can talk to me.”

“It’s complicated.” I wrested my camera from the bag and peeked through the viewfinder. Dean’s continued eagerness to help confused me. Next to Heidi, my lifelong crush had magically become my closest friend. It was weird.

He pulled his ball cap low on his forehead and posed an elbow over the back of his seat. “Life is.”

I snapped the picture.

He levered the hat off his head and slid it onto mine. His fingers lingered on the brim. “Cute.” He raked his hands through his hair and made a pair of finger guns.

I centered him in the frame.

He smiled and held a wink.

Snap
. “I want to talk to him about what his choices did to my life, but I also don’t. I’m not sure it matters. I don’t want to believe he cares.”

“I get it. If you don’t open up, then he can’t hurt you again.” He grabbed my arm and towed my back against his chest, knocking my bag onto the floorboard. “Whoops.” He weaved his long arms through mine, supporting my weight with his body and extending the camera another four inches from my fingertips. He hovered his pointer finger over the shutter release. “This button?”

“Yes.” He snapped the shot.

“Now smile.”

The heat from his chest warmed my back and stole my breath. Sunlight through the dash and windows heated everything. Scents of his cologne, shampoo, and toothpaste saturated the confined space.

“How do you know I’m not smiling already?”

“Probably because someone other than you is touching your camera.”

I smiled.

Click
.

“Now, pretend you’re stupid. A gangster. Betty Boop.” He snapped a shot of each face I made before turning the camera around to check his work in the little window.

I looked small in the frame, resting against his broad chest. My expressions were goofy. His ridiculously handsome face was completely unfair. His eyes were warm with emotion that changed his smile, shot by shot.

He lowered the camera. “I’m not a very good photographer. Maybe I should leave this to you next time.”

I peeled myself off him and turned on the seat. The idea of next time sent unreasonable hope through my mind. “I should probably go inside.”

“Yeah. I’ll check on Mark and let you know how it goes. What time do you get off?”

“Eight.”

“Can I drive you home?”

I nodded. “I’d like that.”

He drummed a rhythm on his steering wheel with both thumbs. “I don’t want to make Heidi jealous by bogarting too much of her time with you.”

I sighed. “No. She likes that we’re hanging out. She thinks there’s something else going on between us, but, either way, I think she’s happy I’m happy.”

“You’re happy?”

The pleasure in his voice stirred something in my heart. “Yeah. Despite everything that’s happened this summer, I’m pretty okay.”

He pursed his lips and bobbed his head. “Good.”

I cracked the door open, reluctant to leave.

“Why does Heidi think there’s something else going on between us?”

Way to go, big mouth.
I forced my face his way. “You know Heidi. She’s obsessed with hookups.”

“Right.”

The door to Essence swung open, and Sylvia moseyed onto the sidewalk, a cell phone pressed to one ear. She waved when she noticed me dawdling.

“I’ve got to go. See you at eight?”

“See you at eight.”

Dean pulled away, and I refocused on Sylvia’s hard expression. Her smart red dress was vintage chic and structured. It was the sort of piece models wore on the cover of Vogue or Vanity Fair.

She puffed a vapor cigarette and rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” she told the phone. “Of course not. Don’t be silly.”

I went inside and sat at my desk, allowing her privacy. Whoever she was talking to wasn’t making her happy, and I didn’t envy them that.

I spun on my leather office chair and plugged my camera into the computer. I transferred my best pictures into the shared drive and moved others to a personal file on the desktop. The pictures we’d taken in Dean’s truck were perfect. I filtered them in black and white like an old photo booth and played with borders. The way he looked at me sent shivers down my spine and raised the hairs on my arms. I turned my cheek against the shoulder of my shirt and inhaled his cologne.