What the Heart Desires (Contemporary Erotic Romance) (9 page)

“What about excitement?” Jane offered.  “Or passion?”

She had a point.  Excitement and passion were two things missing from Kimberly’s relationship with Felix.  He liked to lead a boring, quiet life and, until recently, Kimberly had thought she did as well.  She was starting to find, however, that there was more to life than structure and predictability.  She wanted surprises and flexibility.  As for passion – there was chemistry between Kimberly and Felix but no real fireworks.”

“Are there supposed to be fireworks?” Kimberly asked aloud.

Jane laughed.  “You tell me.  Why am I giving you love advice anyway?  I’m not married.  Hell, I’m not even capable of staying in a relationship for longer than a month.  I dabble in polygamy even though someone always winds up getting hurt, I have one night stands and I have a fear of commitment.  My personal life is a train wreck.  You should probably do the opposite of everything I say!”

Kimberly smiled.  “Are you really happy doing
all that?” she asked with interest.

“Well I don’t want to settle down and pop out a couple kids, that’s for sure.”  Jane paused and then admitted, “I don’t want to be tied down right now, so this works.
  I get laid.  I have fun.  But someday, who knows.  Someday I might want the white picket fence.”

“I want the white picket fence,” Kimberly confessed softly.

Jane took another swig of vodka straight from the bottle and eyed her thoughtfully.  “From everything you’ve told me, Felix is offering you the white picket fence.  And he sounds like the perfect guy - on paper.  So why are you so hesitant to get engaged?  Do you have cold feet?”

“Yeah, maybe I do,” Kimberly said unconvincingly.

Jane, drunk as she was, wasn’t one to be fooled.  “Nah, that’s not it,” she decided with a belch.  She reached for a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and ripped it open.  “There’s something else.  There’s…”  Jane stopped mid-sentence and stared at Kimberly.  Clearly she’d had an “a-ha!” moment.  “Kimberly,” Jane said, no longer sounding quite so drunk, “is there someone else?”

“No,” Kimberly said quickly.  Then, after a moment’s hesitation, she added, “well, not someone that I’m dating or anything like that.  I wouldn’t cheat on Felix.”

“But you’d like to be dating this guy?”

Kimberly was quiet.
  She busied herself examining a bottle of sparkly pink nail polish.

Jane wasn’t about to give up.  Vodka and potato chips now forgotten, the green goop-faced young woman walked over and sat directly in front of Kimberly.  She stared into Kimberly’s eyes as though trying to peer into her soul.  It might have been easier to take Jane seriously had she not been hiccupping.  It was all Kimberly could do to keep a straight face.

“Who is he?  What’s he like?  Tell me everything!” Jane demanded, leaning forward with great interest. The green goop on her face dripped onto the floor as she moved, but she paid it no heed. 

“His name is
Garrett,” Kimberly said.  Even just hearing his name said aloud sent a rush of excitement through her body.  “He’s in the music business.  I met him at a Thai restaurant and then we bumped into each other again and then…well, I’ve seen him a few times.”

“Ooh!” Jane trilled, looking titillated.

“No, no,” Kimberly quickly corrected her.  “It’s not like that.  Nothing happened.”

“But you
wanted
something to happen.”

Kimberly was about to deny the allegation, but then she remembered the sexy, naughty fantasies she’d had about
Garrett.  She remembered the way his talk of spanking and kinky sex had made her squirm with longing on the entire bus ride home.  “I…I don’t know,” she said softly.

“What’s he like?”

“He’s kind of pompous jerk,” Kimberly confessed. “He’s not the type of guy I ever thought I’d like.  He smokes and drinks too much and swears a lot.  He expects the world to revolve around him – and sometimes it seems like it does.  But he’s also funny and interesting and behind all the bravado, kind.  I think there’s more to him than he lets on.”

“And I take it he’s sexy as hell?”

Kimberly blushed.  “Yes.”

“And he’s into you?”

“I – I’m not sure,” Kimberly said.  “There’s definitely a spark there.  At least I don’t think I’m imagining it.  He likes spending time with me.  He keeps inviting me to see him.  But he’s never made a move.  I don’t know if it’s because he knows I’m with Not-Hu – I mean, with Felix, or if he’s just not interested in me like that.”

“So find out,” Jane suggested.  “You’re with Felix but you can’t get this other dude out of your head.  That means something.  You’re young.  Play the field – God knows I am.  Why settle for the first nice guy you meet?  Live a little!”

Kimberly hesitated.  “I really do care about Felix,” she said.  “He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed about.  I know we’d have a great future together.  It’s just that when he started talking about getting engaged, it kind of freaked me out, you know?  And I don’t know
why
it freaked me out because let’s face it, I’m absolutely the type to get married.”

“You are,” Jane agreed. 

“Maybe we just need to take things slower,” Kimberly said hopefully. 

Jane shook her head.  She wasn’t buying it. 
“Look, I think subconsciously you’re not sure if Felix is The One.  So my advice is that you shouldn’t rush into anything.  But my advice is also to take your time and play the field.  Find out what – and who – you like.”

“I can’t do that to Felix.”

“Sure you can,” Jane insisted.  “Tell him you need a break.  Tell him you need time to reevaluate your priorities or to focus on work or whatever.  Just tell him something so you can chase after this Garrett guy with a clear conscience.  It’s your life, baby.  If you don’t put yourself first, who will?” 

Felix will
.  Kimberly immediately thought the words but kept them bottled inside.  She was already feeling guilty at the mere thought of telling Felix she wanted to take a break.  He was such a good guy.  She didn’t want to hurt him. 

Jane, it seemed, was reading her mind.  “What’s going to hurt Felix more?” she asked logically.  “Taking a break now or being divorced two years from now when you realize you made a mistake?”

“You know,” Kimberly teased, “for a woman whose own personal life is such a disaster, you really do give good advice.” 

Jane gave a playful bow.  “I know,” she replied, modest as ever.  “Sometimes having made every mistake in the book comes in handy.”

~~~

The phone call was the toughest one of Kimberly’s life.  She hadn’t slept the night before.  Instead she’d tossed and turned, agonizing over what she would say and how Felix would take it. There was no easy way to break the news to him.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us getting engaged,” Kimberly said, her heart pounding.

“Oh?” Felix sounded pleasantly surprised.  “I got the impression maybe you weren’t that into it,” he said, perceptive as ever.  “Maybe I brought it up a little too soon.”

“Maybe,” Kimberly agreed.  She could imagine Felix’s face falling and the mental image broke her heart.  “You’re so special to me,” she told him.  “It’s just that our relationship came about at a pretty chaotic, uncertain time, you know?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone, so Kimberly kept talking in a desperate bid to fill it.

“Moving to a new city, changing careers and taking classes on the side is a lot, Felix.  I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.  I just feel like I can’t add wedding planning to the pile of things I need to do.”  She took a deep, shaky breath and then forced herself to continue.  “I – I feel like I can’t even handle being in a relationship right now.”

There was
a pregnant pause.  Then, finally, Felix spoke.  His voice sounded strained, as though he was fighting back emotion.  What kind of emotion it was remained to be seen.  “Are you breaking up with me?”

“No!” Kimberly protested, perhaps too quickly.  “But…but what if we took a break?”

“What does that even mean?”

Kimberly thought for a moment.  “Well,” she said, “right now we’re both at turning points in our lives.  You’re
a year or two away from reaching your goals at the university.  I’m at the beginning of a new, exciting career.  Right now neither of us can relocate.  But that could change.”  She quickly corrected herself.  “That
will
change.  And when it does…well, I’m thinking we can reevaluate our plans then.”

“You’re suggesting we take a break
for a year or two
?”  It was clear from Felix’s incredulous tone that he wasn’t buying it.  “What’s really going on, Kimberly?”

She sighed, “For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be in a relationship.  And then I met you.  You’re kind and smart and caring and any girl would be lucky to have you.  It’s just…maybe I’m not as ready for a relationship as I thought.  I didn’t know it until we started talking about getting engaged.  I’ve been thinking a lot and…I think I need to be single for a while.”

Felix sounded confused and she couldn’t blame him.  “For how long?” he asked.

“I don’t know.  But I want to take a break,” she said apologetically, her voice trembling.

Felix sighed.  “Well I guess this means I don’t need to rearrange my summer courses after all.  That’s good, at least.”  He thought for a moment.  “Look,” he said, “I want to talk to you about this face-to-face because from my perspective, this kind of came out of left field, you know?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.  Let’s spend the summer apart.  That way I can teach a full course load and finish my research.  You can ‘be single’ or whatever it is that you want.  I’ll come visit you at the end of the summer and we can talk then, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Kimberly?”

“Yes?”

“Are you planning to date other guys while we’re on this so-called break?”  The betrayal in Felix’s voice was evident.  Clearly he hadn’t seen any of this coming – how could he, when it had even caught Kimberly off guard?  Her heart went out to him.  She hated being the bad guy.

Even though she knew it would hurt him, Kimberly knew she owed it to Felix to give him an honest answer.  “I don’t know,” she
admitted.

Kimberly waited impatiently for Garrett to show up outside her classroom door again.  One week passed followed by another.  Soon it had been nearly two months – half of the summer.  She hadn’t heard from Garrett even once.

She tried looking him up, but his number was unlisted.  She tried calling his company’s office in New York, but the snooty secretary tersely informed her that she was not at liberty to disclose confidential information about Mr. Strong. 

Then, as she was lying awake in bed one night unable to sleep, a memory came back to Kimberly.  That night when they’d met up at the bar, Garrett had given her his business card.  She’d contemplated throwing it out because she was with Felix and her attraction to Garrett was so strong she didn’t know whether she could resist him. 

But she hadn’t thrown it out. 

What had she done with it?

She
racked her brain, replaying that night over and over in her head.  Then it came to her.  She’d tucked the card into the back pocket of her jeans!

Sleep forgotten, she leapt out of bed and turned on the lights.  Then she rummaged around her closet for the jeans, feeling a strange sense of urgency.

She found them neatly folded at the very back.  She didn’t wear them often because they were tight-fitting and she felt they showed off her curves a little too much.  Usually, Kimberly was a modest dresser.  She’d only worn the jeans to the bar that night because – well, because she knew she’d be seeing Garrettt and she’d wanted him to like what he saw.

Kimberly searched the back pockets of the jeans and located the business card.  After enduring a cycle in the washing machine, the writing on the front was almost unreadable.  After some squinting and careful examination, she was disheartened to realize the phone number was the same one she’d already tried calling.

A lot of good that did – the snooty secretary who’d taken her call certainly wasn’t helpful.  Dejected, Kimberly wondered how to get in touch with Garrettt.  The jet setting talent scout and record producer wasn’t listed in the phone book.  She was under the impression he had no fixed address, instead preferring to “live” in posh hotels.  She hadn’t even been able to find him on social media web sites.

Just as Kimberly was beginning to lose hope that she’d ever see
Garrettt again, she turned the business card over.  There, written in his blocky, messy scrawl, were two simple words:  “Call me.”  Underneath was a phone number.

Ecstatic, Kimberly grabbed her phone and punched the number in.

The phone rang once, twice and then three times.  No one picked up.  Kimberly let it keep ringing.  She let it ring far longer than she normally would.  Still, there was no answer. 

Right as she was about to hang up, a gruff masculine voice sharply barked, “What?” 

Kimberly’s breath caught in her throat.  “Garrett?” she said, her voice unsteady and hopeful.  She didn’t sound like herself.  She wasn’t sure why, but her voice sounded like that of a little girl, vulnerable and young.  She realized her heart was practically beating out of her chest.