What to Expect the First Year (73 page)

The high-intensity baby.
You probably noticed it right at the beginning—your baby outcried every other newborn in the nursery. Her louder-than-average crying, the kind that can frazzle even the steadiest nerves, played on a loop when you got home … and hasn't stopped. You can't flip a switch and turn down the volume on your baby, of course, but turning down the volume of noise and activity in the environment may help tone your little one down a bit. Also, you will want to take some purely practical measures to keep the noise from bothering family and neighbors. If possible, soundproof your baby's room by insulating the walls with insulating board or padding, adding carpeting, curtains, and anything else that will absorb the sound. You can try earplugs, a white-noise machine, or a fan or air conditioner to reduce the wear and tear on your ears and nerves without totally blocking out your baby's cries. As the amount of crying your baby does lessens in the months ahead, so will this problem, but your little one will probably always be louder and more intense than most.

The negative or “unhappy” baby.
Instead of being all smiles and coos and dimpled joy, some babies just seem serious all the time, even grumpy. This is no reflection on a baby's parents or their parenting skills (unless, of course, depression or other issues in the home are leaving the baby emotionally or physically neglected), but it can have a profound impact on them. They may find it difficult to bond with their unhappy baby, and may even stop trying.

If nothing seems to make your baby happy, check with the doctor to rule out any medical explanation. Then do your best (and it won't always be easy) to be loving, caring, nurturing, and particularly, happy around your baby, secure in the knowledge that the grumpiness is just his or her temperament at work. Chances are that as your baby learns other ways of self-expression (besides crying), the general unhappiness will diminish, though he or she may always be the “serious” type.

In the meantime, you may find it helpful to seek support and coping strategies from other parents who have a chronically unhappy baby, as well as
to turn to the pediatrician for help (and possibly, to a developmental pediatrician or an early childhood behavioral specialist).

Before you decide that your baby is definitely one of the challenging ones, consider whether the extra fussiness isn't due simply to a longer-lasting case of colic or an allergy to formula or a sensitivity to something in your diet, if she's breastfed. Not getting enough sleep (day, night, or both) can also make a baby extra-cranky, as can teething. Check in with the doctor, too, to rule out any physical causes that might need treatment (like acid reflux, for instance).

If your baby does turn out to be very challenging by nature, it won't be easy taking the extra steps to keep her calm and relatively happy—but it will almost always be worth the effort. Keep in mind, however, that you won't always be able to put her unique needs first (she's sensitive to bright lights and noise, but you have to take her with you to a family Christmas celebration). That's fine, too—life must go on even now that your life includes a challenging baby—though you may have to deal with the crying consequences once the party's over.

Most important, keep in mind that while temperament is hardwired by nature, it's not carved in stone. Challenging characteristics can change, mellow, and sometimes even seem to disappear over time, and parents can learn strategies to help their little ones adapt. What's more, those challenging traits can often be channeled to turn a liability into an asset.

Need some help coping with your challenging baby on a daily basis? Look for support from those who know—especially other parents who share your challenges (ask around online—you're sure to find plenty). Your baby's pediatrician can also provide you with strategies, as well as refer you (if necessary) to a developmental pediatrician or an early childhood behavioral specialist who can help you better help your baby.

It's a big, beautiful, exciting world out there, and for your newborn, who has gone from the controlled cocoon of your womb to the protective embrace of your arms, it's been a pretty safe one so far, too. But as your little one's world opens up—and as he or she starts opening up wide for a wider array of edibles (and inevitably, nonedibles), begins exploring with curious hands, and (before you know it) masters mobility on all fours, and then on two feet—the safety of his or her environment gets a little sketchier. From the air your baby breathes, to the food he or she eats, the toys he or she plays with, and the grass he or she may nibble on, the world is still mostly safe, for sure (especially with you or other vigilant caregivers on duty)—but with more exploration comes more exposure to risk.

Other factors increase a growing baby's exposure, too. Little ones have smaller body size (which means that a small dose of a toxin will have a larger impact). They touch almost everything, and most of what they touch also ends up in their mouths. They spend more time on the ground (on carpets that have been treated, grass that's been sprayed). And finally, since they have more lifetime ahead of them—and more developing to do—there's more opportunity for toxins to be stored and potentially do harm.

What's an environmentally concerned parent to do? Read up on how to go green for your little sprout … without going crazy.

To make sure the air you and your baby breathe at home is safe, keep these unsafe sources of air pollution out:

Tobacco smoke.
Secondhand smoke (and thirdhand smoke—the kind that lingers on clothes of smokers) is super unsafe for babies. Little ones exposed to smoking on a regular basis are more susceptible to SIDS, asthma, tonsillitis, respiratory infections, ear infections,
and bacterial and viral infections severe enough to land them in the hospital. Children of smokers score lower on tests of reasoning ability and vocabulary and have an increased risk down the road of developing lung cancer. Plus, it sets an example no parent would like followed. Children who see someone they love smoke are more likely to become smokers themselves, with all the serious risk for a shortened life span that the habit involves. So kick butt … and kick smokers out of your home.

Carbon monoxide.
Take the following steps to keep this colorless, odorless, tasteless, but treacherous gas (it's fatal in high doses) out of your home:

• Keep your heating system in good working order.

• Don't use charcoal fires or propane heaters indoors.

• Be sure that gas stoves and other gas appliances are properly vented (install an exhaust fan to the outdoors to draw out fumes) and adjusted (if the flame isn't blue, have the adjustment checked).

• Never use a gas stove for heating any part of your home.

• Never leave fireplace fires to smolder (douse them with water). Clean chimneys and flues regularly.

• Never leave a car idling, even briefly, in a garage that is attached to your home (open the garage door before starting the car).

• Cool off an overheated car before closing the garage door.

Most important: Install a carbon monoxide detector (read the instructions carefully to determine the correct location for installation), which will warn you of increasing levels before they became dangerous.

Miscellaneous fumes.
Fumes from some cleaning products, from aerosol sprays, and from painting-related materials can be toxic. So, always use the least toxic products you can find,
and use any questionable products in a very well-ventilated area. Most important: Use these products only when your little one isn't nearby. And remember to store all household products safely out of reach of curious little hands.

Radon.
You can't smell it, taste it, or see it, and you won't know it's there at all unless you test for it. But radioactive radon gas can cause lung cancer, and it can enter your home through cracks in the floors and walls or even through your tap water. Testing is the only way to know if your home has elevated radon levels. You can buy a test kit at most hardware stores (they're inexpensive and the test is easy to perform), or if you're buying or selling a home, it may be worth the extra cost to hire a pro to perform the test. If necessary, radon-reduction systems can then bring the amount of radon down to a safe level.

Water, water everywhere—but is it safe for your baby to drink? To be sure, test the waters.

Tap water.
Most water in this country is perfectly safe for sipping right out of the tap, but quality can vary from community to community, and even from home to home. If you're unsure about how safe the water that's flowing from your faucet is, check with your local water supplier or health department, the Environmental Protection Agency (
epa.gov
), or a consumer advocacy group. Even if your baby isn't yet drinking water from a sippy cup, contaminants in tap water can be passed through your breast milk (if you drink the water) or show up in formula (if you're using the water to mix with formula)—and with baby's small body mass, relatively low levels of contaminants can be potentially harmful. Particularly dangerous
for a baby or young child is lead, which can leach from lead pipes or brass faucets and may affect brain development. How can you tell if your water is passing through lead pipes, and possibly contaminated? Lead pipes are soft (you can scratch them pretty easily with a key) and dull gray in color. If you can't get to your pipes to see or scratch them—or if you have any reason to believe there's lead in your water supply—get your water tested by a lab that's certified by the EPA or your state. Another contaminant that can be very harmful to babies: nitrates. A qualified lab can test for nitrates in tap water as well.