What to Expect the Toddler Years (186 page)

Toileting is far from the last frontier for toddlers, but as you change your 4,326th diaper (give or take a few dozen), it’s hard to believe that your toddler will ever cross it and move on to the next. Have faith. Like all other developmental skills, toileting
will
be mastered. This chapter can guide you through the toilet-learning maze and help you to help your child achieve this mastery.

Your mother says you were out of diapers by your first birthday; a colleague’s son was using the potty by twenty-two months; the little girl across the street seemed closer to four. You don’t want to push your toddler into potty learning too soon—yet you don’t want to wait too long, either. So what exactly is the right time to begin toilet learning?

As in so many areas of development, look no further than your toddler for the answer. Only your child can tell you (not in words, but through a variety of behaviors) when he or she has attained that magical combination of ability and desire that spells readiness for toileting. And though it’s possible to force a child to use the toilet prematurely,
it isn’t wise and sets the scene for resistance, rebellion, and an unduly long struggle (not to mention more “accidents” to clean up). Letting a child take the lead in toilet learning by waiting for signs of readiness and willingness not only paves the way for swifter success, but can also make the experience an ego-boosting one for your child, an achievement of which to be proud.

Like crawling, walking, and talking, toilet learning is a developmental task, which every child should be allowed to master according to his or her own timetable. The time at which toilet learning is mastered in no way correlates with intelligence or success in other areas of development; an early talker or an early walker doesn’t necessarily become an early potty-learner, and an early potty-learner doesn’t necessarily become an early reader. Some children are ready for toilet learning before their second birthday, others not until after their third—but most are ready sometime in between.

To make sure the timing’s right, look for some of these signs of potty-readiness in your toddler before you start looking for a potty:

Physiologic readiness. Before the age of twenty months or so, your child’s bladder empties so frequently that it’s too difficult to control. A toddler who stays dry for an hour or two at a stretch during the day and occasionally wakes up dry from naps is physically ready to begin toilet learning.

Regularity. Bowel movements come at fairly predictable times each day (perhaps first thing every morning, or right after breakfast, or after each meal)—though some children never become that regular.

Increased awareness of the pertinent bodily functions. Your toddler lets you know in some way—by grunting, assuming that certain “look,” going off to a quiet corner to squat, or possibly even announcing the event—that he or she is having a bowel movement. While a toddler who’s not ready for toilet learning might ignore a stream of urine flowing down his or her legs, a toddler who is ready will take note, and perhaps comment on, point to, or be clearly annoyed by the flow.

An interest in neatness and in being clean and dry. A sudden finickiness about sticky fingers and face and more tidiness with toys (unfortunately, this is a phase that, in most children, won’t last) is often coupled with a new distaste for soggy or soiled diapers and a desire to be changed immediately (which, hopefully,
will
last). Because of a maturing sense of smell, toddlers also become more finicky about smells about the time they’re ready for toilet learning—which makes them more aware of the odors associated with dirty diapers.

An understanding of key concepts: the difference between wet and dry, clean and dirty, up and down.

Familiarity with the toilet terminology used in your household, whatever it may be: pee, poop, BM, urinate, defecate, or whatever, as well as the names of body parts associated with potty use—penis, vagina, bottom, tushy.

The ability to communicate needs and to understand and follow simple directions.

An interest in wearing underpants instead of diapers.

The ability to do some simple self-dressing. To pull down jeans or slacks, lift up a skirt, pull down underpants, and pull them back up.

Curiosity about the bathroom habits of others—following others (friends, siblings, parents or other adults) into the bathroom, watching and/or trying to imitate them.