What to Expect the Toddler Years (25 page)

By the time your child marches off to first grade, chances are he’ll be the proud owner of two well-defined arches. And if for some reason he isn’t (about 10% to 20% of the population remain flat-footed for life), there will still be no reason to worry. Though during World War II, young men with flat feet were ineligible for military service, experts now recognize that being archless is in no way a handicap and that, in some cases, it may even be an advantage. (Because of the superior ability of flat feet to absorb shock, those with such feet are less likely to suffer from sprains and stress fractures than their high-arched counterparts.)

While you’re waiting for your toddler to develop arches, avoid the urge to “do something.” The special shoes, arch supports, and exercises you may hear about or see promoted at shoe stores not only won’t help, they may actually do some harm. It’s best to just let nature take its course.

If, however, your child’s feet seem extremely rigid and unbending, he has limited movement or pain in them, or has trouble walking, do seek medical advice; treatment may be necessary.

“Our daughter just started walking and seems to think she’s a toe-dancer. Her feet are never flat on the ground.”

The sugarplum-fairy style of walking seems to be favored by many toddlers, and not just among those destined for a career in ballet. Toe walking simply feels good, so children do it. But they don’t stay on their toes forever; most tiptoers master the normal heel-first stride about midway through the second year.

If your child continues to tiptoe after several months as a walker, or if she can’t seem to flatten her foot on the floor even when she’s standing still, talk to her doctor about it. In the meantime, don’t hold back the applause for her graceful performances
en pointe.

“We tried to let our little girl cry it out at night when she woke up, and it seems to have backfired. She became so upset that she now looks terrified when we just talk about it being time to go to sleep. What do we do now?”

Letting a toddler “cry it out” is meant to help, not hurt. And in most cases it does help, by giving children the opportunity to learn how to fall back to sleep on their own. But once in a while, a very sensitive child is traumatized by being left to cry it out. When this happens, it’s best to backtrack a little. If your toddler seems frightened about going to sleep, stay at her side until she dozes off, no matter how long this takes. Quietly talk or sing to her, if she seems to need it. Otherwise, just be there. If she awakens in the middle of the night, do the same thing. Calm and reassure her and stay with her until she’s asleep. But don’t pick her up or take her to your bed. Eventually, she will become more relaxed and secure and at that point you will be able to leave her while she’s still awake.

“When should I start giving my daughter crayons to draw with?”

When a toddler’s old enough to hold a crayon, she’s old enough to draw—or at least to scribble. And chances are, given the opportunity and a little preliminary instruction, yours will prove old enough now.

It’s likely that your toddler will find scribbling on paper an exciting new experience. But because the excitement is likely to extend to scribbling on the walls, floors, books, and furniture, and to nibbling on the crayons, allow her to fine-tune her artistic skills only under supervision. Provide crayons rather than pencils or pens, since there’s more risk of a toddler falling and poking her eye or pricking her skin with one of the latter two. When the crayon starts to make its way from paper to mouth, intercept it immediately. Demonstrate on paper that “Crayons are for drawing. We don’t eat them.” Repeat the interceptions as often as it takes, but if your toddler seems interested only in nibbling, end the drawing session and call a snack break. (“See, here’s some food. This is for eating.”)

Even with constant vigilance, you may not be able to prevent your toddler from taking an occasional nip of crayon or scribbling on your wallpaper, so be sure those you buy are nontoxic and washable. (If your toddler does occasionally
use a pencil for scribbling, don’t worry if it ends up in her mouth. Pencils are no longer made from lead, and the paint used on them is not toxic.) Thick crayons are sturdier and are often more comfortable for small hands, but some older toddlers may prefer the feel and finer point of the standard crayon size. A large sheet of inexpensive newsprint (buy it in rolls) works best for beginner art—and there’s less likelihood the masterpiece will extend beyond its borders. You can also recycle writing paper and junk mail by having your toddler decorate the backs. Taping the paper down to a table, a high-chair tray, or floor will keep it in place, make it easier for your child to succeed at actually making some marks, and reduce the frustration that results when the paper moves each time the child’s hand does. (For more ways of encouraging creativity, see page 362.)

Birds do it, reptiles do it, mammals of all kinds do it. In fact, just about every animal species that’s ever been studied does it. Though the name of the game may differ from species to species, culture to culture, generation to generation, play is universal. Whether it’s a puppy chasing its tail or a young frog leaping lily pads, an African boy playing with a mancala set his father carved from wood or a North American girl playing with a set of jacks her mother bought at the local toy store, play is an essential part of growing up. Researchers believe that it is critical to growth and vital to future performance. In animals, researchers have actually observed brain connections (synapses) sprouting during periods of play, and theorize that the same kind of brain development takes place when human children play.

Yet many parents today consider play largely a waste of time. Raising children to enter a competitive world, where survival and success often go to the intellectually fittest, they wonder if play time might be put to more constructive use.

It looks like it’s fun—and it is. But for a toddler, play is also work.

For a child, there is no more constructive pastime than play. No number of flash cards, educational computer games, or gymnastics lessons can provide your toddler with such an
amazing spectrum of benefits. Included among them:

Play allows a young child to be omnipotent. In their games, toddlers can be the big fish instead of the tiny guppies. When they play, the frustration of being small and powerless, of being told what to do and when to do it, doesn’t exist. Without the adult interference they ordinarily encounter, toddlers get to call the shots, make the choices, formulate the rules, seize control, run the show.

Play helps children learn about the world around them. Through play, toddlers can investigate and discover; test theories; learn about shapes, spatial relationships, and colors; explore cause-and-effect, societal roles, family values.