What Will It Take to Make A Woman President?: Conversations About Women, Leadership and Power (28 page)

MS
: I’m close with Pat Mitchell and I loved watching you on her PBS series,
She’s Making News
. One of the interesting things that you were talking about was being the daughter of a black, Cuban mother and your father who’s white and Australian. That you’re a product not only of mixed races, but also a woman, how did that affect your understanding of your identity and sense of self? Because in our culture and society, one of the problems is we like to label everybody, and it’s so divisive. What did you learn from having that perspective?

SO
: I guess what I thought my parents were really great at was, on one hand, absolutely embracing the label: that’s what I am. Especially growing up in an all-white neighborhood, where you really stuck out, there was no alternative to that. But at the same time, that label was not meant to be limiting, that label didn’t have to be the only definition of who you were. My parents were very much self-created—they came to this country, they built a life, they built a family, they did what they wanted to do. So I think the message I took from my parents was, “This is who you are and be proud of that, but don’t let other people decide who you are and what that means. You would be insane to do so.”

MS
: I think back to when I interviewed Anna Deavere Smith recently and she was talking about the need for women, as they go up higher on the ladder, to make sure they bring other women up as well. When I think about you, you’ve done so much wonderful humanitarian work and you’re now using your influence and resources to empower others through your foundation and the other work that you do. Do you think women who do
reach positions of power and influence have a responsibility to use it to uplift other women and underserved communities? Do you think that’s an important part of this?

SO
: Absolutely. I don’t know that you can make people do it, but the bulk of the women that I have dealt with, whether it’s just on panels, or just having opportunities at Time Warner and CNN and NBC, women were always incredibly gracious and helpful. My best friends in this business, mostly, are women. So it’s funny, last night at this event, people were talking about how women are just so negative and that their worst experiences have been with women, picking them apart and beating them down. I was so surprised—it’s just not been my experience. It’s weird. In TV news, I’ve felt very supported. . . . My dearest, best, most supportive cheerleaders in this business are women who really back each other up, all the time. I look at myself and I look at other women—we’re on panels, we’re running around, hosting people, mentoring people, sitting down and having lunches with young people. That’s what we do. Most of my girlfriends do the same thing that I do, and we do it a lot. We do it right before we run home to pick up our kids from school, or run out to some parent/teacher conference. I see tons of examples of women doing that.

MS
: I definitely see that, too. You do such wonderful work on the many outlets you work with and everything that you do. The media is obviously such a big force in shaping our culture, our consciousness, and political debate. Do you think diversity in the media is improving?

SO
: Diversity in the media is . . . I don’t know that it’s improving. I think that the media is expanding and people have this opportunity, with better access to technology and the price point coming way down, to be able to
express themselves. Right now, one of the most amazing things is when a celebrity hops on Twitter to defend themselves, they don’t go through their publicist anymore. So I think you’re able to hear directly from people and a lot of having your own voice is that, right? You get to say what your perspective is. I have arguments with people on Twitter all the time. I can defend myself or say whatever I want to say. So I think if you look at the traditional media, no, I don’t see dramatic changes at all. I do think there are so many women who have struck out to do on their own what they want to do, and I think that they’re in media. I think Pat Mitchell’s a really great example of that. She just creates this center where she’s like, “Here are the voices that I want to hear, and I’m going to help these women all get to know each other, so that when they’re later looking for funding or looking for support or looking for networking, here it is. It’s right here.” She makes herself so incredibly available to everybody. I don’t know how she does it. And I’m someone who does it a lot. It’s something she feels very passionately about, that you have this connection of women. Everybody I know knows Pat Mitchell. Pat Mitchell has had lunch with every single woman in the city it sometimes feels like. That’s a very intentional strategy to truly building power—it’s not let’s amass X number of people at X number of women at X company. It’s really about creating these organizations that can help women network and support each other.

MS
: When I interviewed Gloria Steinem, we were talking about how gender roles, in general, need to be reshaped, not just for us to be able to see women and girls as being in positions of authority, but also for men and boys to learn to be caretakers and nurturers. I know you have twin sons. How do you groom them not only to respect and encourage women, but also to embrace their own wholeness, all of their attributes? How can we help boys break out of their own gender programming, which is rarely talked about?

SO
: I think the only way to do it is to do it. I don’t know how to help my boys, other than to have a dad who does all that he’s supposed to do. And letting them see options that are good options, right? How do you explain to a girl that she can be a scientist, except say, “Look, there’s a female scientist and there’s one and, in fact, I’m going to bring to meet you this one and I’m going to help you to get an internship with that one.” It’s very possible. It’s very doable. It is not magic. It’s the same thing with boys. What do you want to do and be? There’s a world of possibility out there, not just in terms of jobs, but in terms of the kind of life you want to lead and your gender roles. You can do anything. I think people need to actually live that. I don’t think you can sit there and espouse it and not really believe it. If there’s one thing that children are, they are finely honed bullshit detectors.

MS
: I find that very much true. Do you think we will have a woman president in your lifetime?

SO
: Oh, sure, absolutely. Without having a doubt.

MS
: And what do you think are the ingredients to successful leadership, for a man or woman? How do you define leadership?

SO
: You know, that’s a really good question. My husband and I talk about this a lot, whenever there’s a “Corner Office” article in
The New York Times
, we sit down and discuss it. I think that really great leaders figure out how to let the people hierarchically beneath them shine. You bring the best out of people. If you can do that, then you are a really great leader. And so what makes a great leader is understanding where you’re trying to get to, but also having great faith in your people and wanting to see the best out of them. I think being a really good leader, is really, really hard for most people.

MS
: There are so many destructive messages that are hurled at girls all the time. What message would you most want to convey to girls and young women today in terms of advice on succeeding?

SO
: My mother used to give great advice, and her advice was this: “Lovey,” she calls me Lovey, “most people are idiots.” And I think part of that advice was whenever I would complain to her about something that had been hurled at me, she would be like, “And? What? You’re going to take advice from people who are idiots? Ergo, you’re a bigger idiot. Most people are idiots, so ignore the advice and figure out how to get from point A to point B, if that’s what you’re trying to do. But don’t come back here and complain to me, ‘Boohoo, someone said something mean to me.’ I don’t want to hear it. Most people are idiots. Move on. Don’t sit there and listen to them, then you’re a bigger idiot!” I’ve got to tell you, that was great advice, because every time I would pause to listen to somebody, what became very clear was . . . they haven’t done it, they haven’t researched it, they have no idea what they’re talking about.

It really was great. Whenever my daughters to this day complain about something, I say, “Well, they don’t know what they’re talking about. Most people are idiots.” You have to really remember that. Most people have no idea what they’re talking about yet they’re happy to give you advice about it. My mother used to smile at people so nicely like, “Oh, mmm hmm, yeah, mmm hmm,” and I could tell, Oh, God, they think they’re getting through to my mom and she is completely not listening to them—she totally tuned them out. And the minute they turned their head, she’d just take whatever they handed to her, throw it in the garbage, and keep going.

WHAT WOMEN BRING

Women view power differently. It’s not power
over;
it’s power
with.
It’s about empowering others. Now, there are some women who view power the way men do, but generally speaking, women do it differently. It’s not hierarchical; it’s circular
.

        
—J
ANE
F
ONDA

There are a lot of biological processes that make women more equipped to handle change. Women experience life as cyclical right in their own bodies, and I think this makes them more adept at going with the flow, adapting, and being able to move from one thing to the next. There is a nurturing aspect to women that is probably hardwired hormonally and is definitely enhanced by our culture. This generally leads us to have a greater sense of compassion. Society also forces women to grow in a way that men aren’t required to. Many women have had to and continue to have to work hard to survive, whether juggling life-or-death situations or juggling families and jobs. Women are responsible for managing things and doing them all as well as they possibly can
.

        
—S
ALLY
F
IELD

As women, our DNA is just different. Of course, we are all necessary and as human beings we are equal, but this does not mean we are the same. Women bring so much more than just our brains into the decision making process. I think this is incredibly powerful
.

        
—D
ONNA
K
ARAN

I think we often have the expectation that women will humanize things, because part of what they’ve done historically is take care of people
—
not just in our species, but the females in other species have done that, too. And so that instinct, which not all women have by any stretch of the imagination, we do see that. The whole movement toward micro-grants, of giving women the opportunity to start businesses, which has with it this notion that if you give a woman a little bit of money to start a business, it’s going to go a long way
because she’s going to feed her children and take care of other people in the community
.

        
—A
NNA
D
EAVERE
S
MITH

There’s nothing women can’t do. There’s absolutely nothing we can’t do. We’re far stronger in a lot of ways than men. . . . And that’s my message to any woman I meet: “There’s nothing you can’t do.” We need women to know within themselves the great power that they have to change the world
.

        
—B
ETTY
W
ILLIAMS
, N
OBEL
P
EACE
L
AUREATE

We bring all the qualities that men bring, and then some! We are the descendants of Ginger Rogers dancing in high heels and backwards. Fred Astaire was great, but can he dance in high heels and backwards and in a floor-length gown? In addition to grace, beauty, intellect, leadership, we bring a connection to each other and Mother Earth. We bring our intuition, compassion, instincts. . . . Whatever it is, however it works, we are in tune and we are intuitive
.