What You See (17 page)

What was wrong? Where was my dad?

Instantly, Athena went nuts. She started howling like someone
in pain. I knew something bad had happened.

Cole walked up to me and said, “I’m sorry, Jesse. I was just
getting ready to come up to your house. We think your Dad has had a heart
attack. They took him to UVA. Fortunately, Mr. Lawson, who lives in the house
over there,” he pointed to the house in the bend of the road, “went to let his
dog out, and saw someone lying in the road. He called 911 right away. The
ambulance just left.”

“How’s my Dad? Is he all right?

“We don’t know anything, yet. When they took him away, they
were giving him CPR. That’s all I can tell you.”

Athena sniffed around our mailbox, whimpered and lay down in
front of it. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know. Something really bad
had happened here.

“Oh, God,” I whispered, tears finding their way down my
cheeks. “Dad, please be okay. We need you. God, please let my dad be all
right,” I prayed, racked with uncontrollable sobs.

Cole put his arms around me and hugged me tight. “Go ahead,
Jesse, let it all out.”

I felt like part of my heart had just been ripped out. I
couldn’t lose Dad. He was the one man in my life who would love me no matter
what. He was my rock. I wasn’t ready to let him go, and I never would be. Life
without him would be unbearable.

Wiping the tears away with the back of my hands, I cried, “I
have to go tell Mom. We need to get to the hospital. Dad needs us to be there
for him. I don’t want him to be alone.”

“I’ll take you and Athena home,” he said. He called Athena’s
name and motioned for her to get in the Jeep as I crawled up into the front
seat.

Suddenly, Athena bared her teeth and snarled as if she was
going to tear Cole apart. Her back was hunched, and her hair was standing up.

“Leave her,” I said. “She hates cars. She’ll come home when
she’s ready.” How I knew this was beyond me, but after looking into those sad
eyes, I saw a pain that nobody could help with, until she was ready.

Giving it one last shot, I leaned out of the Jeep and called
to her. “Girl, we need to go home and be with Grandma. She needs us.”

To my surprise, Athena stood up, ran to the Jeep and jumped
up on my lap. This was no easy feat, considering Athena was almost as big as I
am and probably weighed close to the same. I laughed and closed the door. For
one split second, the pain of what was happening had left me.

The instant I walked in the front door, everything came back
to me in a blinding wave of sadness. I was so overcome with grief, I couldn’t
speak. How could I tell Mom? This is the man she’s been with for most of her
life. They lived for each other. If anything happened to my dad, what would
happen to my mom? She wouldn’t be able to go on without him.

Cole went to Mom. “Minnie, we need to get to the hospital.”
He didn’t mince words. “We think Mack had a heart attack. We need to go.”

Mom stopped what she was doing and walked over to the pie
safe where she kept her purse. Grabbing it, she quietly said, “Let’s go.”

I couldn’t believe how calm she was. She must’ve been in
shock.

Cole put his arm around Mom and we walked out the door.
Athena was sitting on the porch. Her whine was heart-wrenching.

Stifling a tear, Mom reached down and rubbed Athena’s head.
“You stay here and take care of everything. Grandpa and I’ll be back soon.”

I broke down. The agony was too much for me to handle. I
cried all the way to the hospital, while Mom sat in the back seat of Cole’s
Jeep, not saying a word. Her silence was eerie.

The hospital ER was a madhouse. Nurses were running here and
there, while doctors screamed orders to everyone in sight. Aides, assistants,
and interns were busy helping other patients. Cole led us to the emergency room
desk. The receptionist had her hands full.

“Hello, Deputy James. May I help you?” the lady asked.

It struck me odd that she knew Cole’s name. I thought it over
for a second and figured they probably knew all the police officers. I was sure
they’d seen every one of them at some point in time.

“Yes,” he answered. “Do you have a listing for Mackenzie
Aaron Watson, age 65? He was just brought into ER. His wife is here.”

“Mackenzie Aaron Watson,” she repeated as she clicked on her
computer. “Yes, he’s still in OR.” She motioned to one of the women behind the
counter. “Miss Olson will take you to the OR waiting room. Dr. Bryant and his
team are with him now. The doctor will be with you as soon as possible. We’re
real busy.”

This did not sound good. Dad was already in surgery and none
of his family was here to sign papers. You always have to sign papers, don’t
you?

It seemed like an eternity, sitting around, waiting to hear
about Dad. I cried as Mom paced the floor. She was too calm about all of this.
What was wrong with her?

As I was trying to figure this out, Billy walked into the
room.

“Oh, Billy,” I cried. “My dad had a heart attack!”

“I know, I know.” He tried to comfort me. “Cole called me.”

“He did?” I asked, looking at Cole.

“Yes, he did. I’m here for you,” Billy said. He looked over
at Mom and took her hands in his. “What can I do for you, Mrs. Watson?”

“Please find out if my husband’s all right,” she cried.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said, and then left the room.

When Billy walked back into the room with the doctor, I knew
Dad had died. The look on his face said it all. Mack was gone.

“Mrs. Watson,” Dr. Bryant said as he walked up to Mom, “I’m
sorry, but we did everything we could. Mr. Watson had a heart condition, and
his heart just gave out. I’m so sorry. We lost him.”

“That’s not true!” I screamed. “My dad didn’t have a heart
condition. He was healthy as a horse! Tell him, Mom.”

She turned to me and calmly said, “Yes, he did, Jesse. Your
dad had a family history of heart disease. We’ve known for a long time this could
happen. He started having trouble about a year ago. Why do you think we left
Newport News
? Your dad needed some peace and
quiet in his life. That’s why.”

“No, this can’t be true. I would’ve known if something was
wrong with Dad. There would’ve been signs.”

While I was trying to come to terms with this startling
discovery, Mom tried to comfort me. “Your dad decided a long time ago that this
was something you kids didn’t need to know. Anyway, what could you all do about
it, except worry? It was the way your dad wanted it.”

My dad was sick, and I didn’t know a thing about it. I wished
I had known. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have been such a worry to him. I
could’ve tried to be better. I could’ve made him proud of me... if I just had a
little more time.

It was too late now. I had been to my father, all that I was
ever going to be. All I had left were our memories, and the hope that one day I
would do something to make him proud.

Mom’s
tears streamed down her face as she cried, “I want to see my husband. I want a
chance to say good-bye.”

I wanted to tell her I didn’t think that was such a good
idea, but when I looked at her and saw the determination in her eyes, I knew
this was something she had to do. And if she was going to do it, so was I. As
much as I loved my father, I didn’t want my last memory of him to be on his
deathbed in a hospital, but I couldn’t let Mom do this alone.

Cole walked over to where we were standing. He edged in
between us and put his arms around our shoulders. He kissed Mom on the cheek
and said to the doctor, “I think that can be arranged, right doctor?”

Dr. Bryant looked at Mom and me, searching for signs of
stability. I’d seen that look a few times. He was wondering if we could handle
the sight of death.

“I’ll need to sign some papers first,” he replied. “Have a
seat and I’ll have the nurse come take you in when I’m finished. It should only
take about ten minutes.” The expression on his face turned from one of
dread—having to tell someone the person they love had died—to one of comfort.
“I’d like for you to talk with our trauma counselor while you’re waiting,” he
suggested, looking from one of us to the other. “If it’s okay, I’ll send in Dr.
Joyce Vince.” He quietly turned and left. As soon as Dr. Bryant walked out of the
room, Dr. Vince walked in. They must do this so much; they had their procedure
down pat. If a person dies, the doctor comes in and tells the family, while the
counselor stands outside the room, ready to come in and pick up the pieces.
This gives him enough time to go back and clean up the smell of death.

The talk with Dr. Vince helped us gain a little more strength
than we had when we first got the news. An hour later, Mom and I walked into a
small alcove where Dad lay. He looked peaceful. He had been a big man in his
day, but now the years had made him look smaller. Is that what death does to
you?

Billy
missed his family gathering
.
He stayed at the hospital and took care of Dad. He handled everything, right
down to the details of the funeral. He even made sure there was an obituary run
in the local paper, as well as the newspaper in
Newport News
.

Cole had the chore of taking us home from the hospital. I’m
sure that must’ve been a nightmare for him. I cried all the way, and Mom sat in
the back seat mumbling to herself. When we reached the house, both of us had
gotten worse. Mom walked around in circles, talking to no one in particular. At
first she was calm, and then she became this other person. She started talking
loud and fast, her words running together. I sat on the couch crying. Athena
lay in front of the fireplace, stretched out with her front paws over her eyes,
howling a sad cry.

This went on for most of the night. Mom ranted and raved,
while I cried my face into a limp, two-month old, dried-up pumpkin. Claire
would be here in a couple of hours, and Jack was flying in from
Fairfax
. He had been in court when Billy
tried to reach him. He would arrive at the
Charlottesville
Airport at 3:45 A.M. Robert Blackhawk was going to meet him,
and bring him home to us.

For the next few days everything was kind of a blur. Claire
and her jerk husband, Carl, had arrived safely, and Jack was here when I woke
up the next day. By the time of the funeral, we’d all been exhausted by the
grief we shared. Cole and Billy kept us all together... kept us from falling
apart... a difficult task for anybody to handle.

Dad had a proper military burial in
Arlington
Cemetery
.
I wanted him buried in the
Stanardsville
Cemetery
on the other side of town, so he would be close to us, but Mom insisted he be
laid to rest in a place of honor. He had earned it.

The trip to the cemetery was long and exhausting. The funeral
was overwhelming. When they played Taps, it brought tears to my eyes, but when
they handed Mom the folded flag, it broke my heart. I was surprised we all
managed to endure the pain, but we did.

Several days after Dad’s funeral, once everybody had gone
home, Mom and I tried to put our lives back together. I silently swore to my
father that I would take care of Mom, but the truth is, she was taking care of
me. She talked about Dad and all the wonderful times we had shared. She said we
should hold onto those thoughts, and put aside the unpleasant ones.

I don’t think I’ll ever look at Memorial Day in the same
light again. It would hold only sad memories for me... for a long time to come.

Dad had been buried a week. During that time, Mom and I spent
hours upon hours, crying and reminiscing. We got out every bit of pain, agony,
and energy we had in us. Cole and Billy came by with food, and give us as much
support as possible. They helped when they could, and stayed away when they
thought they should.

Wednesday morning around
ten o’clock
,
Billy stopped by. Even though Dad had been dead for ten days, Mom and I still
couldn’t get our act together. I was beginning to wonder if we ever would.

I’m sure Billy knew we were having a hard time, so that’s why
he came over and insisted I go back to work.

“I don’t know, Billy,” I said. “I’m scared to leave Mom alone
so soon. What will she do all day by herself? It’s
ten o’clock
, and she’s still in bed. That’s not like her.”

“Of course, it’s not. Her husband died,” he replied. “It’s
going to be a long time before she’ll even want to go out of the house.” He
looked around the living room. “This place is a mess.” He walked into the
kitchen and started going through the cabinets. “Where’s the can of coffee? You
look like you could use some. Show me where it is, and I’ll fix a pot.”

I searched the cabinets until I found the coffee. I didn’t
tell Billy that I’d just gotten out of bed, when he rang the doorbell. Here I
was worried about Mom still being in bed, yet I’d just gotten up myself.

“I know you’re not going to forget that your father just
died, or get over the pain anytime soon, but you need to start taking a little
time to do something different. You can’t think about this for twenty-four
hours a day, or you’ll go nuts.” His voice was soothing. “I’m going to make
some coffee and I want you to go wake up your mom. Then, I want you to go
upstairs, take a shower, and put on some clean clothes. I want to talk to both
of you. I’ll tell you why, when you get finished.”

“But...” I started to say.

“Just trust me.”

“How many times have I heard that?” I asked as I walked away
from the kitchen. I could see a lecture was on the way.

The door to Mom’s room was open, so I peeked inside. She was
lying on top of the bedspread, still dressed in the same clothes she’d been
wearing yesterday. This is bad, I thought to myself. Billy’s right. We have to
go on with our lives. Dad wouldn’t want us to spend the rest of ours lives like
this. I could hear him now, “Snap out of it! Get a grip!” That get a grip was a
phrase he’d picked up from me. He got a big kick out of it the first time I’d
said it to him. He thought it was cool.

I went into Mom’s bedroom, gently shook her and said, “It’s
time to get up. Billy’s making coffee, and he wants to talk to us. I’m going to
take a shower. I’ll be back down in a few minutes.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s a little past ten,” I replied as I walked out of the
room. I wanted to give her time to wake up, and realize it was another day. I
resisted the urge to sit on her bed and talk. I didn’t want us to start our day
crying and feeling depressed.

By the time I got back downstairs, Billy and Mom were in the
kitchen... laughing. That lifted my spirits. I had not heard Mom laugh since
before Dad died. It was good to have her back.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Billy was telling me about some of his cases,” she answered.
She still had the pain in her eyes, but she seemed relieved to be able to laugh
again. “I can’t believe how dumb some people can be.” She hesitated for a
moment. “Billy was also telling me that you and I should try to start living
again... without Mack. I know that sounds harsh, honey, but it’s true. Mack
wouldn’t want us to sit around all day and turn into vegetables. He would want
us to go on with our lives.”

“Turn into vegetables... where did you learn that?” I asked,
looking in Billy’s direction. “You’ve been around him too long.”

We weren’t going to get over this overnight, but I think the
two of us realized that we had to go on without Dad. We were still alive, and
it was up to us to make the best of it. This was a start. We laughed, and for
just a minute, I didn’t think about the sadness I felt from Dad’s death. For
just a minute, I didn’t see grief in Mom’s eyes.

Billy had made coffee and between the three of us, we managed
to throw together a pretty good breakfast.

“I didn’t realize how starved I was until now,” Mom said as
we sat down at the table. “Poor Athena, when was the last time somebody fed
her? Look, she’s famished.”

“She seems to be pretty happy to me,” I said as Billy placed
a plate of eggs and bacon down in front of her.

We ate breakfast in silence, trying to come to grips with
reality. Mom seemed to be doing a little better now that Billy was here. He had
a way of doing that—making the best of a bad situation, and getting you to do
the same. I guess there was still a lot I had to learn about him.

As we cleared the table, Mom faced Billy and said, “Why don’t
you tell Jesse what you’ve asked me to do?”

“What?” I looked at him.

“I know it’s a bad time, but I need you Jesse,” Billy assured
me. “I’ve been making background checks on all the people involved in the
Carrolton case, and you were correct. There might be more we need to
investigate. The police report doesn’t have zilch on any of them, other than
their prior statements.”

I’d forgotten all about work. My mind had been on trying to
get through the funeral, and looking after Mom. Besides, what did work have to
do with Mom?

Billy must have sensed my concern. “I’ve asked your Mom to
help us for a couple of days. I want to go talk to the waitress and the gas
station attendant. We can check out where they live, and who their friends are.
I’m going to need your help, and I need someone to run the office while we’re
working. It’ll only be until we get caught up. I have a backlog of phone
messages to go through and someone needs to man, or should I say, woman the
phone.” Billy said, smiling that silly smile of his.

“What do you think about this, Mom?” I asked.

Hesitating a minute, Mom turned to me and said, “Billy has
been here for us since your father died, and now he needs our help.” She
glanced at Billy and smiled, “There’s no way I could turn him down.”

Oh, boy, what a load of crap. Billy’s such a persuasive
person. He actually had Mom believing he needed her help. But not me, I could
see right through him. Billy doesn’t need anybody... we’re the ones who need
him. He knew it, and so did I.

“Give me a few minutes to get myself together and I’ll be
ready to go,” she said to Billy, and then glanced in my direction. “I think
it’d be best if I drove my own vehicle, since Athena will be coming.” Then she
hurried out of the room, not giving me a chance to say anything.

Still not being able to call my mom by her first name, Billy
replied, “I think that is a good idea, Mrs. Watson.”

“Are you nuts?” I asked, pouncing on him the minute she got
out of sight. “She’s not ready. It’s too soon.”

“You don’t give her enough credit. She’s stronger than you
think. She’s a very brave woman. You might be surprised.”

“I know what you are doing.”

Billy’s attempt at distracting us from our misery was
working. Within an hour’s time, he’d brought the color back into Mom’s cheeks.
After watching her turn into a shell of a person, in a span of less than two
weeks, it was good to see her come back to life, however short lived. I’d take
what I could get.

“I almost forgot Athena’s bowl,” Mom said. “I think we should
stop at Wal-Mart and get her one of those dog beds. You don’t want her
stretched out all over the place. This is a place of business.” She scurried
around, looking for anything she might’ve missed.

I ran upstairs to get my handbag. I found my briefcase and
shoved the scattered paperwork off the computer table into it. My head was
spinning, and I had the feeling I’d slipped into an episode of the Twilight
Zone. It’s funny how things flash through your mind. Something was constantly
happening, and information was bombarding me from everywhere. I couldn’t seem
to process it all at one time. I’ve had more stuff going on in the past month
than I’ve had in my whole thirty-one years. I wasn’t surprised that I felt so
confused.

After making sure the alarm had been set and the house was
locked, Billy ushered us out to our cars. He was ready to get moving, and did
his best to make sure we were safely packed and ready to go, before we pulled
out of the driveway. Mom and Athena were in the minivan behind Billy, and I
followed her in my Jeep. I could’ve gone with either one of them, but I liked
driving my new car.