When Darkness Hungers: A Shadow Keepers Novel (Shadow Keepers 5) (32 page)

“You said something about a daemon. Is that what you are? Instead of a vampire, I mean.”

“No,” he said. “The daemon’s inside me. And what I am now … well, that’s a more complicated question.”

“I’d like to understand.”

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “It’s not a pretty story.”

“I’ve come to realize that very little in your world is.”

“All right. I already told you some of this. How I went looking to be made into a vampire?”

“You called it the dark kiss.”

“I did. Of course I didn’t know what it was called. Not then. Luke and I had heard rumors about immortality.”

“The vampire who’s taking care of CeeCee? Along with the woman. Um, Sara?”

“That’s him. He’s closer to me than a brother. Even back then we were almost inseparable. And one day, I heard a rumor about a dark lady whose kiss granted eternal life. We both wanted it, and we both paid a heavy price.” She saw the pain of memory flash across his face. “Luke lost his family in the grab for immortality. He had the sweetest little girl …”

“I’m so sorry. And you?”

“Me? I didn’t lose much. Just my sanity.”

She licked her lips, certain she didn’t want to hear, but at the same time knowing that she did. “What do you mean?”

“That’s the daemon,” he explained. “It’s impossible to explain the horror of it without actually experiencing it. But I’ll try. It’s like, well, it’s evil, pure and simple. A deep, pain-loving malevolence that lives deep within every human.”

“Every human?”

He nodded. “For the most part it’s buried, though if you look at some of your more vile sociopaths, I think it’s safe to say their daemons have wiggled their way free. There’s something about the mortal coil that traps it.”

“But vampires aren’t mortal.”

He gave her the kind of smile a teacher bestows on a prize pupil. “Exactly. And the daemon rises up. It takes control. It pushes you to do things you wouldn’t do, and yet it’s still
you
. It thrives on pain. On degradation.” He shut his eyes, and she saw a tremor run through his body. She reached for him and clutched his hand.

“It was bad for you.”

“Worse than bad. There’s a ritual—it’s called the Holding. Vampires use it to control the daemon. To push it back down when it first emerges. Some are successful. They walk the earth feeling almost human. Sara’s like that. With others, the daemon is battled down, but it still fights to get free. It’s a constant battle, but with enough willpower, the vampire can stay in control. Luke is like that, and every year that passes it’s become easier for him. Sara’s helped a lot. She soothes the daemon in him as you do for me.”

The words were like warm cotton inside her, and she squeezed his fingers. “I’m glad. So, you can control it? Like Luke?”

His jaw twitched, and he shook his head. “Not like Luke. Sometimes I could control it. But most of the time, no. For most of the last two millennia it’s been the daemon running the show, not me. Although to be honest, after a while it was hard sometimes to tell where I stopped and the daemon began.” He looked at her, as if gauging her reaction. She nodded, hoping she looked encouraging. In truth, she was trying very hard not to be scared. “Vampires like that—the ones that can’t control the daemon—they’re rogues. When the daemon’s out, that’s when humans get killed. It’s rogues you’ve been hunting, Alexis.”

She nodded her understanding, and thought about what Leena had said about all vampires being evil. Now she understood better. They all had the potential to be evil, but some fought it like the devil. Like Serge, and damned if she didn’t admire and respect his determination. “So that makes you a rogue?”

“I was a rogue,” he said. “I have been.” He stepped away from her, then walked back, and she could see the
tension in his body. “Some just give in to it, but I’ve been fighting it for thousands of years. It’s exhausted me, ripped me up from the inside. In some ways, I’ve won. In some ways, it’s better. But it’s also so much worse.”

“I don’t understand.”

He ran a hand through his short hair. “There came a point at which I couldn’t take it anymore. Where I was having moments of lucidity mixed up with the horror of the daemon taking over. It was hell. No, it was worse than hell. Then I was cursed.”

“Cursed?”

“There was a time when my friends were in trouble. I thought that by taking on this curse, I could save them. I thought I could fight against the power of the monster that would rise within me.”

“That’s one hell of a risk.”

“At the time, it seemed like nothing. I was exhausted from fighting the daemon.”

“Did it work?” she asked. “Did you save them?”

“It worked,” he said. “But there was no way to lift the curse. At least, none that we knew of.”

“But there must have been a cure,” she said. “You’re okay now. Aren’t you?”

He nodded. “I am. But for a while, I truly was a monster. And worse than that, I was controlled by a madman. He used me to kill and to maim, kind of like a remote-controlled robot. I did what he wanted because my mind was no longer my own. I wasn’t a vampire. I wasn’t the daemon. I wasn’t anything that had ever been seen on this earth before.” His voice was harsh, and she could hear the pain in it. She felt chilled just listening to him, as if the horror of what he’d experienced was seeping
into her bones. And though she wouldn’t say it out loud for anything, she’d be lying if she didn’t at least admit to herself that some of what she felt was fear.

“So what happened?”

“A battle,” he said with a half smile. “From my experience most dramatic changes in this world come about as the result of battles. The madman died. The curse was lifted. And my friends thought I was back to being Serge. My daemon high, perhaps, but a vampire once more.”

“Considering what I saw, I’m guessing your friends were wrong.”

“They were. And they still don’t entirely know the truth. You and CeeCee are the only ones who know for sure.”

“I don’t know. Not really. I saw, but I don’t understand what I saw.”

“Neither do I. Not fully. The truth is that my friends are partly right. The daemon torments me still. But I’m learning to battle it down.”

She took his hand. “I’m glad I help.”

“But that’s not the only bit of darkness living within me now.”

“What do you mean?”

“The monster from the curse is gone, that much I know. But something was left behind. Something new, born in me. A beast. A raging beast, like something out of a storybook. Scales and talons and a wicked hunger.”

She realized she was staring at him, completely confused. “Scales and talons? I didn’t see anything like that.”

“Because I fed off that vampire. I drew out his life force. That’s what I survive on now instead of blood.”

“So feeding keeps you from changing into a horrible, scaly monster?”

“It does. And there’s more.”

She nodded, not sure how much more she could process.

“Feeding determines my form. Or, more accurately, my nature.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I fed on a vampire, so now I’m a vampire. If I’d taken the life force of a werewolf, I would be weren. A jinn, I’d be a jinn.”

She licked her lips. “And if you don’t feed?”

“If I don’t feed, then I become the beast. Mindless once again. Raging. Killing. Until its hunger is satiated and I transform into whatever creature I fed upon during my wild rampage.”

“That’s unbelievable,” she breathed.

“It’s horrible,” he said. “And it’s why I do what I do.”

“What you do?”

“I find rogue vampires, and I take their life force. I take from them so that I can stay a vampire.”

“You fight the bad ones. You take them out just like I do. You shouldn’t feel guilty if you benefit from that. Believe me, I get a huge happy buzz when I dust one of them.”

“Once upon a time, I
was
one of them.” His voice was gentle, but firm.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know.” She managed a weak smile as she looked at him. Him.
Serge
. The vampire—no, the man—who’d saved her. Who’d made love to her. “I understand what you’re saying, but you’re not that guy anymore. From everything you’ve told me, you’ve survived a dozen kinds of hell. I didn’t know anyone could be that strong, but you have been. You’ve kept fighting. Even now. And instead of rolling over with self-pity or
walking the streets and draining everyone who comes along, you’re doing a little bit of good for the world when you feed.”

He shook his head.

“What?”

“You’re looking at me through rose-colored glasses.”

“No,” she said firmly. “But I am looking at you.” She went to him and pressed her hands to his face, her eyes drinking him in. She leaned in and brushed her lips over his, then pulled away slowly. “And I see you. I really do.”

She still wanted him.
Him
.

Such a simple thing, and yet it changed the world.

He clutched her tight, his fingers stroking her hair as her forehead rested on his chest. Her breathing came soft and even, but her pulse had kicked up high. He caught the scent of desire, and it shot through him, stoking his already burning need.

She was so real in his arms, but she was ephemeral, too. The whisper of a promise. The chance to be a better man. To feel like Serge, and not the monsters within.

He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, then asked plainly and simply, “Are you sure?”

She tilted her head back to look at him. “I thought you could sense my feelings through the blood connection. Don’t you know that I’ve never been more sure?”

“Thank God,” he said simply.

She laughed, then moved back into his arms, drenching him with the scent of pleasure, of
need
. Her mouth was desperate against his, and he returned her passion, pulling away only when it struck him that they were still in an alley. “Not here,” he said. “Do you trust me?”

“I do.”

“Then hold on,” he said, shifting into sentient mist, Alexis dissolving into his arms, their essence mixing and twining as he traveled from the alley to the pool deck in front of her back door.

“Wow,” she said, reaching for him as she steadied herself. “That was … weird.”

“Just one of my many entertaining parlor tricks.”

“Yeah? Well come into my parlor and entertain me some more.” She took his hand and tugged him to the door, quickly unlocking it and pulling him inside and into her arms. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“That couple, Luke and Sara? You said they were your friends. And you’re trusting them with CeeCee.”

“Yes?”

“Why don’t you tell them? About the beast, I mean.”

“It’s complicated,” he said.

“Is it? How?”

“Because Luke’s a big deal now. He’s the chairman of the Alliance—I guess you could say that’s like the United Nations for shadowers—and he’s also the governor of the Los Angeles territory.”

“So? How is that a problem?”

“The deaths are baffling the local shadow police.”

“Division Six,” she said.

“That’s right,” he said. “I forgot you already knew some of this.”

“But not all. I know about Homeland, and that Division Six is part of it. But what it does …” She trailed off with a shrug.

“Division Six is the Los Angeles branch of the PEC. That’s the Preternatural Enforcement Coalition. Had you heard of that one?”

“No, and it’s a mouthful.”

“It’s housed in the criminal justice building and it’s hidden within Homeland.”

“I’m still not understanding how all that is a problem with Luke.”

“I tell Luke the truth and he’ll either arrest me or pardon me. Arrest me, and I’m executed. Pardon me, and he’s destroyed politically.”

“Killing vampires who kill humans is a bad thing?”

“It’s a crime. They’re supposed to be tried. What the rogues do is a crime, but so is killing a rogue. Just like in your world, there are courts and juries and judges. Not to mention prison and death row and very unpleasant punishments.”

“All right. I understand that getting arrested wouldn’t be at the top of your list. But haven’t you considered that maybe there’s a third option? Maybe he won’t do anything except be your friend?”

“I couldn’t expect him to do that.”

“Why not? You told me yourself that you took on a curse to save your friends. You don’t think your best friend would keep his mouth shut to protect you?”

“He’s done more than that on several occasions,” Serge said, thinking of all the secrets Luke and Nick had kept for him over the years.

“So why wouldn’t he continue to?”

He didn’t answer. What was there to say?

She reached over to take his hand. “You’re the same man you were before.”

He shuddered at the thought. “I hope not.”

“Your core, Serge,” she said. “A man who battled his daemon for centuries instead of just saying fuck it and going all-out rogue. A guy who let himself be turned into a monster of all things in order to save his friends. And now you’re hunting rogues, staying alive the hard
way instead of just stealing the life out of whoever comes along.”

“Is that what you see?”