When Dreams are Calling (18 page)

29
Paris: La Vie en Rose

You
are shy or talk too much,

You
are blushing, but would like to touch,

You
forget what you’re about to say,

Or,
just ramble in a nonsensical way,

You
keep hoping a smoochy will follow,

You
want to eat, but you cannot swallow,

Don’t
worry my friend, take it in stride,

It’s
love at first sight and you cannot hide!

All
sweaty, carrying my numerous mostly
untouched suitcases, with my nails half-done like usual, in a colorful
dress
and with my beloved scarf around my neck, looking quite helpless, but
nevertheless sure of myself, I arrived to the train station. 

Wherever I
go, all train stations look quite
the same to me:
crowded, noisy, smelling like international perfume bottle day or
stinking of
cigarette smoke, with people running around in a hurry, while others
clinging
to each other whisper their goodbyes. I hate them all and the one in
Amsterdam was no exception.

I jumped
into my carriage: number seven, my
lucky number. I quickly
sat down, feeling like I had just escaped from a calamity and I could
finally
relax.

I was
getting ready to start reading the latest
book of Malcolm
Gladwell, when I heard a man’s voice:

“
Bonjour!
Comment
ça
va?
”

I lifted
my eyes and I saw him: the guy with
the envelope, the guy
with the rose, the same guy, my one and only Prince Charming.

“
Bonjour!
Ça
va bien, merci
,” I replied a bit nervous, hoping his English
was better than my French.

He was
tall, with dark blue eyes, beautiful big
hands, dressed in a
pale blue casual shirt.

“I got
your message. A bit intriguing, I have
to say. I found the
coincidence remarkable: I am expected in Paris tomorrow for an
international
cooking contest. I’m a chef. I’m sorry, let me introduce myself. My
name is
Tomás
.”

“Your accent, I cannot tell from where you are…”

“I live in Buenos Aires, but I spend most of
the year traveling
around, organizing cooking events, teaching men how to cook. In other
words, making
the life of women easier. And you?”

“Me? Oh, me…I’m from Melbourne, Australia.”

He had a warm genuine smile, one that I could
look at for hours. His
eyes were kind, his moves were smooth, elegant, and his voice, although
a bit
gruff, was not commanding, but rather mysterious and tender. His sexy,
Latino
accent was instantly making me happy and dreamy.

We started talking about everything and nothing
in particular. I
wanted to listen to him, but also to speak; I wanted to know his
dreams, his
passions, the places he adored to go to, but I also wanted to show him
who I
was, brag about my achievements, convince him I was worth knowing too.
To make
it even worse, or even better, I was laughing at everything he was
saying, like
a silly schoolgirl.

After just a few hours, I wanted to touch him
or at least move
closer to him, and an inexplicable excitement and curiosity were taking
over
me.

But I was too aware of how unconventional,
maybe even weird, all
that was.

Instead, I asked him:

“Would you like me to show you Paris? It can
get a bit confusing if
you’ve never been before.”

While the words were coming freely from my
mouth, my brain was under
attack by a million of other thoughts:

What’s in your head, girl? It’s your first time
in Paris too. If he
says yes, you’ll look like a fool.

“And if I don’t ask, I’ll feel like an idiot.”

True. Better a fool than an idiot.

Like he could hear the conversation and didn’t
want to prolong my
torture, Tomás said:

“I’ve been to Paris before. But, seeing Paris
with you will be
totally different. Let’s meet tomorrow. We might just find what Paris
is so famous for.”

My heart stopped beating. What did he mean by
“what Paris is so famous for”? Did he mean what I think he meant?
Paris, the city of love. I was
too shy and scared to ask. Instead, I simply replied:

“Yes, we’ll make sure to
tour
Eiffel.”

“Yes, Tour Eiffel makes Paris famous.
But other things do too,” he
said giving me again that beautiful smile who was cutting through all
my
defenses.

“Focus, Dora! Don’t lose focus!” I
said to myself determined this
time not to let my heart take over my head. “You came to Europe to find
your
answers. Take a deep breath, look away from his blue eyes, and make
sure you go
to bed alone!”

But as soon as I said it, my nagging inner
voice came up with one of
its smarty comments:

What if love will show you the answer? And what
if he will show you
what love really is? What if he will be your friend and your stallion?

“What if, this is what kills us. What if…There
is only one way to
find out.”

Confronting my fears and looking straight into
his eyes, I answered:

“I’d love to see together with you all the
things that make a trip
to Paris unforgettable. Who knows? Together, we might discover much
more than
we already know.”

“The pleasure will be all mine,
mi hermosa
.”

The next few weeks were the best of my life.
The most serene and the
most romantic. They were complete.

With him, I felt an overwhelming peace coming
over me, a sense of
belonging and some sort of familiarity hard to explain. Everything
between us
felt natural; there was no angst, no signs telling me I got to beware.
His
words
were speaking my mind and my mind could understand and follow his.

Something beyond my comprehension was telling
me he was the one I
have been looking for, waiting for, wanting for, all that time.

Sure, it might have been great if he was living
in Australia and sure it would have been great to have all the time in
the world to know him
better. But, love is an untamable creature. It does not come when you
want or
where you want and the best you could hope for is the person to be the
right one
for you. I guess, to have some control over it, one can just start by
relinquishing control and have faith.

“Would you like to go to the Louvre?” he asked
one day.

“Would you?” I asked back thinking of how much
I dreaded going to
museums.

“No, not really.”

“Birds of the same feather flock together.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just thinking out loud, my dear
dearest.”

“The thing is I’ve never been a fan of museums.
What can one do
inside of an empty haunted house, albeit it’s a palace? Admire dead art
created
by dead people and listen to stories of the past.”

“Art is precious and even more so when it
becomes antique. People
pay fortunes for a piece of the kettle that touched for a second the
hands of
Louis III,” I teased him.

“And I’ll pay fortunes too, but just so your
hands can touch our
kettle each morning,” he replied, giving me a soft kiss. “I know we
have to
learn from the past if we don’t want to repeat its mistakes. But, it’s
never
only about knowing something, is it? It has to make you tick; it has to
resonate with you.”

“It has to feel right!”

“
Précisément
!
Between admiring Gold French furniture, chandeliers, painted murals
on ceilings, judging a past whose complete tale I will never know and
walking
the beautiful streets of Montmartre and talking to contemporaneous
painters, I’ll
always choose the latter. I want to feel the pulse of the moment, to
meet the
artists of my time, to listen to stories which are happening as we
speak or
just donate a coin for the poor blind man whose heart is still
ticking.”

“Life is for the living!” I said back.

“And Paris for the ones in love!” Tomás said
before kissing me passionately.

Embraced, I, dressed with a colorful orange
dress matching my brown
no-heel sandals, and he, handsome as always in his navy shirt, we
walked out the
hotel to face another day in Paris, the city of love.

I never wanted to leave Europe. I was afraid
once we would go back,
me to Australia and him to Argentina, all we would have left would be
just
another memory, albeit a beautiful one. As much as I was fond of
memories, some
of them I wanted to keep living and he was one of them.

I tried to imagine myself immigrating for the
third time in eight
years. Only thinking of everyone’s reaction made me smile. I knew I
could not
do it again. The last few years were not easy and I was tired: tired of
studying, of figuring out things from scratch, of making new friends,
tired of
waking up in a new place with a new adventure waiting for me around
each
corner.  

I knew
From
my experience that, for him, moving to
Australia would be a great sacrifice. So, if it was ever to happen, it
had to come from
him. He had to want to take the step badly enough so, if things got
rough he
wouldn’t want to go back. Whether or not we would be together forever
and ever
was entirely in his hands. As for me, all I could do was trust he would
make
the right decision for both of us.

Dora’s
Journal Notes

• While
  nothing is more
  common that a discussion about love, nothing is rarer than true love.
  
• Opportunities
  come, but
  rarely stay. We are lucky to have them, brave to take them, and wise to
  know
  which ones to pick.
  

30
When Friendship Marries Lust

Isn’t
Lust the most primal and sought after love?

Doesn’t
it calm the nerves and bring peace like a
white dove?

Don’t
we all want to have a share of it each day?

Don’t
we all hope it is here to stay?

With slow,
lascivious moves, in the dim light of the candles, I took off my
clothes: first
the bright yellow skirt, then the deep red blouse and the belt and
finally I slipped
the straps of the bra off my shoulders. “Let the senses guide and the
imagination flow, Dora,” I could hear the voice telling me.

Despite feeling a bit shy, I wanted to do it
this way. I took a deep
breath and continued: I opened the bra clasp, letting it fall on the
floor. I
took off my panties. In my high-heeled shoes, standing naked, in front
of the
one I loved, I said:

“
Voilà
, monsieur! Je suis toi!
Pour toujours ou pour un jour. Parce que je t'aime, pour toujours et
à
jamais
.”

“I could not imagine anything more
beautiful than you, my love!”

“Then, you don’t have too much
imagination,
señor,
” I
replied, smiling. “Having said that, I might admit you’re right!”

“So humble!”

“Just stating the obvious!”

“You can cast a spell over whoever dares to
watch you too closely,
for too long.”

“I just have to cast a spell on you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, missy!”

I could see in his eyes that, the most basic of
the instincts was
taking over and for a second I could hear his pulse hammering through
his
veins.

“I want to grab you so badly! I want to pull
you so close to me so no
one can tell us apart. I want to rub my unshaven face on your delicate
pale
skin until it becomes all red and all you want is for me to press my
hips into
yours. I want to make love to you now and forever. I love you, Dora!”

“I love you too, Tomás!” I said, feeling my
cheeks getting red.

And then it happened. The miracle happened: my
love was finally my
lover and my lover was finally my love. And we were one.

After we made love, bewildered, we sat in
silence for a while.

“A penny for your thoughts,” I went first.

“No thoughts. Just amazement. I’m amazed by the
beauty of you all:
by your green eyes, the contour of your lips, your messy bouncy hair,
the
shapes of your body. I’m amazed by the way you make love: so free and
passionate, so warm and sensual. I’m amazed of who you are, of your
twisted
mind, your humor, your quick wit, your heart,” he said touching first
my eyes,
my hair, and then my lips. “You’re a beautiful woman, and I love you so
much!”

“You’re the best lover I’ve ever had!” I said a
bit surprised and
happy.

“Clearly you did not try many!”

“Clearly I did not try the right ones!” I said
thinking of Stallion.
Then, I continued:

“It’s not this sex part.”

“Making love you mean. This is what sex becomes
for me when I’m with
you. It’s pure, shared love. It’s art. The most beautiful of all.”

“Yes,” I said, thinking of Stallion again. The
distinction was
making perfect sense. “It’s not only how you make me feel when you’re
inside
me, it is everything. You’re everything, without being special in any
particular way. You’re quite an ordinary guy, you know that?”

“I’m listening.”

“I mean you’re not extravagantly rich or
handsome or who knows what.
You’re just an ordinary, simple guy. You actually lack a lot of the
things I
imagined the one I’ll love will have.”

“That’s a profound discussion! And I’m not sure
whether it’s the
most flattering either!”

“You don’t dance, you don’t sing in the car,
not even in the shower
and you don’t talk much.”

“On the other hand, you, little chatter box,
are doing all of them
for both of us!”

“But, being with you just feels right. No
matter what we’re doing,
with you I feel at ease. I can trust you; I can confide in you; I can
count on
you. There is nothing I’d be afraid or shy to tell you! On top of it,
you make
me die with pleasure, mister!”

“Die with
pleasure, you say?
I just
died in your arms tonight...
” he started to sing.

“Scorpions! Oh, you are a terrible singer!”

“Good enough for you to recognize the song! And
now, that we’re in
the declaration phase, allow me to share my thoughts and feelings with
you.”

“I thought you did. But nothing will please me
more than hearing all
of it once more!”

“The most important things don’t hurt to be
told twice, do they? So,
allow me to start. I love you!
Je t’aime! Te iubesc! Te Amo!
I
love your
natural beauty, delicate figure, soft baby skin. I love the way you
are, shy
but daring, fearful but curious, proud, but so easy going. And because
I love
you, each morning I want to be the one making you moan for the first
time, groan
of pleasure for the first time, scream for more for the first time.
Each day I
want to let myself be possessed by this uncontrollable desire for your
beautiful, responsive body. And each day I want to protect you, to have
you by
my side, to help you follow your dreams, to be your friend, your
confidant,
your mentor, your partner! I want to be everything for you and I want
you to be
everything for me.”

“What will happen when this holiday is over?” I
asked him giving
voice to my worse fear.

“Wherever you’ll go, I’ll go. As long as we’re
together I’ll be the
happiest and luckiest guy in the world. I know you’re right. I’m not
the most
impressive guy. I don’t drive a fancy car and I don’t have a big
mansion by the
lake. Or not yet. I’m not a lawyer, a doctor or some gifted businessman
you can
show off with. And I’m definitely not the most handsome guy going after
you.
You, on the other hand, are perfect. You are bright, beautiful, fun to
be with,
you make love like a goddess, you cook better than a chef, you are any
man’s
dream! You can make any man fall in love with you! Although Prince
William
might be unavailable!”

“There’s always his brother!”

“Indeed, leave alone all the rest of unmarried
royal heads!”

“But I want you, silly!”

“This time you are the silly one, missy! I’m
just a terrible lucky
fellow! But, as your faithful servant now and forever, your wish is my
command!
So, if you want me, there is nothing in the world that will stop me
from being
with you. Jobs, countries, houses are all details. Together we’ll
figure them
all out. The big question is: will you marry me, Dora?”

“I might…” I paused.

I could see his face turning from red to pale
and his eyes changing
from clear blue to dark blue.

“Yes, I will marry you Tomás, my ordinary,
beautiful, silly lover
and friend! Just as a side note before we tie the knot, two things:
first, how
did you know my name was Dora when you left me the note in Amsterdam?”

“Remember the condom store in
Amsterdam selling ecstasy pills too?
When you were there with your friend, I was there too. There was
something about
you that made my heart skip a beat. It never happened to me before.”

“Thank heavens. Otherwise, I’d be talking to
your spirit now.”

“Ha! Don’t interrupt me. I’m really making an
effort here. So, I
heard Jessica calling you Dora. All day I had been following you. And,
oh my
God, didn’t you two walk a lot? I followed you down to the Diamonds
Museum, the main plaza, even to that terrible Turkish restaurant you
guys had lunch at.
I could definitely have skipped that part. I got a terrible tummy ache
after eating
there. But love requires sacrifice. I even followed you to your house.
All the
time I was hoping for a chance to talk to you alone. As it did not
happen, I
trusted my instincts and left you that note. And now, here we are.”

“A toast for your instincts! May they be 
all the
time
as right as
they were on that day!”

“A toast for your courage to respond to me! May
your adventurous
spirit take you as far as you’d like to go and always a step further!
What was
the second thing?”

“I lied to you.”

“I know you’ve never been to Paris before,” he
said calmly.

“How did you know?”

“The maps on your bed? Your desire not to let
any stone unturned and
see each thing on the postcards? Pick whichever you like. Plus, I let
you alone
two times and in both cases you got lost.”

“Don’t worry about getting lost. It’s an old
dear habit of mine,” I
said, while the image of Stallion suddenly came back to my mind. Just
that this
time, I did not feel pain or confusion. This time I felt relief.
Leaving him
was the right thing to do. I was happy. And I hoped wherever he was and
whoever
he was with, he was at least as happy as I was.

Dora’s
Journal Notes

• Love
  is the strongest when friendship marries
  insatiable lust.
  
• Save
  the ruins of the
  past only after saving the children of the future.
  
• The answers found
  in books are a bit
  like the daily horoscope. Some of them might be right for you, others
  only for
  your neighbor. Get your own from living your own reality.
  
• Surrender to love
  and love will surrender
  to you.