When Fangirls Cry (11 page)

            Chloe didn’t even flinch. “I know that.”

            Her words made Staffan narrow his gaze. “What fucking game are you playing now?”

            Her answering laugh was bitter. “The silly thing about this is that I should be playing a game, doing my best to seduce you or make you pity me but…I’m not. There’s no game.”

            Impatience made Staffan frown. “Get to the fucking point---”

            “I met her.”

            He inhaled sharply, her words confirming his earlier suspicions. “Just stay the fuck away from her,” he said tightly before turning away. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This wasn’t part of the plan. He shouldn’t fucking care what Saffi thought he was doing with Chloe. He shouldn’t. But he fucking did.

            “So I was right,” Chloe said from behind him. “You love her.” He spun around to snarl at Chloe, but she beat him to it, saying with that same unnerving cynical twist on her lips, “And for some reason, she loves you too.”

            “Shut up!” He didn’t like the way she was saying the words. It was as if he didn’t deserve Saffi’s love, as if Saffi’s betrayal could be forgotten just by wishing it away.

            “She paid me to leave, you know. She begged me not to hurt you. She even cried, the stupid girl.” When Staffan only looked at her, she said savagely, “I’m doing you a fucking favor! Can’t you fucking see that what happened to us – what
I did
to you – is making you act like a fucking asshole when she doesn’t deserve it?”

            “Figures you’d take her side,” he snapped derisively even as his heart furiously beat at Chloe’s words. “Both of you being a slut---”

            Chloe cut him off with a fuck-off flip of her finger. “It’s your call, Staffan. But I’m telling you – you’re close to fucking this up. For some shitty reason, that girl wants to love you to death. She wants to love you forever but even if she wants to – it won’t fucking last, Staffan. The same way that you used to love me and it didn’t last. Someone will come and that person – if he’s smart – he’s going to snatch Saffi away and then you’d be too fucking late.”

            She didn’t wait for him to answer, sauntering off with her chin up in the air. For some insane reason, Chloe had gained his respect with that – something Staffan had thought was fucking impossible after everything she had done.

            As he finally slid back into the driver seat of his car, Staffan felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It was a text message from Bob.

            Saffi is headed to her brother’s office, boss. And she’s crying.

            Staffan’s heart pounded wildly in his chest. When they had broken up, she had done her best to avoid having her family see her in pain. Only the greatest hurt, the most desperate motives could make Saffi reach out to her family like this.

            Without another thought, Staffan shifted the gear for maximum speed.

            Chloe’s words beat his brain like a mallet as he drove like hell to Steel March’s office.
Someone will come and that person – if he’s smart – he’s going to snatch Saffi away and then you’d be too fucking late.

No fucking away, Staffan thought grimly. He would not let Saffi leave him. Whatever happened, he just could not let her leave him.

Saffi March changed her name to Saffi March-Aehrenthal

            Everyone who was ever employed or was still employed by March Enterprises would always pity Sapphire March.

            Saffi knew that, had always known that, and she had long accepted it. Their employees tended to grow old with them, and as a result, all of them were like family to her. All of them had seen how hard it was for her to make friends in high school because she was
different.
All of them had witnessed how she had been turned into a local sensation – a private butt of the jokes by their country club associates and their children – when Vania Coolidge had revealed that at sixteen, their high school’s smartest graduate still talked to herself and her fish. The video had been even more humiliating because it had been edited to include comic balloon dialogues from Saffi’s aquatic pets.

            And the made up remarks hadn’t just been crude. They had been vulgar, causing Saffi to be literally sick to her stomach until her parents had rushed her to the E.R. for treatment.

            Every second of that video was still vividly imprinted on her mind, never really forgotten – no matter how hard she tried.

            “Hi, Freddie,” she had greeted the rare-breed catfish she had donated to the middle school science laboratory.

            And the video’s editor – one of the most popular football players back then and the current vice-mayor of their town – had made “Freddie” answer. “
Hi, fish momma. Some day, I’m gonna figure out how to get you alone and fill your tummy with fish eggs so we can make fish babies together.”
The scene had segued to Saffi’s face superimposed on the heads of tiny fish.

            Even then, Saffi could not make herself ask for her family’s help. They had given it. She had been thankful for it. But she had not asked for it because she wanted to be strong, wanted to find a way to make them proud on her own.

            But this time, she had no pride left.

            When she got to Steel’s office, it was clear he was already waiting for her. He had a phone to his ear, and she had a feeling it was one of his security men, reporting to him about what had just happened. She wouldn’t put it past Steel. He had always felt a special need to protect her ever since that awful night.

            At the sight of her, Steel ended the call. “Out.” He did not take his gaze away as he spoke the word and the group of harried-looking executives seated around the conference table hastened to do his bidding.

            When the door closed behind the last executive to leave, Steel said quietly, “Come here, baby girl.”

            Saffi rushed to him, and she was already crying by the time his arms closed around her. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry for being weak.”

            “You’re the strongest person I know, baby. You just have a different way of showing it.” Steel hugged his sister as tightly as he could, wishing there was a fucking way for him to absorb her pain. Everything that happened to her since that goddamn night during her high school graduation was his fault, and Steel knew he would feel that way his entire life.

            “I issued a check---”

            “Sssh. It’s okay, I know. It will be good.”

            “I can’t lose him to her, Steel. I love him too much.”

            The words pained Steel to hear. He couldn’t see how a gentle sweet soul like his sister could want such an asshole. He pulled away, needing to look into Saffi’s eyes as he urged her harshly, “Divorce him, Saffi. I was wrong. I was goddamn wrong to force you to marry him.” He started to say more when he saw a red light flickering from his desk, indicating a security matter.

            “Saffi?”

            Something in Steel’s voice made her look up in fear. “What is it?”

            “Your husband is coming up.” The curtly spoken words had barely left Steel’s mouth before his doors flew open and Staffan came stalking in, past Steel’s hapless-looking secretary. Steel nodded a dismissal before turning to his brother-in-law. Steel had never felt strongly enough about anyone outside his family, but this man was fast proving to be an exception. He despised Staffan Aehrenthal to the point of becoming unreasonable, and his tenuous grip on his temper was quickly eroding with every instance he saw his baby sister being hurt.

            Staffan’s fists clenched at the way Steel had his arm protectively around Saffi’s slim shoulders. It didn’t fucking matter that he was Saffi’s brother. He was a fucking man and in the mood he was in, he did not any other man touching Saffi.

            “What’s this? A touching family reunion and I wasn’t called to be a part of it?”

            Saffi jerked at the jeering note in Staffan’s voice, but she still couldn’t make herself look at him.

            Steel’s temper rose when he felt his sister’s body jump at Staffan’s tone. He said between clenched teeth, “You are five seconds away from being dragged out of here by security.”

            Staffan laughed. “Pretty boy like you can’t handle me on your fucking own, is that it?”

            Steel tensed.

            Knowing that at any moment the two could get into a fistfight, Saffi made herself look at Staffan. A silent cry of alarm went through her. Staffan looked furious and had sounded like it, which had terrified Saffi. If he had found out about Chloe and was going to take her to task for it, she knew she would never survive the pain.

            But it wasn’t that.

            Beyond the fury, there was a lost, wild look in Staffan’s eyes, as if his back had been forced against a wall and he didn’t know where else to turn.

            “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

            Staffan’s virulent look made her flinch. “You tell me, Saffi,” he snarled. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

            Steel answered for her. “She’s here because she’s leaving you---”

            “Over my dead body,” Staffan growled, starting for Steel.

            “No!” Saffi managed to move in front of Steel before Staffan could reach her brother.

            Steel smiled icily. “That can easily be arranged.”

            Staffan said grimly, “I’ll kill you first.”

            Saffi tried pushing Staffan away but he wouldn’t budge, didn’t even move an inch. “Staffan!”    When he didn’t look at her, she changed tactics and looked up at Steel instead. “Please, Steel, don’t make this worse.”

            “The only way this is not going to end with one of us killing the other is if you tell me why you’re here,” Staffan said coldly behind her.

            She froze at his words, even as her heartbeat escalated into a panicky rhythm. Oh my God, could he know? Did he know?

            At her silence, Staffan asked bitterly, “Are you trying to think of another lie, Saffi?”

            She whirled around at those words, aghast at what he was thinking, at how betrayed Staffan sounded. “No!” Her voice broke as she repeated fiercely, “No!”

            The look in Staffan’s face made her cry. “I’m not lying, Staffan. Please believe me.”

            “Saffi.” Steel was warning her, protecting her.

            She loved him for it, knew he had a reason of warning her against telling Staffan the truth but the look in Staffan’s beautiful eyes was unbearable. He hurt and because of that, she hurt too, badly.             “I saw Chloe this afternoon,” she whispered.

            Staffan jerked.

            She quickly looked down, not wanting to see the look in Staffan’s eyes as she confessed the truth. “I gave her a check for a million dollars,” she admitted haltingly. “I wanted her to go – to never bother you again.”

            Saffi’s head suddenly jerked up. “I won’t give you up to her. I know you hate my guts now – but Staffan, she doesn’t deserve you. You’re too good for her.” Saffi took deep gulps of air, trying to find a way to make it easier to breathe through the pain was choking her from the inside. “If you’re going to forgive – then forgive
me
instead. Forgive me and I promise I won’t ever hurt you again. I’ll always love you.” She looked at him with eyes that shamelessly begged. “Forgive
me
instead, Staffan.”

            “That girl wants to love you to death. She wants to love you forever.”

            “Tell me the truth.” The words felt like they had to be ripped out of him because it goddamn terrified him to do this again – to put his trust in Saffi when every instinct he possessed told him he was being stupid to even consider it.

            “Tell me the truth and we’ll move on, we’ll never talk about it again.” He looked at her, not bothering to conceal how her betrayal had torn him to pieces, so much so that Staffan didn’t feel he could ever be complete again.

            “We’ve only been married for just a few fucking days and you’re already tearing me apart.
Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant? WHY?”

            “I told you,” Saffi cried out. “It was because I was afraid you wouldn’t be happy---”

            “That’s fucking bullshit and you know it!” Staffan roared. “How could you fucking think I wouldn’t be happy if we had a baby? I
loved
you, Saffi. I
loved
you so why the fuck wouldn’t I be happy to have another part of you that would always be mine?”

            She sobbed so hard at his question that it drove Saffi to her knees. Oh, how easy Staffan made it sound! He had told her he loved her. He had made her feel like he loved her, but all these years she had learned to accept that no one outside her family could understand her – that no one would ever care to love her because she was too different.

            How could she
not
think he wouldn’t be happy?

            “I was young---”

            “Stop with the fucking lies! Just because you’re young doesn’t make you stupid. You’re one of the goddamn smartest persons I know, Saffi!”

            But she wasn’t smart where it counted. Saffi wasn’t smart at all because if she was, she would have trusted him, and then none of this would have happened.

            “Why, Saffi, just tell me goddamn why…” Staffan sank to his knees in front of her, and the sight of him kneeling made Saffi want to cry endlessly.

            Oh God, if only she had trusted him to love her and the baby!

            “Why?” The sound of Staffan’s heart breaking with that one word was audible, and her heart splintered into pieces along with it.

            Maybe, she thought dully, maybe…maybe some lies could have a good ending.

            There was only one way out here, one way to have Staffan back in her life, and the price for it would have to be another lie.

            “I’m sorry.” She forced herself to look at Staffan as she said tremulously, “I’m sorry I lied to you. I turned to Jeremy for comfort…it was just that one night. And I…I needed you so badly. So this baby could be his. But I promise if you take me back…I won’t ever lie to you again.”

            She took his hand. “So please---” Her voice caught. “Please, please, please forgive me---”

            Staffan hauled her to him, his lips covering hers. And as they kissed and tasted her tears in between, Saffi prayed that this time she was lying for all the right reasons – even if it didn’t feel like it.