When Hari Met His Saali (26 page)

‘When did you learn to talk to me like that?’

‘I am just expressing myself. You’re not the only one who can be blunt!’

‘How dare you?’

‘What? He put a ring on my finger in front of three hundred people, did
you forget that?’ Simi was not going to back down now. She was tired of always being the third wheel.

‘I’ll fucking put you back on the first flight to India before you can spell America, bitch!’ Tia was, of course, not known to back down.

Simi felt hurt by that and tears gathered in her eyes. She had a very low threshold when someone called her a bitch.

‘Maybe you should, Tia,’ she said somberly.

‘I have to pee.’ Hari interjected.

‘What?’ Tia asked.

‘If I don’t pee now, my bladder will burst.’ As usual with Hari, it was difficult to tell if it was the truth.

‘Shut the fuck up, Hari!’ Tia said dismissively.

‘I’ll pee in your car!’ Hari warned.

Tia braked immediately.

He got out and rushed behind a roadside tree.

There was silence in the car, until Simi took the initiative.

‘You know, in
our
India, people say that in America the police arrest you if you pee in the open like that.’

‘You pee roadside in India, Simi?’ Tia wanted to leave behind the ugly spat and indulged her.

‘Of course not, but there’s a joke. An Indian and an American are talking about peeing by the roadside; the American says, “In our country if we pee in the open the cops come and hold you”. The Indian says “Wow, in our country we have to hold it ourselves!”. Get it?’ Simi smiled at her own joke.

‘Of course I do,’ Tia smiled.

‘Umm, sorry Simi, I am a little stressed. You see, I am getting married in three weeks’ time and my husband to be has ended up getting engaged to another woman. So forgive me if I am short-tempered these days.’

Simi realized that Tia was saying it earnestly and she knew it was the absolute truth. Any woman would be as stressed out as Tia was.

‘I am sorry, I lost my temper. I can only imagine how you must be feeling,’ Simi said, also trying to make peace.

‘So are we good?’ Tia asked.

‘Yes we are, and I promise you that no matter what he does or says to me, I always see him as yours and not mine. Honestly!’

‘What’s taking him so long?’ Tia asked. They couldn’t see him behind the tree.

Moments later Hari came running to the car and jumped into the back seat excitedly.

‘I just came up with something … in Hindi!’ Hari exclaimed as Tia put the car into gear.

‘What now, Hari?’

Hari positioned himself and then rubbed his hands together.

‘OK, this is for you Simi:

Na muskurane ko jee chahta hai,

Na kuch khane-peene, na sone ko jee chahta hai,

Ye dil ka confusion ab bardaast nahi hota,

Sab chhod kar ab raste pe pee-pee karne ko jee chahta hai.
’

And then he waited for a response.

Simi got it first and started laughing.

‘It’s actually a horrible poem but it’s a funny one.’

‘Tell me, tell me, I didn’t get all of it,’ Tia wanted to participate as well, badly.

‘He basically said that, as a forlorn lover, these days he doesn’t feel like smiling or like eating or drinking or sleeping, that there’s some confusion in his head which is making him drop everything and go peeing in the middle of the road,’ Simi explained to Tia as they laughed.

‘Where did you read that, Hari? And even if you did, how did you remember it?’ Tia asked, amazed at how in the world Hari could remember a couplet like that in Hindi.

Thankfully the rest of the drive was uneventful, although it was a strange triangle of emotions. Hari wouldn’t stop looking at Simi with a satisfied silly grin on his face, Tia noticed it jealously in the rearview mirror and Simi was conflicted as she stared out of the window.

It was for the first time that Tia sensed Simi’s confusion. It should have been easier for her to guess about what, but she did not want to entertain
that
idea. After all, Tia had been so caught up in her own agenda, it did not even occur to her to wish Simi for her birthday.

The next morning — Tia’s apartment

Tia woke Simi up early.

‘Good morning,
sistah
! I was thinking about what you said last night. The
videowalla
will have recorded Xavier as he was trying to say the release word. Come, come. We are going to his studio to find out.’

Simi decided not to mention that she had a throbbing headache and it didn’t help that when they were driving Tia was very excited and wouldn’t stop talking.

‘We will pick up Hari and head out to see the video guy. I have a feeling everything is going to be OK today.’

Over at Hari’s house, since Tia had called him ahead of time, he was sitting ready when Chitthi went into his room.

‘How are you, Hari?’ he asked.

‘I am feeling great, Chitthi, how are you?’ Hari had gotten up and hugged him like a long-lost brother.

‘Whoa, that is some hug. OK, now why don’t you sit down.’ Chitthi had him sit on the bed.

‘Hari, it’s been sixteen days since your engagement. You do remember what happened that night, right?’

‘Of course; I got engaged to Simi, finally.’

‘Look around you Hari, what do you see in your room?’

‘I see a happy man’s room.’

‘You see the woman in all these pictures? On the walls, on your desk, on the table next to your bed, on the screensaver on your laptop, in your wallet? You see, that woman is Tia and not Simi.’

‘I know that.’

‘And do you know why you have so many pictures of Tia, and none of Simi?’

‘Because I was in a relationship with Tia, but now I am dedicated to Simi.’

Hari paused before finishing his sentence.

‘I am waiting till I have enough pictures of Simi so that I can replace them.’

Chitthi felt creepy, worried and amused all at once.

‘OK dude, one last question. Are you seriously hypnotized?’

‘I don’t know if you can call it hypnotized, but since that night after that old guy on stage told me to love Simi, I only love Simi.’

‘And what about Tia?’

‘I have no feelings for her.’

‘You’re joking right? You’re just messing with her right? Messing with all of us right? You’re faking it right?’

Before Hari could answer, Tia had stormed in without knocking.

Chitthi was grateful for her timing, throwing his hands in the air.

‘Take him. He is useless in the office.’

‘Boss, you are ill,’ he said to Hari. ‘Please take your time to recover. I’ll handle everything at the office.’

Tia had literally pushed and shoved and dragged Hari like he was a dog who needed to be cajoled. She even used Simi as sweet bait.

‘Sim-Sim, you walk ahead, he’ll follow you.’

One hour later — The videographer’s studio

Tia sensed that Carlos, the Cuban-American videographer and perpetual hippie whom Tia had only hired only because he came highly recommended by three different sources, was probably high on something even at ten-thirty a.m. The studio reeked of weed and he was unnecessarily jubilant.

Tia made Simi and Hari sit with her as they watched hours and hours worth of footage on Carlos’ Mac computer. Sure enough, he had recorded Xavier having the attack and trying to say the release word, and sure enough he was trying to say something beginning with the letter “O”.

Tia made Carlos rewind and replay that part of the footage several times as they all guessed what he was trying to say. But it was to no avail.

‘Let me see if I can isolate the audio,’ Carlos said finally.

For the next ten minutes he did some tinkering to isolate Xavier’s audio. As they all leaned forward towards the speakers, they could faintly hear Xavier saying ‘Otta …’.

Tia was frantically noting down the possibilities. She had even brought along a Webster’s dictionary. Another round of words was tried, but again to no avail. Tia had gone through the entire “O” section of the alphabet.

At one point, Tia made Hari sit on a chair and ran all the words by him as he sat there. Then she made him face a mirror and say all the words to himself. Simi started to feel sorry for Hari. He was being very cooperative but was getting tired.

Carlos had lit up one of his special cigarettes and was watching them while blowing smoke rings in the air when something suddenly occurred to him.

‘Hey, you know, why don’t you have him dance as you say the word … in a booming voice like that crazy magician?’

‘How will that help?’ Simi asked.

‘I don’t know, I remember he made someone do a crazy dance, right?’ Carlos shrugged his shoulders. Tia thought for a moment and then pulled Hari up onto his feet.

‘Yes, physical movement may jolt him out of the spell,’ she said. Hari looked at Simi in a pleading way. She simply nodded.

Do this last thing, please.

Carlos fired up some music and Hari started dancing. Gradually Carlos
started dancing next to him. The studio was booming with music and he even urged Tia to join in.

‘Create an ambience, a mood like that night.’ He was just bullshitting, he was definitely high and probably just wanted to dance.

‘C’mon Hari, shake that booty, shake it, shake it,’ Tia said, gyrating next to Hari.

When she saw that Hari was not putting his all into the dance, Tia dragged Simi to the dance floor.

‘You shake your ass and he will dance like a puppy.’

She made Hari and Simi dance like they were rehearsing for a reality show.

‘C’mom, we can do it. You can do it!’

An hour later Tia, Hari and Simi were sitting in her car exhausted and sweaty. When Carlos had passed out on the studio floor from all the weed dancing, it was time to go.

‘Tia, I think it is clear now that only Xavier can bring him out of the spell. Barry Uncle said that his vitals were strong now and he could recover consciousness soon,’ Simi said, again trying to be supportive.

‘Let’s hope so. But I was thinking that maybe I should rent that hall again; ask Minto to replicate the entire evening just like that night, we can even call all three hundred guests back. You know they’ll come for the food and booze. And we’ll create the same feeling, the spotlight and all, and then have Hari walk from the stage towards me and then … then …’

Hari interrupted her as he wiped some serious sweat from his forehead.

‘Why can’t you just accept that I love her?’

That silenced Tia who simply put the car into gear and as it picked up acceleration, so did her tears.

She didn’t know what else to do.

Both Hari and Tia could have used a handkerchief. Simi gave hers to Hari, who gratefully used it to wipe clean his sweat.

Two days later

Stephan was planning a trip to New York again and wanted Tia to accompany him. The committee wanted to look at their work-in-progess reports and discuss a further plan of action. Tia had told him she was ready from her end, and whenever it was decided, she would go.

Simi was regularly writing emails to
Mausaji
to lie that she was doing great and enjoying her stay in L.A. with Tia. She didn’t even know how to begin
to tell them what had actually happened and whatwas going on. She would send her regards to her mother via him, as well as lie that Tia missed them as well.

Everyone’s only hope and prayer was that Xavier would recuperate soon and bring Hari out of the spell to restore some sanity.

That night after dinner Mary went into Hari’s room. He stood up from his desk.

‘What are you up to, Hari?’ she asked.

‘Nothing, Mom, just doing some work from home, haven’t been to the office lately.’ Hari was standing there as if he was in the principal’s office with his hands behind his back.

‘Why don’t you go to the office, it’ll be a nice change from sitting in your room all day long.’ Mary was being equally cautious. Hari didn’t respond but just nodded.

She took his hand and sat him down on the bed.

‘Hari, your father is downstairs and the news is not good. Xavier has slipped into a coma and your father thinks the chances of him recovering are almost nil.’

Hari’s expression changed to sadness.

‘Tch … too bad, he was a nice man. I really liked him.’

‘Yes he was, Hari, but your wedding is in a week and you, you, you are supposed to get married to Tia but you’ve been after Simi …’

‘I am not after Simi, Mom, I am her fiancé,’ Hari responded.

‘No you are not,
bete.
You and Tia have been together for six years. It was all planned. Here, see this invitation card? It has yours and Tia’s names on it.’ Mary showed him the card.

‘I know, Mom, it’s not like I have forgotten anything, but I just don’t feel the same towards her now. She could be my friend but I will marry only Simi.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I love her!’

‘How?’

‘Mom, why was it so easy for you to believe that I was in love with Tia, but difficult to believe that I could be in love with Simi? What’s wrong with Simi? She is a nice girl, why can’t you believe that your son wants to be with a girl like her?’

‘You can’t fall in love with someone just like that, in a day?’ Mary was trying hard to not throw a fit here.

‘You did.’

‘What?’

‘You have told me so many times that you fell in love with dad the instant you saw him.’

‘But, but … it was arranged. I told you … in a manner of speaking. I mean, regardless, I was going to marry him. He was already chosen by my parents. When I saw him for the first time everything was already arranged.’ Mary was regretting telling him her story.

‘But you did fall in love just like that! Why can’t I?’ Hari had no desire to win this argument. It sounded like Buddha speaking calmly and knowingly.

‘Because, because …
bete
, I am lost, I don’t know what to tell you.’

‘Don’t be sad. Since the engagement night everyone has been treating me like I am some mentally challenged man, but I am not lost, in fact I am more certain of marrying Simi than I ever was about Tia.
That
I clearly know!’