When Harry Met Sally (7 page)

INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM—NIGHT
Harry in bed on the phone watching
Casablanca.

HARRY
    Ingrid Bergman. Now
she's
low maintenance.

SALLY
    Low maintenance?

HARRY
    Yeah. There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

SALLY
    And Ingrid Bergman is low maintenance?

HARRY
    An L.M. Definitely.

SALLY
    Which am I?

HARRY
    You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance.

SALLY
    I don't see that.

HARRY
    You don't see that?
(mimicking her)
“Waiter, I'll begin with the house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side, and then the salmon with mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side.” “On the side” is a very big thing for you.

SALLY
    Well, I just want it the way I want it.

HARRY
    I know. High maintenance.

Sally smiling
.

Bogart says, “Louie, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    Ooh. Best last line of a movie, ever.

As the movie ends
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    I'm definitely coming down with something. Probably a twenty-four-hour tumor. They're going around.

SALLY
    You don't have a tumor.

HARRY
    How do you know?

SALLY
    If you're so worried, go see a doctor.

HARRY
    No, he'll just tell me it's nothing.

SALLY
    Will you be able to sleep?

HARRY
    If not, I'll be okay.

SALLY
    What'll you do?

HARRY
    I'll stay up and moan. Maybe I should practice now.

He starts moaning
.

SALLY
    Good night, Harry.

HARRY
    Good night.

They hang up. Harry remains in his place among the pillows on his bed. He moans again
.

Sally turns off the light by her bed, and as she does, her side of the screen goes BLACK
.

Another moan from Harry
.

FADE OUT
.

FADE IN:

EXT. STREET—DAY
Harry and Sally walking in front of pillars and a building
.

HARRY
    I had my dream again. Where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I've nailed the compulsories, so this is it. The finals. I get a 9.8 from the Canadian. I get a perfect 10 from the American. And my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gives me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.

CUT TO
:

EXT. CENTRAL PARK ARBOR—DAY
Harry and Sally in the park on a gorgeous fall day
.

SALLY
    Basically it's the same one I've been having since I was twelve.

HARRY
    What happens?

SALLY
    No, it's too embarrassing.

HARRY
    Don't tell me.

SALLY
    Okay. There's this guy.

HARRY
    What's he look like?

SALLY
    I don't know. He's just kind of faceless.

HARRY
    A faceless guy. Okay. Then what happens?

SALLY
    He rips off my clothes.

HARRY
    Then what happens?

SALLY
    That's it.

HARRY
    That's it? A faceless guy rips off your clothes. And that's the sex fantasy you've been having since you were twelve? Exactly the same?

SALLY
    Well, sometimes I vary it a little.

HARRY
    Which part?

SALLY
    What I'm wearing.

Harry reacts
.

SALLY
    (
CONT'D
)    What?

HARRY
    Nothing.

CUT TO
:

INT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM—DUSK
Harry and Sally are walking through the Egyptian Temple exhibit
.

HARRY
    
(in a funny voice)
    I've decided that for the rest of the day we are going to talk like this.

SALLY
    
(trying to imitate him)
    Like this.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    No, please. To repeat after me. Pepper.

SALLY
    
(trying to imitate)
    Pepper.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Pepper.

SALLY
    
(laughing, still trying)
    Pepper.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Pepper.

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    Pepper.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Pepper.

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    Pepper.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    Waiter, there is too much pepper …

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    … there is too much pepper … on my paprikash.

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    … on my paprikash.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.

Harry smiles, waits for her to repeat. Sally shakes her head
.

HARRY
    (
CONT'D
)    
(funny voice)
    But I would be proud …

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    But I would be proud …

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    … to partake …

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    … to partake …

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    … of your pecan pie.

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    … of your pecan pie.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Pecan pie.

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    Pecan pie.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Pecan pie.

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    Pecan pie.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Would you like to go to the movies with me tonight?

SALLY
    
(imitating)
    Would … you … like … to go …

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    Not to repeat, please, to answer. Would you like to go to the movies … with me tonight?

SALLY
    
(in her regular voice)
    Oh, oh, oh, I'd love to, Harry, but I can't.

HARRY
    
(still in funny voice)
    What do you have, a hot date?

SALLY
    Well, yeah. Yeah.

HARRY
    
(in his regular voice)
    Really?

SALLY
    Yeah, I was going to tell you, but … I don't know. I felt strange about it.

HARRY
    Why?

SALLY
    Well, because we've been spending so much time together …

HARRY
    Well, I think it's great you have a date.

SALLY
    You do?

HARRY
    Yeah.
(leaning in conspiratorially)
    Is that what you're going to wear?

SALLY
    Yeah. Well, I don't know. Why?

HARRY
    I think you should wear skirts more. You look really good in skirts.

SALLY
    I do?

HARRY
    Yeah. You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are really an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy.

SALLY
    You know, Harry, you should get out there, too.

HARRY
    
(in the funny voice again)
    Oh, I'm not ready.

SALLY
    You should.

HARRY
    
(funny voice)
    I would not be good for anybody right now.

SALLY
    It's time.

CUT TO
:

INT. HARRY'S APARTMENT—DAY
Harry and Sally are unrolling a new rug
.

HARRY
    It was the most uncomfortable night of my life.

SALLY
    Well, the first date back is always the toughest, Harry.

HARRY
    You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?

SALLY
    How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head, and start flossing with it at the table?

HARRY
    You're talking dream date compared to my horror. I started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking in this Ethiopian restaurant she wanted to go to. I was making jokes, like, “Hey, I didn't know they had food in Ethiopia. This'll be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave.” Nothing from her, not even a smile. So I downshift into small talk, and I ask her where she went to school and she says Michigan State and this reminds me of Helen. All of a sudden I'm in the middle of this massive anxiety attack, my heart's beating like a wild man, and I'm sweating like a pig.

SALLY
    Helen went to Michigan State?

HARRY
    No. She went to Northwestern. But they're both Big Ten schools.
(beat)
I was so upset, I had to leave the restaurant.

SALLY
    Harry, I think it takes a long time. It might be months before we're actually able to enjoy going out with someone new.

HARRY
    Yeah.

SALLY
    And maybe even longer before we'll be actually able to go to bed with someone new.

HARRY
    Oh, I went to bed with her.

SALLY
    You went to bed with her?

HARRY
    Sure.

SALLY
    Oh.

CUT TO
:

INT. BATTING CAGE IN QUEENS—DAY
Harry and Jess with bats in hand as the machine pitches
.

JESS
    I don't understand this relationship.

HARRY
    What do you mean?

JESS
    You enjoy being with her?

HARRY
    Yeah.

JESS
    You find her attractive?

HARRY
    Yeah.

JESS
    And you're not sleeping with her?

HARRY
    No.

JESS
    You're afraid to let yourself be happy.

HARRY
    Why can't you give me credit for this? This is a big thing for me, I've never had a relationship with a woman that didn't involve sex. I feel like I'm growing.

One NINE-YEAR-OLD is waiting to use the batting cage and is watching Harry and Jess just stand there
.

NINE-YEAR-OLD
    Are you finished?

HARRY
    I got a whole stack of quarters and I was here first.

NINE-YEAR-OLD
    Were not.

HARRY
    Was too.

NINE-YEAR-OLD
    Were not.

HARRY
    Was too.

NINE-YEAR-OLD
    You jerk.

HARRY
    Creep.    
(back to Jess)
    Where was I?

JESS
    You were growing.

HARRY
    Yeah. It's very freeing. I can say anything to her.

JESS
    Are you saying you can say things to her you can't say to me?

HARRY
    No, it's just different. It's a whole different perspective. I get the woman's point of view on things. She tells me about the men she goes out with and I can talk to her about the women I see.

JESS
    You tell her about other women?

HARRY
    Yeah. Like the other night I made love to this woman and it was so incredible, I took her to a place that wasn't human. She actually meowed.

JESS
    You made a woman meow?

HARRY
    Yes. That's the point. I can say these things to her. And the great thing is, I don't have to lie because I'm not always thinking about how to get her into bed. I can just be myself.

JESS
    You made a woman meow?