When Love Is Enough (23 page)

But Gabriel wasn’t anywhere in sight.

Her breathing raced, her blood roared against her ears, her legs went weak beneath her. And the
Silver Star
rocked as the sailors released the vessel from its moorings and it sailed out to sea.

"Where’s Gabriel, Austin?"

"Don’t worry about Gabe, Liddy."

"Where is he?" she asked again, frantically combing the deck for sight of him.

"Austin?"

Austin anchored his hands at her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Gabe will be all right. He’ll get to us somehow."

She couldn’t believe what he’d just said. "He’s still back there?"

Lydia ran to the starboard side of the ship and stared toward the harbor. "How is he going to get out of France?"

"Liddy, don’t."

"Tell me! How is he going to get home?"

"Captain Faraday had one of his men hide a small boat down the coast. We’re going to sail a couple of miles downstream and wait until midnight. If Gabe can get to the boat in time, he’ll row out and meet us."

"But the French have every inch of coastline guarded. He’ll never make it past them without getting killed."

"If anyone can make it through French lines, Gabe can."

Every nerve in Lydia’s body trembled. She didn’t want him to risk his life for them – not again. Didn’t want him to be a hero. Didn’t want to learn to live without him – not again. She wanted him here, safe, with her.

"What if he can’t get to us by midnight?"

"Then he’ll go inland. Captain Faraday will return in two weeks."

"But they’ll be waiting for him. By then they’ll know what he’s done."

"Liddy, stop."

Austin held up his hand to silence her, then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. For a long time neither of them spoke. When he did, his words chilled her to her bone.

"How’d you let this happen?" he whispered.

Lydia stiffened against him.

"Gabe told you he couldn’t marry you. Nothing has changed. Father signed an agreement with the Duke of Chisolmwood that you would marry his son. You don’t have a choice in this." Austin swiped his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Neither does Gabe. Neither of you did from the beginning."

"Why? Because Gabriel doesn’t have a title?" She hardened the look she gave him. "Because you don’t think he loves me?"

Austin gave a harsh laugh. "Hell. Anyone with two eyes can see he loves you. But love isn’t enough. It never has been."

"Why, then?"

"Don’t, Liddy."

"Why!"

Austin couldn’t hold her gaze. "There are reasons. I’d give anything if you and Gabe hadn’t been caught in the middle of this, but you’re the ones who will pay."

"I don’t understand," she said, because she didn’t.

Austin ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek. "I know you don’t. You have to marry Culbertson. It’s been arranged. Gabe can’t marry you. It’s not possible."

She staggered away from her brother and leaned against the ship’s railing. The French coastline was behind them, growing more distant by the minute. She searched for a small boat sailing toward them, a boat carrying Gabriel. But she saw nothing. Only the vast expanse of water, land and sky. Without Gabriel anywhere in it.

Hannah came to get her and she followed her maid to the cabin the captain had readied for her. She went through the motions, giving Hannah her dress to wash and press so she could put it on again after her bath.

They’d wait until midnight.

She smiled when Austin came to get her for the meal the ship’s cook prepared for them. She pushed the food around on her plate while carrying on a semi-coherent conversation with the Marquess of Culbertson. Then, she pleaded exhaustion early with the promise to go right to bed and get a good night’s sleep.

The minute the Marquess of Culbertson left her at her cabin, she wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and made her way back on deck to watch for Gabriel.

They’d wait until midnight.

She stood in the shadows for hours as she watched out to sea. She concentrated on the direction from which Gabriel would most likely come toward them, but the beautiful French coastline held no promise.

Her fingers and toes grew numb from not moving, her cheeks and nose tingled with the cold, and still she kept her vigil. She had until midnight.

The full moon cast a huge, white glow upon the water. She prayed he’d sail through the light so she’d see him coming. She swore if he came back to her she’d never let him out of her sight again.

The minutes went by, turning to hours. She stared until her eyes burned and she couldn’t feel her legs beneath her. And still she watched.

At first she didn’t realize the small speck on the water might be him. But as he came nearer, she recognized the boat and the man in it. A lump formed in her throat and she blinked fast to keep the tears from falling.

The lookout signaled that Gabriel had been spotted and there was a scurry of activity on deck. Lydia pressed herself into the shadows so she wouldn’t be seen.

Captain Faraday rushed out of the wheelhouse, still buttoning his coat.

Austin ran up the stairs from below with Culbertson close behind him. They all raced to the starboard side of the ship to help Gabriel aboard.

At last a half dozen sailors lowered ropes and Gabriel climbed the ladder.

His progress was slow. As soon as he made his way over the ship’s railing he clutched his thigh. A gasp caught in her throat.

Captain Faraday and the Marquess of Culbertson shook his hand and Austin clasped his fingers atop Gabriel’s shoulder. They talked softly and Gabriel leaned against the railing to take the weight off his leg. He was in pain. She knew it without seeing him take a step.

She stood in the shadows and watched Austin take him to his cabin. Tears ran down her cheeks, burning her skin and causing the ache in her head to worsen.

When she was certain she wouldn’t be seen, she swiped at the tears that refused to stop and stepped out of the shadows.

Into the Marquess of Culbertson’s arms.

___

Gabriel awoke from a dead sleep and knew without looking that someone was in his cabin. Whoever it was hadn’t made a sound, yet he knew they were there.

Close.

Watching him.

After all the years he’d spent in intelligence, it was something he sensed.

He opened his eyes and slowly turned his head to the side.

She stood still, dressed in white, hair cascading around her shoulders, her arms hanging casually at her sides.

"Liddy?"

He started to rise, then dropped the covers back over him. He could hardly stand in front of her naked.

She walked toward him, her bare feet making no sound on the smooth wooden floor. When she reached the side of his bed, she stopped but didn’t speak. After several long seconds she breathed a heavy sigh that shuddered in the silence and reached for the belt at her waist to pull it loose. She pushed the material from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

He stared at her in confusion and when he opened his mouth to speak, she placed her fingers against his lips to quiet him.

In the tension-filled silence, she lifted the edge of his covers and climbed in next to him.

"Liddy?"

"Shh," she whispered. "Words have no place between us. Not tonight."

She rose above him and kissed his lips. Her kiss was gentle and he answered her tender entreaty with all the emotion he possessed. She cupped his cheeks in her palms and kissed him again, then lay down beside him.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She nestled against him, forming to every curve and hollow. With his chin resting against the top of her head and one of his hands cupping her breast, they lay cradled against each other.

The hours went by far too quickly. He didn’t want this night to ever end, but knew it would.

Before he was ready to give her up, she separated herself from him and slid out of bed. She picked up her robe from beside the bed and put it on.

She was ready to leave him but he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to let her go. He wanted to reach for her, to pull her back to him and hold on tight. But that wasn’t possible and he knew it. Chisolmwood had purchased her for his son and he was powerless to prevent it from happening.

She took a step away from him then another until she reached the door. "Gabriel?" she whispered with her hand on the latch. She didn’t turn around. It was as if she didn’t have any more courage than he did when it came to doing what they both knew they must.

"Yes?"

"Is there any way we can ever be together?"

A painful silence followed. His lack of response should have answered her question, but he couldn’t take a chance that she’d harbor any hope. Through a pain that was more agonizing than he could bear, he gave her the only answer he could. "No."

She nodded as if she’d anticipated his response, but her hand trembled as she lowered the latch.

She opened the door and stepped into the corridor.

He didn’t know how it had come to this. He shouldn’t have let her stay the night with him. He shouldn’t have held her in his arms. He shouldn’t have let himself dream that every night could be like this one. But he had no control where she was concerned.

And for the rest of his life he would have to live with this and every other memory they’d shared...

...and lost.

Nothing was real from the time they stepped off the ship in London. Harrison waited for them at the docks with four carriages. One for Hannah and Morgan. One for Austin, Harrison and herself. One to take the Marquess of Culbertson to his residence. And one to take Gabriel away from her.

She pressed her fist against her stomach. She hurt. Oh, dear God, but she hurt. This time when he left her there would be no reason to come back.

They reached Etherhouse and Harrison kept her close as they made their way up the walk. Ruskins opened the door and for the first time in her life the butler wore a smile on his face.

"Welcome home, Lady Lydia," he said with a respectful bow.

"Thank you, Ruskins. It’s good to be home."

Harrison gave the order to bring tea, then led them to the morning room. "Why don’t we sit down? After such a long day, I believe a brandy is in order for both Austin and myself."

Harrison went to the sidebar and poured Austin a brandy. Ruskins opened the door and a servant entered with tea and sandwiches that she set in front of Lydia.

"Ruskins," Harrison said before the butler could leave. "Have Cook kill the fatted calf. I’ve listened to my brother’s stomach growl for more than an hour now. Please, warn her that he’ll undoubtedly devour everything she puts in front of him."

"Very good, sir."

"A toast," Harrison said after Ruskins closed the door behind him.

Austin and Harrison each had their brandy, and Harrison poured Lydia a small glass of sherry so she could join his toast.

"To my brother, who gave me the worst scare of my life, and who I’d miss more than life itself if he hadn’t come back to us."

Harrison and Lydia raised their glasses.

"To Liddy," Harrison continued. "Who put herself in danger, not because she was asked, but because she’s the true hero of our family."

Lydia blushed as her brothers raised their glasses to toast her.

"And to Major Gabriel Talbot," he added. "A dear friend. One who’s not present to hear this, but to whom I owe more than I’ll ever be able to repay. He had in his care the two most important people in my life and he brought them back safely. This isn’t the first time he’s made the ultimate sacrifice for our family and we will forever owe him more than we can pay."

A knowing glance passed between her two brothers and with eyes that glistened with emotion, they drank a toast.

Lydia wasn’t sure what Harrison meant when he said this wasn’t the first time Gabriel had made the ultimate sacrifice for their family, but she assumed he meant the times he’d saved Austin’s life during the war. That had to be it. And yet...

"Now," Harrison said, refilling Austin’s and his glass. "I want to hear this brilliant plan of Gabe’s that got you safely out of France."

Austin related every detail of how they’d hidden in the barrels that Gabriel passed off as refuse. Then, when he feared they’d be discovered, Gabriel had jostled one of the barrels of slop.

Lydia knew if Gabriel were here he’d stop Austin from making him out the hero, but without his interference, it was impossible to lessen his ingenuity and bravery. He
was
a hero. His heroism came out more clearly with every detail Austin revealed. But Gabriel wasn’t here to be a part of their celebration. He’d chosen to make their break clean.

Lydia thought of the night they’d spent in each other’s arms. Was it possible that his world hadn’t changed as drastically as hers?

Was it possible that what they’d shared had meant nothing to him?

A niggling wave of trepidation gnawed away at her, causing an uneasy feeling to sit in the pit of her stomach and refuse to go away.

He’d meant it when he’d said there wasn’t any way they could ever be together, but somehow she knew separating himself from her hadn’t been his choice. She knew he didn’t intend to see her again. But the reason wasn’t because he didn’t care for her enough. She would know if that were the case. If there was one thing she was certain of, it was that Major Gabriel Talbot cared for her. No, not just
cared
for her.

Major Gabriel Talbot
loved
her.

Lydia smiled – not a small grin she could hide behind the cup of tea she’d raised to her mouth, but a wide, euphoric smile that made her want to shout with glee. Gabriel loved her just as she loved him, injured leg included. But there was a reason he’d walked away from her, and it had nothing to do with the dowry he’d used as an excuse not to marry her.

An explosion of light ignited somewhere inside her breast. She wasn’t sure what it meant, but it gave her a glimmer of hope. If she could discover the reason he thought he couldn’t marry her...