When Only Love Remains (15 page)

It’s been six months that Avanti and Devrat have been together, and a lot has changed over the last six months, but Devrat’s still the lost puppy for Avanti and Avanti’s still the intriguing and beautiful girl he had met six months earlier.

It’s a sort of long-distance relationship with varying latitudes and longitudes. When Avanti is in Coimbatore, Devrat’s performing in a college in Vizag, when Avanti is in Bangalore for a quick training session, Devrat’s entertaining a bunch of drunken idiots who know nothing about music in Surat. And yet, they are together.

But today, they are together and the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Today, they complete six months.

They are sitting on a quiet corner of a coffee shop in Mumbai. Devrat wanted her to come over because he couldn’t bear spending their six-months’ anniversary over Skype, and so Avanti took a discounted flight to catch Devrat’s performance where he couldn’t take his eyes off her the entire time.

There’s a half-eaten pastry that Avanti had cut while she sang ‘Happy Birthday’ because she knew no song for anniversaries, and people looked, and Devrat had blushed, and Avanti had retorted by saying it was his idea to celebrate six months of togetherness.

‘You think we shouldn’t celebrate it?’ asks Devrat. He nibbles at the pastry.

‘Obviously I want to. I just want to hear it from you. I’m good with clothes, you’re good with words. And that’s how it should be. Why do you want to celebrate it?’ asks Avanti.

‘You look great in that yellow dress.’

‘Don’t change the topic,’ quips Avanti.

‘I’m not changing the topic. That was the first line of the little speech I didn’t really prepare and if you hadn’t interrupted it I would have continued but now I have lost my rhythm and I think we will have to come back to this some time later.’

Avanti shrugs. ‘Fine. Don’t tell me.’

‘I hate it when you get fake-angry at me for it feels so real,’ argues Devrat.

‘Then you better complete the speech you
didn’t
prepare.’

‘Ummm . . . earlier I used to look at people celebrating every month of their relationships and think, “that’s so wannabe and blah and
ghati
and what not”, but now that I’m in love with you, irrevocably and helplessly, I realize that I was just jealous of them. Now that I have you, every day is worth celebrating, let alone weeks, months and years. We haven’t celebrated our monthly anniversaries but I need to celebrate this. Six months of us. And if you think that I’m being an over-excited six-year-old girl, then so be it.’

Avanti starts to chuckle.

‘See? Now what’s funny?’

‘You would make a cute, six-year-old girl,’ says Avanti and pulls at Devrat’s cheek.

‘Stop it! People are looking. How did we decide we would talk like when people are looking? That you would talk about how big I’m in my briefs and how good am in bed! You should say that, not this “how sweet and cute you’re”! Be a responsible girlfriend and help me with my masculinity and my male ego,’ grumbles Devrat.

‘Fine. Fine.’ And then very dispassionately and loudly, Avanti says, ‘Oh! Devrat. You were so good in bed last night. And you’re so big. You’re the best lover I have had in years. All these people in the café should know how good—’

‘SHUT UP! You have to do it naturally. Okay, fine, don’t do it,’ says Devrat.

The sun is about to set and the waiter comes and lights the little candle on their table.

‘Fancy,’ says Avanti.

‘That was planned.’

‘Yeah, right. Are you finished telling me why you’re in love with me so much? Am I to believe that you had only ten seconds of appreciative words for me? That’s sort of disappointing, Devrat. I’m starting to think that you make someone else write your songs.’

‘You’re such a brat,’ grumbles Devrat.

‘It’s not my fault that my boyfriend spoils me so much.’

‘Why shouldn’t he? You’re like only the best thing in the world. And I’m sure his life without you would suck. I’m confident, every time he wakes up in the middle of the night and sees you lying next to him, he panics for he thinks of days when you wouldn’t be around and he would regret that he didn’t celebrate the days you were around to the fullest. And that would majorly suck,’ explains Devrat. ‘For him.’

‘Yes, I know. He’s pretty sweet like that. I love him for that.’

‘It doesn’t end at that. Your boyfriend keeps talking to me about you. He told me he knew after the first conversation that he couldn’t let go of you. Believe me, he tried to stay away from you. You sat in a taxi, and he tried not to run after it like a homeless man begging for alms. You boarded a flight, and he tried not to board it, too. His first conversation lasted for three days and he still felt he had a lot to say.’

‘Does he love me that much?’ asks Avanti, her eyes welled up.

‘I think so. He panics every time he leaves you. He wonders if it would happen again, if you would talk to him again, if you would still smile after seeing him; if you would still laugh at his jokes, and ask him to sing your favourite song, if you would still make him hear his own songs, over and over again. He had half a mind to kidnap you, take you to his flat and chain you there. Your boyfriend is a little crazy in his head.’

‘And I like him for that,’ says Avanti.

‘Do you know what happened after your first date with him? The day he surprised you on the aircraft?’

‘I don’t know. He never told me. Devrat often keeps things to himself. Why don’t you tell me? You seem to know everything about him,’ says Avanti and rests her chin on her knuckles. Her skin glows from the candle light.
God! She’s beautiful
.

‘After your first date, he spent hours staring at his phone. The fucking anxiety, the helplessness, the fear, it crippled him during that flight back home and he felt like he would die without you. Like literally die. And he still talks to me about that anxiety. It’s there even after six months. I would get him to see a doctor but he says it’s incurable. The desperation to hold on to you for that extra few seconds still grips him on every goodbye and doesn’t subside till the next time he sees you. It’s been six months and he is still not used to your goodbyes. They are still fucking awful.’

‘I’m really sorry for him. Devrat is a bit of a clinger. He just never leaves me. If he’s such a good friend of yours, why don’t you make him understand that I need space too,’ lies Avanti and holds Devrat’s hand.

‘I don’t think anyone can make him understand that. Whenever I have tried telling him that Avanti needs space, and that he should back off a little, he reminds me of the time he came to Delhi and both of you had plans to go to Agra and you didn’t and you two made a little world for yourselves for those three days stuck in a room,’ says Devrat.

‘He has told you about that?’ asks Avanti.

‘Devrat never hides anything from me,’ answers Devrat, liking this entire game. He can, at least, tell her freely what he feels about her without sounding too gay to himself. ‘He told me about the three days both of you spent in your bed, at your place, with your father in the next room. He doesn’t remember how he kissed you during those three days, or how it happened, but he remembers the feeling, the perfection of it all. Although he has to admit, he was shaking in his pants, nervous that he might let you down. He told me you spoilt him by telling him how good a kisser he was. He started liking being told by you that he was a good kisser than actually kissing you.’

‘Seems like he’s quite in love with me, isn’t he? But what if some day I leave him? That can happen, right? Devrat has to be ready for that,’ argues Avanti.

‘He doesn’t believe that will happen. He believes in his love. He told me that Namita got you recommended for flying abroad but you gave it all up since it meant more flying hours and more time away from him. Had you wanted to leave him, you would have left him that very instant. He confessed that he shouted at you for letting go of the opportunity but he was happy that you chose to stick with him instead. Because frankly, he doesn’t know what he would do without you. He would be lost.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Yes. You save him from the world. You came when he was slowly disintegrating. You saved him and he owes everything to you. He was an abandoned puppy who you took care of.’

‘He does look like a puppy, doesn’t he?’

It’s late and the joint is about to close down. The waiter gets them the bill and Devrat clears it. ‘Want to go for a walk?’

‘If only you keep telling me about what my boyfriend thinks about me,’ says Avanti.

‘How can I not? You, after all, are the prettiest. You’re photoshop-proof and that’s saying a lot.’

They are walking through the empty, lit-up streets of Mumbai, turning into random corners, kissing, holding each others’ hands and hugging each other just like that.

‘Where are you lost?’

‘Just thinking.’

‘What?’ asks Avanti. ‘Let’s sit. I’m a little tired.’ And they sit on the pavement of a deserted in-road in Versova, Mumbai.

Devrat continues, ‘How do you make me feel that there’s nothing more important than the two of us? Believe you me, I have systematically broken you down in parts and tried figuring out what I’m in love with. Is it that face that constantly beams happiness and warmth right to my heart? Is it that infectious laugh or those distractingly toned legs?’

‘I’m glad you noticed. I have been squatting with the world on my shoulders for the last few weeks and it had been insulting that you weren’t noticing any change.’

‘You’re killing my vibe, Avanti. This is the most romantic I have felt since the last Jennifer Lawrence movie came out and you’re talking about squatting.’

‘I’m sorry. You can continue talking about my toned legs,’ says Avanti and pretends to hold her ears.

‘This is precisely what I’m talking about. Is this why I like you? Because you’re funny, and find me funny as well? The list of questions is endless and the answer to every question is a thumping YES! So I have figured there’s no answer to why I really like you. There’s growing realization in my heart that you deserve someone better, someone who loves you much more than I do, but I sincerely hope you don’t find that someone and have to spend the rest of your life loving me,’ says Devrat.

‘I don’t think I need anything more than you.’

‘Not right now, you don’t, but what about later? Will you always be in love with me? Arundhati, too, chose the easy way out.’

‘Arundhati was a bitch and I’m glad she was one. As for me, there’s not one thing I don’t love about you, Devrat.’ Devrat puts his arm across Avanti who disappears in her embrace. ‘Should we start walking to the hotel?’

Just then, Devrat’s phone rings and it’s his mother. Devrat tells her that he’s still in Mumbai and he’s with Avanti. Devrat can almost sense his mother smile at the other end of the line. Devrat’s never been the perfect son, his career choices have been odd, he’s quite uncommunicative, but he has done one thing right—he chose the right girl.

‘Ma says “Hi” to you,’ says Devrat. Avanti waves at the phone in Devrat’s pocket and says, ‘Hi Aunty’. ‘You have no idea how much my parents dig you. Earlier they used to dread the very idea of coming to my apartment for it looked like a hooker’s den, but now they have no such qualms. It’s so pretty that it’s almost embarrassing to get my friends to visit me.’ Of late, little figurines from Orissa, murals from Kerala and flower vases have come to dominate his living space. Every time Avanti visits him, she comes with little souvenirs, she leaves the house a little prettier, as if it’s rubbing off her. ‘Also, it’s safe to say that my mother is absolutely smitten with you. Remember the first time you met her? My mother kept looking at you like you weren’t from around here.’

‘You’re exaggerating now!’ Avanti hits Devrat on his arm.

‘No, I’m serious. My mother kept telling me that you look Afghani! And then she asked me if you had a boyfriend. Remember that? She even asked you! I think she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that you were dating me. ME. Which is quite strange to me, as well, even after six months.’

‘Devrat, all this is so unfair. Why do you always have to say the right things?’ Avanti snuggles up to Devrat. They are still a long way from their hotel.

‘You deserve nothing less, Avanti.’

‘Oh shut up! I’m nothing what you make me out to be. I’m just another vain flight attendant,’ argues Avanti. It’s something that she does often these days. She derides herself so Devrat could say something sweet and mushy. It’s their little game and they never get tired of it. That’s what couples do, invent games that are only amusing to them.

‘Both of us know that the vain, over-done-up Avanti was what you wanted to project. But the real Avanti inside you is the one who never wants to change from the track pants, the short T-shirt and one who would rather stay at home, read comics, watch sob movies and sleep for eighteen hours. You love being lazy. I love how you excitedly make a plan, and then as the time comes, you progressively get lazier, start regretting why you made the plan in the first place, and then eventually cancel it. I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU. ABSOLUTELY LOVE.’