When Stars Collide (Light in the Dark #2) (7 page)

I head down the hall to Cade’s office and knock on the door before poking my head inside. “Hey, loser.” I crack a grin as he looks up from a paper. “Time to go.”

He glances at the clock. “I didn’t realize the time.”

“Want to pick up a pizza on the way home?” I ask hopefully. I’m starving.

He shakes his head. “No can do. Rae and I are going out.”

Why am I not surprised?
 

“Oh, okay then. More pizza for me.”

More pizza is never a bad thing
.

Cade packs up and we head out to the parking garage. The drive home is quiet, and for that, I’m thankful. If I had to force conversation with my brother for forty-five minutes I might gouge out my eye with my finger. 

When we arrive home, Cade heads straight up to shower.

Me? I go to order my damn pizza. Who cares if I made one yesterday? Pizza never hurt anyone. 

Oh, hell no
.
Is this a craving? Like a pregnancy craving?
I laugh at my own thoughts. It’s absurd considering said possible pregnancy sex happened two nights ago. Yeah, no baby here. Yet.

Oh, God, now I can feel the panic building inside me.

I’d dismissed the broken condom from my mind, but now I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. 

I touch my stomach like there’s already a bump there, a little baby growing inside me.

I can’t be a mom. I’m not ready. I don’t even know how to change a diaper. 

“Are you okay?” Rae asks, breezing out of the laundry room with a basket of clothes under her arm. 

“Fine,” I squeak, when I’m anything but fine.

She raises a brow doubtfully. “Want to talk about it?”

“No,” I say too quickly. 

She shakes her head and looks at me quizzically. “You’re being weird. Weirder than normal,” she adds with a soft laugh. She tilts her head to the side. “If you need someone to talk to you know where to find me.”

She brushes past me and the stairs squeak as she goes up.

I let out a breath. There’s no point in freaking out about the possibility of a baby. I won’t know anything for a few weeks, until either my period shows up—in which case I will do a dance—or I’m forced to take a pregnancy test. 

I close my eyes at the thought. If I have to pee on that stupid little stick I’m making Xander go to the store to buy it. No way in hell am I buying one of those. Nope. If loverboy’s super sperm fertilized one of these precious eggs, the least he can do is buy the damn test. 

Ugh, I’m not even hungry anymore.

I kick off my shoes and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I busy myself with cleaning the kitchen—wiping down the counters and vacuuming the floor. After a little while, Rae and Cade come downstairs to leave for their date. They’re both dressed up and look nice.

“Have fun, you two,” I tell them. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 

Like get married in Vegas and possibly get pregnant. 

“Are you okay here by yourself?” Cade asks worriedly.

I roll my eyes and point at him with the rag waving weakly in my hand. “I’m almost twenty, so I’m
pretty sure
I can handle being home by myself.” Rae presses a hand to her mouth to hold in her laughter. “I don’t know why you like my brother.” I shake my head. “He’s not the brightest Crayola in the package, if you know what I mean.
One too many hits to the head from football if you ask me
,” I hiss under my breath, even though I know Cade can still hear me.

Cade groans and presses his hand to her waist. “We’re leaving now.”

I salute him. “See ya later.”

He shakes his head, both of them laughing, and then they’re gone.

It’s rare to have a moment alone in this house. Living with three other people makes for some chaotic surroundings. 

I abandon my cleaning endeavor and decide to take a bubble bath since it’s not something I get to do often. Running the water, I add bubbles and some scented salts, then light candles and dim the lights.

This
is exactly what I need after the last two days. 

I clip my hair up and remove my clothes before sinking down into the hot water with a sigh escaping my lips.

My eyes close and I lean my head back, the water sloshing around my breasts with bubbles up to my chin. 

I do my best to empty my mind of all my worries and relax, but it’s hard when the events of the last forty-eight hours plague my mind. 

I probably should’ve brought a book in here with me to occupy my mind but it’s too late now.

The door from Xander’s room opens, and I let out a scream, covering my body even though it’s pretty pointless.

Xander pauses in the doorway, staring at me like a starved man seeing food for the first time. He licks his lips and his Adam’s apple bobs. His hair is a wild and untamed mess like he’s been running his fingers constantly through it in agitation. 

He shakes his head suddenly as if he’s shaking away the fog that has come over him.

“Sorry. I didn’t know you were in here. I didn’t think anyone was home.”

He starts to ease the door closed, but in a small voice, I call out, “Stay.” I don’t know what makes me say the words, but I know I want him to. 

He hesitates for a moment before coming in and sitting down on the floor beside me. He looks tired, wary even. 

“Are you okay?” I ask him.

“Fine,” he replies, his eyes not meeting mine.

“That’s bullshit,” I say, a bite to my tone. His eyes flick up to mine. “You should know by now you can’t lie to me.”

He lowers his head and rubs his hands over his face. “I just have a lot going on, that’s all.”

“Is this about work? Or us?” I ask softly. If he’s having second thoughts about continuing our marriage I should be dancing a jig, but instead, I feel saddened. “Do you regret wanting to see if this will work?”

His head whips up and he looks at me with fire in his dark eyes. “This has nothing to do with us,” he assures me. “I’m still going to do everything I can to make you see that this isn’t a bad thing.” My heart beats faster at his words and the passion in them. He digs into his front pocket and pulls out our wedding bands. “I kept these with me all day, thinking about how fucking much I want us to be able to wear them and not hide this, hide
us
. I know why you don’t want to tell anyone, I get it, I do, but it doesn’t mean I like it—because what I feel for you is real and it’s not going to go away.”

I swallow thickly. “I’m scared,” I tell him.

He raises a single dark brow as he stuffs the rings in his pocket. “And you think I’m not? We’re both young and this was unexpected, but sometimes the surprises in life are the best things, and I definitely think this is one of the best so far.”

The water sloshes as I move, leaning over so I can hold my hand out to him. He grasps it and draws my palm to his heart, pressing my hand flat against the cotton of his shirt. It doesn’t take long for me to feel the fast-paced thumping.   

“Do you feel that?” His voice is no more than a whisper in the darkened bathroom. “My heart beats out of control every time I’m in the same room with you. I think you think this is sudden, but it’s not. I’ve wanted more from you for a long time and I was too much of a damn wimp to do anything about it—and I think you’ve wanted more too. I see the way you look at me.”

My hand shakes, and for once, I don’t want to do what I
think
I’m supposed to and instead follow my heart—and my heart leads me straight to him. It always has. It’s hard to overcome my mind shouting about how wrong this is, how we’re doing everything backwards. After all, it’s not
first come marriage, then comes love
, but neither Xander nor I have ever played by the rules, so why start now?

“Get in,” I say. 

He startles. “What?”

“Get in,” I repeat and move forward in the bathtub so there’s room behind me.

He jumps up and kicks off his shoes before unbuttoning his work shirt. I swallow thickly as his sculpted chest and arms appear before me. 

He unbuckles his belt and reaches for the button on his jeans. A chuckle rumbles deep in his chest. “Like what you see?”

I smile widely. “You’re my husband now. I can look all I want.”

His chuckle turns into a booming laugh that shakes my insides. God, I love his laugh—the rich, deep, timbre of it.

His pants and boxer-briefs pool onto the floor and I slide forward so he can slip into the tub behind me. The water sloshes over the sides and onto the floor but I can’t bring myself to care. 

He settles behind me and I rest my back against his chest. I let out an embarrassing contented sigh and his chest shakes with barely contained laughter. 

I lean my head to the side and look back at him. “Laughing at me, Kincaid?”

His lips quirk into a crooked smile. “I’d never laugh at you,
Kincaid
.”

I can almost feel the blood draining from my face as my eyes widen. 

Somehow in all the madness I forgot I wasn’t a Montgomery anymore. I mean, technically I still am since I haven’t had it changed, but …

“Stop freaking out.” He kisses the end of my nose. “You think too much.”

“True,” I concede, and wiggle, the movement splashing more water on the floor that we’ll have to clean up later. I take a deep breath and say, “I might be scared, but I’m in. I’m going to give us a serious shot.”

His smile blinds me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile this big, and that’s saying something because Xander is a guy that smiles—he’s not one of those broody types that glares at you for no apparent reason. 

He touches my cheek with a feather-light caress of his fingers, like he’s afraid his touch will send me running. “You’ll see,” he whispers into the darkened room, the shadows from the candle flame flickering over his face. “You’ll see how good we are together. I’ll show you.” He presses his lips to my cheek in the same spot his fingers were only moments before. 

My heart beats faster with fear? Excitement? Maybe a mixture of both. 

He must take my silence for another one of my freak-outs because he adds, “I’ll still give you an out—the three months will still be our … trial period.” He chuckles. “But we’re in this together. No half-assing it.”

I nod. “I still don’t want to tell anyone,” I whisper.

He stiffens but nods. “That’s probably best. We won’t have to worry about someone’s opinion interfering that way.” 

I notice the way he says
someone
and not
anyone
but choose not to comment on it.

“So—” I laugh lightly “—we’re back to where we started then?”

He laughs too and nips my earlobe. “Nah, not exactly, because this time, you’re actually in too. I knew you were only trying to humor me before.”

I bite my lip. “I was that obvious?”

He shrugs and the water ripples. “Yeah.” He grins. 

“You really have faith in us, don’t you?” I ask softly.

“I do,” he says vehemently with a nod and then rests his chin on top of my head.

I close my eyes and a smile touches my lips. My mind is still warring with my heart, but for the moment, I’m content to just let us
be
.

I wake up to Xander in my bed—we fell asleep watching
Charmed
and stuffing our faces with Chinese food and not the pizza I’d planned to order. His chest rises and falls with each soft breath and his eyes roam behind his closed lids with the promise of sweet dreams. 

 I feel better after our talk last night, and I think we’re finally on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, this whole marriage thing still scares me, but I don’t feel so confused as to where we stand. I know everything that was said last night is basically what we’d already agreed to, but it felt different—it felt real. Before, I had been too freaked out to think clearly and had agreed without a clear mind, but now that I’ve had time to think, I want to give this a real shot—make the most of the situation, so to speak. I’m still not sure that staying married is the best thing for us. I mean, I can’t even commit to a major, so what’s the likelihood that I can commit to a marriage? I’m pretty clueless when it comes to what I want from life.

I ease from the bed so I don’t disturb him and pad across the room and into the bathroom to brush my teeth.