When The Right Door Opens (19 page)

Jamie stared at Sebastian. He wanted to say
so many things, but he couldn't. Every time, he started to say
something, he ended coughing. He tasted the blood in his mouth and
suddenly, he became very calm, almost serene. He held Sebastian's
eyes and tried telling him everything he wouldn't be able to tell
him anymore. Sebastian's eyes were full of tears and his leg looked
really bad, even though the fabric of his slacks, it looked
distorted. Jamie would have given everything to hold Sebastian in
his arms, to soothe him and be at his side, but he couldn't. He was
too weak to fight and he felt tired. His shirt pasted against his
skin on his back and he felt his own trousers and even underwear
soaked too.

The physical pain was bearable, but admitting
that he couldn't help Sebastian was torture.

Rudy entered the living-room and saw the
obvious connection between Sebastian and Jamie. Jealously, he
grabbed the poker again and stepped in front of Jamie, bending down
to his height. With his free hand, he grabbed Jamie's hair, to make
him look up and have his undivided attention.

“How dare you steal my man away from me? You
are nothing. No one is going to miss you, you filthy scum.” Rudy
spat into Jamie's face and took a step back. He aimed meticulously
with his poker and finally, calmly pierced Jamie's chest. Pleased
with the new bloody stain that soaked the white material of Jamie's
shirt, he pulled out and let the poker fall from his hand. With a
deafening sound, it landed on the hardwood floor. Sebastian
screamed again, in pain and frustration.

“Jamie, look at me.” Sebastian ordered
panicked, and this time, Jamie looked at him. Straight in the eyes.
He struggled to take a breath. “I love you.” he gasped and then he
simply collapsed in the chair. His body was limp and there was no
movement anymore. For a moment all was eerily silent. Sebastian,
and Rudy too, they both stared at Jamie's lifeless body.

“Jamie... Jamie! Jamie! No. No.” Sebastian
cried again. He didn't care about the snot and the tears running
down his face and he didn't care about the pain in his leg. It was
nothing compared to the pain inside his heart, seeing Jamie
helpless and at the mercy from the monster he once had loved. All
that mattered at that moment, was to somehow get to Jamie. Save
him. Sebastian tried to crawl towards his boyfriend. Rudy seemed to
like seeing Sebastian hurt and terrified. It gave him some kind of
strange satisfaction, to know that he did this.

Sebastian was almost there, only a few inches
separated him from Jamie. Rudy laughed cruelly and stepped in front
of Sebastian. He helped his ex-husband to his feet, ignoring the
smashed leg and protesting words. He leaned in to Sebastian to kiss
him. Now that Jamie was out of the picture, Sebastian was his
again, Rudy's twisted mind tried to convince him.

Sebastian felt the bile in his throat when he
realized what Rudy was about to do, and without being able to
prevent it, he threw up all over Rudy.

Rudy cursed and shoved him away brutally and
then everything happened too fast. Sebastian was back on the floor,
this time, very close to Jamie. He touched Jamie's leg and rubbed
up and down, but Jamie wasn't reacting.

Wailing sirens could be heard all of a sudden
and red and blue lights shone into the living-room. Rudy wanted to
leave in a haste, but while he was deciding which way to run, the
front door was already cracked open and countless men entered the
place. Rudy tried to fight two armed police officers at once, but
they overpowered him and put the struggling man in handcuffs,
before making room for the team of paramedics to look at the
victims.

Sebastian was carefully pulled away from
Jamie and people hovered over him and his leg. He wanted to be left
alone and be with Jamie. He didn't let him out of sight.

“Calm down, sir. We need you to calm down and
take a look at your leg.” Sebastian didn't let anyone touch him. He
fought everyone away, until he had a clear view of Jamie and then
he saw it. The moment that would break him.

Two men with white gloves were next to Jamie.
One of them stood only looking down, the other one crouched next to
Jamie and held his fingers to Jamie's carotid and then he looked up
at his partner again. Everything blurred around him and Sebastian
swore that he saw it in slow-motion. The man shook his head 'no'
and looked back down to the floor, sad and resigned, while he
stripped off his gloves and frustrated, he threw them away.

Sebastian fell apart. He started screaming
Jamie's name, but Jamie didn't move. He didn't look up. A hand on
his shoulder squeezed tightly and Sebastian looked up.

“He is gone. I'm sorry. It's too late.” the
voice said, but Sebastian didn't understand the words. He shook the
hand away and started to kick his legs at everyone around.

“You're wrong. You are wrong. He isn't dead.
Check again. Jamie? Jamie wake up, honey.” But Jamie didn't wake
up.

“Agnes! Think about Agnes. Your daughter
needs you. I need you. Jamie, please.” But no pleading and begging
made Jamie look up. He was pale and limp, still tied to the chair.
His shirt was soaked with blood and his head hang low. His hair
hiding his face from Sebastian's view. “But I love you.” Sebastian
whispered desperately.

Sebastian felt something prick at his arm and
he began calming down. He was suddenly tired, too tired to talk.
Too tired to think. Too tired to fight.

“Okay, let's go. The leg looks really bad.”
he heard voices through the fog and distantly noticed that he was
put on a gurney and moved into an ambulance.

****

Sebastian woke up, feeling weird and hollow. Like
something was missing. He was sad, but didn't know why and he felt
sore, but couldn't remember why either. The moment, he opened his
eyes Karen hovered over him with red-rimmed eyes. Her hair was
unkempt and as far as Sebastian could see, she wore a jogging.
Karen never wears a jogging
. Sebastian thought to
himself.

“Honey, how are you feeling?” Sebastian
didn't have time to answer the question, because a nurse came in
noisily and pushed Karen aside. She took Sebastian's vital signs
and smiled at him sadly.

“What happened?” Sebastian asked hoarsely and
looked at his mother for some explanations.

“Where's Jam...” The name got stuck in his
throat and he saw the tears in his mother's eyes. She shook her
head, not daring to look at her son.

And suddenly he remembered. Jamie was gone.
Dead. Sebastian nodded to show, that he understood and broke down
in tears. His gaze traveled down his leg. Memories of that
returning too. It hurt. It hurt a lot, but it wasn't there anymore.
They had had to take it off just above the knee. Rudy had damaged
too many crucial vessels and a big part of the muscle too. Rudy had
ruined his life, cruelly and willingly.

But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
Without Jamie at his side, nothing held any importance anymore.
Sebastian closed his eyes and tried to zone out. He heard voices,
but didn't understand the words. And he didn't care. He saw faces,
but none of them mattered. None of them belonged to Jamie.

Only one single visitor almost got him out of
his stupor. Agnes. She came to visit Sebastian. At her side was a
young boy, not much older than she was and Kai.

Agnes approached Sebastian with a look of
pure hate and every hope to keep something of Jamie in his life,
died that instant.

“It's your fault! You should have saved him.”
And then, she slapped him in the face and pounded his chest with
her fists, while she cried desperate tears of loss. Sebastian
didn't move. He let her. She was right.

After that, everything changed and nothing
would ever be the same again. With Jamie gone, the door to
Sebastian's heart was closed shut and it would not easily be opened
again.

~~Chapter 14~~

Internal landscapes

Sebastian's POV

Here I am, lying on my bed. Our bed. I'm wearing his
t-shirt and keep my nose buried in his pillow. His scent lingers
there and if I could preserve it, I would. He's not here anymore
and no matter how long I'll wait, he will never come back to me.
Knocks at the door, ringing phones – it's never him. It hurts. It
hurts so much inside and I wish I could be with him again. I am to
blame this time. It was my ex-husband who did this out of jealousy.
How could I have ever loved such a monster? I hope he rots in hell.
I hate him. As much as I love Jamie, as much do I hate Rudy.

I can remember the exact moment life left
Jamie's body. His eyes were full of tears, and he looked at me and
then I saw his gaze go blank. His green eyes became unfocused. I
think he knew that his injury was lethal, because he was so calm.
Not struggling against the restraints of the duct tape, keeping him
bound to that chair. And Rudy just sneered when he saw how Jamie
simply collapsed. The blood. I remember the blood too. I still
can't believe it was his own blood. It was on my hands too. His
white elegant shirt and the stain that grew larger and larger.

I can never kiss him again, feel his lips or
the warmth of his body. I loved him and now he is gone. I want to
be with him, leave this dreadful place, only to be with him again.
Why? I don't understand, why. I couldn't even fight for him. That
damned leg. Rudy knew exactly how to hit me to immobilize me.

It's gone now too. My leg. They took it off
just above the knee. There was nothing they could have done to save
it. It doesn't hurt as much as the loss of Jamie. I would give my
other leg too, if I only could have him back.

Why? Why him? I love him so much...

Agnes's POV

I am an orphan. My father is gone. My mother doesn't
want me and the only family left is a stranger. Brady. How can I
live without my dad? How? It's Sebastian's fault. He let that
maniac into his house and he was too weak to fight for my dad.

He must have been in so much pain. I didn't
even have a chance to say good-bye to him. I can't live like this.
What is going to happen to me? Who will love me, if not my daddy? I
can't... I feel like suffocating and at the same time, I want to
yell and scream at everyone.

I slapped Sebastian, when I saw him at the
hospital. Multiple times. I know he loved my dad and I know he is
hurting too. He locked himself inside his room. Kai said that he
lies curled in a ball, hugging a pillow. I assume it's my dad’s.
I'm wearing his shirt too. I can't believe we said good bye like
this. But he said that he loved me and I told him that I love him.
That helps. To know and that to know that he knew too.

For Sebastian, it doesn't help that his leg
was so damaged that they needed to take it off. Maybe it's karma.
Because of him, my dad was stabbed to death and now he will never
be the same again either.

I don't mean it like that.

I like Sebastian. He saved us. He opened that
door and let my dad in, with all his baggage and me and never once
did he ask questions, he simply loved my dad and me.

I am so glad that I have Jordan and Kai and
Karen. They talk to me, a lot. We went for a walk today and the sun
warmed my face. It was almost as if he was there too. Kai and Karen
insist that I go to school and eat properly, and Jordan, he is the
best boyfriend. He helps me at school and interrupts me when I am
zoning out in class. And he lets me cry or talk about my dad.

Kai is sad too.

Sebastian doesn't talk. Not a word since that
day at the hospital. The only sounds he makes are when he cries and
sometimes at night, I wake up because he screams. He must have
nightmares. I don't know.

I don't hate him. I know that. But he can't
undo that my dad died when he was alone with him. I can't
understand how this could happen.

I cry a lot, but Kai is there to console me.
He doesn't ask questions, he simply is there. I overheard him
talking to Brady the other day. I think, Kai will apply to get
custody over me. I don't want to go to Brady. He is a stranger and
I don't like him. I want my dad. He would know exactly what to do.
He would hug me and kiss my hair. He would whisper words I wouldn't
understand or sing a song just for me to hear and it would all be
good again. I can't understand why he had to die. Why? Why him? I
love him so much...

Rudy's POV

I'm sitting in this shabby cell because I killed that
cunt. He was a hooker. Dumb bitch. Trying to steal my husband away
from me. My Sebastian. Yeah, yeah. I know. Technically he is only
my ex-husband, but if that bitch had not interfered, Sebbi would be
mine again. That's what he gets, when he ignores my calls. I show
up at his door. And when he is not home, I simply go in. I don't
care about changed locks, I can work around that. I have my tricks.
It used to be my house too, it's my right to enter.

They kissed in front of me, in their fancy
suits and I couldn't stop myself. I smashed Seb's knee with the
poker first. He is going to be dependent on me for the rest of his
life. He has to love me. He screamed in pain. I guess that's why
the police came. That idiot cowered over Seb and I stabbed him.
First in the back, but what was I to do? He touched my man. I tied
him to the chair. When he looked at my Seb for too long and spoke
to him, I stabbed him again. Seb is mine. I don't understand how he
can love an ordinary street whore and not me. Why? Why him? I love
him so much...

Jamie's POV

I try to look past my rapist and see Sebastian. Lock
eyes with him, but it's not easy with that guy so close to my face.
When he finally gets away, I see Sebastian. He is in pain, I can
see it and he cries and yells at this Rudy. Suddenly, I feel a
sharp pain in my chest. I am not afraid. I know what will happen. I
am absolutely certain that this is my end. But I need to tell
Sebastian one more time that I love him. The only regret I have is
not being able to see Agnes again. Never again. No more kisses. Not
for my daughter. Not for my boyfriend. It's hard to breathe and I
try to stay focused on Sebastian. The male love of my life. The
female love of my life is Agnes. I remember her birth, her first
cry, her first steps and her first scrapes. Her first day at school
and her frustrations with homework. I see her smiling and singing
and dancing in our tiny living room. I see Sebastian. I see him
dancing and looking at me. I feel his warm skin against mine, his
breath against my lips. I can't fight anymore, but I am not sad or
angry. I feel serene and a strange comforting warmth spreads inside
of my body. I suddenly know and understand that I will go to a good
place. A happy place. I lived a life full of emotions and I loved –
I loved from the bottom of my heart. The last thing on earth I see
is my love. My Sebastian and the last questions, before I breathe
the last breath is: Why? Why me? I loved them so much...