When the Smoke Clears (Interracial Firefighter Romance) (18 page)

I looked down at my legs and realized that a large empty space cut between my thighs. In that area, I was hollow and void. My pussy had disappeared. Further investigation of my body showed that I had holes all over me. But for some reason, the rest of my missing parts didn’t freak me out.

Where is my pussy?! Wait. Is my pussy over there?

I ran to the tiny little box with that word on it. It sat there under cobwebs. A black rat crept out of it, dragging a tiny insect skeleton body with it. I jumped and waited for the ugly thing to scurry away. When it did, I rushed to the box and held it in my hand. Covered in dust, tears ran up the sides. I flipped open the top and nothing laid inside. The little box fell from my hands and I screamed, “Where’s my pussy!?”

Then I woke up, and laughed as I wrote it all down in my dream journal. This was another method I’d started to battle the writer’s block. It never got me back to penning a book, but I enjoyed putting the descriptions of my dreams down on paper. It became a sort of meditative process that I had with myself. A sort of conversation with my subconscious, the one that brought the dream to me in the first place. My mother believed that God speaks in our minds when we sleep. My sister-in-law thought it was the universe delivering a message.

Whether it was my subconscious, God, or the universe, someone believed that I needed to be laid.

Did the rat really have to climb out of the pussy box? Like seriously. It hasn’t been that long. Oh wait. When was the last time I’ve had sex?

I thought back to the night before I’d found out my ex-husband had cheated on me.

Jesus. It’s been a little over a year, and I hadn’t noticed. My vagina really is gone. Should I get laid?

Last night had healed me a bit. The beach and Lorenzo mingled perfectly together. I hadn’t laughed like that in a good year. Rich had a smiled so much, I bet his cheeks hurt the entire ride home. We both had an amazing time, and it was because of Lorenzo.

Damn that man is sexy.

I was still afraid of developing feelings for Lorenzo, but I had to admit, I’d become less angry at the male race. Perhaps, I might’ve hoped to date again. Would it really be that bad to give him a try?

I’d never wanted to be one of those angry women. The sort that grew hard from heartbreak. The ones that stopped living life and dating all together. But I could see myself stepping easily into that role. I could visualize myself purchasing bland-toned, gender neutral clothes just to have something to wear as I shoveled down ice cream and stumbled over to the book store, buying the latest novel to help me forget about how shitty and lonely my life had become. I could see it all in front of me. The thirty cats and the Netflix series marathons in between the masturbating porn sessions.

I could see it all, and seriously, I had no freaking problem with that life. It might’ve sounded crazy, but reading books, eating ice cream, getting fat as I watched movies and masturbated in the quiet of my cat filled home, didn’t sound like a bad future. I mean, there were people in this world who really suffered. There were countries where women were being raped and their children taken away because of war, poverty, and hunger. Cruelty bred pain and strife. With all of that in my mind, a lonely life among cats, porn, and ice cream didn’t sound that bad at all.

But was that the life for me? Did life just happen to us, or did we shape the days ourselves?

What do I want?

That question plagued me the rest of my Sunday.

If I don’t date, I won’t be hurt. I won’t cry myself to sleep. I won’t feel more alone than I already do. I will be safe.

That image of the empty pussy box flashed in my head. Giggles bubbled up from my throat.

Really, subconscious? You think I’ve lost my vagina?

My phone buzzed later that day, right as I sat down to work on my Luna-Demon problem. I checked the screen and read the text.

Lorenzo:
Hey, Kassie. I hope you’re having a good day.

Me:
I am.

Lorenzo:
I just came back from church. What are you doing?

Really? Must you be perfect in every way? I’m sitting here wondering if I should give him a chance, and I should be happy he’s giving me one? No. Don’t say that. I’m worthy of love. Right? Yes.

I sighed and decided to be just me.

Me:
I wish I could say I’m coming from church too. But I’m about to write about a witch trying not to have sex with a demon.

Nervously, I waited for the reply. For two minutes, nothing came.

Then the phone rang.

Smiling, I picked up. “Hello?”

His sexy voice traveled over the line and caused me to shiver. “Why wouldn’t the witch want to have sex with the demon?”

There was no reason for it, but I melted at my desk. “She can’t have sex with him
because
he’s a demon.”

“Are demons bad in your world?”

I considered that for a second. “Kind of. Sure. They’re bad.”

“They don’t sound that bad to me.”

“You don’t know anything about them.”

“It doesn’t matter. If the witch wants to have sex with the demon, let her enjoy herself. Life is too short, Kassie.”

“But he’s evil.”

“Says who?”

“Says me, the creator of this world.”

“Then create another one.”

“Another one?”

“Yes,” he said. “Maybe you should let the lost and broken find love. Maybe the witch should see the good in the demon. No one is all evil.”

“Not if they’re good characters,” I mumbled.

“Then good. Make them better by giving him some light in the darkness. Does the witch have some darkness in her that makes the demon go crazy?”

“Yes. She has a hunger about her.”

“That’s sexy.”

“Not for her. She’s desperate for love, so much that she aches.”

“She sounds like me and lots of people.”

“Do you really think people ache, like that?”

“Yes. Don’t you ache?”

“Not for love.”

“You will.”

I sat there speechless.

“Anyway,” he said. “Create another world. Maybe that would help you really explore the witch’s journey.”

Create another one, where demons can fall in love? That could be interesting. Is the demon all that bad or is he as dangerous as she figured?

Silence occupied the line.

Then what about her soul mate? Is the demon the soul mate? No. Does she get a soul mate? Does she even need one? Maybe she is empowered by the sex alone. I don’t know. It could be interesting.

“Have I gone too far with my advice?” Lorenzo asked.

I almost didn’t hear what he’d said. So many ideas twirled around in my head.

“No, you didn’t go too far,” I said. “You’re just giving me a lot of awesome ideas.”

“Good. I can’t wait to read this.”

Anxiety surged in my veins. Why did I have to be so nervous about him reading my work? Ellis had never even picked up any of my books, not even the bestsellers. Maybe it gave me comfort. Perhaps my ex’s lack of interest triggered a little insecurity.

What if he read one of my books and thought I was a moron? Like, good God that story is so bad that he actually loses respect for me as a human being. Can a book be that bad? Yes. Hells fucking yes. Some authors should die for the atrocities that they’ve committed with the pen.

Lorenzo interrupted my mental rant. “Kassie?”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I just kind of went in my head.” Then something came to me. “Wait. That’s a good thing.”

“What’s a good thing?”

“I just sort of slipped into my head and completely ignored everything else you had to say.” I blew out a proud breath and fist pumped the air.

Lorenzo chuckled. “Ignoring me is a good thing?”

“Yes. I mean. . .no, but yes.” I shook my head. “For my writing, it is awesome. I’ve been having some problems with it, and I feel like I’m getting back to my old self. My mental rants are something I used to do a lot. Someone would say something so inspiring that I would just grab that piece of information and start to uncoil it into a story idea.”

“And I gave you that inspiration today?”

“Yes.”

“Then, it is a good thing. Feel free to take something that I say and completely ignore me for as long as it benefits you.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, just make sure that next time you do that, you have on that lovely swim suit you wore last night.”

I whispered. “You liked that?”

“Hmmmm.”

I made sure my office door was closed. “Say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say what you’re thinking. Don’t just hmmm me this time.” I licked my lips. “Say it.”

“When you took off that dress, I wanted to take my dick out and slap it against your ass and watch your beautiful bottom jiggle. I wanted to fuck you, and not in a fast way, Kassie. I yearned to take my time. Days. Not hours. I wanted to put you somewhere. By ourselves. In a boat, hotel, house, or car. I contemplated getting my tent out and dragging you to the other end of the beach, but the kids were there and so many people and my dick just kept rising so all I could do was wobble after you with my hands hiding it all and rushing into the water.” Lorenzo’s voice lowered into a deep growl. “I wanted to rip that swim suit apart. Thread by thread with my teeth. I wanted to lick you, between your thighs and deeper inside to where I bet your flesh is so soft and wet. I wanted to own you right there on the powdered white sand, let it get all over that rich brown skin as I squeezed and whispered to you how good you felt around my dick. Hmmmm.”

My body went wild with desire. I had nothing to say. Nothing that would make sense to human ears. It would’ve been hormonal babble.

Then he whispered, “That’s what the hmmm was hiding.”

I sighed and slowly moaned, “Hmmm.”

“Kassie. Kassie. I should go.”

I joked. “Am I scaring you away?”

“No, you’re making me want to leave my mother’s back yard, run to the fire station, see if I can find your address, and then race over there to see what your
hmmm
meant.”

“You don’t have to search out my address.” I bit my lip and hoped he understood the deeper meaning in the next words. “I’ll give it to you.”

He must have, because his voice sounded thick with desire. “Will you? Will you give it to me?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“And tell me, Kassie. What should I do with this address?”

“You should probably come and visit me one night.”

“Hmmm,” he groaned.

“Stop that.”

“I can’t. There’s no need to rush. I will come see you, but I won’t be visiting, I’ll be picking you up and taking you out to somewhere crowded and public where I won’t attack you with my hands.”

I giggled. “Okay. That sounds like a plan.”

“No, Kassie. That sounds like a date.”

I covered my face. I had no idea why. It wasn’t like anyone else was in my office. Maybe I hid my teenage girl blushing. Perhaps I just hoped to hold on to this infatuated giddiness that bounced around in my chest.

Either way, like a little girl with a crush, I whispered, “Okay. Let me think about it.”

After I gave him my address, we hung up. His words of advice lingered in my mind. A new plot line began to unfold. Mama Ganga had sparked the flame, and he’d added some logs. A fire to write blazed inside of me.

A man that inspires me to write? Now he’s becoming too good to be true. Could this be real? Would it all be okay?

I juggled so many emotions after that phone call. Fear dominated it all, and this burning nervousness about everything Lorenzo could give me and everything that he could take away. I pretended to not care about love. I’d even convinced myself that I believed it.

But it wasn’t true.

Didn’t we all need love to truly live?

His voice played in my head. A lovely melody of hmmms and groans that could incite a small village to explode. Did he have any idea how hot he was? How much I’d spent the rest of the weekend thinking of him?

Would he go crazy, if he knew my thoughts?

I pictured him in my life. I saw us on the beach with thick bushels of gray hair on top of our heads and our grandkids running all around us. I daydreamed about things that I shouldn’t have so early on in this relationship.

Relationship? Is this even a relationship? Relax. We haven’t even gone on a date yet.

Still, fantasies played out in my mind. He made love to me in so many exotic places—in Hawaii we hiked up a volcano and he fucked me from behind. Months later, we strolled the tiny streets in India, sampling decadent foods and groping each other in the alleyways.

Fuck, Lorenzo. What are you doing to my head?

This man dominated my brain. So much so, that when I sat down, I had an entire book ready to write.

I returned to Luna and her demon. . .