When To Let Go (22 page)

It forced him to replay all the details he could remember, which happened to be the very ones he wished he could forget.

For the next few weeks Ryder and Ava took turns being with Parker when he wasn't at work, making sure he didn't seek out any kind of substance that would numb him.

He hated and loved them for it.

One day, almost a month later, he came home early from work, having nothing to do. Violet was there with Peter, the two cuddling on the couch.

The two cautiously watched him, expecting him to do something, perhaps call Noah and inform him that his daughter was going behind his back and still seeing the boy he had refused her to ever see again, but Parker didn't. He went straight to his room, plugged headphones into his phone, and drowned out any noise with blaring music, blocking out the world.

College brochures, pamphlets, acceptance letters, and scholarship information lay strewn atop the Baxter's kitchen table.

Ava sat on Wesley's lap at the head of the table, his parents on either side of him, trying to figure out where he wanted to go. She didn't feel she belonged in the discussion. Wes felt otherwise.

Basketball season was over, Wes leading the team all the way to state where they had lost.

He didn't quite have his pick of colleges like Xavier had; however, there were still a lot to choose from. A few had even flown he and his parents out to see what they had to offer. His two favorites were University of Arizona and University of Texas (they were the most desperate to have him, offering him every perk they had).

At the moment Wes was leaning more towards Arizona, despite them offering him less. He knew that was where Violet wanted to go. Everyone told him to not have that be how he chose. He said it wouldn't be, but Ava knew better, he needed his sisters close to him; it was like they were a vital organ to one another.

Maggie wasn't going to college, she wanted to focus all her free time on the tracks. Lily and Noah didn't put up a fight about it, knowing she would do what she wanted anyway.

“I think it's going to be AU,” Wes informed the room. Nobody else thought so. Don’t get them wrong, it’s a great college with one of the best basketball teams; however, AU wasn’t offering him a full scholarship.

All three of them started telling him that at the same time.

“I know,” he agreed to every point they made. “Honestly, I don’t think I could be that far from Ava.”

That's not what Ava wanted to hear. It was sweet, but she didn't want to be the reason he gave up a free ride to college.

“Wes–”

He cut her off from trying to tell him how ridiculous that was, “What if you got your GED and came with me?”

Was he serious? “I'm a minor, I can't just move to another state.”

“I bet we could convince your moms to let you.”

Her moms were cool, but not
that
cool.

From the look on Mrs. Baxter’s face it was obvious she was thinking the same thing.

“What about just this year, then when you turn eighteen you could come?”

Ava was embarrassed to admit that she was scared of taking her GED. It would be humiliating if she failed. At least with school she had lots of support to get her through to the end, and a lot of the teachers were accommodating to her; some even let her take tests verbally.

“What would I do there?”

“We'll find you another bakery to work at,” Wes answered with assurance, as though it was as easy as snapping fingers together.

She would miss him, to the point she knew it would hurt at times, but this was her home. She never planned on leaving Mesa. Her parents, Parker, Ryder, and the Baxters were all here. Plus, she loved her job, and even though she was only seventeen she knew it was where she wanted to always work. Her boss was the sweetest, kindest old man who had been running the bakery since he was her age, the third generation to do so. He had even encouraged her to create new flavors that he could feature each week. It was a huge success, and something that Ava was proud of. She couldn't say that about a lot of things.

Mrs. Baxter patted the top of Ava's hand, understanding how stubborn her son could be.

“It's only two years,” she told her son.

Violet came through the garage door, distracting them, “Did you decide yet?”

She took a seat at the table while her mom explained that Wesley was deciding based on Ava still being there.

“That's stupid.” Violet apologetically looked to Ava, “It's not because I don't love you–”

Ava cut her off, “No, I get it. I agree.”

Pouting that nobody agreed with him, Wes made Ava an offer, “You'll join me once you graduate, right?”

Ava agreed. She'd live somewhere else for a couple of years for Wesley, it was only fair. He'd do
anything
she asked of him.

“What about you?” Wes asked Violet, “If I go to TU, will you join me?”

“I think I might. It would be good for me to experience life outside of here.”

It was decided, except nobody at the table seemed all that thrilled about it. Lily and Noah were having to come to terms with their kids leaving and beginning whole new lives they wouldn't be a part of. Wes and Vi were staring off, sadness shadowing their features. Ava stared at Wes, knowing once summer was over everything would change. She prayed it was for the better.

Violet rushed from Maggie's car straight through the garage to the door, keeping her eyes focused on the knob, not allowing them to look anywhere else.

This is how it had been for almost two months.

The few times she’d peered over at Parker working out of the corner of her eye she’d regretted it. Her pain was reopened, exposed. She preferred it scabbed over.

“Vi!” Her dad called out from behind her.

She cursed at how close she was, hand firmly around the door knob.

She turned around, away from Parker to avoid any accidental peeking.

Her dad stood at the entrance, hands on his hips, which meant he wasn't pleased.

What the hell had she done now? Had he found out about her sneaking to Peter's after school?

She straightened her posture, remaining calm, “Yeah?”

“Was driving by Peter's yesterday. Saw Maggie dropping you off. Care to explain?”

“Are you spying on me?!” She was eighteen years old for crying out loud!

“Not really,” he nonchalantly confessed. “Just thought I'd take that way home.”

She wanted to call him out on his bullshit but knew that wouldn’t be wise.

Violet racked her brain with what to tell him. She doubted he wanted to hear that she was over there having orgasms.

“She was visiting me,” Parker came out from under a car he was working on. “I asked if she could stop by, we had some things to work out.”

Noah looked back and forth between the two, deciding if that was the truth or not, “You two cool again?”

Violet was quick to respond, with a sharp, “Nope.”

Her dad stood there giving Violet the same look he had for the past few months, like he didn't recognize her, that somehow his daughter had grown up and turned into somebody he no longer knew, and was still deciding if he liked that person.

She would have preferred disappointment or anger over his current look, as though he had lost her.

In some ways he had.

It had Violet wanting to cry.

Noah let out a heavy sigh, asked Parker how the repairs were going, and left without another word or glance at Violet.

As Violet was about to hide away, Parker grabbed her elbow, “Wait.”

She snatched it out so fast she almost socked him in the face with it, “If you think covering for me somehow negates what you did, you’re wrong. So wrong.”

Tears, anger, and heartbreak all welled up, but she held it in, not wanting him to see just how deep her pain went.

“It was more than betrayal. It's the fact that my father can barely look at me. Couldn't you have allowed me to tell him, without him having to find me naked and riding someone?!” Violet shouted, angry, hot tears burning her eyes, finally getting out what she had been stewing on for weeks, “You’re so fucking selfish! I've lied to my family for you. I’ve stood up for you. I've kept your secrets for you. I would have done anything for you, anything! Why? Why would I do that for someone who clearly thinks so little of me?”

“Please,” he faintly whispered, his brows knitted in pain, his eyes remorseful.

Please, what? Violet didn't know, and she didn't care, “Whatever you have to say, it's too late. The damage is done.”

Her hand was on the knob when she heard him let out a tormented, “I can't just forget about us.”

Violet surprised herself with her cold, unfeeling words, “There is no us.”

She coolly went inside, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it with her hand still on the knob. Her heart was beating furiously against her chest.

“Everything alright?” Her mom asked, looking around the living room for something.

Violet shook her head no, allowing her tears to finally release.

“Oh, sweetie,” her mom sat on the couch, motioning her daughter over. “Come here.”

She practically ran to her mom’s arms, who held her while she cried tears the size of raindrops.

“It'll be okay,” her mom kept repeating like a mantra, holding her tight with the kind of love and comfort only a mother could bring.

“How?” Violet desperately wanted to know, laying her head down on her mother's lap.

“I don't know, but one day it will. I promise. Until then, I'm here,” she stroked Violet’s hair and forehead. “You don't have to hurt alone.”

Violet cried into her mother's lap over the loss of the two men she loved most in the world, wondering how in the world things could possibly change for the better. Or maybe all her mom meant was one day Violet would learn to carry on.

She was sinking, clinging to her mom as a child would, desperate for a lifeboat, not wanting to drown.

“Do you mind bringing her upstairs for me?” Violet’s mother asked in a distant voice. Violet was still sleep-induced. “She already outweighs me and I want her to get some rest.”

Violet wanted to make a quip about how
everybody
outweighed her tiny mom, the family loving to pick on her and Maggie's petite frames, but she was still in the half awake/half asleep mode, where the outside world seemed to be at the end of a long stretch of tunnel.

Whoever it was didn't answer, only bending over to lift Violet.

She knew instantly who it was. She'd recognize his smell anywhere; it was ingrained in her, imprinted in her very core. Violet didn't want to wake up. She wanted to remain in her sleep-induced fade for eternity, the man she'd never be able to stop loving holding her in his arms.

As he took the stairs his nose and mouth rested on top of her hair, inhaling her as though he might be able to suck her into him. Violet's arms rose to wrap around his neck, just like one might do to make sure they were secure. She did it to get closer, burying her face in his neck.

He gently placed her on her bed, kneeling on the ground to make sure he didn’t jostle her awake.

Violet had become more awake but refused to fully remove herself from the fog of the nap. She was finally in a place where the past didn't matter, only the present and giving in to the heart’s desires.

His hand cupped her face, resting his forehead to hers, the tops of their noses connecting. With every exhale, he inhaled, the hand at her head knotting further into her hair.

Seven breaths later, his lips slightly parted, placing a kiss on her forehead, followed by each cheek, her nose, and lastly her lips, barely touching them. It still somehow burned hotter than the rest.

As they slowly left, Violet felt emptier and emptier.

She seared them back together, her hands pulling him back down so his body was half over her. His arms went underneath her, moving his lips with brutal force.

In a desperation neither of them had experienced before, Violet found her arms reaching up as Parker swiftly removed her top, followed by his own. The skin to skin contact was better than she’d ever imagined it would be.

His heart beat against her chest in a way that told her that he was experiencing everything she was.

She reached for his zipper, wanting him inside her, where he belonged.

His hands went for her zipper at the same time.

A deep voice downstairs asked where she was, dumping a bucket of ice water on her arousal, reminding her of everything she wanted to forget.

Parker backed up, repositioning himself before refastening his pants.

They held eye contact after he replaced his shirt, expressing everything and yet nothing at all. Only words and actions could truly do that.

Violet heard her mom explain that she had Parker bring Violet upstairs after she had fallen asleep on the couch.

Parker lifted his body up, running a hand down his face.

He stopped at the door to get one last look at her.

Violet was propped on her elbows, doing the same. She was still topless but his eyes remained on hers. When the door finally clicked shut she collapsed back in her bed, feeling more alive than she had in a long time. It was short lived, as guilt soon followed.

Peter loved her, and although she had yet to say it back, they were still together.

Violet cared for him, just not as deeply. She wasn’t a cheater (or so she had thought), but if her dad hadn't interrupted she didn't think she would have stopped Parker. She hadn't wanted to. What kind of person did that make her? Not one she was proud of.

Parker stood on the other side of Violet's closed door, his forehead pressed against it, needing to control himself before he went downstairs. How had he lost control like that, almost having sex with Violet, her door wide open and Lily downstairs? What the fuck was he thinking?

That he wanted her, in any way he could have her.

God, he wanted her so bad – and not just sexually.

He needed something to bring his thoughts away from her skin against his and the desperate way she was clawing at him. He remembered finding her in the afghan, and just like that everything in him deflated.

He dragged himself downstairs to the garage door, nodding at Noah on the way out.

“Hey,” Noah stopped what he was doing in the kitchen. “Is she still asleep?”

Parker nodded.

Noah swiped his slightly-overgrown buzz cut, “She's hurting pretty bad over Peter, huh?”

He wanted to lie, he wanted to be selfish, but for once he was going to think about someone other than himself, “Yeah.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

He wished Noah would have this conversation with somebody else.

“She's eighteen,” was all he had.

“She's my daughter,” he countered.

“I would have done the same. That's not the way a father should ever see his daughter,” thanks to Parker, “but it's Violet. I doubt she jumped into it, and I doubt even more that Peter could have forced her into it.”

“I wish she'd just stop growing up.”

“Wishes don't change the future,” Parker said,
wishing
it wasn't true.

He left, going to his car.

He banged his forehead on the steering wheel,
wishing
for so many things to change, knowing they never would.