Where Angels Tread (6 page)

Shane’s expression turned grave; Heidi’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Why on earth was she pouring her heart out to this man? He was practically a stranger. She sensed, though, that Shane was a good listener, someone she could open up to.

He studied his coffee for a moment before replying. “I got that sense as well when I spoke with him the other day,” he admitted. “Like he was doing his best to act like he didn’t care, when I could tell that he did.”

Heidi nodded. “I saw you playing basketball with him through the window,” she said, remembering the look on her son’s face as he lifted his hand in the air for Shane to high-five. “I have to say, I haven’t seen Zachary look so happy in years. I wish I could play, but I was always hopeless at sports. I used to spend my time reading, so I guess you could say I’m kind of a nerd.”

Shane laughed. “Nothing wrong with a bookworm. My sister Jaime was the same way as a kid, and now she runs a successful editing company. I was the opposite, actually. I used to play every kind of sport imaginable. Basketball was one of my favorites. There’s no feeling in the world like that rush you get as the ball swooshes through that hoop.” He stopped talking, a faraway expression on his face. “Of course,” he added with a grin. “As I got older I realized that there were better things in life, but as a kid I was obsessed.”

“Zachary used to play, too. John would shoot hoops with him after work for an hour every night. He had a bunch of friends on the team, too. He hasn’t brought a friend home since then.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Listen to me going on and on about my son. You’ll have to forgive me. Since you officers picked him up, I’ve been worrying about him nonstop. I’m afraid he’s going down a bad path in life, and I feel helpless to stop it.”

Shane stared at her for a few moments, a frown playing across his lips. Heidi rocked back and forth in her chair, clutching her mug with slightly trembling hands. It had been a long time since she had such an open conversation with another person, especially a man. With a tug at her heart, she remembered the countless late night discussions she would have with John as they snuggled up on the couch and watched the flames dancing in the fireplace. She had to admit that it felt good—really good—to be able to talk to Shane. His presence put her at ease; every inch of him oozed masculinity, capability. She longed to breathe in his scent, which she imagined would be a tantalizing combination of wood and spice.

“I have an idea,” Shane said slowly, pulling Heidi out of her reverie. “Like I said, I used to play basketball all the time. I really miss it. None of my siblings have any kids and the only other brother who played is deployed to Iraq, so I don’t have anyone to shoot hoops with. Now, feel free to say no…” He took a deep breath. “But how would you feel about me stopping over after my shift a couple of nights a week to play with him? I could get him up to speed, maybe pique his interest again. If he seems like he’s enjoying it, I could nudge him into trying out for the team, help prepare him. What do you say?”

Heidi stared at Shane, lost for words. She was touched by his offer, but a little voice in the back of her mind was warning her that it probably wasn’t a good idea. For Zachary, she thought quickly. He might think that Shane was only doing it out of pity, which would be even more devastating for his self-esteem. Not to mention, the little voice continued, that she didn’t exactly trust herself around Shane. She had a sinking feeling that her strong attraction to him, which was already throwing her off balance, would only deepen when she saw him with her son.

“I’m not sure,” she said slowly, clutching the handle of her mug. “Zachary’s in a difficult place right now.” She waved her hand around the house for emphasis. “As you can see, it’s after six and he’s not even here. He took off again. I’m his mother, and I have no idea where he is.”

She cringed at the disappointed look on Shane’s face. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate your offer,” she added quickly. “It’s incredibly kind and generous. But I’m not sure what Zachary’s going to think of it, to tell you the truth. He’s a tough nut to crack.”

Shane shook his head back and forth, and Heidi noticed a dull flush creeping up his neck to his face. Before long, his cheeks were tinged pink with embarrassment. “I’m sorry for even bringing it up,” he said, studying his shoes to avoid eye contact with Heidi. “It’s not my place. Forget I even mentioned it, okay?” He downed the rest of his coffee in a few swallows and set the mug down on a coaster. “Thank you so much for the coffee and conversation. I should probably be heading out now, it’s getting late.”

He practically leapt out of his chair in his haste to get to the front door. Once there, he bent down to retrieve his shoes, hiding his face from Heidi. When he straightened up, he said briskly, “If you’re ever worried about Zachary being gone for too long, don’t hesitate to call us down at the station. We’ll be happy to send a squad car out to look for him.” After hesitating for a fraction of a second, he held out his hand to shake hers.

When Heidi grasped his hand, a burst of electricity shocked through her skin. She yanked her hand away; Heidi could tell by the unsettled look in Shane’s eyes that he had felt it, too. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she tried to catch her breath. Shane opened his mouth to say something, then closed it abruptly again when the doorknob twisted behind him. They both jumped apart guiltily as Zachary’s form appeared in the doorway.

“Hi, Officer Kensington,” he said brightly, raising his eyebrows in surprise and staring first at his mother, then Shane, and back to Heidi again. “What are you doing here?”

“Just stopping by to drop off your MP3 player,” Shane said. Heidi noticed that his voice was shaking ever so slightly. “You left it at the station the other night.”

“Thanks!” Zachary said, and Heidi was struck again by how different her son sounded when he spoke to Shane; it seemed as though his entire face lit up in the man’s presence.

“You’re very welcome,” Shane said warmly, clapping Zachary on the back. “I’ve just been talking for a while with your very nice mother, but it’s time for me to head out. Great to see you again.” He smiled at Zachary, and Heidi was amazed to see her son beam back broadly.

With one last long, searching look at Heidi, Shane stepped outside and into the night air. The moon, which cast dark shadows over most of the sidewalk, illuminated Shane’s face, causing his ice blue eyes to glow hauntingly. Shane nodded to both of them once more, then turned and started toward his car.

“Officer Kensington?” Zachary called down the sidewalk after Shane’s retreating back.

Shane stopped walking and swung around. “Yeah, Zachary?”

Zachary hesitated before blurting out nervously, “Would you mind if I stopped by the station to visit every now and then?”

Shane’s face split into a grin. “Of course not. You’re welcome any time.” With one last wave, he opened the door to his car and stepped inside.

Zachary turned around, his face shining with happiness. Heidi took one look at him and knew what she had to do. “Wait here,” she instructed her son. “I forgot to tell Officer Kensington something.” She slipped on a pair of sandals and hurried down the steps after him, ignoring Zachary’s inquisitive gaze. “Shane!” she called as the engine of his car roared to life.

He caught sight of her approaching form and quickly rolled down the window. “Heidi?”

The sound of her name caught Heidi by surprise; she loved the way his lips moved to form the syllables. “I, uh, wanted to ask you if your offer from before still stands?” He regarded her curiously. “I’d love for you to visit Zachary,” she pressed on, crossing her fingers in her pockets. Please, she thought, picturing the expression on her son’s face when he saw Shane standing in the doorway. My son needs you. And maybe I do, too.

“Absolutely,” Shane said, reaching out from the car window to squeeze her hand gently. “How does same time next week sound?”

“Perfect. We’ll be here.”

Shane nodded to her once more, then rolled up his window and threw his car into gear. As she watched him back out of the driveway, her stomach twisted into knots of both excitement and anxiety. Had she made the right decision? Heidi’s gut told her that Shane’s presence in their lives would be a good thing. But, as she pictured John’s laughing face, immortalized in print, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was going to regret letting Shane Kensington get too close.

“So let me get this straight,” Scott said, his face twisting in confusion. “You have the hots for this woman, but you’re already sorry you offered to help her son? Makes a ton of sense to me, Shane.” Never one to mince words, the youngest Kensington boy shook his head in amusement.

Some members of the Kensington family were eagerly gathered around the webcam on Robert and Michelle’s computer, enjoying a rare video call with Scott, who was currently serving a three-year deployment in Iraq as a Combat Engineer, aiding in the reconstruction of the most war-torn areas. As a little boy Scott would line up his stuffed animals to discuss military maneuvers, and Michelle used to find plastic army men and women littered in hiding spaces around the house, keeping an eye on the imaginary enemy’s movements.

Since his deployment last year, they had only been able to hear his voice twice; even that, according to Scott, was more than the norm. Michelle crouched in front of the computer, her face alive with happiness. Shane knew that his mother had taken it hard when Scott decided to enlist in the military, but since then she had become his staunchest supporter.

Robert, noticing that Shane’s face had fallen, whispered something in his wife’s ear. She glanced at her eldest son and nodded, then turned back to the webcam. “Scott, honey, we’re going to let you talk to your brother for a few minutes on your own. You know, man to man.” She winked, then blew a kiss at Scott, who pretended to catch it in mid-air and stuff it into the front pocket of his fatigues. Michelle beckoned for her daughters to follow her into another room. Shane, throwing his mother a grateful smile, watched his family retreat, then settled into the computer chair. He missed his youngest brother terribly; despite their difference in age, they had always been the best of friends, and Shane craved Scott’s advice and words of wisdom more than anyone else’s, especially now.

“So tell me what’s going on, brother,” Scott said, peering at Shane in concern. “You like this woman?”

Shane sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. “I don’t know her yet, but I felt drawn to her from the first time I saw her. She’s kind, smart, and loving, and unless I’m completely misreading her I think maybe she feels something for me, too. But I’m scared, you know? I feel like I’m not at a place in my life right now where I can start up a relationship.”

“Whoa whoa, slow down,” Scott said. “You need to take it easy. One thing at a time. You offered to help her son with his basketball game, right?”

Shane nodded and slumped further down in his chair. As soon as the heart-pumping excitement from seeing Heidi—and touching her hand—had worn off, he began to regret his hasty offer. It’s not that he didn’t want to help Zachary. He did. But he was well aware that getting to know Heidi better could make for dangerous territory. Shane was a broken man, a man who wasn’t able to give a woman like Heidi everything that she would need to be happy.

“Just take it from there,” Scott continued. “Start slow. Get to know her and her son. For all you know, it’s going to work out to be a friendship and nothing more. What’s important here is that you make an effort to find out if it’s something worth pursuing.” His voice took on a serious tone. “The thing that worries me, though,” he said quietly, “is why you’re still being so hard on yourself. It’s been three years, Shane.”

Shane shrugged his shoulders and lowered his gaze to his lap.

“Listen,” Scott said. “Look at me.” Shane raised his head to meet his brother’s eyes, which were suddenly filled with sorrow. “I’ve seen a lot of terrible things here. Things you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.” Scott’s voice trailed off as he stared into the distance. “But there’s hope, too. For a better tomorrow. That’s what you need to understand. This one thing that you did, this one mistake, is only going to define you if you let it. But you
are
letting it, Shane. And that’s a damn shame.”

“I don’t know how to stop it,” Shane whispered.

“It’s going to be baby steps,” Scott said. “First, start putting yourself out there again. Into the real world, the world with people in it. For far too long you’ve been isolating yourself as a kind of sick punishment. After that, I’m confident that you’ll be able to slowly start rebuilding your life. But first, you have to tell yourself that it’s okay to do that. To be happy.”

Shane blew out a long breath, considering his brother’s words. “You’re right,” he said finally, raising his head a little higher. “It’s time I stopped hiding from the world. And you know what the first step is going to be?”

“Telling this chick Heidi that you want to take her out on a date?” Scott asked hopefully, a sly gleam in his eye.

“Nope, that’s not it.”

“Then what?”

“I’m going out for drinks with Buddy.”

*

“I’m surprised you asked me here, to tell you the truth,” Buddy confessed, licking the foam from the top of his beer tankard. “You’ve been practically shunning me and the rest of the guys. I’m starting to think you like being a loner.”

“Nope,” Shane replied, gulping down a mouthful of beer in the hopes of taking the edge off his anxiety. He wished he had eaten something a little more substantial than a pack of toaster strudel that day; his absence from the local bar in the past couple of years had made him something of a lightweight, although he would never confess that to Buddy. “Remember how we used to get together every Friday night with all the guys who weren’t on shift and stay here until the bartender practically kicked us out?” Shane smiled fondly as he pictured one memorable evening when the other officers had all gathered at his house after leaving the bar to play poker well into the morning; the next day, Shane’s wallet had felt alarmingly light.