Where Rainbows End (21 page)

What do you think Alex would have done when we arrived on his doorstep? Mum says he’s not even home, that he’s away on some meetings or something but I think she’s just lying to try to prove that our plan wouldn’t have worked. I don’t think he would have been mad, Alex is cool. But he probably would have called Mum and she would have sent ten million squad cars and rescue helicopters over to get us.

Poor Mum. I’m glad we’re not moving away but I feel sorry for her. She was so excited about doing that job and now she’s back stuck in that other place she said she was sick of a while ago. I feel kinda guilty. I no she would have made me go anyway if Greg had said yeah but I still feel bad for her.

She’s just wandering around the house looking real sad and she keeps on sighing as though she’s real bored and doesn’t no what to do next. Just like us on Sundays. She gets up from one couch and moves to another room to sit in another chair. Then she gets up again and moves to another room and stares out the window for
ages,
sighs about three million times, moves to another room, in, out, in, out . . . she makes me dizzy just watching her.

Sometimes I just follow her around, seeing as I’m not supposed to be allowed in the outside world and I’ve nothing better to do.

Yesterday I started following her again and she started to walk faster and faster, by the end of it I was chasing her around the house and it was so funny. She opened the front door and ran outside in her pajamas teasing me because I couldn’t go outside (being grounded and all). But I ran out anyway love, rosie

187

and the two of us sprinted around the block in our pajamas, me in my blue one with the pink hearts and Mum in her yellow dressing gown! Everyone was staring at us but it was fun. We ran to Birdie’s shop on the corner and Mum treated me to some strawberry ice cream, the highlight of my day.

Birdie didn’t look too impressed at the sight of us especially seeing as Mum wasn’t wearing anything under her dressing gown but she flashed her legs at old Mr. Fanning who was there to buy his morning paper. He looked like he was gonna have a heart attack. So at least I got to go outside for a little while.

As soon as we got back inside she continued just walking around the house as if she was in a museum or something. Greg says she’s got a feather up her arse. Mum said she’d love to shove a pole up his. He didn’t say much for the rest of the day.

Toby, if we had made it to the top of that queue in the airport, do you think we would have gotten on the plane? I’m not sure if I could have left Mum, but I don’t think she would believe that now if I told her. She would probably just think I was trying to get out of being grounded,
although
that’s not a bad idea. OK I gotta go!

E-mail me back before I die of boredom!

from:

Alex

to:

Rosie

subject:

Family duties!

You and your “duties” to your family. I just don’t want you to be the only person following the rules, that’s all.

The lectures are going great. You will never believe who the surgeon is!

Your very favorite man—Reginald Williams.

188

Cecelia Ahern

from:

Rosie

to:

Alex

subject:

Reginald Williams!

Oh . . . my . . . god. Pass me a bucket while I puke. You mean slutty Bethany’s father? Have they come back from the evil past to haunt us??!!

A very disgusted and extremely shocked Rosie from:

Alex

to:

Rosie

subject:

Re: Reginald Williams!

It’s OK Rosie, take deep breaths! He’s not so bad. A very intelligent man.

from:

Rosie

to:

Alex

subject:

Re: Reginald Williams!

What does he do now, hypnotism? Has he been tampering with your brain? So that’s why he’s been all over the papers over here. I have refused to read them out of protest for him and his family’s existence. Oh my god—Regi-nald Williams! So do you think you’re in with a chance to be one of the “chosen few” to work with him, seeing as you were an almost-son-in-law? There’s nothing like a bit of nepotism to keep the world a just and equal place.

from:

Alex

to:

Rosie

subject:

Nepotism!

I think the chances of that happening are fairly slim. I think I sealed my own doom when I dumped his favorite and only daughter!

love, rosie

189

from:

Rosie

to:

Alex

subject:

Slutty Bethany

Oh I don’t know about sealing your doom, I think it may have been the
best
move you have ever made. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen slutty Bethany for about ten years! What is she up to, I wonder? Probably living in a mansion in the hills counting diamonds and evilly laughing . . .

from:

Rosie

to:

Stephanie

subject:

Best friends stay with you forever

Oh wise and wonderful sister Stephanie you were right! When I was sev-enteen you told me that girlfriends come and go but best friends stay with you forever. I found myself saying today, “I wonder what slutty Bethany is doing these days . . .” The exact statement I never wanted Alex to have to say about me. I didn’t believe you at the time but I sure do now!!

Thanks Steph, best friends do stay with you forever!

You have an instant message from: RUBY

Ruby:

So you’re still here then.

Rosie:

Oh your words of support are like a breath of fresh air my dear Ruby. Yes I am still here. The hands of Dublin have got their fists tightly grasped around my neck, choking me and refusing to let go.

Yes Ruby. I am still here.

Ruby:

I see; nice little analogy. So you found your daughter then.

Rosie:

Yes we have her trained to come running back after three whistles, a clap of the hands, and a little twirl.

Ruby:

Impressive . . .

Rosie:

I reminded myself that Alex and I ran off together a few times when we were younger. The first time we ran away because Alex’s parents refused to let him go to some theme park to visit Captain Tornado for the weekend. I now understand his parents’ point of view because, well, the theme park was in Australia . . . in a cartoon . . .

Anyway we must only have been about five or six. We packed our school bags and ran away. We literally
ran
away, we thought that was what we were supposed to do,
run
down the road which was extremely inconspicuous of course.

love, rosie

191

We spent the entire day roaming streets we had never been to before, looking at houses and wondering if the pocket money we had saved up that week was enough to buy a house of our own. We even looked at the houses that weren’t for sale . . . we hadn’t quite grasped that concept yet. As soon as it got dark the two of us became bored with our freedom and a little scared too. Eventually we decided to head back home to see if our protests had made a difference to the Captain Tornado situation. Our parents hadn’t even noticed we’d been gone. Alex’s parents thought we were at my house and my parents thought vice versa.

I don’t know if Katie would have gotten on that plane had she been given the opportunity. I would like to think that I’ve done a good enough job as a mother for her to know that running away isn’t a way to solve anything. You can run and run as fast and as far as you like but the truth is, wherever you run, there you are. In fact she tried to tell me today that she loved me with all her heart and that she could never leave me. I thought I sensed sincerity in her eyes and voice but as soon as I reached out to cuddle her, her face brightened and asked if that meant she didn’t have to be grounded anymore.

I’m afraid she’s a chancer like her father.

Ever run away from home when you were a child?

Ruby:

No. But my ex-husband ran away from home with a child half his age if that’s any help to you.

Rosie:

Right . . . well no it’s not but thanks for sharing it with me all the same.

Ruby:

No problem.

Rosie:

So what are you doing for your 40th Ruby? It’s coming up soon?!

Ruby:

I’m going to break up with Teddy.

Rosie:

No! You can’t! You and Teddy are an institution!

Ruby:

Ha! That’s my point. OK I mightn’t then. I was just thinking of new and exciting ways to change my life. Funnily enough that was the first one that jumped into my head.

192

Cecelia Ahern

Rosie:

You don’t need to change your life Ruby; it’s just fine as it is.

Ruby:

I’m going to be 40 Rosie. FORTY. I’m younger than Madonna would you believe and I look like her mother. Every day I wake up in a messy bedroom beside a man who smells and snores, I trip over mounds of clothes in order to find my way to the door, I stagger down to the kitchen and make myself a coffee and eat a slice of leftover cake. On the way back to my bedroom I pass my son in the hallway. Sometimes he acknowledges me; most of the time he doesn’t.

I fight with him to use the shower and I don’t mean about who’s first to use it, I actually have to
force
him to wash himself. I fight with the shower in order to be neither scalded to a crisp nor frozen to death. I get dressed in clothes I have been wearing for far too many years in a size that makes me physically sick, but that has caused me to lose the will to care about doing something about . . .
anything
or anything about
something
. Teddy grunts good-bye to me, I squeeze myself into my banged-up rusty old unfaithful mini that breaks down almost every morning on the motorway that bears more of a resemblance to a car-park than a road.

I park my car, arrive into work late again, and get given out to by someone I have been forced to nickname Randy Andy. I sit at my desk where I concoct stories which help me escape the office where I flee to the outside world for a sneaky cigarette. I do this various times a day. I speak to nobody all day, nobody speaks to me and then I return home at 7 p.m. feeling absolutely exhausted and starving, to a home that will never be cleaned and a dinner that will never prepare itself. I do this
every day
.

On Saturday nights I meet you, and we go out and I suffer all day Sunday with a hangover. This means that I turn into a zombie and lie on the couch like a piece of broccoli. The house still doesn’t get tidied and despite being screamed at, it refuses to tidy itself. I wake up on Monday morning to that awful horrible wailing sound of my love, rosie

193

alarm clock that’s beginning to sound like
na na na na na
, just to begin the week all over again.

Rosie, how could you say I don’t need change? I
desperately
need change.

Rosie:

Ruby, we
both
need change.

FOR A SPECIAL FRIEND,

MAY THIS BE THE BEGINNING OF A TRULY HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL

YEAR FOR YOU!

SORRY RUBY THIS WAS THE ONLY HALF DECENT CARD I COULD FIND

THAT DIDN’T GO ON ABOUT HOW YOUR LIFE IS ALMOST ENDING.

THANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME, EVEN THOUGH YOU’D

RATHER NOT BE!

YOU’RE A FANTASTIC FRIEND TO HAVE, LET’S ENJOY THIS BIRTHDAY

AND GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW YEAR.

LOVE, ROSIE

PS: I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR PRESSIE, NEVER COMPLAIN OF
CHANGE

EVER AGAIN!

This voucher entitles the bearer to 10 lessons in salsa dancing.

Ricardo will be your teacher every Wednesday @ 8 p.m. in the school hall of St. Patrick’s secondary school.

You have an instant message from: RUBY

Ruby:

I’m all salsa’d out! The last time I was in this much pain was when Teddy got that Kama Sutra book for Christmas from the lads at work. I practically had to be fork-lifted to work after the holidays, remember? Well this time I actually had to take the morning
off
work. Can you believe it?!

I woke up suspecting that I had been in a very serious car accident; then I looked across at Teddy and was convinced we had been. But I forgot that the drooling, sweating, and disturbing noises were all 194

Cecelia Ahern

part of the Teddy package. You get one, you get them all. It took me twenty minutes to wake him up so that he could help me out of bed.

It took me a further twenty minutes to get out of bed. My joints were on strike. They were all just lazily lounging around with their little pickets pitched up screaming, “Joints on strike, joints on strike!” The hips were the leaders of this conspiracy.

So I rang my boss and held the phone to my hips so he could hear them too. He agreed with me and let me have the morning off.

(Well he claims
now
that he
didn’t
but I’m sticking to my side of the story.)

Childbirth is
nothing
compared to exercise, and Gary was a
big
baby. This is what they should do to prisoners of war when they’re trying to interrogate them. Make them take salsa classes. I knew I was unfit but my god, driving the mini today was horrendous. Every time I changed gears I felt like someone was hammering away at my arm. First gear—sore, second gear—pain, third gear—torture. I ended up driving to work in second gear because it hurt so much.

Not safe or healthy for the car at all but she managed to cough and splutter her way into work just like her owner.

By the way I was walking you would swear Teddy and I
had
worked our way through the Kama Sutra book. Even typing was a traumatic experience as I suddenly realized that my finger bone is connected to my arm bone which in some way was pulling on my hamstring which was giving me a headache. I should have known I would be this bad. When you dropped me off last night I was so stiff I practically had to crawl in the hall door where my ears were greeted by Teddy and Gary having a mutual grunting session in the living room. I’ve learned it’s their odd little method of communication.