Where Sea Meets Sky (29 page)

“Why?”

“We need to talk,” she says.

“I really doubt it.”

She tugs harder but her eyes grow softer and I see a hint of that light again. She’s begging, pleading with them. She’s desperate. So I relent.

She leads me out of the bus and then slams the door shut. “We’ll be right back,” she yells at Amber and then leads me a few feet up the road. I pull out of her grasp but continue walking by her side.

“Jesus, kung fu grip much?”

When we’re far enough from the bus, she stops. “Why are you doing this?”

“Why do you think?”

She crosses her arms and looks away. “Just . . . don’t go. Please. Stay.”

I love that she’s saying this but I don’t believe it.

“Give me a reason to stay,” I tell her. “And I’ll stay.”

She bites her lip. “Because I’m a fun person?” she asks unsurely.

“You can be, when you’re not . . .”

“Being a bitch?” she supplies.

I shake my head. “I only use that word when I’m really fucking mad, and I’m not even mad anymore, Gemma. I’m just . . . I’m tired. I can’t figure you out for the life of me, and I don’t think you want me to try. Things are just so weird now and I think it’s best if I just go. You and Amber will be a lot happier without me.”

“We won’t be,” she says, and I hear the sincerity in her voice. I have to ignore it. “Will you be?”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “No,” I answer honestly. Because I don’t want to go, I just feel like I need to go. I need to move on and forget her and the big tangled mess I’ve gotten stuck in.

She grabs my hand and squeezes it tight. “Then please don’t go. I know I have issues and I’m trying to deal with them and it’s not fair that you’re caught in the middle.”

I step closer to her. “What
are
your issues?” I implore her.

She shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know. Everything.”

“Am I your issue?”

She shoots me a quick glance but doesn’t say anything.

I put my hand on her face, making her look at me again. “Am I your issue?”

“I . . . I don’t want to become attached to you,” she says, and I can see it took a lot of effort to admit it.

I frown though something inside me is growing warm. “Why not?”

She balks like I asked a stupid question. “
Because
.” She sighs harshly. “Attachments hurt when they’re taken away. You’re
leaving
.”

“So what?” I tell her. “
I’m
attached to you already and I’m still leaving. I almost left right now. Doesn’t mean that the pain negates everything, that none of this was worth it.”

She swallows, looking surprised. “You’re attached to me?”

I shake my head incredulously and run my thumb over her lips, marveling at how fucking clueless she is. “Gemma, Gemma, Gemma,” I murmur. “I told you how I feel about you. I told you why I’m here. Of course I’m attached to you. And I know very well that I’m leaving, but that isn’t stopping these feelings from happening. In fact, it only makes it sweeter, stronger, because I know we don’t have much time together.”

She seems to take that in. I want her to believe it so badly. I have never in my life been so open with a girl. Always in the past it was my girlfriends or random chicks that wanted more from me, wanted a piece of me. I never wanted shit from them. But being with Gemma is like getting blood from a stone, and I may be a fool for trying but I finally understand what it’s like to be on the other side.

She relaxes a bit, her eyes softening. I’m think I’m finally getting to her.

“At the very least, we should be screwing each other’s brains out until I get on that plane,” I say with a smile, pressing my thumb into her wet mouth. I could definitely screw her right here. I spy some sturdy trees over her shoulder. If not, she could easily get on her knees and suck me off. She was good at that.

She bites my thumb then pulls back. “So you’re not going.”

“Are we going to screw each other’s brains out?”

She smiles coquettishly, which makes my dick harder. “If you’d like.”

“Sweetheart, it’s what
you’d
like,” I tell her. “And if I remember correctly, you liked it an awful lot.”

She seems to consider that. She looks over at Mr. Orange. “Maybe we should wait until Amber’s not with us anymore, or at least until we’re at my mom’s and we’re not all cramped in the bus together.”

I cock my head and give her a blank look. “Are you serious?” She’s saying yes to sex and now we have to wait?

“It will make things super awkward and weird, don’t you think?”

“Gemma,” I say with a laugh, “it’s been super awkward and weird as fuck for weeks now. This is the most uncomfortable road trip I have ever taken in my whole life, and I’ve been stuck in a car with my divorcing parents and my sister for a trip across the province before.”

“Three more nights,” she reiterates. “Two in Kaikoura, one in Masterton, and then we’re home in Napier for Christmas.”

I squeeze her hand. “No promises,” I tell her gruffly. But secretly I’m grinning inside. For her I could wait forever.

Well, I could try anyway.

Then I’d have a great time relishing the failure.

We stay the two nights in Kaikoura at a holiday park by the ocean. It’s a beautiful place—wild blue ocean on one side, towering snowy peaks on the other. It’s like the marine mammal and aquatic shit capital of the country, and we’re there to go dolphin swimming. It was Amber’s idea and Gemma agreed to come along, but when we got up at five a.m. to go out on the boat, we discovered it was cancelled due to high surf.

We end up going for a walk on the Kaikoura Peninsula instead. It’s windy as hell and what looked like a quick jaunt is taking us hours of just walking along seal-strewn shores and sheep-covered bluffs. It’s pretty though, the contrast between the pebbled beaches and the blue-gray water peppered with whitecaps.

When we stop at a low stone wall on the bluff to eat the sandwiches we bought earlier, I take out my watercolor pencils and sketchbook and start drawing the scene. Eventually Gemma comes over and peers over my shoulder.

“That’s gorgeous, Josh,” she says softly. I look up at her and see the wistfulness in her eyes.

“Here,” I say, handing her the book and the slate gray pencil. “You try.”

Fear lines her brow. “You know I can’t.”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe you can. It’s just a pencil and it’s just paper.” I can’t help but beg her with my eyes.
Please
, I tell her. “Come on.”

To encourage her, I flip the page so it’s nice and new and blank and I place it in her hand. I pat the grass next to me. “Sit, stay.”

“Play fetch?” she asks wryly, but sits down anyway. I get to my feet and join Amber by the wall, wanting to give her some space. It can’t help to have me looking over her shoulder.

She smiles at me shyly, appreciatively, then turns her head out to the view. The wind rushes up off the cliffs and tousles her hair. Her face, when it’s not hidden by her dark strands, becomes pensive. Then she’s slowly sketching. She’s beautiful.

I munch on my sandwich and Amber and I talk about sharks since shark diving was the other option for the day (in a cage and all, but no thanks) but my eyes rarely leave Gemma. She seems to be caught up in a battle, staring at the ocean, that thin line of the horizon, then back at her book, like it’s not matching up for her.

Frustrated, she throws my book and pencil to the side and puts her head in her hands. I exchange a quick look with Amber then go over to Gemma’s side. I crouch down and place a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, baby,” I say softly and she whips her head to me in surprise. I’m surprised, too. I can’t believe I just called her baby.

I try and play it off. “Take it easy on yourself, okay?” I pick up the sketchbook and see a very rough sketch of the view. You can tell that she tried to be as detailed as possible but then got frustrated and started pressing the pencil harder until the end broke off.

“I can’t do it,” she says.

I close up the book with a snap and smile at her. “But you just did. Now it’s forever in this book. It’s immortal. The day has been captured and when I look at it, I’ll remember this. Isn’t that what the point of all of this is? To rewind life a bit?”

She looks unsure. I help her to her feet but I don’t let go of her hand once she’s up. Amber turns to look at us as she shoves the remainder of her sandwich in her fringe purse.

“Is this a new development?” she asks cautiously, pointing at our hand-holding.

Gemma tries to take her hand away but I only grip it harder and raise it in the air.

“I think I’ve finally worn her down,” I say to Amber with a cocksure smile.

Amber grins. “Took you long enough.”

But Gemma still manages to wriggle out of my grasp and walk beside Amber.

I know I still have my work cut out for me.

The next day is a long, arduous journey through torrential rain from Kaikoura to the ferry terminal at Picton. Any hopes of a beautiful view are obscured by fogged windows and the endless gray outside of them. The inside of the bus feels damp with sweat and everyone is cranky and uncomfortable. Even though we’ll soon be staying at Gemma’s mother’s place and it’s bound to be a bit awkward, seeing as it’s Christmas time for the family and all that, I’m actually looking forward to it. It will be nice to have a place to stay and unpack for more than a day. It will be good to get out of this bus and the constant Pink Floyd.

The clouds follow us across the choppy strait to the North Island, where we speed toward an unexciting sounding town called Masterton. Once again we’re staying in a hostel and once again I’m cursing Gemma for booking us in another dorm. I know she’s doing this to save our broke asses money, but still.

This time there are only two bunks, but that still means there are two other people in the room when I need there to just be me and her. Aside from the hand-holding stint in Kaikoura, she’s becoming standoffish again, at least physically, and I’m getting a permanent case of blue balls just by looking at her.

Especially today. She’s wearing her denim short shorts again and a thin, low-cut white tank top with a lacy red bra underneath. The rain has her shirt looking a bit see-through and the delicate material of her bra has her nipples poking out like nobody’s business.

I can barely contain myself.

When we settle down in the room, the other bunkmate is absentee except for their backpack, Amber and Gemma go to check out the rest of the hostel. I quickly shut the door behind them and lock it.

I go over to my bed, taking my cock out of my pants, and lie down. There’s nothing around to make things smoother and I don’t have time to go rummaging through the girl’s bags for skin cream or anything. I spit on my hand and start stroking quickly. The need to come is so great that I know it won’t take long. All I have to do is imagine Gemma’s soft, wet lips around my head, a wicked look in her eyes. Maybe she could play with herself at the same time.

Oh god, I’m close.

A knock at the door pulls me back from the edge and the door handle jingles repeatedly.

“Josh?” Amber calls out from the other side.

“Goddamnit!” I yell slamming my fist down beside me. Frustrated, I shove my cock back in my briefs and zip up my jeans before I go over to the door and yank it open.

“What do you want?” I groan in exasperation, leaning against the door frame.

Amber and Gemma stare at me, puzzled.

“Why is the door locked?” Amber asks, coming inside the room and looking around warily. She sniffs the air like a hound.

“No reason,” I say, pushing past Gemma into the hall.

“Where are you going?” Gemma asks as I start to walk away.

“To the shower so I can masturbate in peace,” I answer. Then I pause and turn to her. “Care to join me?”

“Wow, TMI, Josh,” Amber says from inside the room.

But Gemma is still staring at me and I can see the lust coloring her eyes.

“I’m serious,” I tell her, lowering my voice. “You can just watch if you want.”

She rolls her eyes, even though I know she’d gladly drop to her knees if no one was around. The sexual tension between us has been ridiculously high ever since our last fuck, and I’ve caught her looking at me hungrily more than once. She wants me as badly as I want her.

“Fine,” I tell her and lean in closer so I’m whispering in her ear. “But just so you know, I’m going to explode inside you tomorrow. Taking the edge off now might make things easier, but it’s your call. You’re going to get it bad.”

I slowly pull away, my eyes trained on hers until she feels their heat. Then I turn, a crooked smile on my lips, and head over to the shower stall to get rid of my raging hard-on once and for all.

Chapter Seventeen

GEMMA

I don’t realize it’s Christmas Eve the next day until we pass the town of Norsewood and I see a gaudy Santa display on someone’s roof. I can’t believe the month has flown by like this and that this holiday, of all holidays, has snuck up on us. If I were at home this whole time, I would have been subjected to Christmas songs on the radio and annoying jingles on TV. On the road, though, I’ve just seen unadulterated scenery and the pure spaces outside the cities, untouched by commerce.