Where She Belongs (19 page)

“Just don't push me, okay?”

“All I want is for you to let me be his dad. I don't think that's asking too much.”

She faced him, arms wrapped across her chest. “You're going to be a great dad, AJ. Someday. But I can't focus on the future right now. The present is all I can handle.”

He dug his hands into his pockets and rocked on the balls of his feet. “I didn't mean to upset you.”

“I know.” She settled into the foldout chair. “It's been a tiring
morning. I'm going to close my eyes for a little bit. You don't mind, do you?”

“Go ahead.” He handed her a blanket. “I'll go find some coffee. Do you want anything?”

“No, I'm fine. Thanks.”

He gently squeezed Jonah's unbandaged fingers and left the room. Beyond the nurses' station, he paused at a large window overlooking a courtyard. Colorful flower gardens lined paved walkways leading to a central fountain. A man pulled a wagon along one of the paths, the child inside surrounded by pillows.

Maybe he could get a wagon for Jonah. One like Shelby had for her girls.

Pressing his temple against the glass, he shut his eyes. Only a little over a week ago, he had crashed Shelby's picnic at the creek. Eaten hot dogs at her house. Had begun to hope that she'd forgive him for being a Sullivan. Had dared to believe she might care for him at least a little.

When he saw her at church, he headed straight for her pew. After all, he needed to talk to her about Lila. But that was just an excuse to sit next to her.

Sticking his hands in his pockets, he strolled toward the elevators. Snatches of the morning's sermon pressed against his mind. Gran had often quoted Psalm 18:19, especially near the end of her life. The concept of a spacious place seemed to bring her comfort in difficult times. Considering she was married to Sully, most of her life must have been difficult. Until Shelby told him, he hadn't known Gran had dated Richard when they were young.

So why had she married Sully instead? Had she followed her heart, or had there been another reason? Richard was probably the only one still alive who knew the answers to those questions.

He wished he could get the answers from Gran. Maybe she could have helped him sort out his own jumbled feelings. He'd once loved Meghan—or thought he had. But before he had even met Shelby, she had awakened something deep within him with a
simple note. Every moment they spent together, even the difficult ones, increased her hold on his heart.

But he couldn't indulge those feelings, not when his son needed him.

Why did life have to be so hard?

Where was his spacious place?

S
helby fastened her sandals, then studied her reflection in the cheval mirror. The floral sundress was one of her favorites but perhaps a little too obvious. Searching through her wardrobe, she selected royal blue capris and a pale blue cap-sleeved pullover.

She quickly changed and scrutinized her appearance. Casual chic. Perfect.

Now what to do with her hair?

Gathering the loose strands together, she held them to one side and then the other before deciding on a French braid. She fastened the strands with a clasp, then struck a model's pose before the mirror. The hairstyle accentuated her cheekbones, and her eyes sparkled with anticipation. Pleased with her appearance, she smiled and took a deep breath to calm her jittery nerves.

AJ should be here in about five or ten minutes. She checked on the girls, sound asleep in their twin beds, and quietly encouraged Lila to join her in the family room. Lilac-scented candles flickered on the mantel, and table lamps cast soft circles of light into the room.

The only thing missing was music.

Again, too obvious.

After all, she wasn't trying to seduce the guy. She only wanted
him to know she had changed her mind about them being friends. And if friendship led to something more, well, that might be okay too.

Sinking into the wingback chair, Shelby turned on her Kindle and flipped past the cover for Dickens's
Bleak House
. A BBC adaptation she'd recently seen on Netflix triggered an interest in the book, and she was nearing the end. But the story of a disputed will lingering in the court system through generations was less appealing in light of Amy's pending lawsuit.

The very thought of going to court tightened her stomach. After all the effort she'd made to reclaim the house, all the work she'd done and still needed to do, it didn't seem fair that a spoiled Barbie doll with more money than sense could waltz in and take it all away on a whim.

Her conscience murmured, and she huffed in frustration. Maybe it wasn't nice to call Amy a Barbie doll, but Amy didn't deserve nice.

I know, God, I
know
. Shelby closed her eyes.
She deserves grace. But
why would you give me Misty Willow only to take
it away again? We'd have been better off staying
in Chicago
.

Except that wasn't true.

In Chicago, she had withdrawn into a tight ball after Gary's death, unable or unwilling to do more than the bare minimum when it came to church or community. The long, cold days were to be endured, not enjoyed, as grief enveloped their tiny home.

Everything was different here. The days flowed into one another in a gentle rhythm of hard work and joyous play. Neighbors stopped by with gifts of produce. Her daughters ran around the yard at dusk to catch fireflies. She'd volunteered to help with the crafts for Vacation Bible School.

Her spirit thrived in the peace and quiet of country living. And so did her daughters'. The weariness in Elizabeth's eyes had practically disappeared, unable to compete with her frequent smiles. Tabby's exhausting outbursts were no longer a daily occurrence.
She expended her exuberance in tricycle races against Lila and exploring the fencerows instead of in fits of temper.

No matter what happened or how devastating it would be to lose the farm, this place had done more to heal their grief-stricken hearts in a couple of weeks than a year spent in the city.

She could never wish these days away.

Besides, Amy might not even file the suit. Or perhaps AJ could persuade her to drop it. When it happened,
if
it happened, they could talk about their options then.

But not tonight.

This evening, she hoped to rekindle the magnetism that drew them together the night of the big storm. AJ would have kissed her if Brett hadn't called.

No chance of him interrupting them, but a phone call from Cassie might. Grinning to herself, she retrieved her phone from the side table and muted the ringer volume.

Headlights swept past the front window as a vehicle pulled into the drive. On the floor beside the chair, Lila perked up her ears.

Going into the hall with the lab at her heels, Shelby turned on the porch light and opened one of the heavy double doors. AJ parked the Jeep Cherokee and cut the motor. As he slid out from behind the wheel, Lila bounded across the porch to greet him. He knelt to pat her wiggling body, laughing and averting his face as she covered his chin with doggy kisses.

“Did ya miss me? Huh? Did ya?”

Lila said yes with a cheerful bark.

After another vigorous pat, AJ climbed the steps to join Shelby on the porch. He smiled as his eyes swept over her. “You look lovely.”

“Thank you.” Trying not to simper like a silly schoolgirl, she gestured toward the house. “Would you like to come in for a little while?”

“I probably better take Lila and go. We've been enough of a nuisance, haven't we, girl?” He scratched between Lila's ears.

“No, not at all. Please come in.” Hearing the desperation in her voice, she tugged at the hem of her shirt. “I thought we could visit for a little while.”

“Are you sure it's not too late?”

“Not at all. Besides, I baked cookies.”

“Okay. Sounds great.” He removed his ball cap and followed her into the house.

After sending him into the family room to wrestle with Lila, she retrieved a pitcher of lemonade and a couple of glasses from the kitchen. When she returned, AJ was sprawled on the floor, his back against the couch. Lila stretched beside him, her paws waving as he scratched her exposed belly.

Shelby set the tray on a table and poured the lemonade.

“You promised me cookies.” His teasing tone, so typical AJ, didn't hide the fatigue in his voice. Exhaustion dimmed the brown depths of his eyes, and stubble blurred his jawline. Another few minutes, and he might fall asleep on the floor.

She handed him a gift bag she'd previously hidden beside the couch. “This is for you.”

“You gift wrapped cookies?”

“Open it.” She knelt beside him, her elbow propped on the seat cushion.

“It's heavy.”

“And breakable. Be careful.”

“You're giving me heavy, breakable cookies? Not sure I want that recipe.”

She playfully swatted his arm. “Just open it.”

He pulled silver tissue paper from the scarlet bag. “I like the colors. Scarlet and gray all the way.”

“Go Bucks.”

“I knew I'd make a fan out of you.”

“If I ever cheer for a college football team, I promise you that will be the one.”

“A man can't ask for more than that.” He gingerly lifted the
tissue-wrapped gift from the bag and pulled away the rest of the paper to reveal the calico-cat-in-a-basket cookie jar. “I don't believe this.”

“Do you like it?”

“Shelby, you didn't have to replace that jar. It was an accident.”

“I know. But it belonged to your mom. And I know this isn't the same, but it's almost as good. At least, I hope it is.”

He appeared to retreat into his own world for a moment. In the quiet pause, only Lila's snuffling as she twisted to nose her bandage interrupted the silence.

“It's better.” He lifted the lid. “Cookies!”

“Peanut butter with Hershey Kisses. The girls helped, so some of them are shaped a little funny.”

“Those will be the ones that taste the best.” He bit into one. “Um, that's good. Want one?”

“Nope, those are all for you.”

“You're something special, you know that?”

“I try.”

“I mean it. Finding this jar. Filling it with cookies. That means a lot to me. Thank you.”

“You're very welcome.”

Angling toward her, he slipped his hand into hers. The diamonds in her wedding set flickered pure reds and greens with the movement. He shifted his grasp, his strong fingers turning her hand over to hide the rings.

“I suppose it's pride,” she said in a low voice.

“What is?”

“The reason I haven't taken them off.” Elbow still propped on the couch, she rested her chin against her hand and contemplated his profile. “When I'm with the girls, I want people to know I'm married. Or at least I was.”

“That's understandable.”

“When I'm not with the girls, they help keep away unwanted attention.”

“Also understandable.” He shook Lila's nose with his free hand. Dark lashes fringed his downcast eyes, and the corner of his mouth drew Shelby closer. She longed to brush the scruff of his day-old beard against her fingers, to inhale the alluring notes of his woodsy aftershave.

“Not that you're unwanted atten . . .” Heat inflamed her cheeks as his head snapped toward her. She drew back, her mind scurrying for something to say, then she leaned forward. Touching the cleft in his chin, she smiled. “How do you shave in there?”

Releasing her fingers, he reached for her, cupping her head in his hand as his thumb caressed the sensitive spot near her ear. She responded without thinking, encircling his bare forearm with her fingers and stroking the taut muscles beneath his tanned skin. He shifted closer, his other hand moving along her arm, then settling at her waist. His mouth hovered above hers, tantalizingly close.

“I'm not unwanted?” He asked the question lightly, but the expression in his eyes was serious.

“No. Yes.” Momentarily confused by the double negative, she shook her head. “I'm not sure.”

“I'm pushing, aren't I?” Releasing her, he pressed his head against the sofa and flung his arm across his eyes. “I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.”

Startled by his sudden change, she folded her hands in her lap. Why couldn't she admit her feelings to him? Why hadn't she kissed him when she had the chance?

He sighed heavily, and exhaustion seemed to drag him to the floor.

“You've had a tough day, haven't you?”

“Yeah.”

“His name is Jonah, right? How is he?”

“No change. But he's got a good team of specialists now.”

“And he's got you. Your students are so lucky.”

“My students?” He gave her a quizzical look.

“Isn't Jonah the son of one of your former students?”

“Where did you get that idea?”

“From Brett.” She thought back to the conversation. “Though come to think of it, he was only guessing.”

“He guessed wrong.” Sitting forward, AJ rotated his shoulders. He put the cookie jar into the gift bag and stuffed the tissue paper around it. “Thanks again for this.”

“Let me know when you need more cookies.”

“Deal.” Pushing Lila off his legs, he stood, then offered his hand to pull Shelby to her feet.

“You're leaving so soon?” They'd barely talked about anything.

“It's been a long day. Besides, Lila needs her beauty sleep.”

“Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow?” She walked with him to the front door. “I bought a grill. We could try it out.”

“Afraid I can't. I'll probably be at the hospital.”

“Ice cream after the church softball game on Tuesday?”

He made a face and shook his head. “I forgot about the game. I doubt I'll be there.”

“Because of Jonah?”

“Yeah.”

Did he think she was going to beg him to go out with her? If he did, he apparently was right because that's exactly what she was doing. She didn't know whether she was more irritated with him or herself.

They stepped outside to the porch. The long yard shimmered in the pale light of a crescent moon, and wild honeysuckle scented the warm breezes. Fireflies still flickered in the darkness.

“My schedule is usually flexible. Why don't you let me know when you're available?”

“I'd like to.” He reached out to touch her arm, then stuck his hand in his pocket. “More than you know. But right now, I need to be with Jonah as much as possible.”

“How do you know him?”

His jaw worked, and his eyes misted. Cradling the gift bag in one arm, he suddenly pulled her to him with the other, holding her close to his chest and resting his chin against her temple.

She lifted her arms to his neck, her fingers cradling his cheek. “Tell me, AJ. What's wrong?”

Instead of answering, he bent his head toward hers. His mouth, eager and warm, demanded she respond with equal fervor. Lost in the shared intensity of their passion, she pressed her lips against his as desire pulsed through her.

Suddenly pulling away, he stepped back and stared at her. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.”

“AJ, I . . .”

Shaking his head, he dug his keys from his pocket and bounded down the porch steps. Interior lights appeared in the Jeep as he opened the door and set the gift bag inside.

“Come on, Lila.” He patted his leg.

Lila ran to him, then scampered back to Shelby.

“Lila.” Impatience edged AJ's voice. “Get over here now.”

When she reached him, he grabbed her collar before she could take off again and shut her in the vehicle.

“You'll need her things,” Shelby said. “They're in the hallway. I'll get them.”

AJ strode to the porch to take the box from her and stowed it in the back of his Jeep. She followed him, touching his arm when he shut the hatch.

“What's going on with you? With us?”

“Us?” A sad smile momentarily crossed his face. “When was there ever an ‘us'?”

“About one minute ago, I'd say.”

His jaw jutted forward, and he adjusted his ball cap before meeting her gaze. “You're right. One memorable moment. But it shouldn't have happened. As much as I want to be with you—how much I've wanted to be with you since the first time I saw you—now isn't the time.”

“Because of Brett?” Her voice cracked, and tears dampened her lashes. “I don't care about him.”