Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (11 page)

and looked around for Nick. Once again, there was no chance for a

private exchange; Nick was busy handing out bus tokens to the kids.

Following in his wake were four of the teenagers, all peppering him

with questions about the impending trip to PNC Park.

Feeling as exhausted as he usually did after a twelve-hour

workday, Logan exchanged a weary wave with Nick as the group

trooped past him and onto the bus. Though all three adults and the

young children were clearly fatigued, the older kids seemed—if

possible—more hyper. Logan didn‘t envy Nick and Ciera their task of

seeing them all safely home.

On the short drive back to North Braddock, Logan pondered the

effort Nick expended to arrange these outings. He had to admit, the

kids unquestionably seemed to appreciate it. Some even seemed to have

a near case of hero worship for their benefactor. Suddenly, Logan

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61

wondered if those teenage boys hanging all over Nick knew that the

counselor was a gay man. At first he thought it wasn‘t possible, but

then Logan remembered that big mouth Tish. He couldn‘t imagine she

left anyone at ACC in the dark about any information she possessed.

His tired mind couldn‘t reconcile the incongruous notions, so he

followed his usual procedure of shoving it all behind a heavily bolted

mental door that blocked off a dark corner of his brain. Unfortunately

for Logan, that corner was getting pretty crowded these days, and that

door was becoming ever more difficult to close.

THE next day, Logan arrived at Acken‘s shop at nine a.m. to find a

yawning Nick lounging on the desk, downing a super-sized cup of

coffee. Feeling a pang of sympathy, he asked, ―When‘d you get to

bed?‖

Nick gave a weary shake of his head, answering ―Don‘t ask‖

around the rim of his cup. A second later, after he‘d drained the cup, he

leapt up, announcing, ―Let‘s get to work.‖

That sounded good to Logan, so they fell to; the initial work was

more painless than he could have imagined. First, the car was in better

shape than he had feared; they sailed through the drivetrain inspection,

wherein he was relieved to note that the clutch and pressure plate were

in tolerable shape. The next step was to take the car out for a spin so

that he could see if there were any problems with shifting or grinding

during gear changes.

After a twenty-minute jaunt through the neighborhood, Nick took

his turn at the wheel, handling the wayward car efficiently on the hilly

streets, which left Logan free to listen and observe. His mind cleared

and his muscles relaxed as he focused most of his attention on what this

engine had to tell him. He had always loved this part of the job—

diagnosing the idiosyncrasies of a demanding ―patient.‖

After a few minutes of intense concentration, Logan emerged

from his contemplative fugue and looked over to see what his

companion was up to. Nick‘s body language showed a man just as

engaged, just as relaxed as Logan, even though the car was fighting

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him on the challenging terrain. Logan was shaken by a jolt of insight,

intuitively recognizing that Zales was finding this drive equally

therapeutic.

The hiding spot in Logan‘s head was too full to accommodate

another item, so on the way back to the garage, he was forced to

actively contemplate exactly why Nick‘s apparent pleasure was such a

source of satisfaction to him. In order to dodge some uncomfortable

conclusions, he finally decided that it was simply a lot easier to work

with a guy who wasn‘t being pissy the whole while—and that was all.

The sense of harmony continued as they got down to prying off

the body trim. Logan was pleased and mildly surprised that Nick

showed no reluctance to do the dirty and exacting job. ―Make sure you

mark everything,‖ he cautioned as he wrestled with a stubborn piece of

chrome. ―Saves a lotta time when you go to put ‘em back on.‖ Finally

triumphing over the side molding, Logan looked up to find Nick taking

a picture of a wheel well. ―What‘re you doin‘?‖

―That article I got off the Internet? It said you should take a

picture of stuff before you remove it.‖

―Good idea,‖ Logan admitted. ―Why didn‘t you stop me before I

went after this?‖

Nick laughed. ―Way you went after it with that crowbar? Didn‘t

seem like a good idea to get in your way.‖

A sudden knot formed in Logan‘s stomach as he immediately

wondered if that was a sly allusion to his anger control issues. Nick

gave every appearance of innocence, humming rather tunelessly as he

pried away the trim. Logan decided to let it go but wondered why he

spent so much time worrying about what this Zales fellow was

thinking.
What the fuck do I care if he jus’ took a shot at me? It’s

probably what I should expect.

They worked in silence for a while until Logan remembered a

chore he had forgotten to perform. Deciding to get it over with, he

cleared his throat to get Nick‘s attention. Once he had it, Logan said, ―I

forgot to say, I wanted to thank you for… for settin‘ all that up

yesterday.‖

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63

Nick didn‘t look up from the rusty piece of trim he was labeling

but did say, ―That‘s all right. I‘m glad you and your girls had a good

time.‖

―They sure did.‖

―But not you?‖ Nick asked, sending a knowing grin his way.

―I was glad to spend the time with Krista an‘ Meghan, but the

whole gang of ‘em… well….‖

―Wore ya out?‖

―Sure did. Can‘t believe you do that every year.‖

―I‘m not gonna say it‘s not a pain, ‘cause it is, a major pain. But

those kids….‖ He shrugged, obviously looking for the right words.

―They don‘t get enough chance to just
be kids
.‖

―Whaddya mean?‖

―They grow up too fast because they see so much misery so

young.‖ Nick walked over and grabbed the camera, but instead of going

back to work, he went back to his subject, emphasizing his words with

short chops of his hand. ―Even when we get ‘em out, they can‘t relax

‘cause they‘re too busy worryin‘ that their old man might find them and

their mom. Some think…. Some even think it‘s somehow their fault.

That Daddy beat the shit out of Mommy because they woke him up too

early or somethin‘.‖

Logan desperately wanted Nick to stop, to shut the hell up, and he

silently cursed himself for posing the question.
Why the fuck did I ask

what he meant?
He drowned out as much of it as he could by chanting

silently,
It doesn’t matter…. It doesn’t matter, ’cause none of this is

true for my girls.

Finally Nick crouched down to snap a picture of his next target,

and Logan breathed a sigh of relief. It proved premature when Nick

continued, ―Worst of all, most of them don‘t ever get to have a positive

male influence in their lives. I know how rough that can be, ‘specially

for the boys.‖

A well of sorrow sprang from that last phrase, catching Logan off

guard. He noted Nick‘s unusually stiff posture, and the penny dropped

for him. Despite knowing he could be entering forbidden territory, he

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felt compelled to ask, ―Your dad…. He wasn‘t one of…. I mean did

he…?‖

Nick sat back on his heels and shot Logan a long, appraising stare

before tersely saying, ―Yeah, he was. And he sure as hell did.‖

―Sorry,‖ Logan murmured, almost shocked at how heartfelt his

reply was. ―Is that why you… why you took up this kind of work?‖

―I don‘t know…. Yeah, I guess so.‖ Nick laid the camera on the

workbench and picked up a crowbar before continuing, ―I always hated

to think that bastard had any kind of influence on me at all, but I guess

he did. No getting around it.‖

―Where‘s he now?‖

―Rotting in—‖ Nick bit off his short answer and attacked the door

molding without finishing his sentence.

Though the answer had been abruptly cut off, Logan heard the ―in

hell‖ loud and clear. Filled with a sudden need to offer comfort, he

said, ―But look at you now—you‘re a real good influence on them

boys, where he was a bad one.‖

―What makes you say that?‖ Nick asked, his voice soft with

curiosity.

―Come on. The way they were all clamorin‘ to go to the baseball

game with you. You think that was just so they could see the Pirates get

their asses kicked?‖

A yelp of laughter escaped from Nick before he said, ―I don‘t

know that it‘s all about me. Adam
does
get us seats over the dugout.‖

―This Adam—does he work with you?‖ Logan asked, surprising

himself again; if he kept this up, he was going to end up as chatty as

Meghan.

―No,‖ he answered evenly, ―we‘re really good friends.‖ Logan

detected an air of challenge as Nick added, ―And before you can ask,

that means
exactly
what you‘re thinking it means.‖

―I wasn‘t gonna ask,‖ Logan retorted, trying to appear sincere and

wondering why he suddenly despised a guy he hadn‘t met and likely

never would. He vented his rising and inexplicable anger by snapping,

―I don‘t know where you get off sayin‘ that. I don‘t wanta know—‖

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65

Apparently refusing to match his ire, Nick lobbed back a jaunty,

―I get it—don‘t ask, don‘t tell.‖

Logan simmered silently, thinking how he‘d love to wipe that

cocky smirk off Zales‘s face by slamming him up against the wall. He

lingered over that oddly appealing image until it shifted slightly and he

promptly blanked his mind in alarm. In an effort to distract himself

with a familiar ally, Logan attacked the rest of the trim with doubled

vigor.

The two men talked of little else besides the car for the next hour,

efficiently finishing the exterior and then moving on to disassembling

the interior trim, the silent labor serving to restore Logan‘s equilibrium.

However, before they broke for the day, the final task was a review of

the parts list, and Logan found their forearms brushing familiarly as

they huddled over the paper. Desperate to escape the dreadfully alluring

contact, Logan snatched the list away, curtly promising to start calling

around to dealers.

As they ambled to the door, Nick took a long second to stare at

the stripped-down car. ―Guess it has to get worse before it can get

better, huh?‖

―That‘s the way it works.‖ Feeling an odd mixture of relief and

disappointment, Logan put his hand on the doorknob and turned to

Nick. ―Same time next week?‖

Still seeming lost in the vehicle splayed out before him, Nick

answered distractedly, ―Sounds good.‖ He then shook his head and

followed Logan to the exit. After Nick locked the shop door, he faced

Logan square-on with one hand on his hip. ―Can I ask you something? I

mean, I get a turn, don‘t I?‖

Logan suddenly regretted all the prying queries he‘d posed

earlier, since he felt no choice now but to say, ―Sure, go ahead.‖

―Why did you do it?‖

There was no question in Logan‘s mind as to what Nick was

asking—it was the question he‘d been dodging from everyone for four

months. He jammed his hands into his jeans pockets and kicked at

some loose stones. ―I just kinda…. I… I don‘t know…. It‘s all a blur. I

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can‘t remember anything about it real clear.‖ He squinted up at Nick

warily, wanting to gauge his acceptance of that assertion.

There was no give in Nick‘s response. ―You‘re deliberately

blocking it out. You know that, right?‖

Having heard that enough from Trudy, Logan had no need for

clarification. He jammed his sunglasses onto his face before snapping,

―Even if I was, so what? Why the fuck should I…. Who the hell wants

to dredge all that shit up?‖

Nick pulled his Jeep keys out of his pocket and then cocked his

head at Logan. ―If you refuse to remember—how‘re you gonna answer

when those little girls of yours finally start asking questions?‖

―They ain‘t asked nothin‘,‖ Logan growled.

―They wanta know, Logan. Believe me, they want to know.‖ Nick

nodded goodbye and headed down the steps, leaving Logan alone,

those last words ringing in his ears.

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Chapter 6:

Needs Only to Be Seen

For truth has such a face and such a mien, as to be loved needs only to