Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (5 page)

―As long as you‘re using condoms,‖ Nick shrugged, comfortable

in the knowledge that the caution was completely unnecessary for the

health-conscious young trainer.

―Yeah,‖ Adam answered sheepishly. ―Not that I ended up needing

one last weekend.‖

Sensing a story, Nick asked, ―Okay, what happened?‖

―You‘ll love this. I hit on another straight guy at Sully‘s.‖

Nick sat up to face Adam, chuckling and shaking his head. ―Man,

what is
with
you? Is your gaydar broken?‖

―Aww, it‘s these goddamn
metrosexuals
—they jack me up but

good. What kind of straight dude wears fancy shoes, has a manicure,

and orders an appletini?‖

24

Felicia Watson

―What‘re you hittin‘ on a guy like that for, anyway? And how‘d

he take it?‖

Embarrassment flushed Adam‘s cheeks as he answered, ―What

can I say, I was drunk, it was late, and he was cute. And luckily, he just

thought I was having some fun at his expense.‖

―
That’s
lucky? Adam—‖

―Oh, come on. You‘re makin‘ me sorry I brought this up. You

mean to tell me you‘ve never been attracted to a straight guy?‖

A memory of thick, dark blond hair, muscular arms, and a tight

rear end flashed through Nick‘s mind. Suddenly an uncomfortable truth

was closer than the sweaty sheets. Nick hurriedly brushed the subject

aside. ―Of course I have. I‘m just not interested in pursuing them. Who

the fuck needs that grief?‖

Green eyes alight with mischief, Adam nudged him. ―I don‘t

know, you know what they say about every guy being just a six pack

away from being gay.‖

―Then why don‘t you pick up a six of Iron City and try that out on

Mr. Appletini? Let me know how it goes.‖

―Nah,‖ Adam laughed. ―I guess I should just do all my ‗hunting‘

at Woody‘s—after all, that‘s where I found you.‖

Nick swung his feet over the edge of the bed, retorting with a

grin, ―You ain‘t never gonna get that lucky again, boy.‖

―Tell me about it.‖ Adam‘s tone took on the slightest shade of

pique as he chided, ―I wouldn‘t even need as many of those freelance

fucks if you weren‘t so busy all the time.‖

While he was struggling into his jeans, Nick sighed. ―I know.

Sorry. Between work and my mom—‖

―Hey, I‘m no chick—I‘m not tryin‘ to lay guilt on you. It‘s just, if

it would help, I really
would
come over to your place, you know. Your

mom wouldn‘t faze me.‖

Nick had considered the possibility more than once but always

rejected it as risky. ―I know. But the timing would have to be perfect.

Somewhere in between her being so crazy she‘d bother us or so

coherent she‘d figure out what we were up to.‖

Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela

25

―Why don‘t you just tell her, Nick? I bet it wouldn‘t be as big a

deal as you think.‖

―Oh God,‖ Nick groaned. ―You have
no idea
, do you?‖

Adam‘s parents, a couple of divorced academics, practically

tripped over each other striving to be the one more accepting of their

son‘s sexuality. As much as he liked Adam, Nick had come to accept

that the younger man would never relate to Nick‘s conservative, lower

class roots.

Nor had their three years together brought Adam any real

appreciation of Nick‘s other constraints—both professional and

financial. Adam worked an undemanding schedule at the gym but still

enjoyed a comfortable life, facilitated mainly by his generous parents.

Unlike Nick, who was still paying off his graduate school loans, Adam

had coasted through his five years at college with his dad footing the

entire bill. Even now, his mom paid his monthly car lease and

insurance, while his dad kicked in for both cell phone and cable bills.

After Nick said an affectionate goodbye and drove away from

Adam‘s downtown condo, he brushed aside any vague yearnings for a

deeper, more visceral connection in a relationship. He‘d never had any

illusions about romance or love, and this comfortable friendship with

benefits was perfect as far as he was concerned.

Nick thought of those posters they had hung up all over ACC

stating
Love doesn’t have to hurt.
Maybe it didn‘t have to, but as far as

he had seen, it usually did.

26

Felicia Watson

Chapter 3:

‘Til We Have Lost the World

Not ’til we have lost the world do we begin to find ourselves.

—Henry David Thoreau

OUT of the corner of his eye, Logan watched his daughters carefully

carry their trays to a sunny table near the window while he paid the tab.

No big fan of McDonald‘s ―cuisine,‖ his own tray held only two double

cheeseburgers and a cup of coffee. As he joined Krista and Meghan at

the table they had chosen, he unsuccessfully tried to pretend his sister-

in-law, Marie Stoats, wasn‘t sitting right across the aisle, glaring at him

occasionally while perusing a magazine.

The sight of his pretty daughters‘ shining faces cleared away most

of Logan‘s gloom even though an awkward silence descended as he sat

down. To break it, he nodded at Meghan‘s lunch, saying, ―You didn‘t

want one of them Happy Meals, honey? Thought you loved ‘em.‖

―Daddy,‖ came the outraged reply. ―I‘m not a little kid anymore.

Those are for babies.‖

―Oh.‖ Logan had nothing to add, since he was certain telling

Meghan that she was still his baby girl would be an unwelcome

observation.

Krista smiled at her dad sympathetically, saying, ―Meghan tries to

act like she‘s a teenager or somethin‘.‖

―Look who‘s talking,‖ Meghan shot back. ―You‘ve been bugging

Mom about wearing makeup. And who‘s all dopey-mopey
in love
with

Nick Jonas? Not me.‖ She turned to her father, saying, ―He‘s all she

wants to talk about these days.‖

Logan guessed that Meghan was referring to the kid who

occasionally came to do homework with Krista. ―That the red-haired

boy who lives in the building ‘cross the way?‖

Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela

27

―Da-ad. She‘s talking about one of the Jonas Brothers,‖ Krista

corrected firmly.

―Ya mean one of Sam Jones‘s boys from back home? Them

boys‘re a little old for you to be botherin‘ about.‖ Logan took a bite of

his burger while wondering when Linda had taken the girls to Elco.

Voices laced with equal parts shock and exasperation, his

daughters enlightened him in unison, ―The Jonas Brothers are a band!‖

Meghan continued on alone. ―Krista has a big poster up in our room.

Don‘t you remember?‖

―Meghan,‖ Krista said quietly, ―I got that after… after Daddy

left.‖

Logan desperately needed for this visit not to descend into quiet

sadness like the last one, so he gamely suggested, ―Well, ya gotta get

me all caught up. What else is new at home?‖

Apparently happy to play along, Meghan piped up, ―We‘re

getting a kitty!‖

―You are? When?‖

―Some lady Mom works with, her cat had kittens, and Mom said

we can have one when it‘s old enough to leave its mommy. We went

over there last week and picked one out. He‘s black with white paws,

and we‘re gonna call him Boots,‖ Meghan elaborated breathlessly.

Staring earnestly at the French fry she was toying with, Krista

added, ―You‘ll see him when you come home.‖ She peeped up at

Logan, asking, ―You‘ll be coming home real soon—won‘t you,

Daddy?‖

That was the question Logan had been dreading, the one that

could easily lead to taboo subjects. ―Well… I don‘t know…. Ya see,

me an‘ your mom… still got some stuff to work out….‖

Hesitantly, Krista said, ―You mean about… about what

happened—‖

Logan cut in with, ―You girls don‘t need to be worrying about

that accident. It‘s over an‘ done with, okay?‖

Krista looked nervously at her aunt and then whispered, ―Mom‘s

still mad at you, isn‘t she?‖

28

Felicia Watson

Logan shoved his tray aside and leaned in toward his girls.

―Honey, it‘s nothin‘ for you to bother about, I promise. I‘ll be home by

Christmas, at the latest.‖ Privately, that was the date Logan had always

fixed on. With his probation and court-ordered counseling done, he‘d

always figured the whole episode would have blown over by year‘s

end.

Inadvertently, rather than cheering his daughters, this news

horrified them. With round-eyed surprise, they repeated, ―Christmas!‖

He rushed again to reassure them. ―It‘s not that far away. Why,

my boss is already orderin‘ Christmas trees, and we‘re movin‘ stuff

around to make room for decorations an‘ that.‖ Logan reached over and

gently tugged Meghan‘s pigtail. Teasingly, he added, ―You mean you

ain‘t got your letter to Santa written yet? Better get a move on.‖

Logan was gratified by the giggle he got for his trouble and

distracted her further by saying with a wink, ―Don‘t know if we should

get a tree this year though—heard cats like to climb ‘em.‖

The tightness in his chest eased when Meghan picked up the cue

and started assuring him that Boots would do no such thing. ―He‘s

gonna be a real good kitty. He‘s so cute, ain‘t he, Krista?‖

Krista sipped her soda slowly before smiling a little too widely at

her dad and sister and agreeing, ―He sure is. You‘ll love ‘im, Dad.‖

―IT SOUNDS to me like you missed an opportunity.‖

Trudy had her lecturing voice on, Logan noticed. Head in hands

and elbows balanced on his knees, he rubbed his temples, wondering

how he was going to put up with this woman for four months more.

―Like I told them, it ain‘t for them to be worrying about.‖

―But they
are
worrying about it, Logan. Certainly Krista is.

Things don‘t go away just because you don‘t talk about them.‖

―They don‘t get better ‘cause you do.‖ Logan glanced briefly at

Dr. Gerard. She wore a raspberry-colored silk suit that he found to be a

little jarring but fitting. It sure demanded attention—just like Trudy.

Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela

29

The brightly attired psychologist raised an eyebrow as she leaned

back in her chair. ―Then I‘ve wasted my entire life.‖

Shifting in the squat, padded chair, Logan mumbled, ―If you say

so.‖

Trudy surprised the hell out of Logan by erupting with laughter

before she answered, ―Smart ass. Let‘s see if you can prove me wrong.

Tell me how the rest of the visit went.‖

Relieved that Trudy was willing to move on, Logan relaxed a bit.

―It went okay. They‘re getting a cat from some friend of Linda‘s, and

we talked ‘bout me bein‘ home by Christmas.‖

All trace of amusement gone from her voice, Trudy asked, ―Is

that what you expect?‖

―Sure.‖ Logan shrugged his right shoulder against his ear. ―It‘ll

all be done by then. Us,‖ he waved a hand between them before adding,

―and my probation.‖

―Have you talked to Linda about this?‖

―No.‖

―But you‘re willing to?‖

―Sure… if she‘s willing to….‖

―To what?‖

Resolution straightened his spine and deepened his voice as

Logan answered, ―To let all of this go. I know she‘s probably still a

little sore about what happened, but… hell, I done the right thing. I

manned up and pled guilty, and I come here every week like I‘m

s‘posed to. She should be willin‘ to forget what happened and go back

to the way we were before.‖

Of all the topics out of his little speech that she could have chosen

to explore, Logan was surprised when Trudy asked, ―So you and Linda

were happy before the abuse incident?‖

Logan swallowed a sigh at Trudy‘s use of the term ―abuse‖ but

managed to calmly say, ―Happy enough. Better when we were in Elco,

though.‖

―I thought it was both of your decision to move?‖

30

Felicia Watson

A bitter laugh preceded Logan‘s reply. ―More like Marie‘s idea.‖

―Your sister-in-law?‖ When Logan nodded, Trudy confirmed, ―It

was her idea that you move to North Braddock?‖

―Yeah. It was her fault. Her and her new car and split-level house.

Her filling Linda‘s head with all that talk of how much better things

would be if we‘d move up here and I could make more money—like

her Bob does.‖

―But you did say that your business in Elco had fallen off, right?‖

It was more statement than question.

―I was almost as busy as ever, folks just weren‘t payin‘ their bills

on time. You know how it is; times ‘re tough.‖

―Yet you still blame Marie for suggesting you take the job in the

mill?‖

Logan stared at the bookcase without really seeing the dozens of

somber-colored book spines filling it. ―Yeah. We could‘a rode out that