Where the Heart is (Interracial with Baby) (BWWM) (4 page)

But he wasn't interested in her, really, and now that he had opened himself up to thinking about Jamie, he found he couldn't stop.

Simon really couldn't decide what would be worse. Seeing her and not knowing what to say, or not seeing her and being forever regretful that he hadn't. Did they even have anything to say to each other anymore?Anything other than her cursing him out (deservedly) and him trying to defend himself all the while knowing he didn't really have a leg to stand on, that was.

This was just too nerve wracking, and he sighed and plopped down on his bed, pushing everything onto the floor in a fit of childish anxiety.

It was late, and he didn't have to leave before noon the next day if he didn't want to. Maybe now that he was full and had been drinking a little, it would be easier to sleep. He was definitely going to need to be well rested for this.

Jamie held back a yawn and slid a plate of fries in front of a pair of highschoolers who were at table five making googly eyes at each other. She'd been eying them since they walked in, watching him lean across the table and touch her hair, watching her giggle and bat her eyes at him.

She made a retching motion, miming sticking her finger down her throat as she walked back into the kitchen, and Sal laughed. "It's the holiday season, Jamie girl. Love is in the air."

"Teenagers don't know anything about love," she said bitterly, slamming down the mug she was about to fill with coffee for a tired looking young man at table seven. "They know about infatuation and sex. Those two things are pretty much the opposite of love if you ask me."

"Good thing no one did, then, huh, Ms. Scrooge?" Sal teased. "Nothing wrong with being young and a little naive. There'll be plenty of time for them to be cynical when they get older. For now, let them be."

Normally that kind of thing didn't bother her, but she hadn't slept well the night before, wrapped up in worries and memories, and her mother had barely been responsive at all that morning. It had taken her over an hour to coax her out of bed, and then she'd only eaten the bare minimum, taken her medication and then gone back to bed. The afternoon nurse had promised that she'd keep an eye on her and call her if anything got worse, and Jamie had a knot of anxiety lodged in her stomach as she worked her shift.

It didn't help that Sal was in such high spirits, singing along to the carols on the radio and screaming "Ho, ho, ho!" every hour on the hour.

Usually it was the kind of thing that Jamie would have found wonderfully festive, but she couldn't shake her bad mood that afternoon.

Christmas was so close, and there was still stuff she needed to do. Like do her shopping and finalize the order for Christmas dinner. At least that was one good thing about the night before.

She'd found a restaurant that would cater their dinner if she picked everything up, and that was no problem at all. Now she just had to hope that her mother would be coherent enough to take part in the meager festivities.

On the plus side, this was her last shift until after Christmas, so she had time to get everything done. And maybe to get some sleep because she certainly had failed at that the night before. Maybe by the time Christmas rolled around, she would be in better spirits.

The teenagers were leaning across the table, kissing over their fries, and Jamie rolled her eyes.

"Free show at table five," Kathryn said as she breezed in, unwrapping her scarf from around her neck and shaking snow out of her blonde hair. "'Tis the season, I suppose."

"Don't say that too loud around Jamie, Kat," Sal warned. "She's in a bah humbug sort of mood."

"Aww, poor thing," Kathryn said, leaning over to press a kiss to Jamie's cheek. She made a surprised noise all of a sudden, standing up straight and looking out the kitchen window. "Well. I can't tell if that's going to make your mood better or worse, dear, but it's certainly something worth seeing?"

"What?" Jamie asked, turning to look as well.

Her eyes went wide and her heart nearly pounded its way out of her chest.

Because it couldn't be? Could it?

After seven years, Simon Blake walking into The Pit like he owned the place, brushing snow off of his coat and looking around with a little smile on his face.

"Well, I'll be," Sal said, using his inside voice for once. "Wonders never cease, apparently."

"Apparently," Kathryn agreed. She prodded Jamie in the back lightly. "Are you going to to go say something to him?" she wanted to know. "Because unless you plan to hide back here until he leaves, he's going to see you."

How was she supposed to reply to that? It was
Simon.
Standing there looking for a table and looking all... gorgeous and accomplished with his dumb little ponytail and his stupid pea coat and his
glasses.
Who did he even think he
was
showing up after seven years like he could just walk in and... and...

"Uh-oh," Sal murmured. "He's sitting in your section, Jamie girl."

And so he was. Sitting down at table six and leaning back, making himself comfortable and looking at he menu with that dumb little smile on his face.

"I don't know that she's listening to you, Sal," Kathryn replied, and Jamie snapped out of her daze.

"I'm listening. It's fine. I'm a professional. I don't care about him."

She gathered up her drink tray before they could say anything else and made her way out of the kitchen, setting down refills for the horny teenagers at table five and giving table seven his coffee. She took her time taking his order and then let out a low breath, turning to walk over to the table Simon was sitting at.

"Hi," she said, keeping her voice even and her tone polite. "Welcome to The Pit. I'm Jamie, and I'll be taking care of you this afternoon. What can I get you to drink?"

To say that Simon looked startled would be an understatement. He looked blindsided, mouth open and eyes huge behind his stupid glasses. "Jamie?"

"That's what I said," she replied, giving him a bland smile. "Coffee? Coke?"

"What?"

She swallowed hard and kept her smile in place. "What can I get you to drink?"

"You work here?"

"No, I just wear the apron and take orders for fun. On Wednesdays, I pretend to work at the gas station. Either you want to order something or you don't, but I suggest you make up your mind because I do have other customers to deal with here." Okay, so that wasn't polite, but staring at her wasn't doing anything but making this even more awkward than it already was, and she didn't have the patience for it.

And really, she didn't know where he got off looking at her like he'd seen a ghost. Of course she was still here. This was her home.
He
was the one who had run away and not come back.

"Sorry," Simon said, brow furrowed. "Uh... I think I've had enough coffee for the day so far. Can I get a lemonade, please?"

"Coming right up."

She didn't even bother to write it down, just walked away and banged back into the kitchen, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes.

"You gonna be alright out there?" Sal asked.

Jamie opened her eyes to glare at him. "
Yes,
Sal," she snapped. "I'm going to be fine. I'm going to do my job because I'm an adult."

As if to prove it, she put table seven's order ticket on the spinner, and went to pour Simon's lemonade.

It wasn't fair.

That was the real issue.

In the back of her mind, she'd been hoping that Simon had gotten fat or ugly or something in the time he'd been away, but no. There he was, still gorgeous and obviously successful. It made her feel almost embarrassed about the fact that she was still here. Stuck in this town and working at The Pit, even though she loved her job most of the time. It was just his tone, though. As if this was beneath him and beneath her. What else did he expect from her?

But she didn't have time to dwell on it. Instead she threw herself back into her work, taking orders and passing out food, making only the bare minimum conversation with Simon.

His order was still the same, too.

Double cheeseburger, no mustard, extra pickles and a basket of onion rings. She'd heard him order that hundreds of times, and the only time she let their eyes meet was when she was delivering his plate to him, holding that familiar gaze for a few seconds and then turning away.

When her ten minute break rolled around, she couldn't get out the door fast enough. She neglected to put on her coat, and shivered as she stood behind the diner, kicking piles of dirty snow and lighting a cigarette with shaking fingers.

She'd never needed one like she did right then.

What was he even doing here? Seven years he'd been gone, and now all of a sudden he decided that he needed to come back? And he'd seemed shocked to see her, like he hadn't had any intention of looking her up or trying to make contact with her at all.

It hurt.

Simon was supposed to be her best friend and now...

Jamie shook her head and exhaled smoke, wiping angrily at her eyes.

"That's a good way to get cancer, you know."

She snapped her head around, hurt filling her brown eyes as she looked at Simon standing there. "I know that," she snapped.

He winced. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking. How's Adelaide doing?"

"You don't need to pretend like you actually care, Simon," Jamie said. "I already know you don't."

"That's not true."

She snorted. "Oh, please. If you think I want to hear anything you've got to say now, you're clearly out of your mind. Don't think you can just show up here unannounced and start worming your way back into my good graces. You lost that right when you stopped calling and replying to my texts."

Simon sighed, looking at the ground. "I know I messed up, okay? I know. I just... It was harder than I expected it to be. And then all that stuff was going on with my parents, and I just..."

Jamie frowned, confused. "All what stuff?"

"You don't know? They got a divorce. My mom started throwing around accusations and trying to get me on her side against my dad, and it all turned into this huge mess, and I just... shut them out."

That was news to her. She'd known that Simon's parents were separated, but since they had lost interest in Jamie and her mother, she'd never really stopped to find out why. It wasn't hard to imagine how difficult that must have been for Simon, but her sympathy only went so far.

"And so what? The rest of us had to be punished because your parents were being crazy? You couldn't have talked to me about it? But no. You probably made a new, smarter best friend while you were off at doctor school learning how to look down your nose at people who've been there for you for most of your life.

"It's not like that, Jamie. You know I could never replace you."

She finished her cigarette and contemplated lighting another one, but ultimately decided against it. As it was, she could stop smoking whenever she liked, and she wanted to keep it that way, irritating ex-best friend or not.

"I don't know anything anymore," she said, and her weariness shone through. "Least of all what I mean to you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. Some of us still have to slum it for a living."

As she turned to head back in, she heard Simon sigh. "You're still beautiful."

And that was it. That was the last straw. Her composure was gone, and she couldn't
do
this. Jamie whirled around, eyes blazing.

"Shut
up
! Just shut up right now. You think you can just show up here and tell me I'm beautiful and that I'll just melt into your arms even though you treated me like
dirt
for seven years?"

"Jamie, I-"

"No.
No
, Simon. I can understand that you needed some time and even that you didn't know how to balance school and keeping in touch or whatever, but you completely forgot about me. After you promised you wouldn't. You promised nothing was going to change, and I was an idiot for believing you."

To her horror, she was crying again. Hadn't she spent enough time going to tears about this whole thing. The truth was that no matter how many times the two of them had decided they were better off as friends who sometimes fooled around than anything else, Jamie had always loved Simon. She'd loved him ever since he'd handed her a flower when she was having a bad day back in middle school, and it hadn't changed a bit.

Seeing him now just made her heart stutter and her stomach churn, and she was so mad at herself for not being able to get over him like she should have.

Her mother hadn't wasted any time pining when her father had up and left. No, she'd gotten another job and taken care of her family because that's what you did when you only had yourself to depend on.

But Jamie couldn't lie and say that she hadn't been hoping that Simon would come back one day. The only issue was that now that he had come back, she didn't even know what to do or say to him. Part of her wanted to fling herself at him, hug him close and beg him not to leave her again.

A much bigger part wanted to slap him in the face and
then
make-up with hugging. But the fact of the matter was that she was cold and tired and woefully unprepared for any of this.

Her break was over, and she let her hand go to the door handle. "I have to go," she said, voice no more than a whisper. "I have to work."

Simon nodded. "Okay. I... Look, I'm going to be here for a while, okay? Two weeks at the very least while I help Dad pack up the house and all that. If maybe... If maybe you want to talk or something before then, you could give me a call? My number's the same."

Jamie snorted. "Because that's worked out so well for me in the past?" she muttered. "I'll think about it."

"I can't ask for more than that," he replied.