Where We Left Off (34 page)

“I doubt
she’s being
a trooper, Heath. I’m sure she enjoys every moment she gets to lay hands on that sexy body of yours,” Paul jeered. I knew he was waiting
for
me to scale down the steps. He didn’t have to, and I certainly didn’t ask, but I appreciated how he slowed his pace and followed just a few steps behind me.

“Oh, you know it.” Finally, with a huge release of breath, I made it to the sidewalk. Hattie grinned at me from her minivan that was pulled close to the curb, waiting to pick me up. She waved excitedly. “Have a good weekend, Paul.”

“You too, Heath. Is today the big day?”

My stomach flopped at his words. “Sure is.”

He dropped a hand
to
my shoulder. “It’ll be great. Excited for you, buddy.”

“How does that feel?”

I pinched my lips together and fought the grimace that wanted to form. “A little tight. Uh, I don’t know. Maybe not. Is that normal?”

The young blond woman kneeling on the ground in front of me, who had just told me her name was Heather, nodded. “That’s likely from the swelling. We’ll provide you with another shrinker sock that you can wear at night and that should cut down on it a little. But you’ve been wrapping it, yeah?” I nodded. She shifted the liner, turning it just slightly on my skin. “That any better?”

“Lots, actually.” I ran my fingers over the joint where the prosthetic met my skin. “That feels pretty good.”

She reached for a set of thin boards just off to the left on the gray tufted carpet. “I’m going to have you stand now, Heath. Use the arms of the
chair, if necessary,
to hold you up at first.”

I hadn’t, in over a month and a half, stood on two feet. My stomach churned and my mouth went dry. Then, more easily than I had anticipated, I pushed up from the seat. Wobbled a little. Regained my balance, and held my breath, as though breathing would be that extra push to force me back down into the chair.

“Relax, Heath. You’re doing great.” Heather scooted back and eyed my stance with scrutiny. “How do your hips feel? Out of alignment at all? Or pretty even?” Before I could answer, she brought a tool to my waist that had a level in the middle, and she strained her eyes as she studied the bubble of air that floated a little off center. Reaching for a white pen, she drew two dots on the prosthetic. “I’m going to have you sit so I can adjust that and we’ll try again. You’re doing just great, Heath.”

I had to admit, I did feel great. I was on schedule with Dr. Callahan’s projections and my personal goals.
There’d
been a hiccup a while back when I’d developed an infection in the site of the amputation, but that was tackled quickly and
mended
without much setback. I couldn’t even count the hours I’d put in with physical therapy already, and all the strengthening exercises they had me doing. The uphill battle didn’t feel so uphill anymore.

“Okay, let’s try this again.”

For the second time, I rose to my feet, and this transition was much more natural than the first.

“Good. Good.” She lifted the tool to my waist again. “This looks really great, Heath. Can you try to take a few steps forward?”

I didn’t know why the panic flooded in. I didn’t figure the fitting for my new leg would only involve standing and sitting, but I hadn’t let myself mentally prepare for walking. For even setting one foot in front of the other. My fingers tensed. I clamped them into my palms.

Heather stood and walked backward, away from me. “Just a couple steps forward. You can do it, Heath. This is a great fit on you. Trust that it’s going to support you.”

With my head angled to the ceiling and with the utter of a silent prayer, I put my new left foot in front of my right and pressed down. I felt the pressure in my knee as the prosthetic held my weight.
Held my weight
. I didn’t collapse to the floor. I didn’t fall flat on my face. I only took four small and hesitant steps before reaching out for Heather’s arms for safety, but I did it. I could do this.

Heather guided me back into the chair where I released a few clarifying breaths. I rubbed at my jaw with my hands and then dropped my face into my palms. I tried so hard not to lose it in front of Mallory that I often found myself losing it in front of complete strangers instead.

Poor strangers like Heather.

“I’m sorry.” I took the Kleenex she fluttered at me and blew my nose loudly. “This is really embarrassing.”

“This is not embarrassing, Heath. This is why I do my job. For overwhelming reactions of joy like this. Has anyone—other than your mom—ever witnessed you taking your very first steps? It’s a privilege to be here for it. Cry away. I’m choking up over here, too.”

Heather’s words brought more tears to my eyes. “I’m just glad I didn’t fall on you.”

“Wouldn’t’ve been the first time. But you will fall, Heath. That’s inevitable. Just be sure to always get up. That’s all it comes down to. Getting back up.”

Mallory

“He walked
today!” My voice screamed excitedly into the receiver. That news had been trapped in my head all day long and I’d been bursting to tell someone. “He
walked
! How unreal is that?”

“Crazy unreal,” Heath responded. “That’s awesome, babe. I can’t wait to see when I get home.”

“I’m not sure he’ll do it again soon, but you never know. He’s all clumsy and awkward, but he’s so, so proud. It’s even cuter than crawling if you can believe that.”

“I can’t believe that. Baby army crawl was my favorite.”

The red bell peppers sizzled in the pan on the stove and I added the onions to the mix, moving them around with the spatula. Smoke curled in wispy coils and I flipped on the vent to suck them up. Fajitas were Heath’s favorite and I knew he’d had a trying week at school and deserved a good meal. Friday night fajitas had quickly become a little tradition for us.

“How long ‘til you’re home?”

“Not long at all.” When his voice echoed not only through the
phone,
but also the kitchen, I jumped out of my skin, which sent the wooden utensil soaring across the kitchen and left me shaking in surprise.

“Heath! You scared the crap out of me!”

With the help of his left crutch, he walked across the room and hooked me into his body with his free arm. His nose nuzzled against my hair. “Mmmm, you smell like food.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“Most definitely. I’m starved.” Heath glanced around the room like he was searching for something. “So, where’s our little walker?”

“Just finishing up his nap.” I bent down to grab the spatula from the floor and chucked it into the sink. I pointed to the flickering baby monitor across the room. “I was going to get him as soon as I finished up here.”

Picking at the mound of shredded cheese on the cutting board and popping a handful into his mouth, Heath shook his head. “Nah, let me. I see you’ve got a good thing going here. I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that.”

“I swear, the more time you spend with Boone, the more you’re starting to sounding like him.”

“That’s not really a bad thing, is it?”

“It’s not a bad thing at all.” I grinned. “And yes, it would be super helpful if you could get Corbin ready for dinner. I’ve got a bit left to do here.”

Heath

I propped my crutch against the wall and hopped over to Corbin’s crib, mostly because it was easier to handle a one-year-old without hanging on to a crutch, but also because it also made him burst into the cutest fit of giggles every time.

“Hey, my favorite little buddy.”

Corbin grasped the rail of the white crib and used it to help him jump wildly up and down. His smile gaped so large that drool dripped right out from it. It soaked the neckline of his cotton onesie.

“I hear you had a pretty epic day.” Reaching down, I hoisted Corbin from his bed and hauled him over to the rocker near the window. I needed to steady myself with a hand on the wall, but once in the
chair,
we settled in for a snuggle. “Walking already, huh? That’s huge!”

Corbin babbled something incoherent and I pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Super impressive, buddy. Not to steal your thunder or anything, but I gotta let you in on a little secret.” Leaning close, I brought my mouth to his ear. “I walked today, too.”

As if he could comprehend what I’d said, Corbin let out an excited squeal.

“I know, right? Big day for the men in this household.”

There was a collection of board books stacked like pancakes on the low table next to the rocker, and I picked up the top one to flip it open. It was one of Corbin’s favorites with fuzzy farm animals and noises that chimed with each turn of the page.

We were on the pig page, his little hand under mine as I guided it over the soft
texture
when he looked up me with his huge baby eyes and stopped my whole world from spinning.

“Dada.”

It was a mistake,
of course
it was. I shook it out of my head with a jerk.

“No, buddy. That’s a piggy.” I pressed his hand to the book. “See? Oink, oink.”

“Dada.”

I closed the book shut and placed it back on the table.

Then I saw her.

“How long have you been standing there?”

Mallory fidgeted uneasily with her apron and glanced to the monitor on the table next to me. She slumped against the doorframe. “You walked today?” Her eyes were wet, her cheeks pale. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Corbin’s super confused about his farm animals. I think we need to take a field trip to sort it out—”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

My feet planted under me and I pushed back in the rocker and sighed. “I didn’t want to steal Corbin’s thunder. This is a big day for him. For you both. Like ‘going in the baby book’ kind of day. I’ve walked before.”

“It’s not the same, Heath. This is a really big deal.”

“This is a moderately big deal.”

“This is a big deal and you should have shared it with me.”

I huffed out my air. “I’m sharing it with you now. I walked today. Four steps, but that’s it. I was scared shitless and worried I wouldn’t remember how to do it, but I did it. Maybe I’ll do it again tomorrow.”

Her tears streamed down her face. “I’m proud of you, Heath.”

“Yeah … I am, too.” Now I was crying. I found it a little ironic that the only one
not
crying was the actual baby. “I didn’t want to tell you about the appointment in case it went badly. In
case
I ended up sprawled out on the floor in a heap of shame.”

“There would be absolutely no shame in that.” Her mouth was downturned. “None.”

“It’s cute and adorable when babies fall down when they’re learning to walk. It’s a whole lot less adorable when a grown man eats it.” I scratched at my neck. “The faces on those poor kids at school this week—you should’ve seen them. It was like they were horrified and sad for me and embarrassed for themselves and it made me sick.”

“Do you think my father never fell down?” Her voice shook out of her in a way I’d never heard before. “Do you think I never had to come rushing into his room when he’d crashed to the floor, the paint and the brushes splattered and scattered around him? And do you think—ever for one moment—that I was
embarrassed
by it? That I’d lost respect for him or something? Heath—” Mallory shifted her weight and her eyes narrowed. “I love you. Good or bad. Walking or not. No matter what, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. So you sure as hell better
let
me be there for you.”