Where Words Fail (34 page)

He shrugged and kissed me before telling me that he was tired, so he was going to take Izzy home and go to bed and told me to have a good honeymoon. Jameson’s arms wrapped around me, and my head fell back against his chest.

“I love you, wife.” His lips connected with the tender spot behind my ear. I spun around in his arms so his hands were resting against my bare back and pulled him down to kiss me while swaying to the music.

“I love you too, husband.” When I turned my head the first thing I saw was Tuesday and Evan arguing in the corner before she huffed and headed towards us.
Hmm, I wonder what’s going on there.

“Your brother is a pig!”

“I could have told you that,” Jameson chuckled.

“Aww sweetness, your insults hurt me.” Evan slithered up and slid his arm around her shoulders. She shoved him away.

“Get your crotch rot infested body away from me.”

He leaned into her further and pushed her hair away from her ear. “You know you want more than a kiss baby.”

Tuesday’s face paled as she peeked at me out of the corner of her eye. It was like she expected me to bitch her out for it. But Tuesday’s a big girl who isn’t tied down to anyone. If she wants to kiss Jameson’s whore of a brother, she can. Crap... He’s my whore of a brother in law now.

She stormed off and he followed. Derek, who had gotten out of rehab last week cut in and danced with me.

“You’re not sure about coming back, are you?” I asked.

“That obvious, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I think you forgot I could read you like a book.”

“I missed you Abby and I love playing with you guys more than anything, but, I think if I jump right back into it all the work that I just put into getting clean will go to waste.”

He’s right. Drugs are everywhere in this industry. If you want ‘em, you got ‘em, and if you’ve gotten them before, they’re even easier to get.

“You know you’re always welcome back and I’d ride your ass like a spider monkey.”

We talk a bit longer before I’m taken away by AJ, Jason and then Paul before Jameson sweeps me back up and spins me around. We didn’t last much longer before we were leaving. We were supposed to board the company plane by midnight and it was getting close to that. We would be spending a week in the Virgin Islands. A whole week of just Jameson and me, the beach and a bed. The possibilities were endless.
 

Abby

On June 21
^st
at 7:49 am Sophia Alexia Williams was born. At six pounds nine ounces and nineteen inches long, my thoughts on love at first sight were thrown out the window. She was perfect.

When Jameson held her the first time I was in awe. She was so tiny against his large body. He stood stone still, afraid that if he moved he would break her. I caught him crying although he wouldn’t admit it, he was wiping tears away. Even Evan was in love with her. I don’t think any of us thought he would ever say he was in love with a girl, let alone two. He fell for Izzy too, she seems to be able to charm her way into anyone’s heart.

Alex kept his word. He was around to meet his niece. I think I have more pictures of him and Sophia together than of her and Jameson. Thank God Jameson understood why I was taking so many and didn’t get jealous. He had the rest of his life with her, Alex’s time was limited.

He passed the time limit the doctors gave him by three months. Three extra months that he was able to spend with Izzy. He made it to her seventh birthday, which was the only thing she asked for. He met his niece and spent a month and a half with her. An extra three months that he spent telling me that I was Izzy’s mother, even if I didn’t give birth to her. I tucked her in at night when I was home. I called and told her goodnight if I wasn’t. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t have some sort of involvement with her.

Alex died on August seventh.

Have you ever had your heart and soul ripped out, stomped on, cut into pieces and then handed back to you? Well, losing your brother kind of feels like that. There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed and nights that I can’t sleep. Words get caught when I’m trying to talk about him. I spent a lot of time in the shower panicking or taking off, but I never make it past the end of the driveway. If it hadn’t been for Jameson, I’m pretty sure they would have locked me away by now. But I’m not saying they won’t one of these days.

Tuesday took it pretty hard. She and Evan have actually become pretty good friends since Sophia was born so he’s been around helping out. He’s spent a lot of time with Tuesday, helping her cope. Well, I think he was really just trying to keep her from drinking herself to death.

Some days Jameson has to pick me up off the floor. Other days I’m fine. Well other days I fake it better. I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t ever get better but just like with my parents’ death, it gets easier to deal with the pain.

I’m doing most of the office work from home lately. Jameson will run to the office and pick up anything I need to get done so I can be there for Izzy and Sophia. My girls. Izzy has taken it in stride. She knows that he’s not coming back and instead of freaking out like I did, she asks me how to deal with it since I’ve been through it before. I don’t know if I could handle it if she acted like me when I lost my parents.

“Hey babe,” Jameson calls as the front door closes behind him.

I shush him and giggle as he tiptoes into the living room. It feels good to be laughing again, finally. It only took a few months to be able to laugh and not feel guilty about it. I watch him drop the file of papers onto the coffee table and sink down next to me on the couch. He places a lingering kiss against my lips and tells me he loves me before pulling me to him. I automatically curl into his body and rest my head against his chest, lacing our fingers together and resting them on my lap.

“I just got Sophia to go to sleep, I think she’s cutting more teeth and Izzy passed out after an hour of running around after school.”

“And how was your day, wife?”

“Honestly I’m pretty sure I should be institutionalized with a hug me coat and a padded room rocking back and forth by now. But I’m not... So something must be going right for me today.”

He pushed the hair away from my face and laughed. “I’ve seen you in a corner rocking back and forth like that before.”

I smacked my hand against his chest and gasped. “You’re such a dick...”

“I’m here for you babe.”

“Yeah I know.” I settled back into his chest for a bit longer before I attacked the massive amount of paperwork in front of me.

If I’ve learned anything from this whole situation, it’s that Jameson and I make an amazing team. And I’m more in love with him than I ever thought possible.

AJ and Jason are still around. They’re making use of their Christmas gift Alex and I gave them last year. A twenty five acre parcel of land. Tuesday got one as well but still hasn’t decided what to do with it. I think there’s more going through her head than just the loss of Alex, or whatever is going on with her and Evan.

Jameson

One Month Later

I hear Abby groan from beside me before I hear Sophia crying over the monitor. I feel her shift and I drape my arm over her, pulling her back to me and bury my face in her neck, inhaling the scent of her skin.

“I have to go get her before she wakes Izzy up,” she whispers through a yawn.

I trail my lips up to her ear and I hear her sigh. “I’ve got her,” I say.

I know she’s tired and could use the sleep. I don’t think she’s slept more than an hour at a time in the past few months, so I try to help as much as I can. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed I slide into some slippers and tiptoe down to the nursery.

The door’s already cracked and from the nightlight in the corner I can see my beautiful baby girl crying. The tears and sniffling make me crack every time and before I even realize it I’m reaching over the side of her crib and lifting her.

I kiss her head and inhale the fading baby scent that I told everyone they were crazy for loving. Well, I must be crazy because it’s addicting. Sophia whimpers into my chest as I sit down in the glider I bought for Abby when she was seven months pregnant.

Her tiny hand comes up and grabs my lower lip. My fingers trail over the soft skin of her chubby cheeks, and I think back to how scared I was when Abby told me she was pregnant. It’s still in the back of my mind that I could end up a failure and someone who doesn’t deserve to be called a father, but just thinking about that hurts, and I know I’ll do everything I can to never be like my dad.

I rest my chin on my chest and stare down at my daughter and think about the day she was born.

“Congratulations it’s a girl.”
      

How can four words change your whole world? I thought. I mean, two did a few months ago when Abby said ‘I do’, but as much as I loved Abby then this totally tops it. I’ve been scared shitless for the past few months knowing I was going to be a dad. I’m honestly still scared, and I don’t think that will ever go away.

The nurse walked away from me with a screaming bundle of fury in her arms and every instinct in told me to follow her but Abby wouldn’t let go of my hand. For such a tiny thing the grip she has on my fingers is enough to make me want to drop to my knees.

I bent towards her and brushed the hair away from her face before pressing my lips against hers.

“Thank you,” I whispered. Even if I was scared, I knew that this was the best day of my life. Tears sparkled in her bright green eyes and she laughed at the wail that erupted from the other side of the room. “I see she has your lungs.” I joked.

“And your temper…”

I shook my head. “I don’t have a temper but I seem to recall that her mother likes to start bar fights.”

“And her father likes to smash windows when he doesn’t get his way…”

I stared her straight in the eyes and mumbled, “We’re in trouble.” She nodded, and her eyes widened as the nurse stepped up beside us with our daughter.

My hands shook as the nurse sat Sophia in my arms. I didn’t dare to move. She was so tiny that I was afraid if I even breathed she would break. I wasn’t sure how this moment would feel, holding my daughter for the first time, but the second her tiny hand wrapped around my finger everything bad in my life didn’t matter. She healed every piece of me that was still broken. She was my reason to breathe.

Her hand curls around my finger like she did the first time I held her, and she fights to keep her eyes open as I rock back and forth. The shuffling of little feet causes me to look towards the door, and I have to fight the urge to laugh at the blonde mess of hair walking towards me.

“What are you doing out of bed sleepyhead?” I whisper so I don’t wake Abby and the baby in my arms who just closed her eyes.

She shrugs and rubs her eyes with her balled up fists. “I heard crying and I had to come check. I didn’t want you to be lonely in here.” Izzy inches closer and lifts my empty arm before climbing up and pulling it back around her, mimicking the position I have Sophia in. I love it when she cuddles with me.

“You should be sleeping. You have to go to school in the morning.” She yawns and slides further into my arm.

“Didn’t want you to be lonely.” She repeats with her face buried into my shirt. Her breathing slows down, and I know she’s close to falling asleep until I chuckle, and her eyes pop open. “Know something Jameson?”