Where Yesterday Lives (16 page)

There was silence and then the reminiscing started again, as though they had to talk about every memory, every recollection they could think of—as though that somehow kept him alive and in their midst.

When they had exhausted every subject concerning their dad’s poor health, they started over and talked about his last day again. Through it all, Aaron sat stone silent, unmoving and apparently detached from the others.

Finally at six that evening, during a lull in the conversation, Megan stood up and massaged her temples.

“I’m going for a walk,” she announced. “Anyone want to come?”

Ellen rolled onto her feet and stretched her hands over her head as she yawned. “I’ll go. Mom, what are we doing for dinner?”

“Pizza. It’ll be here in about thirty minutes.”

Ellen looked at Jane, determined to make an effort. “Wanna come?”

Jane shook her head quickly. “No. That’s all right. I need to change the kids and get them a snack. The cartoons are over and they need some attention.” She hesitated. “Besides, I’m sure you two will have plenty to talk about without me tagging along.”

Ellen ignored the comment. “Aaron?”

He uttered an imperceptible sound.

“Aaron, would you like to take a walk?” Ellen could feel the rising tension but she was determined to get an answer from him.

“I said, no! Are you deaf?”

Ellen turned, ignoring her brother’s outburst. “Mom, we’ll be back in a while.”

She joined Megan outside, leaned against the front door, and sighed. She had never worked so hard to be kind to people in all her life.

“Wonderful, isn’t it?” Megan seemed to read her mind and grimaced sadly.

“You feel it, too?”

“The tension? Of course. Aaron and Jane are like time bombs, and who knows what Amy’s thinking.”

“Tell me something, Megan.” Ellen walked down the stone sidewalk toward the road and Megan fell in alongside her. “I know I’ve been gone four years and things change for everyone …”

“That’s for sure.”

“But what in the world happened? When did we all get to be strangers?”

Megan’s eyes narrowed and she stared upward, still walking. When she spoke her voice was a strangled whisper. “I don’t know, Ellen. I just don’t know. But it’s something we’ve got to figure out, or I’m afraid we’ll never get back to being a family again.”

T
here were no sidewalks so the girls walked on the right side of the worn road. The temperature had dropped considerably and a cool breeze filtered through the ancient maple trees that lined the street. Megan and Ellen rounded the corner.

“Gosh, what’s wrong with Jane?”

“Oh, you mean Miss Congeniality?” Ellen uttered a short laugh. “I’ve been trying to figure that out for years.”

“She’s not being fair to Dad, do you think?”

“I don’t know. She thinks Dad didn’t love her like he loved you and me.”

“That’s crazy.” Megan slowed her pace, clearly frustrated.

“I agree.” Ellen shrugged. “But those are her feelings. I just wish she could remember the good times.”

Megan kicked up a piece of asphalt. “I keep thinking of that Thanksgiving several years ago before she and Troy moved to Arizona. You were in Miami, but everyone else ate dinner at Mom and Dad’s. All through the meal Dad kept saying how we should consider all God had given us and be thankful for what we had.”

Ellen gazed at the treetops, remembering. “He loved the Lord, that’s for sure.”

“Always did.” Megan paused. “Anyway, that evening when we were done eating he found one of those heavy paper plates Mom keeps around. He piled it high with turkey and potatoes and lime salad and pumpkin pie and then he wrapped it up in clear plastic.”

Ellen stopped walking and looked at her sister. “I never heard about this.”

Megan sighed. “That’s because Jane never talks about the good times. She remembers things the way she wants to remember them.”

We
all do
, Ellen thought. She started walking again. “So, what happened?”

“Well, Dad and Jane left the house and went driving around the Lamplight District looking for one of Petoskey’s two wandering alcoholics. It wasn’t very long before they found that older guy draped across the sidewalk in front of Michael’s Doughnuts.”

“What happened?”

“Dad and Jane got out of the car and walked up to the guy Dad handed him the plate, wished him a happy Thanksgiving, and told him to remember how much God loves him.”

Ellen smiled warmly, imagining the scene. “How’d you hear about that?”

“I was there when they got back and Jane told me all about it. She said Dad had tears in his eyes when he handed the man the plate. When they got back in the car, he told her he was proud of her for being a wonderful daughter and a terrific mother.”

“Maybe we should remind Jane of that when we get back,” Ellen offered. They walked past a sprawling farmhouse that had been renovated the year before. “At least she’d have one good memory.”

“I don’t know. She’d probably get mad at us for talking about her behind her back. That’s how she’s been lately.”

“You think so, too?” Ellen folded her arms and glanced at a barking dog across the street. “I thought it was just me.”

“No, I’ve seen it. I just don’t say anything.” Megan hesitated.
“I want everyone to get along so badly I missed a lot of years when I—when I was gone. Now I’m back. You and Jane have your husbands and your own lives far away from me. But you two, and Aaron and Amy and Mom are all I have. I think it’s about time for us to be a family again.”

Ellen sighed. “It’s not that easy, Megan. Time passes, things change. I can’t explain it but I can feel it. We’re all different and we can’t go back to being something we were twenty years ago.”

Silence settled over them as they walked.

“How’s everything with Mike?” Megan said after a while.

Ellen laughed, but she knew it sounded bitter. “I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”

Megan studied her older sister carefully “I thought something might be wrong. Mom said Mike was coming with you. When I found out you were flying by yourself I thought it was strange.”

“He has to work. At least that’s what he says. He also says he doesn’t care for funerals.”

Megan cringed.

“Yeah, tell me about it. He actually told me I didn’t need him, that I’d have lots of people around for support.”

“Let me guess …you don’t agree?”

The sun was setting, splashing brilliant hues of pink and orange across the northern Michigan sky Ellen stopped walking and allowed her eyes to drift. When she looked back at Megan she shook her head angrily.

“No, I don’t agree! I wanted him to come with me and he refused.” She was quiet a moment. “That’s how Mike and I are doing.”

Megan was pensive as they resumed walking. “Mike’s a great guy, Ellen. Don’t judge him on this. You know he loves you.”

Ellen shrugged. “I used to think so. But it’s not just this. Weddings, concerts, social events, lots of times he doesn’t want to go with me. What kind of love never makes a sacrifice for the other person?” She studied her feet and kept walking. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think we’re drifting apart.”

“You guys going to church?”

Ellen shook her head. “That’s a big part of it. How can God bless our marriage when we’ve all but forgotten about him?”

“I can’t believe you guys aren’t going to church. I always thought you were the perfect Christian couple.”

“No one’s perfect, Megan. Least of all Mike and me.”

“Did something happen? At church I mean?”

“No, nothing like that. We just got busy One thing led to another and now it’s something we don’t talk about. Like we’re too far away from it all to go back.” A lump formed in her throat and she had to fight a wave of tears. “I think I’m starting to feel that way about Mike, too.”

“He is coming for the funeral, right?”

“We left it up in the air. I told him I didn’t care if he stayed home, and he told me that was fine with him. I guess I’ll have to talk to him sometime this week so we can decide what to do.”

They turned a corner and headed back toward the Barrett home. Megan thought a moment and then glanced at her sister. “Know who I saw the other day?”

“Who?”

“Jake Sadler. Over at the hardware store buying lumber. He’s building a fence for his parents or something.”

Ellen’s stomach flipped. She forced her voice to remain unchanged. “How’s he doing?”

“Same as always. Single, tall, beached-out, and gorgeous. Guys like Jake never change.”

Ellen’s eyes narrowed. “I haven’t seen him in so long. Probably ten years, I’ll bet. Eight at least.”

“He asked about you, wanted to know if you were still happily married, the whole nine yards.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“Ellen! What do you think? I told him of
course
you were happily married.” She hesitated. “You are, aren’t you? I mean there’s nothing really wrong with you guys, is there?”

Ellen picked up a loose rock, took aim, and threw it at the trunk of an old maple tree. She stared at her sister. “I guess not. I just wondered what you told him.” She fell quiet then, but warning bells sounded deep inside her ….
Don’t do it Don’t go there!

She pushed her thoughts aside impatiently It only made sense that she was thinking about Jake a lot lately. After all, her father’s death had made her think about the past, hadn’t it? That’s all it was. Remembering a time gone by …a love that could have been …

The bells grew louder—and with them, Ellen’s determination to ignore them.

The sisters stopped in front of the aging yellow Victorian, the home they had shared for so many years.

“I look at the old house and I can still see Dad sitting on the porch, smoking, waiting for us to come over for dinner. That year before we moved we probably ate here twice a month.” Ellen stared at the house and saw it as it had been a decade earlier.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I see him sitting beside the front door in that heavy jacket and that old caroling hat, handing out Halloween candy and pretending to be scary He must have given out more candy than anyone on the block.”

“And the kids knew it.” Ellen tilted her head, smiling despite the tears that filled her eyes.

Megan laughed softly “He did that every Halloween for as long as I can remember.”

“And then in December he’d be there climbing up that old broken-down stepladder, covering the house in lights. He sure loved Christmas. Remember that time when someone stole the lights from Candy Cane Lane?”

Megan nodded, a sob lodged in her throat, as Ellen reached over and gently squeezed her sister’s hand. Candy Cane Lane was an upper-class neighborhood that ran along the lake in Charlevoix. Twenty years earlier residents there agreed to erect stunning Christmas displays, complete with thousands of lights, moveable figurines, piped in music, and special effects. Three streets participated, and each was given a different name for the Christmas season. Carolers’ Lane, Bell Lane, and Candy Cane Lane. The Barretts visited the neighborhood every Christmas as part of their holiday traditions.

Then one year vandals struck and stole the lights from several houses. For the first time ever, the home owners talked about stopping the tradition. Determined to show his appreciation, Ellen’s father went to the store and purchased dozens of light strings. He put them in a bag and left them on the porch of a Candy Cane Lane home owner. He taped an anonymous note to the bag: “We enjoy what you do. Please don’t let one Scrooge ruin it for the rest of us. God bless you.”

The newspaper got wind of his act and ran a story. After that, others followed John Barrett’s example until the home owners along the three streets had more than enough lights to make up for what had been stolen. The tradition continued.

“He was something else, wasn’t he?” Megan finally said.

Ellen nodded and put an arm around her sister, hugging
her close. “Come on. Wipe your tears. Let’s go in and see if Aaron’s still glued to that chair.”

A
feeling of doom hung over the house Sunday night when Mike Miller returned from covering the baseball game. He’d done a particularly professional job of reporting the close contest that night, both throughout play and later during post-game interviews. Before he left the field, one of the producers had approached him.

“Mike, they say you’re a natural. You have national sports written all over you, man. You must be living right or something.”

Normally the producer’s comments would have sent Mike sky high and he would have sped home to share the news with Ellen. But she was in Petoskey, and ever since their disagreement on Friday, nothing felt right to Mike. He was jumpy, nervous, and there was a hard knot in his gut that wouldn’t go away. Dread, deep and frightening, burned at him.

He was afraid his marriage wasn’t going to survive.

“How’d everything get so messed up, Lord?” He wandered about his living room. Almost in answer, he paused by the bookcase and found himself staring at the binding of his leather Bible.
Maybe later. After
I
eat. Maybe it’s time to get back into the Word
.

He tossed his jacket on the back of the chair and glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It was just after nine. Ellen and the others would be together now, probably seated around the Barrett dining room table.

Mike sat down at his own empty table and stared at the portrait of Ellen and him that hung over the fireplace. As he had been doing since Friday evening, he second-guessed his
decision to let Ellen go by herself to Petoskey He could have found a replacement to cover the game. So what if he didn’t care for funerals? Ellen was right:
no one
enjoyed funerals.

But he still could not stomach the idea of spending a week watching the adult Barrett children tear each other apart. Ellen always talked about how close she and her sisters and brother had been growing up, about the memories they’d made together. But based on what he’d seen of her family Mike wondered if she wasn’t imagining things that had never happened.

He remembered a dozen times when he and Ellen had been at a Barrett family gathering only to leave early because of the tension that all but crackled in the air. In some ways that was why they had moved to Miami. Yet, when Ellen was away from them she called often, wrote once a month, and there seemed to be no conflict at all.