Where You Can Find Me (20 page)

“I didn’t let shit happen to you. We both went through the same thing. I was by your side every step of the way. So don’t feed me that line of bullshit. I was your
brother.
How can you do this to me?” Jack’s voice never wavered. How he remained calm I would never know.

“How could I do this to you? I never planned on doing this to you. But things fell in place where I was given the opportunity. First, you were taken on to help with the case. Do you know how much fun it’s been tracking my own murders? I never got to see people’s reactions and it was refreshing and added a whole new dynamic to it.” His hand stroked from my hip to my knee and back again. Methodically, it continued like he was soothing me as he kept talking. “Then, as soon as that asshat pedestrian called in the sighting when I was with Whitney, I knew it was going downhill. I didn’t have time to clean up and
cherish
her. And now I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop waiting for the DNA results. But when I saw Bennet outside the precinct with scratches on his neck, I knew I had time to go out with a bang.” I yelped as his hand landed on my leg roughly to emphasize his plan. “I placed the knife in his car, framing him, and I spent the rest of the week making sure you knew I was coming for you. Because you… You are the biggest game I always won. I mean, we are best friends and you didn’t see it.” He laughed at how cunning he thought he was. “I was right fucking there. Here you were spending months tracking this killer and I was right here—where you could find me. Right fucking here. But you never looked because I fucking won.”

His lip lifted in a disgusting smirk as he stood from the bed and turned to me. Giving a small glimpse back to Jack he said, “And I’m going to win all damn night long.”

He stared at me as he began removing his t-shirt and unbuckling his jeans. He moved to the end of the bed and I did everything I could to zone out as I looked to the ceiling.

Check out. Check out. Check out.

“I like to play. But knowing that you are imagining all the things that will happen to you after seeing my work is so much fun and I want to drag it out a bit. So, I’m going to leave you with a small parting gift. And it’s okay that you don’t watch me. Just feel me, beautiful.”

My breath increased faster and faster as I felt his hand move up my leg. His fingers wrapped around my panties and ripped them off. He pushed a finger through my folds and roughly shoved two fingers inside me. Tears leaked down the side of my temples into my hairline as my body shook with tremors. “I just need a little bit of lube to get me started. He worked his fingers in and out before removing them and crawling between my spread legs on the bed.

Check out. Check out.

The more violated and scared I felt the more my brain tried to shut down. The bed began to shake and I needed to prepare myself for what was to come.

“I won’t fuck you now, I just want to come on those perfect tits and let you lay here as it dries on you.” I closed my eyes and started listing off proteins and lab procedures in my head. I centered myself with the memories of Jack’s voice. I couldn’t look at him right now. I closed my eyes tight and held the sobs in.

Don’t let him see your fear.

Grayson spoke the entire time and I refused to listen. After a while he leaned over me and jerked his cum over my stomach and breasts. Bile rose up my throat and I contemplated letting it loose all over him, but I kept my eyes closed as he licked my neck and breathed into my ear.

“Enjoy my gift, beautiful.”

The bed shifted as he got off of it.

“One more thing before I go.” He dipped his finger in a pool of cum on my stomach and brought it over to where Jack sat. “You never would let me touch you. I loved you and you denied me around every turn. It’s not like I was going to fuck you. Although maybe I’ll get my chance soon.” He fell to his knees in front of Jack and wrapped his lips around Jack’s soft dick. I didn’t want to see Jack’s reaction. We had both been used and violated in ways that I knew I didn’t want to share with anyone. I remained silent but here to let him know he wasn’t alone. He pulled his mouth off with a pop and stood to his full height.

“Hmm.” Grayson shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly at Jack’s lack of reaction. “Well I can’t leave you without a parting gift, too.” He took his finger that held the cum on it and smeared it across Jack’s mouth. Jack reacted quickly by trying to bite Grayson’s finger. Grayson yanked back, but not fast enough to not get nipped. “You motherfucking
dick
!” Grayson pulled his hand back and punched Jack in the side of the head. Jack’s head fell forward and didn’t move.

“Jack? Jack!” Panic over Jack being knocked out cold, of being alone without his silent support ripped through me, firing a rage deep in my soul. I turned my anger toward Grayson’s retreating back. “You fucking piece of shit! I hope you burn in hell you disgusting motherfucker. I will fucking end you!” Words were useless as I struggled, tied to a bed, but I needed to release it before a banshee scream ripped from my vocal chords.

Grayson stopped just short of closing the door. “Enjoy the next few hours of reprieve. Rest up, beautiful. You’re going to need it.” The lone picture on the wall of Jack and Grayson shook with the force of the door slamming.

With Grayson gone and Jack unconscious, I laid alone. No one to talk me down and be strong. But I knew if I held any more emotion in, it would consume me and I needed to get it out now while I was alone. I would empty my reserves so they could be filled again when Grayson came back.

My chest caved in with every breath before the tears streaked down my face. In those moments I gave into the sobs wracking my body. I let it wrap around me and consume me and hold me. Then I would let the tears dry and use it to mold the cracks back together and prepare me for the next visit from Grayson.

“
L
uella
.” I jerked awake at Jack’s forceful whisper. Unlike the last time I fell asleep, no confusion lingered about the nightmare I found myself in. I turned my head to see Jack and had to squint my eyes against the sun shining through the curtain. “I’m sorry I had to wake you, but I don’t know how much time we have and we need to talk before he comes back in.”

I tried to stretch my arms and legs as best I could to keep blood flowing to my limbs. If I got a chance to run I didn’t want it hindered by numb appendages. “Do you know what time it is? Are you okay? How long have you been awake?” I rapid fired my questions at him, not being able to organize my thoughts, and needing answers.

“I’ve been awake for maybe an hour or so. It’s hard to tell since time seems to drag. When I woke up the sun looked to have just risen. I’m guessing it’s about nine or ten am. Lu, that means the results should be at the precinct by now. They’re on their way. We just have to hold on.”

I wasn’t sure I believed him. A small light of hope ballooned in my chest, but I didn’t want to feel it crushed under the heavy weight of disappointment. I could see he stretched the truth to help appease my fears and give me more than was warranted. But I didn’t want him to have to worry about my cynical doubt on top of everything else. I turned on as bright a smile as I could muster and nodded my head. With the light shining, I could see the dried blood on his temple and the bruising over his left eye that was already swelling shut, where Grayson knocked him out. “Are you okay?”

“I could use a blanket, but otherwise I’m good.” He tried to wink to lighten the mood but it only served to remind him of his swollen eye. There was so much wrong with the situation but there was no need to spend these moments discussing all the ways we were not okay. “Listen, I’ve been working on these knots since I got in this damn chair. The idiot forgets that I went through the same course as him and learned all the ways to undo a knot that he can come up with. I’m going to keep working and hopefully I can get them started before he comes back. If I don’t, I need to keep him distracted from what I’m doing behind my back so I can keep working and stop him.”

I didn’t know what to do or say and fell back on nodding my head to let him know I understood his plan. There wasn’t anything I could have done anyways. I knew nothing about knots. I struggled to untie the double knot on my tennis shoes.

A silence fell upon the room as we both tried to ignore everything that had occurred in the past twenty four hours. Hell, everything that had occurred in the last several months.

“You know I love you right?” Those sweet words in his deep voice resonated in my soul fortifying my strength.

I nodded my head and let him know the same, “I love you, too.”

“You know, I never thought I would see you again after that first night in the club. What a lucky bastard I was to be run over by a woman in a liquor store with a shopping cart.” I didn’t know how he did it, but he got me to give him a real laugh. It felt good. I added it to the wall I built to hold out against Grayson.

We kept our conversation hushed, so as not to alert Grayson, and over the next little while, Jack kept me distracted. We talked about anything and everything. We talked about our families and I told him about some of the crazy antics I got into with Asher and later, Evie. I almost forgot where I was. Almost.

Until the door swung open again and a naked Grayson walked in, not looking as jovial as before. His somber, serious eyes portrayed the “god” he so desperately wanted to feel like. He didn’t look like he was back to screw around and give explanations. The look on his face showed that the simple playtime was over. I hid behind my wall and tried to remain invisible to him. I focused on my breathing and not on the fear creeping its way over my body. I focused on finding a place to hide when I needed to check out because time had run out.

As much as I wanted to look to Jack for reassurance there was none to be had. I tried to soothe myself with the knowledge that no matter what happened, I wouldn’t be alone. But right now I couldn’t look at him. We both knew what would happen next wouldn’t be good and I needed to close in on myself. I’m not sure what Jack and I would look like on the other side of this, where we would be, but as long as there was another side, I would fight for it. Even though I didn’t look at him, and I tried my best to shut everything out, I heard him, his deep voice flowing through me, reinforcing my walls.

Don’t let him see your fear.

“Hey,
brother.
Back so soon? Were you feeling like the mere disgusting asshole you are, so you had to come in here to pretend to be a
god
?”

My eyes jerked open to see Grayson’s reaction to Jack’s taunts. I knew Jack was diverting the attention to him. Relief and terror flooded my veins at the concept. The situation had no win for us. Grayson turned his head to look at Jack. The muscle at the side of his jaw ticked before it relaxed and a small smile reached his eyes.

“I know what you’re doing, Jack. I don’t know why you keep acting like we didn’t go through the same training.” His smirk lifted to a full smile before his laugh vibrated around the room. “You doubt my control. That’s fine. Let me give you a better example.”

“We did go through the same training; you just happened to fail it. Is that why you are where you are? Because you’re a fucking failure?”

Grayson’s chest lifted with a deep inhale as if he was trying to not let Jack’s words affect him. He moved to sit at my hip again. My chest vibrated with the pounding of my heart. My vision swam as I stared blankly at the ceiling. My chest rose a little bit faster as I fought the panic. A burning began behind my eyes as I fought off the fear clawing at my body.

“Look at her, so panicked and coiling away from me. She doesn’t want me to touch her.” His hand settled on my stomach and smoothed high to below my breast and low to above my mound, ignoring Jack’s taunts. “But not too long ago we were all in a similar situation. She flirted with me for months and then willingly spread her legs and let me eat her pussy; fuck her pussy. She
let
me.” He paused and bile rose in my throat as memories crowded my thoughts. I held it down, not showing any reaction. “People are so damned open. You think you know someone, but let’s be honest. You never really do. Hell, look at you, we have been brothers for over ten years. We are partners. We’ve shared countless women. Some I
enjoyed
after you left. You never fucking knew. You’re just as ignorant as everyone else. Just as trusting as the next idiot walking the street.”

“You’re a fucking pussy, trying to rationalize what you do, but you are fucking nothing but a piece of shit.”

“Call me what you want, Jack. Whatever makes you feel better as you watch me fuck her.”

My breath stopped in my throat threatening to choke me. I wished it would. I squeezed my eyes shut tight fighting off the terror banging on my fortress.

I am not here. I am not here. This is not happening. I am not here. I am a castle. I am nothing.

The words remained on repeat while I blocked it all out. A thump from the wooden chair reached my ears and I knew Jack wildly fought his restraints. Maybe now that he didn’t have to be quiet, he could break his bonds faster. A small ray of hope bloomed in my chest but quickly died out as I felt Grayson shove my knees apart.

My chest vibrated erratically with sobs I wouldn’t set free. My eyes stayed in the darkness, dancing with white spots I closed them so tightly.

“You’re a sick fuck who can’t even prey on a man. You have to take advantage of defenseless women,” Jack growled. His voice rose toward the end of his insult, his calm slipping away, his fear palpable, beating against me, forcing me to acknowledge it. I shut it down. My gates closed, my windows boarded up. No fear, not even his, could enter. I became a steel cage.

But even though my walls remained, they closed in on me, suffocating me, squeezing me.

“Oh, I preyed on men too. I preyed on them all. A god isn’t prejudiced. He is fair to them all. I spread my power to all.” His voice rang with power and pride. “Now watch as this ‘sick fuck’ fucks your precious Lu.”

A weight settled on top of me and a mouth latched onto my chest. A forbidden sob broke free and a crack broke in my wall. My thighs were pushed out and squeezed to a point I knew I would bruise. I squeezed my eyes tighter trying frantically to repair my crack.

“Look at me, beautiful.” His softly spoken words stroked my mind, coaxing me obey. I refused. My lips sealed as broken breaths moved sporadically through my nose. I could hear Jack yelling at Grayson, trying to stop, trying to distract. I knew there would be no stopping or distracting. I prayed for a blank mind. I prayed I would pass out.

Grayson thrust forward, taking something that didn’t belong to him. I cried out against the sharp pain. He didn’t stop, the pain piercing over and over again. My pride being ripped away, replaced by shame and fear.

I am not here. I am not here.

Silent sobs racked my body, my lips remained sealed. He could take this, but I would withhold the sounds of my pain. I would withhold my obedience.

“Look at me.” His demands shook my mind. I blocked it out, refusing. I shook my head no. I would
not
give this to him. This was all I had. It was
mine
.

His anger increased the force of his penetration, shaking my body. Wet trails of tears fell into my ears. I ignored it all.

I am not here.

“Look at me!” A thud pounded through my skull before the full force of pain registered across the left side of my cheek where his fist had connected. A ringing in my ears almost made me open my eyes to assess the damage, but I held strong against the terror trying to tear me apart. Shouting from my left replaced the ringing and brought me back. A painful heat radiated through my cheek and into my eye and jaw.

A storm of noise brewed all around me. My body shook and angry yells surrounded me and I pushed back. My walls closed in and I held them apart with everything I had. This would not defeat me. I would come out the other side.

“LOOK AT ME!” Another punch to the same place.

More yelling from Jack.

Another demand to open my eyes.

Another hit. My jaw moved too far over. Things were breaking. This was it.

My body became numb. My thoughts turned to realizing I may not make it out of this alive. I wasn’t even sure if my eyes were open or closed anymore. Shock settled over me and I finally won as my body settled into the numbness.

Whack, Whack. Whack.

One after another. The punches failed to reach me. My body rose above the pain and from behind the barrier of my mind. I really was no longer there.

When the blankness creeped along the edges of my mind a true fear settled in me. The black smoky hands reached into my mind. I knew I had taken too many hits to the head. I finally realized I wouldn’t make it out of this. I felt sad in a hollow, relieving way. Sad that I wouldn’t make it. Sad for Jameson and Evie, the only family I had. Sad for Jack because he would have to finish alone.

Just before the darkness closed in, a loud crash rang out through the room and the heavy weight lifted from me. It was too late, though.

With the last thought of knowing Jack would make it out alive bringing relief, I let go of the remaining light and allowed the darkness to swallow me.