Whirlwind (19 page)

“I just need to think, that’s all. Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a sec.” Now was not the time to be discussing this.
What is it, three thirty in the morning?

Jason stepped around me and lifted my chin. He searched my face. “What are you thinking about out here, all alone?”

I took a deep breath, realizing this
would
be the time after all, and after our talk I’d be leaving.
At least I’ll get back home in time to turn in my key
.

Dismissing my disturbing practicality, I sighed. “I was thinking about you,” I said.

Jason remained motionless, waiting for more.

“And how I would say…” My throat burned on the last word, and I tried again. “How I’d tell you…” Dark, unwelcome images flooded my mind before I could finish, and I gave up. “How I’d let you go,” I said instead.

His jaw tensed, and his eyes narrowed as if preparing for a fight. “Why?” he asked, and I cringed.

“You know why.”

“Because you regret what happened,” he said somberly. His hand fell back to his side, and he shrank away from me. “I’m sorry, Melissa. I shouldn’t have forced you to come here.”

The sadness in his voice brought a huge lump to my throat.
Regret?
That was about the only emotion I
hadn’t
felt in the last twenty-four hours. I exhaled loudly, not knowing how to explain.

“No, I have absolutely no regrets, and you didn’t
force
me to do anything. I can’t imagine experiencing anything more perfect. I can’t begin to describe how you make me feel, Jason,” I rambled, frustrated. He could read every other thought in my head, why couldn’t he read this one?

He turned back to me slowly, and I could see something else filling his eyes. Anger, I guessed. “Then I don’t understand. Why are you trying to say goodbye?”

That word…

I looked away. Regret tempted me now; maybe I should’ve just left.

“Why?” he demanded impatiently. He used the same patronizing tone that had infuriated me before. It had the same effect now.

My jaw flexed as my head snapped back to face him. When I opened my mouth the words came crashing out. “Because you live in
Michigan
, and I live in
California
. Because I’m invisible, and you’re amazing. Because you deserve so much better than me. Because we live in the real world, not some fairy tale.” I blinked back the sting in my eyes.
Why can’t he see the truth?

“You think I deserve better than you?” His eyes deepened to an ominous cobalt as he barely restrained himself from shouting. “What exactly
is
better than you, Melissa? Because I can’t quite figure that one out!”

“A lot of women,” I said, the bitter truth puncturing my anger. “I was trying to figure out how to make this easy for you, and I’ve failed miserably. Maybe I should get my things now. It’ll be light soon.” My heart twisted in my chest as I picked up the clothes at my feet and started back to the bedroom.

Jason held his arm out, blocking my path. “No, don’t go.” His tone quieted, the irritation giving way to desperation. “Tell me one thing. Why did you stay with me?”

My heart stopped. How was I supposed to answer that? My sarcastic side instantly replied with a quiet
duh
in my head, but I suppressed it. I stared at his feet. “I was being selfish. I’m sorry.”

“That doesn’t make sense. I practically begged you to stay,” he said defiantly.

“And I should have said no. But when you talked about disappearing like Cinderella, it was like you were reading my mind. I thought I could pretend to be her for one night.”
How stupid does that sound?
I brought one hand to my face and pinched my eyes.

“Ah, so I was just a one-night stand,” he said sourly. “You’re right. You
are
selfish.”

Shit.
He’ll probably throw me out now. “No, damn it. That’s not what I meant,” I snapped. Frustrated, I rubbed my eyes, unable to stop the tears that had been building. When did I turn into such a crybaby?

Turning my words around, I tried one last time. “I definitely don’t deserve you. You had beautiful women falling all over you at the reception, but for some insane reason you chose me, and I’ll never understand why.”

His fingers flexed, but he didn’t interrupt.

“You don’t know me from Eve, and yet you picked me. How could I
not
come with you? From the first time I looked in your eyes…” I clamped my hand over my mouth. The last thing he needed to hear how ridiculous my imagination could be.

The deafening silence wore on, neither of us moving or speaking. As tempted as I was to look up at him, to see the confusion and disgust in his face, I didn’t. I continued to inspect his toes instead, noting that they too were perfect, just like the rest of him. He finally spoke.

“Tell me, what
did
you see, Melissa?” he whispered.

I shook my head. There was no way I’d tell him.

“It was in the church, before you took my arm, wasn’t it? Shall I guess?” he pressed.

I didn’t answer, wringing the clothes in my hands while I waited. Part of me wanted him to know exactly how I’d envisioned us together. But he couldn’t know; it was just a daydream, after all.

I forgot he could read my mind.

He lowered his arm and took a deep breath. “You saw us, didn’t you?” He placed his finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. Staring into my eyes, he could see the answer. “What if I told you I could see the same thing?” A tiny smile crept across his lips. “I may know you better than you think.”

I struggled to understand what he was saying. How could he know me? “But it’s only been hours,” I reminded him—and myself.

Jason snickered, apparently at some joke I wasn’t privy to. “True. And yet I’m drawn to you in ways I can’t explain,” he said. He focused on his fingers and wiped my tears away, considering his next words. His hand dropped from my cheek, and he took a deep breath, like he’d made an important decision.

I locked my jaw, expecting the worst.

His words were quiet, yet determined. “It’s completely foolish, I realize that. But how’s it supposed to feel when you finally find the one who makes you whole? Does it have to take weeks or days to figure it out, or can it just take minutes, or seconds?”

I couldn’t speak, I was so stunned. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

Jason relaxed as he surveyed my expression, and his voice became the soft, silky croon that made me melt.
“I’ve tried all night to tell myself you can’t mean that much to me after just a few short hours, but it actually took much less time than that. Somehow when I first saw you, I knew.” He traced my jaw with one finger. “And you already admitted you feel it too,” he reminded me.

My heart spoke for me. “I guess I did.”

I did feel it, the completeness. I even saw it—and chalked it up to lustful fantasy. But what if I’d misinterpreted the vision? If it wasn’t carnal desire and it wasn’t childish infatuation, then…

The look on Jason’s face only strengthened his assertion. His expression conveyed a single emotion, but I hesitated to put a name to it. I realized I’d been avoiding the word since I laid eyes on Jason; love at first sight was something for hormonal teenagers and weary housewives. It didn’t really exist…did it? But as I gazed at his face, I could only find one word to describe what I saw: love.

Jason’s expression changed quickly, leaving me even more confused.

“Then why do you keep running away from me?” he asked, his voice sharp.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He wanted
me
. I obviously wanted him…Why
was
I running away? My mouth closed, and I focused on his chin as I tried to think. He’d all but said he loved me—how could that be? Did I feel the same way about him?

As I thought about Jason, a warm tingling filled me. It was followed by the sensation of drowning in cold water, though, and I finally understood why I was trying to run. If
I
left
him
, the separation didn’t seem so final. If I walked away first, the last thing I’d see would be his face. I could always pretend that if I turned around, he’d be waiting for me. For some reason I couldn’t handle the thought of him walking away from me; there was a permanence to the idea I couldn’t explain. Horror filled me as I imagined him doing just that.

He sensed my panic and put his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay, Melissa. You can tell me. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured.

“But you
are
,” I choked. My hands balled into fists as I voiced the hard truth. “I’m terrified—having fallen so fast for you, knowing you’ll be gone in a day. If I stay until you leave, I’m afraid you’ll ask me to come with you, but I’m also scared you won’t. I don’t know what to do.” The stress of my paradox bubbled to the surface in another wave of tears.

Jason’s damp eyes sparkled in the moonlight, and my heartache grew. He seemed to want to hug me, and I felt his hand tighten on my shoulder briefly. I didn’t respond, clinging to the clothes in my arms like they were some kind of armor, keeping my heart from falling out of my chest.

He ran one finger through my hair as he spoke. “Melissa, I understand, and I’m scared too.” A single tear rolled down his cheek, and for some bizarre reason the sight comforted me. “I’m not ready to give up, though. When I said I wasn’t going to disappear, I meant it,” he whispered. He took a deep breath and a new sense of purpose filled his gaze.

“But how can we—” I started, but his finger moved to my lips. The familiar shock of his touch flashed through me.

Jason’s voice was soft, soothing. “I don’t know how. But isn’t it worth
some
effort? Can we at least take some time and try to figure this out together? Let’s not make any decisions tonight, all right?” He managed a small smile.

He wasn’t making any promises, just asking me not to throw away what little time we had left. I nodded slowly, and his smile widened. Jason held out his hand.
Trust me,
the gesture said, and I couldn’t resist.

I put my hand in his and tried to let go of my fears. He pulled me close, wrapped his arms around me tightly, and brushed his lips across my forehead. As he enveloped me, the feeling of belonging returned, and for once I didn’t fight it. For this brief second, I did belong to him, with him, and nothing had ever felt so good.

Another tear fell from my cheek onto his bare chest. “This isn’t going to be easy, is it?” I asked weakly.

Jason squeezed me a little tighter, and his hand came up to my cheek. It was so warm and soft, I automatically leaned into it. “I don’t know. From the moment I realized who you were, I knew that this would be…different. I’m sorry
I
was too selfish to just leave you alone,” he said.

I grimaced; he thought
he
was selfish? He was right the first time—he was foolish.

He kissed my hair before continuing. “Can you just do one thing for me? No more thinking about goodbyes, okay?”

I sniffled loudly and swallowed, thankful to find that the lump in my throat had shrunk to nearly nothing. Hope crept into my heart, filling me with a dangerous contentedness.
Could there be a way?

“All right,” I said. I turned my face to his, pleased to find his lips waiting for me. As we kissed, all the drama faded from my consciousness. The ache in my chest disappeared completely when Jason’s tongue found mine, and I shuddered in his arms. Lightheaded, I pulled away, trying to catch my breath.

“Come to bed, Melissa.”

I nodded slowly, covering the yawn I couldn’t contain. He smiled at me—lovingly—then swept me up in his strong arms and carried me into the bedroom. My head drooped onto his shoulder, and Jason’s grip tightened. No matter what else I felt, right now I felt safe.

“Let’s get some sleep,” he said and gently set me down on the bed. He took the clothes out of my arms, and I wiggled out of my jeans. I rolled onto my side, thankful for his T-shirt under the cool sheets.

A random thought fluttered through my mind as he curled up next to me, molding his body to mine. “I may know you better than you think,” he’d said. But then his lips touched my cheek, and I drifted to sleep
.