Whisky on My Mind (12 page)

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked
, after a small silence threatened to turn heavy with unsettling emotion.

“I think you know.”

“Shouldn’t you be talking to Sawyer?”

“Your old man?
What?” he asked, when her lips twitched a little in response. “That’s what he is now, isn’t he? You’re his old lady, and he’s your old man. You have to do what he says and keep your mouth shut.”

“I think you must be watching too much
Sons of Anarchy
,” she chuckled. “It’s really not like that at all, in reality, you know.”

“What I know is Riley is a criminal and we
both
know it.”

“Sawyer’s a good man, Caleb. I know you two have a history…I get that you think he’s trouble…but if you knew him like I do, you’d realize he’s one of the good guys. He’s not who you think he is.”

“An innocent kid was killed…slaughtered in gunfire meant for the Black Mustangs. How can you justify what he is when it’s hurting innocents?”

“He wasn’t an
innocent
,” Whisky bit out before she could help herself.

“What was Paul Sorenson doing with Sawyer and his boys, Sky?” Caleb asked, watching her intently.

Whisky settled back in her chair and took a sip of her coffee. “Like Sawyer already told you, he was picking him up for a friend,” Whisky shrugged.

Caleb gave a snort and mirrored her posture, sitting back in his own chair across from her. “You really are one of them, aren’t you? I’ve
gotta’ say, Sky, I’m disappointed.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Caleb.”

“If you want to protect your
old man
,” he said spitefully, “I’d suggest you tell him to come clean before I work out what he was really doing with Sorenson.” snide

“There’s nothing to work out, Caleb,” Whisky said, standing and picking up her cup.
“
Give it up.”

“Is that some kind of lightly veiled threat, Miss McKenna?” he asked softly.

“Thanks for the coffee…
Detective
.” She saw her barb had hit home and a little piece of her was sad that it had come to this—cutting the last of her ties to their all-too-brief past. She’d thought she’d wanted the kind of life Caleb could provide for her, once. She thought going the steady, reliable,
normal
path would help her deal with the fact her father had abandoned her all those years ago, but the ties she had to the club were too strong. They were her family. And that bond she’d shared with Sawyer as they’d grown up had proven too strong to ignore.

“Any time,” he said a little sadly
, as though he too realized this would be the last time they’d meet as old friends. “You take care.”

She sent him one final glance, a fleeting moment of recognition of unspoken regret, before turning away and heading outside to meet the two burly bikers waiting for her.

****

Whisky didn’t bother going back to the club house to get changed after she pulled up in the car park. She went straight to the office to get started on the backlog of paperwork she knew waited for her on the desk. She’d barely made it to her office when Sawyer gave a heavy thump on the door before entering.

“What did the cop want?”

“Hi honey, how
was your day?” she asked sarcastically at his blunt question.

“Whisk, the guys rang me—freakin’ cause Santiago had picked you up on campus.”

“He didn’t
pick me up
, he asked if he could talk to me over a coffee.”

“What did he want?”

Whisky sighed and sat back in her chair. She was exhausted. She’d just spent a long day at school and now she was going crossed eyed over paperwork and numbers—the last thing she felt like doing was re-enacting the day’s event with Sawyer right now. “He wanted to know about your connection to Paul.”

When Sawyer continued to look at her expectantly, she gave an impatient huff, “I told him to talk to you about it. End of story. That’s all he asked.”

“Next time he tries to talk to you—you tell him you want a lawyer.”

“I don’t have anything to hide.”

“It doesn’t matter. That bastard’s trying to find something…anything to pin on us. I don’t want you talking to him anymore.”

For a brief moment, Caleb’s taunt came back to haunt her…was she really just some old lady expected to bow her head and obey a master? Sawyer had never told her what to do before and she wasn’t going to start taking orders from him like some servant. “I already told him I don’t have anything else to say to him…so calm down.”

“I don’t like the thought of him anywhere near you.”

“You’re starting to sound a little bit unstable.”

“I mean it, Whisk. Stay away from him…the dude’s bad news.”

“Funny…cause that’s
exactly
what he’s been saying about you. I wish you’d both just cut this crap out and get over yourselves.”

“Maybe he thinks he’s somehow still got a chance with you if I go down?”

Whisky narrowed her eyes across at Sawyer. “I really hope you’re not implying that I’m somehow giving him that impression.”

“I don’t know. He knew you’d go have coffee with him. Maybe he thinks he’s got a chance.”

“You know, I’ve had a really long day, and I need to get this paperwork done…so I think you better take yourself and your stupid comments out of this office before I throw something at your head.”

“Don’t meet up with him again, Whisk,” he said
, heading back toward the door.

Whisky clenched her teeth and refused to give into the biting retort she wanted to say. She was too tired to get into an argument with him tonight, but one thing
she did know, if he thought for one second that he could dictate who she saw and who she didn’t…he was in for one hell of a rude shock.

****

“How you doin’, kiddo?” Whisky asked, taking a seat beside her friend on the end of her bed.

Bella shrugged, her fingers toying with the bedspread absently. “Better, I think.”

“So you ready to head back to campus tomorrow?” This was a big step for Bell. It would be the first time she’d gone back to class, not only since she’d gotten back from France, but also since Paul had been killed. It was still a hot topic of conversation around campus, and Whisky was a little worried about her friend heading back.

“I think I’ll be fine. It’s time I stopped hiding. I’m ready to go back.”

It was a big step, but one that she was thankful her friend seemed ready to make. Tomorrow was going to be a very long day.

Whisky had set her up in a spare room at the club house and she’d been happy to see a little color come back to her friend
’s face and that wounded look slowly fading.

“Do you think it’s wrong for me to be glad he’s dead?” Bella all but blurted, finally looking up at Whisky.  

“I think it’s natural to feel that way, after everything he did to you.”

“It’s just…I’ve never had this urge to want someone to hurt so
bad before. It’s scary. I feel like I’ve sunk to his level by feeling that way. I wanted to be better than that.”

“It’s just a reaction…a
normal
reaction. You didn’t want him dead—what happened was a complete accident, no one could see that coming. It’s just shock.”

“What do we do now?”

Whisky lifted her shoulders slightly. “We move on. You put in for that job and we put all this in our past.”

“I kind of feel responsible though…I keep thinking if I had just kept my mouth shut, Sawyer wouldn’t be in trouble with the cops and Paul wouldn’t be dead.”

“Sawyer’s not in trouble…not with any of this. They’re bikers,” Whisky smiled sadly. “People will always think the worst. It’ll blow over, it always does.” She really hoped it would. Everyone around the place was feeling the strain. Sawyer was on edge and she’d barely gotten more than a grunt out of him the last few days. The police were constantly dropping by with more questions…or coming along with warrants to search for any new evidence to try and link the shooting to the club. Whisky was more than a little freaked out by the whole situation, but she’d been trying to hold it together more for Sawyer’s sake. He had enough to worry about without having to comfort her as well.

Whisky noticed a strange expression on her friend
’s face and shifted uncomfortably. “What?”

“
It’s just you…you’re like this grown up, biker momma.” Bella smiled. “I’ve seen you flitting around the place, taking care of everyone, running the bar…putting on this united front. You’ve changed a lot, Sky.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Whisky asked, half dreading the answer.

“No,” Bella smiled slowly, shaking her head. “It suits you.”

Whisky dropped her friend
’s gaze to look down at the ground. “I didn’t realize what I was taking on when I fell in love with Sawyer,” she admitted quietly. “I was determined I wasn’t going to lose myself…I thought I could have it all…Sawyer, my degree, the bar,” she sighed. “But there are some days when everything just keeps pulling me in a different direction. “Sometimes I worry that I lost who I was, a long time ago.”

“You’ll never lose yourself, silly,” Bella said
, taking her hand gently. “You’re you and no matter how many hats you have to wear, you’ll always be you inside.”

“I don’t know, Bell. Life was so less complicated before…All I had to do was go to work and pay the bills…now it’s fitting in study and doing paperwork for the bar, supporting Sawyer with club business and being available to the staff…and trying to deal with all Sawyer’s shit…I don’t know, Bell…I can’t remember who I used to be, most days.” 

“That’s what I’m here for…to remind you when you forget!”

Whisky smiled at that and thanked whatever lucky stars had aligned to bring Bella into her life. She hadn’t realized just how
alone she felt while she’d been overseas. She was surrounded by people who cared about her, but no one knew her like Bella. Everything just felt better when she was around.

Chapter 11

“Is this really necessary?” Bell asked
, as they pulled out into the traffic leaving campus for the day and flanked by two motorbikes.

“It’s just a precaution,” Whisky sighed. She understood her friend
’s frustration—she hated it too, but she’d seen how nasty the Switchblades could be when they wanted to make a statement and she wasn’t about to let Bella get caught up in it. “They know where I live,” she said with a small grimace. “I can’t risk them mistaking you for me. Sawyer’s doing everything he can to fix it.”

“And how, exactly
, is he doing that?” Bella asked dubiously.

Whisky set her jaw firmly as she stared ahead at the road. Good question, she thought.
For all her putting her foot down recently about wanting to know more of the club’s dealings, she knew that when it came to
this
kind of club business Sawyer would never tell her what was going on. In his mind he was protecting her by keeping her away from the darker side of their business. Even if he wanted to include her the rest of the men would have a hissy fit—especially when there were outside clubs now involved—there’s no way they would tolerate a woman sitting in on one of their precious meetings.

In their eyes she was there to keep Sawyer happy and take care of anything deemed women’s business.

“Don’t you hate that part of it?” Bella asked after a few minutes of companionable silence filled by the soft music from the stereo.

“Which part?”

“The whole, obedience thing. You Jane—me Tarzan thing.”

Picturing Sawyer in a loin cloth was enough to tug her lips into a reluctant smile. “It’s not like that.”

“Sure it is. You said yourself you have no idea what Sawyer does when he goes away on
club business.
How do you know what he does while he’s away?”

Bella’s question made her uncomfortable. No one in the club ever questioned how things were done and ever since Sawyer came into her life again, the only people she really got to talk to all worked with or for the club in some way…they knew the score. “I trust him.”